Forgiveness

....guilt is something that I grasp on to easily. Too easily sometimes. Forgiveness may come to me however it comes in short spurts and I tend to not forget things. I also tend to feel like I somehow deserve every situation that I find myself in. Even if that means allowing people to treat me like crap.

I have in the past allowed others to convince me how I am supposed to feel about things. How I should react to things. More importantly, how I have felt about myself. I say up until recently because I have finally grown my own balls and have started standing up for myself. Finally. For the first time in a very long time, I am realizing that I don't deserve to be treated like crap. I am worthy of a bit of respect. I have a brain and my thoughts are pretty decent. I am loyal and I am loving. I don't need people in my life that are not going to treat me with the same respect that I treat them with. I don't NEED it. NEED. Today, I forgive myself for my so called needs.

I am also forgiving myself for feeling weak. I am tossing aside feelings that I have been carrying around with me FOREVER that pin me as somehow inadequate. Because, I am not. I have just sacrificed so much of myself for other people that I have forgotten that I am pretty darn amazing. I have gotten lost among the people whom I thought meant me well. I have let their problems become mine. I have felt their emotions and spread their unhappiness as my own. I have put my family on my back burner in order to help and fix and sometimes carry others. Today, I am forgiving myself for putting the rest of the world ahead of myself.

Others' burdens are not my own. Although I may want to lift someone's pain from them because I am compassionate, that doesn't mean that I have to add that pain to my load. It is ok for me to lift it from them and to toss it aside. I don't need to FIX everyone. I had to learn on my own and others need to as well. I can not take their lessons from them and blame myself for their mistakes. All this does is keep them from learning. I also can not allow them to blame me for situations that are indeed not mine. Today I forgive myself for my delusions...

(taken from Queenie's place)

This summed up my sentiment for the time being. While having lunch today, i was thinking that it would be easier to let go of things. But when reading this, i think i seriously need to do a rain check of my mindset, forgive myself and maybe then i would have the gut to really let go of any complication that bugged me...

Insyaallah Bi iznillah:o)