midnight rambling

seminggu sebelum raya.
many things left to do.zillions.i havent get the festive bugs yet.
works are piling up,many tasks to do,quizzes unmarked, assignments and bills unpaid.or so i thought.i remembered paying it only weeks before.and then suddenly it pay-day again.so,im a little disoriented.i didnt start marking all the assignment before.i just got started-really started yesterday.thank god friday i dont have any class.so i can concentrate on un-piling the things on my desk.Thank god.i am trying to complete marking it before Thursday-so i will have a stress-free hari raya.
On Wed, my CC went and cerap my class.i was sure that she was going to cerap my DKA class.Instead, she chose the DSK class.what happened was, the class was so noisy, and some of the lucky students were even singing at the back while i was sweating blood infront teaching them.and of course it leaves bad impression on my CC.She went ahead condemning the students for being noisy.and actually i also got the blast...on class control.Huh, it was real hell.one thing is to actually go through such observation and not coming out good, and the other for coming across as a weakling because my CC hadnt bother to make it a confidential thing with the other colleagues.so,im embarras and feel out of control.im trying to look at it from a positive angle,but i couldnt because i knew everyone in the office know about it.i feel like whatever i did was wrong.and i dont like the feeling.Maybe, in one aspect it was impractical and shallow for me to think that we can control the students by a reverse method-but i feel like killing the students for being so-not-cooperative at that time.so i guess, next time i need to show them who's the boss!
so yeah, in a reconciliatory stage with my best mate..after a long week of silence.though in the first day, i couldnt really be normal-as normal can be-i dont know what to say to him.just good mornig-takde kelas ke-etc-i really dont know how to start being normal. besides, i hate talking to someone who just not interested, so for a day after the reconciliation, i kept my distance. the next day, the pace began to pick up, so i followed suit.actually it feels nice talking to him again.it feels nice because finally it's over.not talking to him,basically was hell.because we are sitting next to one another, but couldnt or wouldnt say anything..at all.just silence.in one office but couldnt or wouldnt do anything we used to do.He to his space and im to mine.i dont want to have any reservation when i want to do something..just because he was there.now, it's much more better.though, i dont really like being called a bestmate-because i dont know what it means.i prefer to term it as friend-or if needed be-just simply bestfriend-easier to understand.lagipun, bestmate makes me feel as if im a guy.which obviously, im not.
strange-i begin to develop a feeling of possessiveness over something.i get emotional and jealous-but i dont want to spell it out openly just yet.i thought i am the most undemanding person.and im not sure what triggers my irrational feeling towards this something.im not confused..it so happened that im a very private person when it comes to emotion.i dont usually say what's on my mind.and i dont usually ask anything from other people.i let people have their way most of the times.just dont think that i dont care.it's because, i dont want to be too personal..all these privacy thingy.so usually i suffered from lost,stupidity and sakit hati.hmm.
i've been busy learning how to cook lately.i called my mum about pajeri nanas the other day, and i asked my friend how to cook nasi ayam, mee kolok etc.hey..im not that terrible when it comes to cooking, my only problem is cooking complicated recipe.it's never too late for anything i guess.
im planning a getaway the week after hari raya-when the festive mood must have died down a bit.not sure where.the hotspring, or the mountain, somewhere relaxing.before classes resume again.yeah,something to look forward to.