When abundance is too much

I hate being alone because my thought has the habit of wandering around, so much so that it makes me cry.

But i also hate the crowd because there are too much clutters, and i cant stand high volume.

i hate it when i have nothing to do because i would tune inside my head, and started digging things that should be left buried, and i would hate myself so much so that, again, it makes me cry.

i hate it when all i have is abundant of times at disposal because, when it's too much, it becomes suffocating.

i hate when i have many things to do, but cant bring myself to do it all. it makes me desperate and cry again.

i hate it when i cook, it tastes like hell. i couldn't enjoy it as much as i want to, it makes me cry.

i wish i could say that i am not affected by anything. i wish i can just be cold-blooded and put up a cold countenance. i wish i can just assume a couldn't care less attitude. i wish i could erase bad memories. i wish...

I'm only human, with human weaknesses. perhaps, the weakest of all. But I'm not cold-blooded.