rambles..

Today is the perhimpunan bulanan.and i still think that the best assembly was the one organized by the Commerce Dept.they managed to lighten up the mood.that's why i think i think it was the best perhimpunan so far.well, today is just an ordinary perhimpunan.with some points to cheer on. i love perhimpunan, because you get to meet many people.
some points mentioned by the TP interests me. First is about the opportunity to further study.Secondly, he mentioned about how much politeknik resembles sekolah menengah.and how we should help to change the perception.
Iam really interested about doing an action research that will contribute to the betterment of PNP in general.i think, as a teacher or academician,it comes naturally.you planned your PNP everday,and see how much of the strategies you use are applicable in the teaching process.Teachers are creative people because they are dealing with everchanging subject-the students. When i start teaching, i am stimulated by the challenge of knowing what to do in various situation,knowing how to act and predicting whatever consequences from the action taken.My interest is more to educational psychology-because when you know what you're dealing with, it makes everything less alarming.
When the TP mentioned about the fact that people actually confused politeknik and sekolah menengah,i got answer ready in my head. It was in the establishment.We are treating ourselves and the students like we are in sekolah menengah.We hardly give them a fair chance to prove their values.we controlled everything including their exam grades.We treat them like they are school children. Of course, some disciplines, we cant but must internalize but it shouldnt be in a way akin to that of sekolah menengah.After all, the students are big enough to try to control everything.But probably, we think that we know best.and that we can handle everything by grilling all of the values inside their head.what about the human aspects?what about being more liberal and try any other method?but again it is up to individual.we couldnt possibly ask anybody to think about it the way we think it. So, guess we must do our part of the deeds and other people to theirs.
when i first came here, i was inspired by one very creative person. I like the way he looked at things, and like the way he handled his students. Full of wisdom.and i am still inspired by that until now. i hope i can be as good as him.
the best thing about him, is that he doesnt try to be like other people.He is such a natural, such an original person.he didint drill, or grill, or talk bad.just give a straightforward feedback.and i cant resist that quality.very appealing.
when i discussed him with my friend, she seemed to be not interested.so i keep quiet,keeping my awe as my motivation to be a better teacher.he is one of a kind.which will mean a terrible lost to the education system if he ever think of quitting.
i am such a sucker for kindness and wisdom.but there are times that i forgot my aim-to do what i can to be the "improvement"-and not be tired doing it.Definitely, there are a lot of things to learn.
for instance-grammar..huhu(i seriously think that i need revision on this particular aspect-it sucks!)

My bestmate and I

this is kind of queer.but i notice that usually when today is a good day for my bestmate and i, the next day would be the opposite. if we laughed a lot today, tomorrow, we will start picking on each other. The happy feeling usually evaporated after the first two days. and afterward, it's going to be weird sitting next to one another.
To tell the truth, it disarmed me.it's pretty confusing.probably because i am not ready for the change in environment.previously i even think that it might be moodiness..but im not sure about that.The real danger of observation is that you see too many things that people do not mention.so you become unsure of your next move-whether to believe the observation or pretend you dont know a thing.usually i just kept quiet.
and one more thing is-when i read my previous writing, i never write about happy moments with him.though there are quite a number of them.
i am strucked by the realisation today-while we were sitting and talking while waiting for the clock to strike 4.30pm today.

Before It's Too Late

a conversation with a friend today,get me thinking about something.
My teacher once said, that if you do not enjoy what you do, and you cant do nothing but complaint about bad timing,unfair life and bla bla bla bla,you might as well quit.You wouldnt be of any use to anybody.
i seriously think that it is a gross generalization to say that nobody is better than those people whom you are close to.you only feel that because you didnt try to really look at other people.Too damned buried in your own world to even care.
we always try to improve our situation,for our own good.
when it comes to the time when you can only feel negative feeling in the end of the day,then you should really reconsider your life..or your way of thinking.
im happy with everything, and wouldnt want it to be any other way around...;o)

my dear darling baby

oh yeah.the meaning of my life.His name is Alif,1 year and 4 months. the love of my life.the only hope when everything comes tumbling down.the only reason in madness,the smile to our face.nakal,manja,comel.everything a person ask for.
Nobody in the family ever expected that we will have a new baby brother after 12 years.he came in a very tiny 2.6kg.nothing but a towel and the cloth he was wearing-on a rainy 20th of April.
since then,many things had changed.about him and us.personally.humanly.everytime i think of him,i regret the time i lost for not being around and seeing his development from day to day.
my heart goes out for him, for everything that he might feel and know later in life.For everything that we can never be able to replace for him.For anything that we could never fight for him.we will do our best for him. Infact, we have already sacrificed everything..
Although, some facts just cant be changed, but we love him unconditionally.regadless.

"Ya Allah, tiadalah kekuatan melainkan Engkau.Peliharalah kami dari kejahatan hati dan Kelemahan akal kami,gangguan jin dan syaitan,serta godaan nafsu.Peliharalah kami daripada apa yang tidak kami ketahui. Ya Allah, Engkau lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk hambaMu, kepadaMu kami berserah diri,KepadaMu kami berserah diri,kepadaMu kami berserah diri. Bantulah kami,Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.."Amin

Desperate for human contact

Yes,you read it right.i m desperate to talk to someone.it’s very boring after one week of working.to actually spend the time idling at home. I settled the chores on Friday night.in the morning I went for my MUET tuition class, and when I came back, cooked my lunch. A very healthy non oil lunch…huhu
That’s why I loved going to MUET class.it gives me some semblance of normality.there are people to talk to.and when I come back home?Nobody!!
My superior asked me, well she actually invited asked me to go out with her and her boyfriend..but what am I going to do then? Jadi Racun nyamuk?urgh..unthinkable.so I smartly declined,;o) I will not fit in. spend the day flipping through channels on TV.Nothing interesting! And the broadband is a real pain in the a**.
Whatever..


BOOORINGGG


I called my mum, called my brothers, and my sister.but still, it was only for a short period of time.
Whatever will happen on Sunday???!!!


I don’t know.


I don’t know.


Urgh!


To think of everything now,I used to be that girl who loves being alone,spending time alone, doing my own thing.im not sure where that girl is…hmm
But probably the key word is “doing things”.and I have nothing to do since after lunch.i just vegged out in front of this boring 21’ box. Desperately trying to “relax". Desperately...Desperately...

my kitchen

My kitchen is in a mess!
i dont know what happened to my kitchen but i think im gonna need more than hot water,Bleach,bicarbonate powder and salt!
it started last week when my aunt came stayed in my house for the convo.Actually, before my aunt came,the sink had shown sign of clogging. the water would fill up the sink for a good five minutes before it went down.and i guess im still ok with it.at least it went down.Given the number of times i actually use my kitchen,it was pretty surprising that it get clogged.
So last time,when i came home from the office, the kitchen floor was wet-either from the moping or probably because the water from the sink overflowed and it wet the floor.im not sure which one.But there were waters in several parts of the kitchen.the mate i put near the kitchen door was thoroughly wet, and it was put outside of the kitchen.a pail was put near the door to the kitchen.and the mop itself was put against the railing at the verandah of my kitchen.everything was wet!and i was in the kitchen for a glass of water-innocently-when all sorts of theories attack my mind.i was quite taken aback by the scenario.
Before i can say anything, my aunt started.She followed me to the kitchen,explained how she cleaned the pipe below the sink so as to prevent it from clogging.and showed me which pipe she had "operated".but she pointed me to the water in the sink that wont go down.stuck there.and said that she didnt kow why but usually what she done earlier during the day-whatever it is-never failed.i responded with a bewildered "oh".i dont know what to say.
and now,it is really problematic because, the water stucked there.i have to clean up manually.and if i let it be,it could stay there forever.it really stressed me out.after my aunt went home,i started cleaning up up my kitchen.but it never been the same again.it can make me moody just to enter my kitchen.
i know she meant well, and i appreciate the help,but no thank you.i was not asking for help.please let me do it on my own.Please just leave it to be my problem.please dont touch anything.i know im a bit of a freak when it comes to handling my own business,and i know that now for sure.i'll ask if i need help.
otherwise,dont troubled yourself,thank you.

good is good

just finished a 3-hour presentation for my sem 3 students.for 2 classes of course.i felt real sleepy during the presentation.but just as soon as i hit the office,i immediately recovered.iam a little disappointed because i expected a more stylish presentation from these students.but just one group pull it through.the rest..huh.they were reading the text all the times.and i was sitting closer to the window,and it was really cold, wind and rain some more-i was off wondering into my darkest imagination!
there are piles of paper on my desk-which need to be taken care of before other things come up.but i just dont have the 'might' to do it.mentally and physically.but i will do it sooner or later.Yesterday, i almost panic because i thought i mixed up the papers. and that i might completely lost track of everything.luckily,nothing as dire as that happen.it just that, i seriously need to do some unpiling activity,return the papers to the students, arrange my desk neatly...before i get stuck trying to find where everything is.
i finally gave out the teacher evaluation form to my SKM students.the comments they gave were quite positive-that im ok but i have to do something more so that my PNP will be better in the future.nice.i actually thought they would give lots of childish comments.but it turned out that they didnt.im glad i actually give them the form-to actually preach about not being a bias and actually demonstrate it through our everyday action..well.it feels good.
this morning i woke up late, so i have to do sort of walkathon to the office.walking as fast i could..at times like this,my motivation is really geared to go and get driving licence sooner,so i can buy my own car-because nobody seems to give a damn this morning-seeing me walking and running at the same time.but what's new about that?so i came down to the office feeling a little let down,and i never expect my students will be my saviour..they save me whatever gloomy feeling i harboured on my way to the office.Talk about practising what you preach.:o(
i just thought there is no limit to doing good deeds.i never realise that it was just an ideal point to talk over coffee..so i expect too much.