Thought

Today was good.

i was late again this morning, my momentum was pulled backward because usually i stayed up quite late at night to finish marking. sometimes, i slept so late at night because i had trouble concentrating, and had to stop once in a while.But i like the satisfaction of actually finishing the works. My friend is on leave and wont be back until Monday, so i have a good reason to stay away from the office and finish my marking at the meeting room. i love the meeting room, mainly because it allows me to concentrate on what im doing. i dont see anybody and dont hear any sound. currently, im highly sensitive to my background that it can easily distract me.

my emotion is still all over the places.But i can handle it now. Before, i was in total emotional wreck. Infact, these few days i was still crying like mad for nothing. i realize now that there is no use crying over a lost cause.i was tired with all the turmoils. i hate him and im miserable.i hate her and im miserable. so what's the point? I am praying to Allah to guide me throughout and beyond the storm..i prayed hard for the strenght to be.

i noticed twice today..him and her..i choose to ignore that.i understand why he was badmouthing her in front of other people.Because he wanted people to hate her, so he can be her knight in shining armour.Pretending to support her all the way.Do you seriously think that people wont know?Truly, he lived down to my expection..Pity her, but if only she didnt go along with him and betrayed me with what she do..i would still want to be her friend.Now, i couldnt. Not because i have other friend..but i really cant and wont accept betrayal.Just call me egoist, i wont mind. I have been quite a good girl all these while, and look at the mess people throw at me!So, i preferred it to be this way. Im protecting myself from further damage.

Cant i at least be civil about it? Not at the moment.

Looking at how things turn out, i cant help but reflect on it. i prayed that Allah will make this bearable for me, and show me the best way to act and think.and i cried so much because there were times, when i just cant stand the pressure.And when i look around, I knew that Allah the almighty is Just.He shows His love at every turn.i never pray for people to suffer. Prayer is a sacred connection between a man and his Creator-The best way for you to ask for betterment and improvemnet for your life.not using it up to condemn other people. i was focusing so much on the negatives, i didnt realize that my life is doing fine.infact lots of positive energy everywhere.

Indeed, when you find a good thing in your life and you dont know how to appreciate it, then it is a serious lost. My friend said, what you give, you will get back..things that goes around, will definitely be coming around to you. So, if i dont quit, or cheat or run home...Cliche,but cliche is predictable.cliche is solid ground of reason at least.

I just need a little more time to completely clear a corner in my head..not to mention my heart.