Of Broken Hearted

"From the bottom of my broken heart, there is a thing or two i'd like you to know.."

Who wouldn't remember the feeling of being in the dump, mopping and be melancholy about most things? All those sleepless nights, the uneaten food, the suffering of having to go through endless hours of grieving? Yet, still have to smile in order to please all those people who wouldnt, couldnt and didnt have any idea at all how torn apart the heart was? Nobody plans to be in the agony of loving and losing something.

When a friend shared how broken hearted she is, i can only listen sympathetically. I know how hurt you can get, how downhearted and how the pain was killing you inside.
i could not just disregard her feeling, i couldnt just said please get well soon. Because it is not a physical disease, but a psychological one-where it influences all your other bodily function. it is real tough when it comes to emotion.

The Mechanism of coping with broken hearted differed from one person to another.

There's not any suitable advice to a broken hearted person. No matter what you said, she couldn't register it.

I was sorry for her, but there is no use to postpone the grieving forever. You have the choice to be happy or be miserable. Wiser because of experience, i was thankful. Sad feeling makes me appreciate happy times i have with people who appreciate my friendship, who was there for me when i was in the dump. I was thankful for the experience. Very very thankful indeed. For the friends that come and always there, when i am happy and sad, and for those who give new meaning to my now much happier and fulfilling life. I understand her feeling and would never disregard how it feel. But, i would rather be happy and be thankful that Allah destined these people to be in my path so i learned to put my trust carefully. I pay a very expensive price for my happiness but i get something better in return:o)

Though, sometimes memories are coming without warning, but they are just memory-they cannot harm you unless you allow them to.

Anything i said would be cliche.I chose to listen without further judgment because i knew how it felt when nobody wants to listen to your sadness.

Ya Allah, i pray for your Mercy to protect me from bad feelings, to guide me to see the good things in life, and to guide me in my decision, Without Your Mercy, Lord, I will not be able to stand through anything. Amin

Ceritera Cinta

Bertanya sang bayu padaku
Mengapa kau masih disitu
Tiadakah jemu kau menunggu?
Oh…

Dan buat seorang perindu
Penantian hanyalah waktu
Di kamus hatiku tiada istilah jemu
Oh..

Hentikanlah saja jenaka bermadah
Biasa terlalu sering ku dengar
Ceritera cinta tiada berubah
Hanya mimpi yang indah
Akhirnya nanti kecewa

Bukalah sedikit hatimu
Kenali siapa daku
Perit ku pendam rasa hati
Malu mengakui

Tanpa mahu mengakui kau pun dihati
Diluar sedar kau ku rindui

Penantianmu/ku hanya ruang waktu
Tiba masa kan terbukti cintaku

Tak mudah percaya pada pengakuan
Aku dihatimu yang tersayang

Hentikanlah saja jenaka bermadah
Biasa terlalu sering ku dengar
Ceritera cinta tiada berubah
Hanya mimpi (hanya mimpi)
Akhirnya nanti kecewa....

Raining rainbows

Things are moving smoothly. Although, it might not be as smooth as we wished it to be, but at the eleventh hour like this, the least we can do is having faith in all the efforts and attempts to be better. in every direction. after all, everyone is trying to make this happening. The rest of it, we should trust in Allah. It is not fair to say that there are no problem whatsoever. all i am saying is that, everyone tries. That's matter a great deal. i rather go up, do things than complaint about an unfinished business..as always.

Still in my happy mode.:o)

Someone has obviously stolen my attention.

(^_^)

Solo rambler

In need of serious gay bathing, scrub and pampering.

today is almost none existent-in a sense that i didnt even remember a thing except for some work related thingy. i enjoyed the process, and i love the productivity. Seeing water spilled at the floor on my way up home was making me excited-it had been such a long time since i had my leisure bathing. i missed the time when water was such a luxury. But things are tolerable i guess, so no complaint on that.

Today was an exceptionally happy day. i don't know what happened, but i was frightened by what i felt. and also cherished it.much more than i care to admit.i am not sure what i want anymore. Can i just pretend to be blind?i am an expert, anyway.Happily confused i am..:o)

I met a girl. and the things she told me. i wished that everyone would just learn to mind his/her own business. Put a stop to gossiping, or to bullshitting about other people's business. i guess, the least we could do is to not take responsibility for other people's behaviour.To not feel responsible for something that other people's do. It has nothing to do with us. Nothing at all. Let Allah judges them. Let them take full responsibility and learn from the things they did. Dont be such a sponge and absorp all the bullshits. We have to learn to detach ourselves from all that. By stating this, it doesnt mean that i am less sympathetic. i was only detaching myself from things that do not matter to me.

Overall, today is exhaustive. But in a positive way.Insya Allah

May Allah grant us the capability to execute our responsibility everyday. Amin

Going solo

The second day of the week.I'm late for work. For the first time for a long time, i watched football match. More so i had something to say to a friend who happened to be a football fanatic:o). But surprisingly, i quite enjoyed the game, i still remembered what was what, and how it was played. It was like a boost to the spirit watching it. Watching people played so hard and won was really motivating.

I spent my time at watching quite many movies. My schedule is back to round one. i came home, and after my prayer, settled for my tea, early dinner, bathing, all the basic things. i even spent sometimes doing a word search games. I bought two books previously, and hadn't touch it since because at some point it was a cruel reminder of my ex bestmate. So i kept them shelved.. Now i was ok about it, i can play it again happily. Then i discovered how many words there are that i dont understand or didn't know that they meant something else. Good practice anyway.

I missed my girlfriend, but not that badly. i didn't want to constantly bothering her with unnecessary updates of my life. She deserves the spaces:o) I wanted to be able to
be happy without depending on anyone to make me feel better. I caught myself bursting out laughing on things that we done together. tthinking about happy moments were making me happy.

My other close friend is also very busy with daily responsibility that i dared not bother him. Previously, i would have feel left out if he was busy. But now, i understand that i have to give some spaces as well to the friendship. I valued his friendship so much to jeopardize it. I heard positive things about him yesterday, which made me so proud of him-will tell him later. Hopefully it would make him more spirited than he already is:o)

4 days had gone so far. I managed to stick to my solo plan..:o)

The plans

At my house, doing quite many entertaining activities. my girlfriend is away on a course for three weeks, so all activities would be around myself for the time being.

Day 1,Saturday:
suddenly realized how much i missed just relaxing at home. Cleaning, washing clothes, cooking, dusting, rearranging things or simply watching TV. I missed the sleeping in, i missed waking up early waiting for the sun streaming at my balcony, i missed my morning coffee on saturday/sunday, i missed listening to MixFM, in short i miss my house.So i cooked sweet and spicy meat and ate them with much more enthusiasm than ever. I wondered what has brought about the change in my activity? Yes, i'd spent quite many times outing with my friends, or rode out with my new car that i hardly stayed at home these lately. i am still the homely person that i like. I was so determined that the water problem wouldn't affect my relaxation, so i cleaned the back, and my kitchen. So happy making a home of my house:o).
So i began plotting my next three week with a happy planning of staying home and be selfish about my happiness..Feel Great!:o)

Day 2, Sunday:
Well, other than a little bit of scattered FBing activity, i cooked, and watched TV-some of them are the rerun of yesterday's programmes, waiting to fill in the pails with water and choosing clothes to be wear to office and ironing them, and corresponding with my girlfriend, i watched a lot of movies, and criticized them, what a life but fun.hahaha. i blocked off other people and i negatively rejected any attempt of spending time with anyone. again, i selfishly keeping my time alone for myself. i hope they understand. After all i have no obligation whatsoever to be at anyone's service, other than those that has something to do with me. Feel great to be frank with people.:o)

But this is just the beginning. Struggle hasn't start yet. I wish i would be able to be with myself within these three weeks. Insya Allah.

again, a reminder: I am not responsible for anyone's well being.

(^_^)

Pregnant Silence

My problem is in my inability to stand constant whining and complaining about everything. after awhile of whining and complaining, it becomes very tiresome and irritating. It is the cheapest way to get attention. Either you do it, or you stand up and do things for yourself or just shut up about it. Hearing people complains almost about everything he has gone through in a day is damned boring, and annoying. Especially, if he started to feel pity about himself, and started to act like a victim. damned it. tiring!

The thing is, we have already had enough on our plate for a day to add on and be told about what's wrong with life, followed with what to do, what you have to do, what made you miserable or that you are damned busy with everything as if other people just sit around eating ice cream. Come on, have a little faith in the world which god has created for us all to try living!

Im trying to be sympathetic here, but after awhile trying, and the person at the end is too damned stubborn to listen to reasons..


i am trying to be in my best manner, trying to be supportive, trying to give the other person an excuse for that annoying attitude but, i can't hold out for self pity. So i keep to myself, stay mum, and stay away. For my own peace of mind.

I just can't win!

Air

Memang sedap.Tapi bosan

Krisis air ini menambahkan perbelanjaan bulanan. Air minum kena beli. Makan kena beli. Hendak masak perlu fikir proses pembersihan selepas masak. Perlu fikir aspek penyediaan makanan itu bersih atau tidak. jadi sudahnya, makan saja diluar. Dari segi memuaskan tekak, walaupun ala-ala, tapi risiko keracunan kerana air kotor adalah minima.

Prinsip ekonomi: Bila permintaan terhadap satu barang keperluan naik, harganya akan naik. Barang kehendak turut sama naik harga. Contohnya, tiba-tiba permintaan terhadap kopi naik, lalu harganya naik. Harga teh juga akan naik,kerana pembeli akan membeli teh yanh lebih murah berbanding kopi. yang tak disedari adalah harga teh juga akan meningkat kerana kesan permintaan yang menaik.

Isunya di sini, bila perbelanjaan makan meningkat, perbelanjaan terhadap minyak kereta juga akan meningkat kerana proses ulang alik keluar mencari tempat makan.
Semuanya serba meningkat.

Ini cukup untuk menyebabkan stress. Saya enggan mengkomen orang yang sudah berkeluarga. Kerana saya tidak berada ditempat mereka. tapi, percayalah. Orang yang hidup single turut merasai bebanan ini. Beban yang sepatutnya DAPAT dielakkan sekiranya, orang-orang yang bertanggungjawab SEDAR dengan peranan tersebut dari mula.

Tolonglah.Untuk kebaikan bersama, fikirkan satu solusi jangka panjang. jangan sekadar nak tunjuk pandai dengan satu idea yang konon bernas tapi tak berguna untuk jangka panjang. Kalau sudah tak mahu orang tunjukkan bagaimana, tolong berikan satu cara yang lebih baik.


Air ini keperluan, bukannya kehendak. tanpa bersyarah pun mengenai kepentingannya, semua orang sepatutnya tahu.

My troubled heart

Every girl will go through the stage of getting married at least once in their life. For some, it is anticipated and waited for. Some avoid it altogether. Some are considering it. Some couldn't care less. It's all happened a few week back for me. My mother called me full of excitement and hope that everything would ends happily for everyone. It was a happy moment for her. I was happy for the news.But, even before my mother put the phone down, tears were running uncontrollably down my cheeks.

i cried helplessly.i just couldn't bring myself to even think about the prospect.i could't go through with it.

Mr.Clumsy

Even if you are clumsy, even if you are weird,
Even when you are moody, or when you are rude,
Even when you sit silently, or just nod
or when you smile, or when you are serious
or when you joke
or laugh
or teasing
or many other surprising sides of you
imperfect in many ways

But still perfect in my eyes

(^_^)

The Happy Hours

simply happy:O)

The Joy of Life

Life is very unpredictable in nature. Nevertheless, there are million things to be thankful for. Million things that make us happy. Million things to be proud of. Million things to look forward too. Million things to learn from.

i couldn't possibly put my feeling into words for this image. all i know is when i took this picture, i was struck by feeling of awe and excitement. i was humbled by the movement, the tiny fingers, the head, legs and the life inside. It washed away my former self and changed it with a new determination to appreciate life and time in general. It made me want to be "present" in my life.

Moving on is what i want to do. and will continue doing. For me.