beyond description

i dont know how to best lament about this.
i was strucked by a realisation.magically, i didnt feel any disappointment.only a clear understanding of the matter at hand.
i mentioned about my Gentleman.and how i was excited by that.i thought that this time it would turn out good.and yes it did at first.but after engaging with him for quite a few days now, i feel that maybe i have mistaken my own sentiment.i actually feel that he is a lost cause.
i thought that by being close will erase the gaps. but then it widen.
suddenly i feel that he was not the person i met and liked.he is so different.i cant remember why i was smitten at the first place.i cant remember why i liked him.i dont even know why i ever feel the way i feel.he is so different and i dont know him all that much anymore.
but then again, probably he has been that way all this time.and again, people change.why should i expected that they be the same anyway. i changed-everybody changed, so why should i make an exception when it concerns him?actually.i can live with that.
so i guess, it is easier for me to walk away for good.knowing that now i can call him a friend.a real friend.no more no less.
that's the end of this chapter.period.