Test of character

For a while i don't know how best to express my feeling-sorry or sorrow. i dont know.i reminded myself every minute to not be hysterical. By rights, i should be.But then again, it was just a small matter compared to others who had gone through similar experience. I was yanked down under but nevertheless i was determined to not overdo the whole episode. i have always been calm about everything that happened. i can't find a single reason why i should not be on this one.

First of all, i was thankful that everyone was supportive in their own way. Although, i dont really fancy their somewhat busybody attitude, but on second thought and on positive notes, i would just assume that it was being supportive. No matter if they go about circulating about the incident with their circle of friends. No matter how much i dont like being the center of attention. i would have to take it in good spirit.

Secondly, i would say, that this is a valuable lesson for me. So that next time around i would be very careful of what i do and such.This is just a test to see how i would respond to event as well as how i can manage/cope in times of duress.

thirdly, it might just a reminder from God of past misdeeds, something i didn't handle well-some of payment for kaffarah, which i might have overlooked. i should look at it with true spirit of a muslim-that misfortune is not unique and it can happen to anyone. it was my turn this time. and it was written and fated by Allah. Instead of looking at it as a bad luck or anything. It is a test that i must go through. a learning process. insya allah.

But being positive and all, after the settlement with the person involved, i called my brother just for a good cry. Relief and sad, mixture of emotion. i was sad because i was alone, and i basically have no one to turn to for a good cry. i also feel that i am on the weaker side because im a girl..and that was proven as far as im concerned by looking at the way things unfold. Nonetheless, i have the determination to nurture my independency-just because i dont want to be to dependent to the only person that can and willing to help.

no one needs to know how broken hearted i was with what happened. no one wants to know that side of my bright side.

Insyaallah, i would be just fine. insya allah