Indeed

I know im being unkind and being hard on myself and being extra hard on other people. Looking back at yesterday, it was as much my fault as it is for everybody else involved.

I shouldnt have started with the first step.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me that the defect is in my thinking.

And the result was the suffering and heartbreak that i felt.i brought it onto myself.

The moral value is, i got the chance to learn about the defect first-hand.And it makes my experience a very unique one.

i believe that whatever happens in our life is determined by what we do in everyday life. So, if u feel that life is unfair..ask yourself..was there something that you did, which invite those unfairness?
Andrew Matthews stated in his book:Dont ever think that your surrounding doesnt affect you.

Our surrounding will always has an influence to the way we think or act, but we decided whether to react or respond..

i understand that, things are beyond repair,even if i managed to retain some, nothing would ever be the same again. Everything has lost its sacredness. I cant possibly change other people. The best thing i can do is to mind my own business. and keep the rest at bay..for the moment.to tell the truth, i cant afford to be kind to anyone right now. Because i dont have enough kindness for myself.

Im glad that finally i come to the point where my mind is not raging with swear words.Im glad that my condition improved.im made of flesh and blood.it is only natural that i reacted to something that is hurtful to me.

Heartache and human misdeed are part and parcel of life.What a bitter experience compared to a lifetime full of blessing from God?all these while, i get all the best things life can offer, i guess it is not for me to complaint about one bad experience...

It was a good lesson indeed.