Room for Improvement

Today was hectic. I have started working on a program since the beginning of this week. By now, I have basically settled my part, and some of the things that needed to be done. I have worked non-stop since Monday. I came back home in the evening tired. i completed anything needed for the program so that i dont have to bring any program-related works at home so i can continue with my marking. And so far it paid off as i have managed to complete almost half of the assignments i need to mark. Partly was because, i need it to distract my thought from anything that might lead me to crying..and thinking about unnecessary things.

Today, in the afternoon, i followed my friend out to the town, cashed out the cheque for the program. the person in charge was out having lunch when i came in, so i have to wait for half an hour to get it done. i dont want to waste my time waiting, and get angry at people for the delay.so i went out and had lunch. I enjoyed this time alone, as it gave me a sense of independence and freedom. i dont have to ask other people what should i do. i just do everything on my own.Many things get done as well. i enjoy doing things on my own.i enjoyed being alone, as it renewed my sense of well being.That's the thing about me that i like.i have always been like this. and it is such an accomplishment to be able to take care of yourself.it is a nice thought.

We got the perhimpunan bulanan today. We got the new head. i have mixed feeling about him. And one thing for sure, i think he seriously needs to jot down what he wants to say, or it will come out weird.He was everywhere and anywhere..He didnt start of well enough to catch my attention. To say the least i was quite let down by what i see. i was expecting a surprise, something i would like and treasure-and there was none. I was expecting some kind of a shot in the arm and...huh.
He is a very nice guy, which iam afraid that somebody will take advantage of him. I got the feeling that he is the type of person-that you will find instantly at ease with, and selfish people will usually take advantage of/bully. He seems so very nice. Maybe, it was just the way he talked, but people say first impression is always the correct one...But, i was let down.

One thing though..he mentioned about room for improvement. How we should be grateful that we are here with enough facilities and all. And we shouldnt complaint so much about things. Other people are not that lucky. And bitch around about things, get out in the front and asked related authorities about your qualms.Line of communication is always open. and that there is always room for improvement...i like it.

I was sitting in the middle of A and B, whom i know do not like each other so much. A was mentioning about how people in the office like to bitch about other people. and i just kept quiet. B was talking with another of my friend at the other corner, so i couldnt hear the response. and i didnt even try to listen. im not interested.
B never said anything about the thing i asked her, and i didnt know why.and by now, i have lost interest. that's why i never would sit alone with her.Regardless of anything, there are just things that you should know when enough is enough. i know that my bestmate was not telling the entire truth. But she was not telling the entire truth either. Who on earth gives her the permission to tell about my feeling towards my bestmate? Who on earth wouldnt feel betrayed by people who think they can make the decision for you?i decided to stay away forever. because there are just people who will only caused you so much pain when you are near them. My bestmate is one of them.

Even i am angry with her, it doesnt mean that i would treat her like rubbish. im not the kind of person who wish bad things happen to people. Itu kerja tuhan. That's why when A was saying something that meant at her, i didnt reply.i have enough on my plate right now. i couldnt possibly have more. Im tired, broken to pieces, humiliated, shocked,hurt,emotionally unstable, wicked, revengeful, bitter and angry to join anyone else's war. im fighting for my peace of mind. Not for anybody's benefit.

I believe in rooms for improvement. Although, it will take a long time before i can laugh again about what happened, but im going to try. I sent a video for my baby brother, and my mum noticed that i was thinner than before. i didnt eat well, and i was thinking so much. My mum said that i need to fight for myself, because i am alone here and if something happens to me, they wont be able to be here on time. that i have to take care of myself.My brother said a nice thing:Some things are just not meant for us. and i was crying and laughing by the end of the conversation. Touched.

oh,well. i always believe that iam a worthy person. And i want to see what happened as a test to see whether im really worthy of my good thought of myself. May Allah gives me the strenght to forget what happened and in the end to forgive anybody for making me cried in despair so much. May Allah gives me the strenght to move on.