i love writing.My passion is writing. i love writing about things around me, my thoughts, and everything that interesting to me. it is an outlet for me to express my thinking and what i feel inside. i never was good with words, i couldnt really put my feelings into it. When i write, i am writing with my mind. So, it is more clearer than when i speak.
Writing helps me to be more expressive. Writing helps me to analyse. Writing helps me to build up my thought in an organized pattern. It is also a form of release-as well as an art. I can control what i write, but words once it out, it's out forever.So it is a form of release. Like reading, it is a mental process. Reading stimulates the brain to think, while writing allows you to let go of the excitement. But both required tremendous mental energy. like physical exercise-mental exercise helps to steamed out the things in your head.
i dont have favourite writers.i read basically all types of book. Because of this, i often stumbled on many interesting writers whose thoughts were appealing to my sense,my values and my outlook. I believe when it comes to reading, we shouldnt judge the contents.but we should just weigh and consider.we have to read with open mind. Then, we will see the magic of reading. i never limit my readings, just because it happened that, some of the most interesting points i found in my readings come unexpectedly from a piece that doesnt interest me at first. and for me that makes reading an adventure fulls of surprises. You never know what you might find. Reading is also good source to test our judgment-by being able to be selective of the information you read from a particular piece.
Mar 13, 2010
Mar 11, 2010
i am afraid...
im revising my blog.reading what i have written these lately. loads of emotional ranting.loads of negative emotions. Whatever happened to my positive carefree attitude-seems to be somewhat misplaced.
the thing is, i am homesick.it has been three months, and i have been working non stop, and i have all sorts of internal conflicts-my bestmate, my closest friend, my works, and myself. This afternoon, my friends were having a good laugh about me, they said that i said the most funniest thing without having to look funny. the truth is, i am a very serious person and said the most uncommon things. So they think it was funny. They dont understand me actually. that's why they said that.Im never simple, and my bestmate termed it as the common thing for literature people-to be annoying and nonsensical-not to mention "complicated".But the overall point is they dont know that im a very serious, private and personal person. i prefer to look at everything from a deeper perspective. When i said something, i dont want it to be just another "tong kosong"-speaking for the sake of speaking. i consider every word that comes out from my mouth. My bestmate preferred being blunt-which he termed straightforward.Suit yourself. im not the type of person who just blurted out anything-and regretted it later.i prefer to be selective of what i said. he dont understand that. everybody dont understand that. i dont believe in explaining myself to anybody. So,yeah,they can think what they like.
im just too damned personal these lately.too many thinking.Maybe, i just need a break from everything.get a breather or something. Otherwise, i'll spend the next few months being a real pain in the a**.
the thing is, i am homesick.it has been three months, and i have been working non stop, and i have all sorts of internal conflicts-my bestmate, my closest friend, my works, and myself. This afternoon, my friends were having a good laugh about me, they said that i said the most funniest thing without having to look funny. the truth is, i am a very serious person and said the most uncommon things. So they think it was funny. They dont understand me actually. that's why they said that.Im never simple, and my bestmate termed it as the common thing for literature people-to be annoying and nonsensical-not to mention "complicated".But the overall point is they dont know that im a very serious, private and personal person. i prefer to look at everything from a deeper perspective. When i said something, i dont want it to be just another "tong kosong"-speaking for the sake of speaking. i consider every word that comes out from my mouth. My bestmate preferred being blunt-which he termed straightforward.Suit yourself. im not the type of person who just blurted out anything-and regretted it later.i prefer to be selective of what i said. he dont understand that. everybody dont understand that. i dont believe in explaining myself to anybody. So,yeah,they can think what they like.
im just too damned personal these lately.too many thinking.Maybe, i just need a break from everything.get a breather or something. Otherwise, i'll spend the next few months being a real pain in the a**.
Mar 10, 2010
it's not ALWAYS about you
You might be thinking about yourself, what other people said to you, what they do,what they think about you..
But it is not always about you.Sometime, it doesnt even concerned you at all.
So, why obsessing about things you know nothing about?why should you feel bothered about nonsensical things that you think other people might think about yourself?
if it's true, let them do the thinking.i rest my case.
But it is not always about you.Sometime, it doesnt even concerned you at all.
So, why obsessing about things you know nothing about?why should you feel bothered about nonsensical things that you think other people might think about yourself?
if it's true, let them do the thinking.i rest my case.
Mar 6, 2010
kamu lagi
sedang fikirkan kamu.
Dengan siapa?Buat apa?dimana?
sedang sangat rindukan kamu
tapi tak tau bagaimana
untuk beritahu kamu.
Fikirkan kamu
hidup kamu
kata-kata kamu
diri kamu
kebohongan kamu
kegembiraan kamu
harapan kamu
semua tentang kamu.
kenapa semakin hampir kepada kamu,
semakin banyak pula yang tak jelas?
kenapa semakin ingin dekat kamu,
semakin banyak yang tak kena?
apa yang benar tentang kamu?
apa pula yang salah?
yang mana yang harus di percayai?
yang mana yang harus dibenci?
SIAPA kamu?
SIAPA kamu?
SIAPA kamu?
kenapa perlu bertanya soalan,
sekiranya tiada jawapan yang pasti?
kenapa perlu mulakan
sesuatu yang sudah tamat?
kenapa perlu fikirkan kamu
bila kamu tak pernah memikirkan tentang apa pun?
selain diri kamu.
kenapa kamu lagi?
Dengan siapa?Buat apa?dimana?
sedang sangat rindukan kamu
tapi tak tau bagaimana
untuk beritahu kamu.
Fikirkan kamu
hidup kamu
kata-kata kamu
diri kamu
kebohongan kamu
kegembiraan kamu
harapan kamu
semua tentang kamu.
kenapa semakin hampir kepada kamu,
semakin banyak pula yang tak jelas?
kenapa semakin ingin dekat kamu,
semakin banyak yang tak kena?
apa yang benar tentang kamu?
apa pula yang salah?
yang mana yang harus di percayai?
yang mana yang harus dibenci?
SIAPA kamu?
SIAPA kamu?
SIAPA kamu?
kenapa perlu bertanya soalan,
sekiranya tiada jawapan yang pasti?
kenapa perlu mulakan
sesuatu yang sudah tamat?
kenapa perlu fikirkan kamu
bila kamu tak pernah memikirkan tentang apa pun?
selain diri kamu.
kenapa kamu lagi?
Mar 3, 2010
the day i was born
i was born in the early hour of a sunday 26 years ago. My mother said it was a few hours before Subuh.i was very much a cry baby, my mother had to constantly "dukung".I didnt breast fed, so there it was quite a hassle for my parents. I am the first born, so my late grandpa(father's side) and my grandma(mother's side) were trying to get my mother to go back to their respective home. As my grandma(father's side) had passed away years before they were married, so my grandma had the privilege to take my mother home.
But as i grew up, both are my favourite. They are nice people, and i learned a lot of things from them. They love to tell stories-basically stories with moral values. so, i grew up a very much grounded and mature, because of the elderly influence. The funny thing is, my late grandpa used to ask me to hold chicken for him. Sometimes he let me or rather asked me to catch those that got away..Such a fond remembrance. Maybe, he did that because he didnt know any other way to make feel included in his activity. When he was sick, he stayed at our house. he used to smoke his rokok daun after meals, so one day he asked me to buy him a lighter. i forgot-one of the things that i regretted.I was really sad when i remembered that, because he asked for help and i wasnt of much use. i pleaded with my father to go and stayed with him when he was hospitalised, and my father didnt let me because it was school time. When he died, i cried hard.it means that i have no grandpa left as my mother's father passed away while my mother was still in secondary.
My grandma is also a very nice person. When my grandpa(mother's side)passed away, my youngest uncle was still a baby. So she got a menial job with JKR, and only retired while i was in form 3. She never complain about anything, she is always kind to her grandchildren, the wisest person in the world for me. She is the source of my inspiration. One time, when i was off for matriculation, out from home for the first time, we cried together. She was worried of me. So i promised myself that im going to take good care of myself, and going to come back a better person. So many tender moments with her. i am a sucker for kindness, so every little thing she have done moved me tremendously. She is always the motivation for me to keep going on, to keep doing the best for myself and everybody around me. During trouble times, she was there with me, offering support and comfort.Whenever i came back for holiday, the question that she asked me was " will you remember me still when you are away?will you be thinking of me?" and i as usual, cried like mad.I love her so much, and i couldnt think what would it be like when she is no longer there.She offered more than emotional support, she offered financial support as well. i cried easily when im with her, and she will always hug me and said "cengeng". and smile.
There are many good things in my life.Those who never fail to show love and support, those who are the inspiration for me to be better, those who help to show the way around when i feel lost, those who never judge but try to mend, those who pray for me, those wonderful people who show kindness that only God can repay them, those who instil good faith in myself, those people who believe in me no matter what...and finally those few people who make me ponder about life in general, and change me into someone i never thought im capable of being, and those people who make me cry bitterly and make me think that im helpless.
Not to forget those strangers i met, but never get the chance to know each other better-i always meet helpful and kind strangers...
I thank god for every wonderful people in my life, without which i wont know what it would mean to live today.I thank god for all my plans that turn out just they way i wanted them to be. I could never ask for anything better/more.
So, i could never bring myself to say, that i did everything on my own,because there are so many people that shaped me into what i am and who iam today. Which, it is only in God's capacity to repay them back.
But as i grew up, both are my favourite. They are nice people, and i learned a lot of things from them. They love to tell stories-basically stories with moral values. so, i grew up a very much grounded and mature, because of the elderly influence. The funny thing is, my late grandpa used to ask me to hold chicken for him. Sometimes he let me or rather asked me to catch those that got away..Such a fond remembrance. Maybe, he did that because he didnt know any other way to make feel included in his activity. When he was sick, he stayed at our house. he used to smoke his rokok daun after meals, so one day he asked me to buy him a lighter. i forgot-one of the things that i regretted.I was really sad when i remembered that, because he asked for help and i wasnt of much use. i pleaded with my father to go and stayed with him when he was hospitalised, and my father didnt let me because it was school time. When he died, i cried hard.it means that i have no grandpa left as my mother's father passed away while my mother was still in secondary.
My grandma is also a very nice person. When my grandpa(mother's side)passed away, my youngest uncle was still a baby. So she got a menial job with JKR, and only retired while i was in form 3. She never complain about anything, she is always kind to her grandchildren, the wisest person in the world for me. She is the source of my inspiration. One time, when i was off for matriculation, out from home for the first time, we cried together. She was worried of me. So i promised myself that im going to take good care of myself, and going to come back a better person. So many tender moments with her. i am a sucker for kindness, so every little thing she have done moved me tremendously. She is always the motivation for me to keep going on, to keep doing the best for myself and everybody around me. During trouble times, she was there with me, offering support and comfort.Whenever i came back for holiday, the question that she asked me was " will you remember me still when you are away?will you be thinking of me?" and i as usual, cried like mad.I love her so much, and i couldnt think what would it be like when she is no longer there.She offered more than emotional support, she offered financial support as well. i cried easily when im with her, and she will always hug me and said "cengeng". and smile.
There are many good things in my life.Those who never fail to show love and support, those who are the inspiration for me to be better, those who help to show the way around when i feel lost, those who never judge but try to mend, those who pray for me, those wonderful people who show kindness that only God can repay them, those who instil good faith in myself, those people who believe in me no matter what...and finally those few people who make me ponder about life in general, and change me into someone i never thought im capable of being, and those people who make me cry bitterly and make me think that im helpless.
Not to forget those strangers i met, but never get the chance to know each other better-i always meet helpful and kind strangers...
I thank god for every wonderful people in my life, without which i wont know what it would mean to live today.I thank god for all my plans that turn out just they way i wanted them to be. I could never ask for anything better/more.
So, i could never bring myself to say, that i did everything on my own,because there are so many people that shaped me into what i am and who iam today. Which, it is only in God's capacity to repay them back.
Feb 28, 2010
kekasih gelap
Funny.
i never think i would have one.But it turns out that i have.So, i was thinking and laughing at the same time. Thinking that, the phrase summed up the whole meaning.Both literally and figuratively.well,nothing degrading, just having fun thinking about it..Enjoying my thought so much.
so, what triggered this? i was smsing with my friend who is on a long holiday. so she mentioned that, today, which is the Chap Goh Mei celebration is actually the Hari kekasih in the Chinese Calendar. So we were discussing about office things.And all of a sudden, i was thinking about him..
These lately, we are so busy to get our life moving, and i hadnt talk with him for a long time..He is not exactly a kekasih, just somebody that is close enough. To say the least.
Well. i mentioned this simply because i am thinking about him. That's all. Because suddenly i missed him so terribly and the thought of him made me smile
;o)
i never think i would have one.But it turns out that i have.So, i was thinking and laughing at the same time. Thinking that, the phrase summed up the whole meaning.Both literally and figuratively.well,nothing degrading, just having fun thinking about it..Enjoying my thought so much.
so, what triggered this? i was smsing with my friend who is on a long holiday. so she mentioned that, today, which is the Chap Goh Mei celebration is actually the Hari kekasih in the Chinese Calendar. So we were discussing about office things.And all of a sudden, i was thinking about him..
These lately, we are so busy to get our life moving, and i hadnt talk with him for a long time..He is not exactly a kekasih, just somebody that is close enough. To say the least.
Well. i mentioned this simply because i am thinking about him. That's all. Because suddenly i missed him so terribly and the thought of him made me smile
;o)
Feb 26, 2010
Rambling again
Today i had a full day.i was one of Prep and Tech JK for Maulidur Rasul..so there are loads of things to be done. This morning, i joined the perarakan..and it was not in vain as we won peserta paling ramai and peserta terbaik. So all my busy-ness paid.One thing when you worked with guys are, they are very fond of making everything up to you. They trusted you to make decision about something they dont want to do. So all this while, i feel that my time was occupied with figuring the small details, while my counterpart prepared for the rest.But, mind you, small details mean you have to figure every details that should be there before the big day. so, yeah..i learned a lot of management.Thanks to the students.They made me feel that everything is possible. Although, they were usually late, but they delivered. and creative. So, any other things is unimportant for me.
Tomorrow is the big night.and i spent the entire afternoon with a bunch of very helpful and creative students.I didnt quite like one of them, but what the heck?everybody was trying to be cooperative.
There are things that i found funny. The other day, i felt irritated about a person in our office. some students came to the office asking for MUET slip. So, he was halfway through.Infact, he had already given one of the students' slip. i just came in into the office and was about to sit, when suddenly he called my name, and gestured me to handle the process. it was in the afternoon, and i was tired. Without saying anything, he practically ordered me "with hand gesture" to handle the process.
i was angry because he "ordered" me to do that. and i was also angry because i feel that he did that because i am a girl.i was mad beyond word. He can always said that he didnt know the procedure, but heck, he had already given one of the students her slip?At least he could have said "please", or say something..but he didnt say anything..i told my bestmate about the incident.and he said that i was trying to complicate a simple situation..and also because i was just being sensitive.what more can i say? so i kept quiet and try to forget the incident. Perhaps it's true that, man and woman's definition of emotional differed,so when we are being passionate, the guy would say that we are being emotional. And when they are emotional, they termed it as passionate..whatever.
But, one of my friend suddenly commented something about this guy-the same thing-he like to order everybody around, especially the girls in our office to do something for him.Better still, one of the senior in the office also said that he asked her to do something for him, and when the thing turned out wrongly, he pointed the mistake to her infront of the KJ. The funny thing is, if my impression of him was unrealistic and emotional, why should everybody complaint about the same thing about him? So now, should i say i know so? Needless, isnt it..it is proven.
one sad thing, i failed my table test. it means, i have to take the test again sooner or later.it dampened my spirit a little. That would teach me next time to not rush everything..next time,i should take it seriously, and not just read the book in between marking assignment..failing is not a familiar thing to me, that's why i feel really distracted by this one.
im busy, i failed my test but im smiling...so, doesnt that mean that im in stress mode?where my mood do not matched my situation? sounds like stress to me..
nothing that i cant handle i supposed...(Insya Allah)
Tomorrow is the big night.and i spent the entire afternoon with a bunch of very helpful and creative students.I didnt quite like one of them, but what the heck?everybody was trying to be cooperative.
There are things that i found funny. The other day, i felt irritated about a person in our office. some students came to the office asking for MUET slip. So, he was halfway through.Infact, he had already given one of the students' slip. i just came in into the office and was about to sit, when suddenly he called my name, and gestured me to handle the process. it was in the afternoon, and i was tired. Without saying anything, he practically ordered me "with hand gesture" to handle the process.
i was angry because he "ordered" me to do that. and i was also angry because i feel that he did that because i am a girl.i was mad beyond word. He can always said that he didnt know the procedure, but heck, he had already given one of the students her slip?At least he could have said "please", or say something..but he didnt say anything..i told my bestmate about the incident.and he said that i was trying to complicate a simple situation..and also because i was just being sensitive.what more can i say? so i kept quiet and try to forget the incident. Perhaps it's true that, man and woman's definition of emotional differed,so when we are being passionate, the guy would say that we are being emotional. And when they are emotional, they termed it as passionate..whatever.
But, one of my friend suddenly commented something about this guy-the same thing-he like to order everybody around, especially the girls in our office to do something for him.Better still, one of the senior in the office also said that he asked her to do something for him, and when the thing turned out wrongly, he pointed the mistake to her infront of the KJ. The funny thing is, if my impression of him was unrealistic and emotional, why should everybody complaint about the same thing about him? So now, should i say i know so? Needless, isnt it..it is proven.
one sad thing, i failed my table test. it means, i have to take the test again sooner or later.it dampened my spirit a little. That would teach me next time to not rush everything..next time,i should take it seriously, and not just read the book in between marking assignment..failing is not a familiar thing to me, that's why i feel really distracted by this one.
im busy, i failed my test but im smiling...so, doesnt that mean that im in stress mode?where my mood do not matched my situation? sounds like stress to me..
nothing that i cant handle i supposed...(Insya Allah)
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