Today went well.
i watched:
a) Dead poet's Society
b)Moulin Rouge..im not sure about the spelling
c) The Hot Chick-i think i've watched it hundreds time..but fine.
d)Down with Love-a Hongkong drama series on 8TV about a nanny who fell in love with her handsome boss.
e)Twilight..i dont know how people can watch it over and over again..it's quite boring.i've watched it 3 times already
f)Bhoothnath-a ghost story starring Amitabh and SRK-i have always wanted to watch this since last year, and yeah..it was quite ok.
g)Drive Time Murder-an investigation story which was queer.But the plot was ok.
h)Sunday Night-wanna watch The Rock in Race to the Witch Mountain..if im not mistaken...i Love The Rock..hehehe
i basically skipped House and CSI.I watched PCK and Mr Siao's mandarin class.
i did:
a)Go out shopping for the Fun Day-things for the corners.
b)Go out with my friends planning to not buy anything but in the end, we all bought something..huhu
c)Went to the office gift-wrapping with another one of my friend.The Fun day is tomorrow!
d)Finished things related to tentative for the program, and speeches..whew!WAS challenging!
e)Finished marking bundles of papers-which mean i can concentrate more on other works.Yeah!!!
i cooked:
a)Chicken soup with cucumber.
b)buttered ommelette-again,im very bad with spelling
c)a type of kuih-which i dont know its name, but it is one of my mum's favourite
d)Ayam masak kicap...
I realized that i didnt really cook anything heavy for a long time. So, i just followed my mood.Im going to be easy on the food, because im on diet for my cousin's wedding.Huh, i dont want to appear like "a dolphin wearing a kebaya" during the majlis.Hahahahaha.What an image...;o)and also because health is my main priority.
i also realized that im tired of being and thinking the way i was before-i have no mood for everything, i couldnt do anything better, i was terribly sensitive-well,i dont have to. i decided to be happy.i choose to be happy.i want to better.i want my life back!InsyaAllah, InsyaAllah, InsyaAllah.
May 2, 2010
Apr 30, 2010
Room for Improvement
Today was hectic. I have started working on a program since the beginning of this week. By now, I have basically settled my part, and some of the things that needed to be done. I have worked non-stop since Monday. I came back home in the evening tired. i completed anything needed for the program so that i dont have to bring any program-related works at home so i can continue with my marking. And so far it paid off as i have managed to complete almost half of the assignments i need to mark. Partly was because, i need it to distract my thought from anything that might lead me to crying..and thinking about unnecessary things.
Today, in the afternoon, i followed my friend out to the town, cashed out the cheque for the program. the person in charge was out having lunch when i came in, so i have to wait for half an hour to get it done. i dont want to waste my time waiting, and get angry at people for the delay.so i went out and had lunch. I enjoyed this time alone, as it gave me a sense of independence and freedom. i dont have to ask other people what should i do. i just do everything on my own.Many things get done as well. i enjoy doing things on my own.i enjoyed being alone, as it renewed my sense of well being.That's the thing about me that i like.i have always been like this. and it is such an accomplishment to be able to take care of yourself.it is a nice thought.
We got the perhimpunan bulanan today. We got the new head. i have mixed feeling about him. And one thing for sure, i think he seriously needs to jot down what he wants to say, or it will come out weird.He was everywhere and anywhere..He didnt start of well enough to catch my attention. To say the least i was quite let down by what i see. i was expecting a surprise, something i would like and treasure-and there was none. I was expecting some kind of a shot in the arm and...huh.
He is a very nice guy, which iam afraid that somebody will take advantage of him. I got the feeling that he is the type of person-that you will find instantly at ease with, and selfish people will usually take advantage of/bully. He seems so very nice. Maybe, it was just the way he talked, but people say first impression is always the correct one...But, i was let down.
One thing though..he mentioned about room for improvement. How we should be grateful that we are here with enough facilities and all. And we shouldnt complaint so much about things. Other people are not that lucky. And bitch around about things, get out in the front and asked related authorities about your qualms.Line of communication is always open. and that there is always room for improvement...i like it.
I was sitting in the middle of A and B, whom i know do not like each other so much. A was mentioning about how people in the office like to bitch about other people. and i just kept quiet. B was talking with another of my friend at the other corner, so i couldnt hear the response. and i didnt even try to listen. im not interested.
B never said anything about the thing i asked her, and i didnt know why.and by now, i have lost interest. that's why i never would sit alone with her.Regardless of anything, there are just things that you should know when enough is enough. i know that my bestmate was not telling the entire truth. But she was not telling the entire truth either. Who on earth gives her the permission to tell about my feeling towards my bestmate? Who on earth wouldnt feel betrayed by people who think they can make the decision for you?i decided to stay away forever. because there are just people who will only caused you so much pain when you are near them. My bestmate is one of them.
Even i am angry with her, it doesnt mean that i would treat her like rubbish. im not the kind of person who wish bad things happen to people. Itu kerja tuhan. That's why when A was saying something that meant at her, i didnt reply.i have enough on my plate right now. i couldnt possibly have more. Im tired, broken to pieces, humiliated, shocked,hurt,emotionally unstable, wicked, revengeful, bitter and angry to join anyone else's war. im fighting for my peace of mind. Not for anybody's benefit.
I believe in rooms for improvement. Although, it will take a long time before i can laugh again about what happened, but im going to try. I sent a video for my baby brother, and my mum noticed that i was thinner than before. i didnt eat well, and i was thinking so much. My mum said that i need to fight for myself, because i am alone here and if something happens to me, they wont be able to be here on time. that i have to take care of myself.My brother said a nice thing:Some things are just not meant for us. and i was crying and laughing by the end of the conversation. Touched.
oh,well. i always believe that iam a worthy person. And i want to see what happened as a test to see whether im really worthy of my good thought of myself. May Allah gives me the strenght to forget what happened and in the end to forgive anybody for making me cried in despair so much. May Allah gives me the strenght to move on.
Today, in the afternoon, i followed my friend out to the town, cashed out the cheque for the program. the person in charge was out having lunch when i came in, so i have to wait for half an hour to get it done. i dont want to waste my time waiting, and get angry at people for the delay.so i went out and had lunch. I enjoyed this time alone, as it gave me a sense of independence and freedom. i dont have to ask other people what should i do. i just do everything on my own.Many things get done as well. i enjoy doing things on my own.i enjoyed being alone, as it renewed my sense of well being.That's the thing about me that i like.i have always been like this. and it is such an accomplishment to be able to take care of yourself.it is a nice thought.
We got the perhimpunan bulanan today. We got the new head. i have mixed feeling about him. And one thing for sure, i think he seriously needs to jot down what he wants to say, or it will come out weird.He was everywhere and anywhere..He didnt start of well enough to catch my attention. To say the least i was quite let down by what i see. i was expecting a surprise, something i would like and treasure-and there was none. I was expecting some kind of a shot in the arm and...huh.
He is a very nice guy, which iam afraid that somebody will take advantage of him. I got the feeling that he is the type of person-that you will find instantly at ease with, and selfish people will usually take advantage of/bully. He seems so very nice. Maybe, it was just the way he talked, but people say first impression is always the correct one...But, i was let down.
One thing though..he mentioned about room for improvement. How we should be grateful that we are here with enough facilities and all. And we shouldnt complaint so much about things. Other people are not that lucky. And bitch around about things, get out in the front and asked related authorities about your qualms.Line of communication is always open. and that there is always room for improvement...i like it.
I was sitting in the middle of A and B, whom i know do not like each other so much. A was mentioning about how people in the office like to bitch about other people. and i just kept quiet. B was talking with another of my friend at the other corner, so i couldnt hear the response. and i didnt even try to listen. im not interested.
B never said anything about the thing i asked her, and i didnt know why.and by now, i have lost interest. that's why i never would sit alone with her.Regardless of anything, there are just things that you should know when enough is enough. i know that my bestmate was not telling the entire truth. But she was not telling the entire truth either. Who on earth gives her the permission to tell about my feeling towards my bestmate? Who on earth wouldnt feel betrayed by people who think they can make the decision for you?i decided to stay away forever. because there are just people who will only caused you so much pain when you are near them. My bestmate is one of them.
Even i am angry with her, it doesnt mean that i would treat her like rubbish. im not the kind of person who wish bad things happen to people. Itu kerja tuhan. That's why when A was saying something that meant at her, i didnt reply.i have enough on my plate right now. i couldnt possibly have more. Im tired, broken to pieces, humiliated, shocked,hurt,emotionally unstable, wicked, revengeful, bitter and angry to join anyone else's war. im fighting for my peace of mind. Not for anybody's benefit.
I believe in rooms for improvement. Although, it will take a long time before i can laugh again about what happened, but im going to try. I sent a video for my baby brother, and my mum noticed that i was thinner than before. i didnt eat well, and i was thinking so much. My mum said that i need to fight for myself, because i am alone here and if something happens to me, they wont be able to be here on time. that i have to take care of myself.My brother said a nice thing:Some things are just not meant for us. and i was crying and laughing by the end of the conversation. Touched.
oh,well. i always believe that iam a worthy person. And i want to see what happened as a test to see whether im really worthy of my good thought of myself. May Allah gives me the strenght to forget what happened and in the end to forgive anybody for making me cried in despair so much. May Allah gives me the strenght to move on.
Apr 29, 2010
saya dan saya lagi
saya sangat emosi.itu tidak boleh dinafikan.
Orang hanya tahu kata begitu dan begini..Eh, apa kata kamu berdiri di tempat saya?
Orang hanya lihat apa yang mereka mahu lihat.Selebihnya apa?
Dan bila saya bertindak dengan cara saya, kata mereka saya salah kerana mengikut kata hati.
Mereka kata begitu dan begini, tolong jangan kata apa juga pun..kerana kamu hanya menambah kesakitan hati saya.
Biarlah.Berita gembira atau sedih, semuanya sudah tidak bererti.Masa untuk jelaskan semua sudah tamat.Diam dan pergi dari sini.
Saya?Kejam kerana bersifat berat sebelah?Kejam sangatkah saya bila saya berat kepada diri sendiri?
baik sangatkah kamu?Biar saya tanya sekali lagi,adakah kamu pasti apa yang kamu buat itu bukan untuk kepentingan diri kamu sendiri?
Jangan bergurau ok..kamu tidak tahu apa yang kamu buat!
Banyak yang sudah berlaku. Saya memang marah dan tertekan. tapi belum sampai ke tahap kejam lagi. Saya bukan orang yang melampaui batas dalam perbalahan. Saya hanya menjauhkan diri, bukannya saya berplot untuk membunuh kamu.Dan saya tetap mendoakan yang terbaik untuk kamu..walau apa juga yang terbaik.
Orang akan kata apa sahaja.Katalah sesuka hati. apa yang saya lakukan adalah untuk melindungi diri saya sendiri.Saya berhak bertindak atas kebaikan diri sendiri. Saya memilih untuk percaya siapa yang akan saya percayai. yang penting orang itu bukan kamu atau kamu.
Orang hanya tahu kata begitu dan begini..Eh, apa kata kamu berdiri di tempat saya?
Orang hanya lihat apa yang mereka mahu lihat.Selebihnya apa?
Dan bila saya bertindak dengan cara saya, kata mereka saya salah kerana mengikut kata hati.
Mereka kata begitu dan begini, tolong jangan kata apa juga pun..kerana kamu hanya menambah kesakitan hati saya.
Biarlah.Berita gembira atau sedih, semuanya sudah tidak bererti.Masa untuk jelaskan semua sudah tamat.Diam dan pergi dari sini.
Saya?Kejam kerana bersifat berat sebelah?Kejam sangatkah saya bila saya berat kepada diri sendiri?
baik sangatkah kamu?Biar saya tanya sekali lagi,adakah kamu pasti apa yang kamu buat itu bukan untuk kepentingan diri kamu sendiri?
Jangan bergurau ok..kamu tidak tahu apa yang kamu buat!
Banyak yang sudah berlaku. Saya memang marah dan tertekan. tapi belum sampai ke tahap kejam lagi. Saya bukan orang yang melampaui batas dalam perbalahan. Saya hanya menjauhkan diri, bukannya saya berplot untuk membunuh kamu.Dan saya tetap mendoakan yang terbaik untuk kamu..walau apa juga yang terbaik.
Orang akan kata apa sahaja.Katalah sesuka hati. apa yang saya lakukan adalah untuk melindungi diri saya sendiri.Saya berhak bertindak atas kebaikan diri sendiri. Saya memilih untuk percaya siapa yang akan saya percayai. yang penting orang itu bukan kamu atau kamu.
Apr 23, 2010
Nothingville
im a very motivated person.i come into the office with high spirit.i go through my daily life with high spirit.i look at everything through the positive side.
it was before.Now i believe my expectation and outlook were spoiled to the max.
What's the point of living where you drag yourself through everything?no longer with the same enthusiasm you once had.
Now what's the point of living in nothingville?
it was before.Now i believe my expectation and outlook were spoiled to the max.
What's the point of living where you drag yourself through everything?no longer with the same enthusiasm you once had.
Now what's the point of living in nothingville?
Apr 21, 2010
Bohong
Bohonglah kalau itu yang baik untuk kamu.Tapi jangan paksa saya untuk terima kebohongan begitu.
Tipulah jika kamu rasa gembira untuk buat begitu.Yang kamu tipu adalah diri kamu sendiri.
Berlaku kejamlah kalau itu membantu kamu untuk teruskan hidup,saya harap kamu takkan terluka dengan perbuatan kamu sendiri.
Pura-puralah kalau itu yang buat kamu rasa hebat, semoga yang terbaik untuk kamu.
Kamu hebat kerana nampaknya kamu sudah menang dalam permainan kamu.Tapi saya bukan seorang pemain,dan saya tidak bermain dalam permainan yang kamu cipta.Tolong jangan heret saya dalam permainan-permainan kamu.Bosan!
Kata kamu:tolong pertahankan saya.Bagaimana saya harus pertahankan apa yang saya sendiri tidak ketahui?
Kata kamu:jangan berdendam, tak perlu fikir kata orang, yang penting kita masih rakan baik.Bagaimana kamu boleh kata begitu dengan senang?adakah kamu berfikir bahawa kita masih boleh jadi kawan baik setelah ini?Kenapa kamu perlu begitu tidak praktikal..Agaknya kamu tidak pernah rasa dikihianati.
Terima kasih banyak-banyak.
Jika saya sakitkan hati kamu,itu bukanlah kerana saya maksudkan.saya hanya tidak dapat menahan diri.Harap kamu mengerti.
Kamu memang hebat kerana membuatkan saya berfikir bahawa saya membiarkan kamu memperbodohkan saya. Tahniah!
Tahniah.selamat menjalani hidup dengan gembira.kerana saya akan bergembira dengan kehidupan saya..tanpa perlu kamu.
Tipulah jika kamu rasa gembira untuk buat begitu.Yang kamu tipu adalah diri kamu sendiri.
Berlaku kejamlah kalau itu membantu kamu untuk teruskan hidup,saya harap kamu takkan terluka dengan perbuatan kamu sendiri.
Pura-puralah kalau itu yang buat kamu rasa hebat, semoga yang terbaik untuk kamu.
Kamu hebat kerana nampaknya kamu sudah menang dalam permainan kamu.Tapi saya bukan seorang pemain,dan saya tidak bermain dalam permainan yang kamu cipta.Tolong jangan heret saya dalam permainan-permainan kamu.Bosan!
Kata kamu:tolong pertahankan saya.Bagaimana saya harus pertahankan apa yang saya sendiri tidak ketahui?
Kata kamu:jangan berdendam, tak perlu fikir kata orang, yang penting kita masih rakan baik.Bagaimana kamu boleh kata begitu dengan senang?adakah kamu berfikir bahawa kita masih boleh jadi kawan baik setelah ini?Kenapa kamu perlu begitu tidak praktikal..Agaknya kamu tidak pernah rasa dikihianati.
Terima kasih banyak-banyak.
Jika saya sakitkan hati kamu,itu bukanlah kerana saya maksudkan.saya hanya tidak dapat menahan diri.Harap kamu mengerti.
Kamu memang hebat kerana membuatkan saya berfikir bahawa saya membiarkan kamu memperbodohkan saya. Tahniah!
Tahniah.selamat menjalani hidup dengan gembira.kerana saya akan bergembira dengan kehidupan saya..tanpa perlu kamu.
Apr 18, 2010
Weird
well,i couldnt say that im in a relationship.
To start,i found my long lost friend..to say the least. the one i never had the chance to know better because i went to matriculation. So he was someone i knew before i end up in here.
My sister happened to be in contact with his cousin.And he happened to be in close contact with my other cousin.so, there we were..trying to pick up things where we left it.i say that he is a friend because i dont have the courage to termed him as anything yet. i prefer to wait and see.
i dont want to confuse my feeling. Just because i liked him before, it doesnt mean that my feeling hasnt changed for him. for god sake. it was more than five years already..it would be naive to still expect that things hasnt changed.
we talked about the old days, what happened after i went to matric, what he did,where he had been,what i have been doing...my family,his family.He is still a joker.:o)...which is why we were together before.he was such a joker and i was a captived audience.always laughing my heart out..Funny funny Sam..
it is too early to say anything. Weird why i was thinking so much about a certain someone, when i should be happy to move on with my life.infact i was dreaming about him as well.
Ya Allah.im weak.Please give me the strenght to be strong, physically and mentally. Whatever it is ya Allah,my complete surrender is for You.
To start,i found my long lost friend..to say the least. the one i never had the chance to know better because i went to matriculation. So he was someone i knew before i end up in here.
My sister happened to be in contact with his cousin.And he happened to be in close contact with my other cousin.so, there we were..trying to pick up things where we left it.i say that he is a friend because i dont have the courage to termed him as anything yet. i prefer to wait and see.
i dont want to confuse my feeling. Just because i liked him before, it doesnt mean that my feeling hasnt changed for him. for god sake. it was more than five years already..it would be naive to still expect that things hasnt changed.
we talked about the old days, what happened after i went to matric, what he did,where he had been,what i have been doing...my family,his family.He is still a joker.:o)...which is why we were together before.he was such a joker and i was a captived audience.always laughing my heart out..Funny funny Sam..
it is too early to say anything. Weird why i was thinking so much about a certain someone, when i should be happy to move on with my life.infact i was dreaming about him as well.
Ya Allah.im weak.Please give me the strenght to be strong, physically and mentally. Whatever it is ya Allah,my complete surrender is for You.
Apr 17, 2010
Di suatu senja di musim yang lalu...
Alkisah tersebutlah kisah
adalah seorang makcik ni menyanyi lagu Tinggal Kenangan by Caramel..Sedang menyanyi dengan khusyuk dan penuh perasaan, tiba-tiba lagu Caramel yang mendayu-dayu tu bertukar menjadi bunyi kambing mengembek...hahahaha.Rupanya si kekasih hati yang punya angkara...hadoii..Rasa mau guling-guling ketawa.Kaki semua lemah longlai...Otak tak boleh berfikir dengan waras, dan otot perut mengecut.Huh.Tahap gaban dimensi ke-8 lah.Hahahahah.adoii.Terbaiklah untuk hari ni..hahaha.
dua orang kawan saya ni akan mengakhirkan zaman solo sekitar pertengahan tahun ini. Dua ekor ini sangat selamba, dan sangat menyayat hati.hahaha.Menyayat hati dalam konteks ayat ini bermaksud:boleh menyebabkan anda ketawa sehingga keluar airmata kerana perlakuan-perlakuan tidak masuk akal yang menyakitkan kepala dan perut.Dijamin ketawa seorang diri selepas itu..Hahaha.
Huh.rasa macam penceroboh pula setiap kali keluar dengan dua orang ini.Rasa segan kerana menyaksikan sesuatu yang bersifat personal.
Dalam ketawa, otak ligat berfikir,mentafsir dan menganalisis. Apa yang membuat dua orang saling tertarik antara satu dengan yang lain?Apa tandanya perasaan yang kita rasakan itu betul?Jika dua orang yang bertemu itu mempunyai banyak persamaan mungkin lebih senang, bagaimana dengan mereka yang berbeza langit dan bumi?
Benarkah.....aku sedang suka kamu?
adalah seorang makcik ni menyanyi lagu Tinggal Kenangan by Caramel..Sedang menyanyi dengan khusyuk dan penuh perasaan, tiba-tiba lagu Caramel yang mendayu-dayu tu bertukar menjadi bunyi kambing mengembek...hahahaha.Rupanya si kekasih hati yang punya angkara...hadoii..Rasa mau guling-guling ketawa.Kaki semua lemah longlai...Otak tak boleh berfikir dengan waras, dan otot perut mengecut.Huh.Tahap gaban dimensi ke-8 lah.Hahahahah.adoii.Terbaiklah untuk hari ni..hahaha.
dua orang kawan saya ni akan mengakhirkan zaman solo sekitar pertengahan tahun ini. Dua ekor ini sangat selamba, dan sangat menyayat hati.hahaha.Menyayat hati dalam konteks ayat ini bermaksud:boleh menyebabkan anda ketawa sehingga keluar airmata kerana perlakuan-perlakuan tidak masuk akal yang menyakitkan kepala dan perut.Dijamin ketawa seorang diri selepas itu..Hahaha.
Huh.rasa macam penceroboh pula setiap kali keluar dengan dua orang ini.Rasa segan kerana menyaksikan sesuatu yang bersifat personal.
Dalam ketawa, otak ligat berfikir,mentafsir dan menganalisis. Apa yang membuat dua orang saling tertarik antara satu dengan yang lain?Apa tandanya perasaan yang kita rasakan itu betul?Jika dua orang yang bertemu itu mempunyai banyak persamaan mungkin lebih senang, bagaimana dengan mereka yang berbeza langit dan bumi?
Benarkah.....aku sedang suka kamu?
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