My good friend has been asking me about seemingly new "best friend" lately. naturally, people would because i was never close to this particular person before. BUT, it doesn't mean that just because i joined her for breakfast once in awhile, OR i commented a little too much on her FB or her on my FB, we are suddenly the best of friend. We were there sharing stories and thought..That's all there is to it.
I have no problem befriending anyone. But experience taught me to be extra careful. Experience said that, well while we are being nice to people, we have to be able to differentiate which nice is "personal" or "impersonal". So, i'm building a defense mechanism to protect my fragile self. I can't afford to get hurt again. To have my self-respect torn apart again. One time is all i need! So, my approach is not to give too much of myself, less they find an excuse to flung it against me, like always....What a queer way of seeing things. But human is a queer object, paradoxically predictable.Plus, i don't wanna get caught up in other people's mess. i decide what i want.Period.
we learn everyday from people around us. And i don't want to get close to people for my own selfish interest.Because i do realise that i have one or two. So i better play it coy before i regretted anything that might happened, or better still before i get into a complicated situation that i can't get out from.
But mostly, im afraid of my own ghost. I am afraid that i might find a reason to not be grateful for my life. I am afraid that the sweetness is a poison itself.
That should explain my coldness..and yes.i'm prejudice.
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