He is not worth the tears

Such words-meant as an encouragement-is a classic case of easy said than done. No matter how much words of encouragement people told you, but if your heart fail to accept it, and the head wont register it in the brain, it would be useless.Very intricate is the thing we call "emotion".
unless and until you want to believe it, you can't pull yourself together.

Once, i was very sad about a person. I liked him, but there were just things that didn't add up. so naturally in the first place, it was disaster. I kept on thinking, and crying, and kept on thinking that the fault was entirely one-sided. i kept on thinking that i was not giving my best, that i was not at my best or simply because i was not attractive enough for him. I kept on blaming myself for everything that has gone wrong in the relationship.

i talked to many people.Not all have worthy opinion.Some would give you direction, which was helping, and some judged your action severely-when all you asked for was ears that listen and understand. But, hey..no big deal. after all, who would want to listen to a never ending story of melancholy?So, in a way, during the earlier phase of the heartbroken experience, i realised that i must know how to cope with my emotional turmoil.

I talked to my mother a lot.i talked to the entire family. Whenever i was sad and depressed, i called and talked to someone, i wrote my feeling, i sang it out, and even i jogged and danced it out. Anything that keeps my mind occupied. Anything that keeps me emotionally healthy. It worked out. I am not the kind of person who just sit around and accepted my condition. i go out and about combating them.

After awhile, i was ok again. The problem was, my heart interest kept on coming into my life. i admit now that it must be my strong feeling for him that kept me glued to my seat for him-even though i never on any occasion blurted out loud that i liked him.But, i guessed he knew it already. If he didn't knew that i like him, he wouldn't dare to hurt me so badly. so i guessed he knew.But then again, hurting me was his game, and i couldn't hold out any longer for bad treatment. my self confidence dropped, i was depressed again, and he got away again scot-free..i was devastated. Much more than i care to admit.

This time around, it was an independent battle. i cried alone in despair, i think a lot-thinking again why would he hurt me the way he did, or how could he?lots of questions, lots of self-analysis,lots of assumption. Still, my mother was always there. Infact, the whole family was there. Giving support, pointing to the humor of it all...

I decided that it was enough for me. everything had to stop. i was crying almost helplessly one day but something my mum said gotten me up again. Something about being tough, and being happy.Something about appreciating my life...

and i know that he is not worth the tears. Maybe,it's the time of his life,when he wants everybody to fancy him, when he needs attention of some sorts and who knows someday when he is older he might understand the weight of what he has done. That, if he thinks anyone else is far more exciting, or easy going, or happy go lucky than i am, then he is free to choose his company.

being me, i am not the kind who stick around at a place i don't belong. I have never been less than the best i can be to people i care about. I guess my best is not good enough for him.Maybe it's just too good to be true for him. But i don't need a person to verify myself. "if you knew that you have done you best, and you knew it in your heart, nothing else matters"-Andrew Matthews

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt... when yours was broken. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back

Yes, i will be happy for me.

#in response to a post a friend tagged me in Facebook