Direction

i was planning to write this entry in Malay, but after a few attempt, i decided to write it according to the language in my mind. In hope that my ideas would crystallized without me grasping for words.

i have been reading a lot of books these lately. over-dependence to tech is never my style. So, as a means to while away the time, i bring at least one book in my bag and settled in my station with it. also as a means to shut noises and nuisance in my surrounding in the office. i love the quiet life i am leading. No question about that.

Direction. where could my life possibly heading at the moment? the answer is:Everywhere-all in the right directions, i pray.

Somehow, my good friend inspired a sense of direction for me.

He fell in love with an unlikely person. Unlikely being the operative word because, previously he was all around chasing a hot shot girl. But something about this hot shot girl turned him off. he was down for an entire month, i could tell that he liked this hot shot pretty much. However, things move around for him in a good way. he got new responsibility,and he was able to come to term with his disappointment. To simplify the story,in the least expected moment, he met with this rather ordinary girl, started to befriend her, and the rest was history.He fell head over heal for her!

This girl was way older than him, and according to my good friend too old fashioned for his liking. But, there's something about her that he like:her maturity, her approach to relationship and also because she is a very warmth and loving person.

At first in many of our conversations about her, he felt disappointed because she seemed insistence on bringing up the age difference. She seemed to ignore him most of the time. And again, he felt rejected. But as sisterly as i could, i told him that girl at our age(our age referring to those people 27 and above)are not looking for fancy relationship. We want serious one, something that meant to last. he shouldn't be discouraged by that. At this level, he must prove that he is honest. After all, relationship is a question of trust.He should work on building that trust.

In our second conversation, he told me that thing is going steady. I can't help but feel happy for him. i like his expression when he started talking about his dreams, his wants and needs with this particular girl.i envy this girl for getting one of the good men i knew. i was thinking:can i get one too?: a guy who feel strong admiration for me, a guy who notice everything about me:good and bad-and still think that i am worth the effort, a guy who always wanted to be with me, and feel nervous every time he meet me?A guy who think that i am the direction he needs? Probably, it is too far-fetched for me.

before he met her, he was the kind of guy who didn't have much thinking about his life. Afterward, he talked to me about financial planning, about career etc. he is much more grounded, serious and mature. She taught him to be mature and organized. i like the new aspect of his personality. i like it very much. To tell the truth, previously i had always think of him as a young, immature, and fancy-ful guy who would probably skipped responsibility, having fun all the times. But now, his new personality is very appealing.

Sometimes, guys are weird. they are easily discouraged, they think that just because the girls didn't treat them they way they wanted, they thought it was rejection. It was also funny whenever a girl make an attempts to talk to a guy, he would see it as a come-on sign. but we women are complicated creatures. We would stay away from the things we want the most, and stay with those that we have no feelings for. We are very shy in nature :o). And because we are vulnerable creatures and we avoid anything that might break our heart in two.. But then again, to say "we" would be an over generalization. some girls are undeniably bolder. All of the above are my sentiments.

We have a long heart to heart chat now and then. And i pray for their happy ending.

the last time we talked, i asked him: Doesn't it feel good to have a direction in life?
It was not a question actually. It was a reflection for both of us.

i was glad he shared his story:it poured positive energy into my life.

Which reminds me of a quote in Malay(more or less,can't remember the exact one)

"Kadang-kadang kita memandang terlalu lama pada pintu yang tertutup, dan terlepas pandang pada pintu lain yang terbuka luas untuk kita"