Somewhat my mind drifted back to Pak Abu. yes, it's been moons away now. Can't remember when was the last time i was really talking to him. and the fact that i religiously avoid him (translated as avoiding him wholeheartedly) was funny. come to think of it. But, i always have the feeling that he was always doing the same thing. avoiding me religiously. Maybe it's better for him. Ya, i would like to think so. Maybe he is/was afraid that im gonna like him more than i supposed to like him.
what triggered my thought about him: a friend questioned me on why we drifted apart so very obviously, and none of us made any attempt to talk to each other?given the fact that we "were" close?well, i dont have the answer for that. i tried to give excuses for him, and at one point i grew tired and accepted that losing his friendship is something that is meant to be. So, this friend said: could it be that he likes you more than he supposed to like you???I dont know. i just don't know.
Could it be?! Probably not.
well, i feel relieved of burden today. i was able to make a clean break of this one guy that said he loves me, because his sister asked him to marry me. i handled it pretty calmly. It's better for everyone. Although some people might be disappointed by that, but better now than later when things got more serious. I can't stand feeling angry at myself for doing something i dont want to do in the first place. i guess this is what it meant, being cruel to be kind. He might be angry at me for rejecting the offer, but im sure he would be thankful later on.
This brings me back to Pak Abu and what my friend said about him. Could it be??! I dare not hope!
Whatever it is, i would be sad, if it's true and i failed to recognize "feeling" when it was there. i rather that he is happy-because i would be happy for him. with me or with someone else.
i guess i do have feelings for him. I'll be okay, though:o)
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