my life as a sensei..

huh..this week is supposed to be the most hectic time for me.i was in KL last friday to monday..i came back to KK later on monday night.the first info i got was that my supervisor will come to supervise on the following wednesday..and my lesson plan was not updated since before the break..
and when i went to the office on Tuesday, found out that audit will be on the following thursday..and i have no idea of whether my FRP is in its best condition or not!
my mind wondered around so much..in a mixture of confusion, regret and most of all tiredness.at that time,i dont think i have the energy for anything.that's why i snapped out of my coolness today when my students came in late and forgot to send in their assignment..
but to be sure..im physically and mentally exhausted. it's total miracle that i can pass two supervisions, incomplete lesson plans and the internal audit without so much as getting histerical/-though i did lose my cool a little bit-/huhu.
zara and two others of colleagues go camping somewhere in tuaran..i am planning on going back home today..insya-allah

the days after

several days after deleting the FS, i still feel some regret..if only a few.But i believe that there isnt anything about it that worth moping around. feeling of wanting to know about him, his latest progression,or just wanting to look at him is still very much there in me..but, old habit dies hard..hmm.
luckily i have my new obsession to bank on. i love teaching more and more each day.although, im not the best teacher around but, it's a challenge that cant be resist!
it's good to know that i have something to focus on..coz frankly, i dont want to mope around..

the hardest decision ever..

this is my second blog for the same day..i never done this before.but this is only to be sure of myself.i dont want to think of whether what im doing is the right thing to do.i only want to be sure of the fact that finally i have done something that i cant do before this. i deleted someone on my FS.because the person causes too much temptation, which is better be off than stay there..when we think of right and wrong, we start to rationalise things.that is what i dont want to do.. to rationalise everything and keep my mind wondering of the possibility..tired of doing that all the time..this is the time for action..
i dont want to hang on to ghosts..i want to be able to let go..let go is what i ve done just now..though i feel sad about it..

elusive emotion

im in KL- a three days and four nights trip-hardly a vacation.im here for the convocation.Finally!
but my mind is still at home..thinking about weird feeling i experienced lately.
nothing fancy actually.only i was confused over my feeling towards someone.whenever i go, i can smelled his smell, can see his smile, his face , the sight of cars like his car only makes me thrill..so, what does that tell me?there's no doubt that i like him..but im confuse on whether i 'fall' for him?dont know..
i can dismiss my feeling as nonsense but i couldnt understand why i feel different whenever he is there..let just hope this is just a passing fancy..something i experience because of the new environment.

First thing First

this is hardly my first blog. i was trying to limit my dependency on writing and be more vocal about what i feel,but at one vulnerable moment, writing still gives extreme feeling of comfort. writing gives teraphy of some sort..so u can look deeper into things and analyse meanings.the things that u can never tell anybody about, is easier to write than to talk about it.that's why writing gives so much satisfaction.
there are some aspects of my life that have changed tremendously.being a naturally reserved person, it is hard for me to tell anybody about my feeling, my observation and theories..so i think blogging is the only answer to my desire.
tHat's why i write again in a blog..hopefully this time around i wont be crazy enough to delete it!