Second Chance

Day 13, Ramadhan Kareem.

i have been managing my business quite well despite the busy-ness. I was able to provide notes for my classes, and was able to come up, all of a sudden, with games to finish off a two hour class. Alhamdulillah, the barakah of Ramadhan. Allah who made easy all my endeavours. He who inspires ideas into His Servant's mind. I'm so thankful for the realisation. Alhamdulillah ya Rabb. He who made light the burden of responsibility.

SECOND CHANCE-some people is worth the second chance.

A contact with a long lost contact, who in the past, used to bully me into following her whim and fancy. A person, who has a strong mind of her own, and practically undefeatable. So, i was angry with her, so i distanced myself. Knowing how easy she could persuade me into doing anything she wanted, i avoided her. Because i didn't like her bossy attitude. And because, she seemed to always have this idea in her head that it was easy to pushed me around and took advantage of me. Until 1 incident, where i was really mad and decided to be frank about it. my feeling and how she had hurt me. Learning from another experience previously, from another person, i decided to take my stand. and i was right about taking my stand. at least,  she stopped trying to hassle me with herself and what she thought best for other people. and i also found it in my heart to forgive her, and let the past be bygone. Only to remember, next time to be very careful of people's intention.

and there's this one guy who, at a time, seemed to be a real good friend to be with. And then something happened that regretfully changed the whole meaning of the friendship. I never knew whether he was really a friend to me, or if he was just using my presence to fill in empty spaces, while he was waiting for someone better. Which i realised not long after that: was never me. Oh, i was so broken hearted, i felt cheated, i felt played on, my confidence dropped, i was very sad and depressed. He never did feel anything for me. So, i moved on, which mean many teary nights and days-but i have to be strong. I didn't want to be someone's secret life. But, i also found it in my heart that i would like to forgive him. For whatever it is that didn't turn out right. For every pain that i ever feel. I wanted to be happy, i hope he also find it in his heart to forgive me.

There is just one person that i couldn't bring myself to forgive. Everytime i remembered her, all the humiliation, the pain, the friends i lost, the things she did that i never did to her, there's a smell of fresh blood to my wounded pride. Only the love of people who care for me that keeps me going strong. I wake up everyday with things i didnt  know, and things i have to accept because nobody ever did give me the chance to explain myself. i am still wondering, of all the friendship, how can she?Ya Allah i still couldn't bring myself to forgive, but i surrender myself and mt hope to you Ya Allah. Hopefully in time, i would find it in my heart to forgive her.



Astaghfirullahal 'azim Ya Allah. I've sinned..