the course, my vision and my Gentleman

yeah, well.
finished the course with mixed feeling.berani-berani takutlah. takut fail.even if everybody seems to have the opinion that they feel the same about the course, but still.i still feel the tremor bubbling up inside.im not sure about it at all.and it's not a good feeling.unsure.unsettled.i can think of many words to describe it. but then again, there is nothing i can do about it now.the worst part is having to wait for the result to come out.
My vision?hehe.nothing fancy.finally i am persuaded to do something about my blindness.got myself a new eyes.the world is certainly a better place to live.brighter and crystal clear.i can see like miles ahead.Great!!!funny as well.yesterday i was looking at my colleague and suddenly i can see his expression from far.This person has a very good smiling expression although he is not smiling. so for the first time i feel shy because for the first time i saw him looking at me with that expression.i dont know what to do. i blushed(for heaven sake!)before this i cant see all that, but now..hmm, it crystal.haha.gilalah.and i feel more power when i stand lecturing in the class.i can see everybody and its size seems to shrink.im certainly a superhuman..;o)
My Gentleman?what about him..it's a long story to tell.during the course, i met somebody who reminds me of him. The way he laugh, his face,basically everything about him is a cruel reminder of my Gentleman.and it only makes me longed to see him again. So, on saturday, i was hanging out with my friend in Alamanda, when i suddenly caught a glimpse of him.Happy and excited. i do all the crazy things a girl would do for the person she really like.i even bought the magazine which he said he was working with. Now he is working in some other magazine, which im thinking of buying as well..crazy is what crazy do..;o)i dont know why i do it.i just know that i really like this person.really do.my only regret is why we didnt met again sooner than this?and we didnt even cross path when he was working in here.he even went to my hometown.and i missed him.the funny thing is im such a nervous wreck when he is around. i couldnt stand properly, couldnt say anything, couldnt do anything, feeling like vomitting and feeling out of place.such is the condition i am when i really like the person. but i still want to be around him.he is my ghost.a very attractive ghost at that;o)
oh what the heck.
i dont know.
i know im a little bit crazy right now.
just for a note: i named him my Gentleman because there is a poem by Colleridge which mention about the existence of a Gentleman from Porlock-it refers to a gentleman who come to Mr Colleridge's house while he was writing a poem. When the gentleman appeared it had made him forget all the lines he wanted to write for his poem.In my term Gentleman from Porlock refers to someone who robbed me of my sanity, distrupted the rational side of me and made everything seems blurry.Made me forget about everything but him.Only him.That's my Gentleman.

come to think of it, all the occurences had injected good spirit back into my life.it added more colours.;o)