yeah, well.
finished the course with mixed feeling.berani-berani takutlah. takut fail.even if everybody seems to have the opinion that they feel the same about the course, but still.i still feel the tremor bubbling up inside.im not sure about it at all.and it's not a good feeling.unsure.unsettled.i can think of many words to describe it. but then again, there is nothing i can do about it now.the worst part is having to wait for the result to come out.
My vision?hehe.nothing fancy.finally i am persuaded to do something about my blindness.got myself a new eyes.the world is certainly a better place to live.brighter and crystal clear.i can see like miles ahead.Great!!!funny as well.yesterday i was looking at my colleague and suddenly i can see his expression from far.This person has a very good smiling expression although he is not smiling. so for the first time i feel shy because for the first time i saw him looking at me with that expression.i dont know what to do. i blushed(for heaven sake!)before this i cant see all that, but now..hmm, it crystal.haha.gilalah.and i feel more power when i stand lecturing in the class.i can see everybody and its size seems to shrink.im certainly a superhuman..;o)
My Gentleman?what about him..it's a long story to tell.during the course, i met somebody who reminds me of him. The way he laugh, his face,basically everything about him is a cruel reminder of my Gentleman.and it only makes me longed to see him again. So, on saturday, i was hanging out with my friend in Alamanda, when i suddenly caught a glimpse of him.Happy and excited. i do all the crazy things a girl would do for the person she really like.i even bought the magazine which he said he was working with. Now he is working in some other magazine, which im thinking of buying as well..crazy is what crazy do..;o)i dont know why i do it.i just know that i really like this person.really do.my only regret is why we didnt met again sooner than this?and we didnt even cross path when he was working in here.he even went to my hometown.and i missed him.the funny thing is im such a nervous wreck when he is around. i couldnt stand properly, couldnt say anything, couldnt do anything, feeling like vomitting and feeling out of place.such is the condition i am when i really like the person. but i still want to be around him.he is my ghost.a very attractive ghost at that;o)
oh what the heck.
i dont know.
i know im a little bit crazy right now.
just for a note: i named him my Gentleman because there is a poem by Colleridge which mention about the existence of a Gentleman from Porlock-it refers to a gentleman who come to Mr Colleridge's house while he was writing a poem. When the gentleman appeared it had made him forget all the lines he wanted to write for his poem.In my term Gentleman from Porlock refers to someone who robbed me of my sanity, distrupted the rational side of me and made everything seems blurry.Made me forget about everything but him.Only him.That's my Gentleman.
come to think of it, all the occurences had injected good spirit back into my life.it added more colours.;o)
Sep 2, 2009
Sep 1, 2009
Mind over matters
well, actually it is a variation of positive thinking.The idea of positive thinking is you actually verbalise what you want your body and mind to do, so it becomes. The same with mind over matters, where you control what you are doing or the things around you by giving some sort instruction.This instruction will be internalised in your brain and you will do the things you think subconciously.
why i suddenly mention this?because during the course, i can sense that most people are talking about how to use the positive energy to get positive aura for yourself.some even demonstrate the concept of mind over matters.everybody was excited by that.havent they heard about it before?i guess not.though it is hardly a magic.it's a way of thinking.
all i can say is-i have been a fan of the concept for quite some time now, and have no trouble understanding the concept.It's just that when so many people talked about it in one time it becomes less attractive.now that i have rediscover the concept again, the urge to find some books related to it is immense.
so i guess i have to start looking for one.
for more info:http://www.williamjames.com/Folklore/MINDOVER.htm
why i suddenly mention this?because during the course, i can sense that most people are talking about how to use the positive energy to get positive aura for yourself.some even demonstrate the concept of mind over matters.everybody was excited by that.havent they heard about it before?i guess not.though it is hardly a magic.it's a way of thinking.
all i can say is-i have been a fan of the concept for quite some time now, and have no trouble understanding the concept.It's just that when so many people talked about it in one time it becomes less attractive.now that i have rediscover the concept again, the urge to find some books related to it is immense.
so i guess i have to start looking for one.
for more info:http://www.williamjames.com/Folklore/MINDOVER.htm
Aug 14, 2009
It's Friday
akhirnya tiba hari rehat.hari yang paling gembira dalam seminggu.hari untuk buat aktiviti2 terlepas minggu ni.contohnya,basuh baju, mengemas rumah dan..masak.bukan apa.hari2 biasa bila balik rumah setiap petang, penat... bangun 1 hour before maghrib-mandi,iron baju dan sebelum tersedar it's already 9pm.
tapi minggu ni agak special.lain dari yang lain.sebab minggu depan, im going to be away for a course.2 minggu pula tu.Vistana, KL.so it means, hari rehat hanya hari sabtu.hari berikutnya kena bangun awal-awal pagi-walaupun hari ahad-dan berangkat naik bas ke Sibu sblm ke KL tengahharinya.rasa malas, sebab i have been in and out quite banyak kali juga.and perjalanan dia selalunya sgt memenatkan.bukan tu saja, kali ni selepas balik dari sana kena ganti kelas lagi..kena buat banyak benda.and dua minggu selepas tu..i'll be away once again.cuti raya.walaupun tu adalah interesting prospect but the physical journey tu...hmm,rasa macam best pula berurut.hehe.
saya sdh cuba settlekan yang boleh, assignment and quiz untuk budak2 sem3.dan quiz untuk sem 1.ganti kelas mana yang patut.i like the feeling of accomplishment-mampu untuk buat sesuatu-rasa lega yang tidak tergambar.at least, balik nanti tidaklah tertekan sangat buat itu dan ini.atleast, adalah idea yang boleh difikirkan bila2 sy ada masa lapang time kursus tu nanti.
satu saja yang belum settle dan semakin jadi sangat personal setiap hari.mulanya sekadar tidak bertegur sapa.ingatkan ia tidak akan berpanjangan.nampaknya tekaan saya salah.sekarang rasanya sudah sgt terlambat untuk buat apa2 untuk betulkan.saya tidak tahu macam mana atau kenapa, tapi rasanya,saya sudah kehilangan kawan rapat saya.jadi,agaknya harus di biarkan sajalah kan.macam kata seseorang tu-we have the chance, but it didnt work out..huhu
jadi saya pg kursus dengan perasaan yang bercampur baur.suka sebab maksudnya selepas ini hanya kena melalui proses pencerapan yang minor saja.PTK dsb
sedih sebab sesuatu yang hilang dari tangan(figuratively)..huhu
so,until next time
tapi minggu ni agak special.lain dari yang lain.sebab minggu depan, im going to be away for a course.2 minggu pula tu.Vistana, KL.so it means, hari rehat hanya hari sabtu.hari berikutnya kena bangun awal-awal pagi-walaupun hari ahad-dan berangkat naik bas ke Sibu sblm ke KL tengahharinya.rasa malas, sebab i have been in and out quite banyak kali juga.and perjalanan dia selalunya sgt memenatkan.bukan tu saja, kali ni selepas balik dari sana kena ganti kelas lagi..kena buat banyak benda.and dua minggu selepas tu..i'll be away once again.cuti raya.walaupun tu adalah interesting prospect but the physical journey tu...hmm,rasa macam best pula berurut.hehe.
saya sdh cuba settlekan yang boleh, assignment and quiz untuk budak2 sem3.dan quiz untuk sem 1.ganti kelas mana yang patut.i like the feeling of accomplishment-mampu untuk buat sesuatu-rasa lega yang tidak tergambar.at least, balik nanti tidaklah tertekan sangat buat itu dan ini.atleast, adalah idea yang boleh difikirkan bila2 sy ada masa lapang time kursus tu nanti.
satu saja yang belum settle dan semakin jadi sangat personal setiap hari.mulanya sekadar tidak bertegur sapa.ingatkan ia tidak akan berpanjangan.nampaknya tekaan saya salah.sekarang rasanya sudah sgt terlambat untuk buat apa2 untuk betulkan.saya tidak tahu macam mana atau kenapa, tapi rasanya,saya sudah kehilangan kawan rapat saya.jadi,agaknya harus di biarkan sajalah kan.macam kata seseorang tu-we have the chance, but it didnt work out..huhu
jadi saya pg kursus dengan perasaan yang bercampur baur.suka sebab maksudnya selepas ini hanya kena melalui proses pencerapan yang minor saja.PTK dsb
sedih sebab sesuatu yang hilang dari tangan(figuratively)..huhu
so,until next time
Aug 13, 2009
curiosity kills the cat
if i can, i would avoid mentioning the name of the person im about to write.im not one to speak about other people whether they are dead or alive.and especially more about the dead.
and actually i dont want to write about her or him.it's just im so curious to know more about him/her.whether he/she was really the thing people said she/he was.
i was not really a fan of her/his work, but being a thinker whose mind is always on a constant searching, i just couldnt resist some parts of her literary works.many people says that her works are controversial.and i guess yes..because she was presenting it with different approach.at least different from other people.
always open.always expressive.though im not sure about thought-evoking.because sometimes i feel that whenever i watched her literary works, some parts of it just couldnt fit together-through my amateur eyes lah.sometimes,u just dont have to shout anything, u just let it be, and people understand.sometimes u dont have to explain so much.let other people think what they like.and still the message get across.sometime she/he explains too much and all her/his efforts become meaningless because the actual meaning lost amidst the translation.
nevertheless,she/he was a creative person and a great one at that.and the fact that she/he chose to be different than anybody else-doesnt alter the fact.it reminds me of all those creative people from the past(Virginia Woolf, Hemingway, etc)who chose to live a different life just to prove what they are worth.and probably it had been worthwhile for them while it last.
i really want to know the goings behind the close door-but should i know anything i wanted to know,what then?
anyway, i m trying not to judge her/him for anything.it is between her and her Creator. Al Fatihah for her/him.
still got this curiosity eating up inside.
and actually i dont want to write about her or him.it's just im so curious to know more about him/her.whether he/she was really the thing people said she/he was.
i was not really a fan of her/his work, but being a thinker whose mind is always on a constant searching, i just couldnt resist some parts of her literary works.many people says that her works are controversial.and i guess yes..because she was presenting it with different approach.at least different from other people.
always open.always expressive.though im not sure about thought-evoking.because sometimes i feel that whenever i watched her literary works, some parts of it just couldnt fit together-through my amateur eyes lah.sometimes,u just dont have to shout anything, u just let it be, and people understand.sometimes u dont have to explain so much.let other people think what they like.and still the message get across.sometime she/he explains too much and all her/his efforts become meaningless because the actual meaning lost amidst the translation.
nevertheless,she/he was a creative person and a great one at that.and the fact that she/he chose to be different than anybody else-doesnt alter the fact.it reminds me of all those creative people from the past(Virginia Woolf, Hemingway, etc)who chose to live a different life just to prove what they are worth.and probably it had been worthwhile for them while it last.
i really want to know the goings behind the close door-but should i know anything i wanted to know,what then?
anyway, i m trying not to judge her/him for anything.it is between her and her Creator. Al Fatihah for her/him.
still got this curiosity eating up inside.
the name of the game:mind your own business
the last thing i need is for anybody to poke their nose on my business.the last thing i need is for anyone telling me what to do or not to do.why should u do that?it pissed me off.u think it is cool because u know something i might not know,but heck baby..dont be such a show off!
Aug 12, 2009
back to basic
dont know what to say.
cakap kang tak kena.
cakap kang merajuk.
cakap byk kang org kata lebih2.
tak cakap langsung pelik pula.
tak nak cakap, rasa nak gila.
habis nak macammana?
saya kena cakap apa untuk betulkan balik?
atau saya tak payah cakap apa2 langsung?
atau apa?
atau biar saja?
mungkin biar dulu...
cakap kang tak kena.
cakap kang merajuk.
cakap byk kang org kata lebih2.
tak cakap langsung pelik pula.
tak nak cakap, rasa nak gila.
habis nak macammana?
saya kena cakap apa untuk betulkan balik?
atau saya tak payah cakap apa2 langsung?
atau apa?
atau biar saja?
mungkin biar dulu...
Aug 10, 2009
Time to think
went to a course-Professional Training for Young Lecturers in Beverly Hotel,KK.(30/7-2/8/09)
before i commented on anything i would like to sing my praises for the hotel.clean, neat and orderly.Everything was up to the standard.Everything was aimed to please.and im one of the pleased customers.it's not so much about anything..but how comfortable u feel when u actually accomodate the room.
Secondly, the course itself. In this two weeks time, all of the courses that i attended were all talking about integrity and how to provide a more clear cut service to our clients.many of the course have opened my mind to a new way of thinking and approaching things. It recreates values and preferences concerning how we tackled our dwelling daily.
I like the course because it instils so much confidence to what i am doing, believing in my strenght as a young individual who can contribute much and whose position matters to the organization.
Most of the speakers are those who are driven to the max, and very passionate about the job.Believing that everyone can make a different. That we're human, not perfect, packaged with mistakes and weaknesses..and/but we re learning and improving from that.It feels nice and certainly gets my motivation going up.
These people are those people who have a strong belief in Allah-as a strenght for them to do better in this world,knowing that Allah is more knowledgeable about the rest.
but then, at the end of the day my motivation was marred by people who like doing comparison so much.dont compare,just try to be...will u?
before i commented on anything i would like to sing my praises for the hotel.clean, neat and orderly.Everything was up to the standard.Everything was aimed to please.and im one of the pleased customers.it's not so much about anything..but how comfortable u feel when u actually accomodate the room.
Secondly, the course itself. In this two weeks time, all of the courses that i attended were all talking about integrity and how to provide a more clear cut service to our clients.many of the course have opened my mind to a new way of thinking and approaching things. It recreates values and preferences concerning how we tackled our dwelling daily.
I like the course because it instils so much confidence to what i am doing, believing in my strenght as a young individual who can contribute much and whose position matters to the organization.
Most of the speakers are those who are driven to the max, and very passionate about the job.Believing that everyone can make a different. That we're human, not perfect, packaged with mistakes and weaknesses..and/but we re learning and improving from that.It feels nice and certainly gets my motivation going up.
These people are those people who have a strong belief in Allah-as a strenght for them to do better in this world,knowing that Allah is more knowledgeable about the rest.
but then, at the end of the day my motivation was marred by people who like doing comparison so much.dont compare,just try to be...will u?
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