I can do Without you

i can!

i will!

i must!

had a long chat with my friends yesterday..the topic of discussion is non other than my so called bestmate. At this point of time, im tired of people singing praises about him. I know that he is a worthy person, kind bla bla bla..but in my situation, its hard to even believe that, For once, you all are not in my shoes, and didnt go through my experience with him,and didnt share what i had shared with him.So, it would be unfair for all of you to suggest what i should do when it comes to him.

i dont want to hurt anybody with insensitivity.I dont want to justify my actions as well. I dont want to rationalize anything. everytime i do all that, i keep on repeating the same pattern again. In the end, i am depressed, sad, useless, confused and hurt. I will hate everyone and it hinders my progress. So whats the point of trying?

My friend said:he was talking about you in a very regretful tone. what i think is, it was just a show because he knew, that my friend would definitely passed it on to me.

My other friend said: he was kind and gentlemanly.it would be easier for some people to confuse his motive. what i think is, yes he is all that. But there are some aspects of his personality that come across not quite ok,especially for those who knew him like i do.

My friend said again: But nobody's perfect. i agree. I'm not a perfectionist myself. I just dont like being taken for granted.

My friend said: babe, there is no harm in trying to patch up with him. After all, you dont know for how long you would be working with him.How long you would be around him..yaah, well. Count on me to be one heck of a poker face when it comes to dealing with my professional life. i'll do that.

oh,so complicated my life is. Penuh dengan kepura-puraan...

Although, today was progressive,i felt alone in the crowd. i have a headache, i feel miserable and had been sleeping all days just to numb myself from any feeling.

i realised that he has succeed in robbing me off my vitality...