Crying a river

i cried today. Not out of sadness but of instance feeling of missing someone.

My former boss had moved to another place last year. That is a tremendous lost for me. Of guidance, of support and of fatherly love. he is one of the people that i find exceptionally attached to because i admired him, his style and his personality. everything is very appealing. He inspired deep sense of discipline and attitude, and im glad i met someome like him, for he contributed to what i am today.

So, on his birthday, i wrote on his wall in FB. wishing what i feel was adequate and showing that i still remembered him a lot. there were times that i even think about what he would do if he was in my place. Sufficed to say, that i admired him so much.

When he reply my comment on his wall, suddenly i have this heavy feeling and started to be teary. so, i cried in the office!the mood..i brought it through out the day.
So when i went home in the afternoon, on the pretext of looking for my missing pendrive(which is true)-i cried nonstop..everywhere in the house, in the bathroom, during solat-totally unstoppable.

"Sebak" i believe that's the word.

i couldn't explain why i cried so much but when i remember him, all of a sudden i feel like crying.

and yes, im still crying(at this point).

Slam Poetry Movement

A slam poetry movement is simply a poetry competition in which poets perform original work alone or in teams before an audience, which serves as judge. The work is judged as much on the manner and enthusiasm of its performance as its content or style, and many slam poems are not intended to be read silently from the page. (poet.org)

That is why it gets my interest in the first place. Every performance has a sense of finality. Although it is not accepted academically as the way poetry should be presented because it is quite controversial in terms of the aspects touched, which are ranging generally from all aspects. The challenge to perform, the style of presenting, and more so the content. It is very engaging especially if one is able to balance the enthusiasm in presenting it and the content.

i first came to know about this slam movement last year when a friend of mine uploaded a link on Facebook, a guy named Taylor Mali. For someone who is familiar with the linguistic aspect, i found that his style and his poem is very interesting, witty, creative, mostly a good observation on general theme concerning the commnunity, laced with incorrigible sense of humour and very intellectual indeed. though it would be hard to digest (maybe) to those who have limited understanding of the language or limited schemata on culture would find it terribly offensive. i found it cool. mostly because of his language use and of course his style of performing.
i mean who would dare to be standing in the highlight, where the audience is the judge talking about something which requires lots of creativity and courage except the exceptional? that is another thing i love about it. The confidence and the spontaneity presented in every situation. it inspires so much confidence!

And then again, without the content the poetry wouldnt be as beautiful as it intended to be. Therefore, i also would like to praise him for so many wonderful poetry and poem recitation today.

Something beautiful to keep in mind..^_^

Everyone else is not ME

Sometimes, it becomes tiring to always be the responsible one. Especially when you give, and everyone else only takes.It's so tiring to be the dependable one. Then everyone else can afford to be less dependable and less responsible. It's so tiring to always be the best of yourself when everyone else thinks that it is for granted.I'm so tired of being the nice girl. That way people think that they can afford to be bad and hurtful as long as you are not. it's so tiring to be the think tank for other people when they are obviously doing nothing to contribute.sometimes it's just too much to expect.

yet, i've always been that. and i don't know how to be anything less.

The doorstep of summer

i love the sun!the breezy feeling that comes with it. it reminded me of what my cousin and i termed as "the summer holiday"-referring to the time when we had the short semester break in university time-all the international students went back to their country for a 3 month holiday. always was our favourite time during university. The same shining and bright sun. the different is: now i could never have a 3 month long holiday. what an exchange for the working life. yet, it gets me in the mood, and i kinda love Mukah for the sun. In my hometown, the sun doesn't have the same intensity and brightness. Either way, i love both.^_^

It inspired so much creative energy. Although, sometimes it's hard to differentiate between creativity and desperation, but the ideas keep me going.I have to smile for the fine line between creativity and desperation. Now i realised how much it made sense.^_^

shying away

For the first time in my life, i feel like an idiot who knows nothing. The first time ever, im not sure of what i can do. i feel suffocated in my own inability to finish a work according to my timeline.stressful and tensed.

The first thing i would do after the big management review workshop is to quit one of the posts i have. Enough for now. i need some times to take care of my core business. i need some times to rejuvenate.

im desperately losing touch with my core business.

Insya Allah

so not interested

days and weeks had passed. my mind is still very much of Pak Abu.Everything else is just a blurry vision. so not interesting.

Tye-Red

...means TIRED.i love to pronounce it as tye-red(rhymed with heard).For fun..^_^

Human is a very complicated subject. Enough said.