Rambler Scrambler

Life is as busy in capital.

Starting Saturday:

last Saturday: Bengkel Pengurusan Jenazah-afterward, a squash game(friendly match between staffs and students)and then
a small birthday party for me and my friend.made honey dew pudding and sausage rolls. bought us a cake. This was a small gesture actually to be thankful for all the small things that meant a lots which happened lately.^_^

Sunday: went swimming with my friends. On the way home, had an unfortunate encounter with unfavourable people.almost ruined my mood but heck, i survived my feeling. ^_^

Monday: Preparation for the management review meeting, this and that that required immediate solution and attention. Also with scholarship, suddenly everything came in a rush. Managed to get hold of almost everything by the end of the day.

Tuesday: management review meeting. a short meeting with the director, and everything came in fast mode. No time to catch up with my thinking. Err, something/someone did make me strangely happy and proud.

Wednesday: rather calm in the morning. But by 9, everything came rushing again. So i was here and there again, trying to finish up core business, and also scholarship thingy which usually came without a single warning. At night, having a class replacement-very mentally stimulating presentations that i forgot totally about the busy-ness of the day. reached home at about 10pm.

Thursday: a repeat of Tuesday's chaos. this time around, i knew what to expect so i managed to control almost everything. i seriously need to polish my decisiveness.like SERIOUS!a good thing my mentor was there to guide all along. Suddenly, im terrified of sitting on the hot seat. Euww, the feeling was overwhelmingly terrifying. many good people that are willing to guide, thank god. Did some good samaritan act at night for a friend. Unfortunately,again an encounter with unfavourable person. This time around, i m ready with a skip-recognition button. Class again with wonderful people who presented many interesting points. ^_^

Friday: very calm indeed. I managed to settle some scholarship thingy-five to be exact(from seven) and also managed to finish keying in marks for my students, prepared quiz papers for my replacement class tomorrow and updated my FRP. Not bad, i would say..^_^. Performed a good samaritan act again in the evening, before went out with my girlfriend-who is experiencing a moral down at the moment. i can't possibly leave her to fight alone..

Saturday: Tomorrow morning, i will have a three hour Pendidikan Moral replacement class starting at 0800 hour. at 1100 hour i would be at Pusat Islam for the Smart Solat Workshop, before cruising to Dataran Pehin for our booth starting at 1300 hour-1800 hour. and then at night, i would be at Kamsis for my weekly duty.

Sunday: My day would start as early as 0700 hour-at Dataran Awam Pehin, again for the booth. No planning made on the afternoon. but any plan can happen without notice.

So that's my schedule for the week. strangely, it keeps me going strong and focus. I like FOCUS so much. I like.

Without you

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you

I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you

I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I,
Without you, without.... You!
Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're
Estrange
Without you, without you

I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here I'm paralyzed without you, without you

I can't look, I'm so blind

Lost my heart, I lost my mind without you without... You!

Oral-ing

I watched my students did their oral presentation with pride. i let them impressed me with their presentation. i set a high standard for them, blabbing about rules and rigid marking-meant it as a reverse psychology to coerce them to present their best. And it works! They don't need coercing after all. I enjoyed communicative english class because it builds up on confidence and style.It encourages them to speak. I like the transformation, the participation and the presentation in general. i hope it will be embedded in their mind- the taste of being confidence in using english as a medium to communicate. They started with telegraphic phrase, now they can answer my spontaneous questions with satisfactory answer without so much referring to their notes.


Very interesting. The same feeling i had when i watched my DAT students transformed from ZERO to HERO, so to speak.. ^____^

Sekadar melayan puitis

Mana mungkin terjadi,
mana mungkin terjadi
Terpadu cinta kita berdua
Mana mungkin ku dapat, mana mungkin kau dapat
Diriku dan dirimu menjadi satu

Kau ada yang memiliki, aku ada yang memiliki
Walau kita masih saling menyayangi
Kau disana aku di sini, satu rasa dalam hati
Namun hanya kau yang kusayangi, mungkinkah terjadi

Oh adakah mentari pagi datang menyinari diri
Katakan haruskah cinta mesti terbagi
Manakah mungkin ku dapat,
manakah mungkin kau dapat
Terpadu cinta kita berdua

Honestly, i was thinking of Pak Abu when i heard this song. All the more respect i have for him for his amazing effort in cutting me off completely from his life.
That, i understand and respect so much..sadness.

Prayers and Blessing

Betapa besarnya pengaruh doa dan keberkatan dalam hidup.

adik lelaki saya yang suka merayap dan lepak hingga tengah malam dengan kawan-kawan mendapat 8 kredit dan satu lulus dalam SPM. Alhamdulillah. Segala Pujian kepada Allah dengan hikmah sabar dan berbuat kebaikan, Dia membalasnya dengan permulaan kehidupan yang baik untuk adik lelaki saya:

# yang rajin tolong mama walaupun dia busy dengan kehidupan dia lain

# yang baik hati dan suka mendengar masalah-masalah kaum perempuan yang remeh temeh

# yang walaupun dia sedang belajar, tetap melayan "tetamu-tetamu" yg datang dengan baik
(kawan-kawan yg suka lepak dirumah hingga jauh malam)

#Yang rajin pergi solat Jumaat, puasa dan bersedekah pada hari Jumaat.(adik-adik lelaki yg lain sometimes tak pergi jika ada hal lain)

# yang tidak berkira

# yang memahami

Mengikut cerita mama saya, adik lelaki saya terus memeluk mama selepas mendapat keputusan SPM itu dengan ucapan "Terima kasih ma, berkat doa mama"

esok harinya, bila dia call saya di Office, seperti biasa-saya menangis lagi.Sangat bangga kerana dengan apa yang dilaluinya sepanjang tahun lepas itu,dengan kehidupan remaja yang aktif dan kelihatan tak berfikir tentang masa depan, ada seriusnya dia. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

Sebagai orang yang rapat dengan dia, saya rasa terkesan dengan peristiwa ini. Menyuntik semula semangat dan motivasi di dalam diri, yang sometimes tak menentu hala.

Betapalah kita selalu berfikir kearah yang negatif, padahal tuhan selalu menunjukkan yang positif dan baik-baik dalam setiap kejadian. Betapalah kita selalu merasa tak berdaya, padahal sekiranya kita beristiqomah dalam melakukan kebaikan, Allah memberi ganjaran yang setimpal.

Semangat saya melalui hari-hari yang datang dan pergi. walaupun ada kata-kata dan perlakuan sinis mula kelihatan, tak mengapalah. Allah Maha Memahami, Maha Mendengar dan Maha Mengetahui akan segala sesuatu. Tak perlulah memberi jawapan yang bersifat duniawi. yang penting, kehidupan ini dipenuhi dengan restu Ibubapa, dan berada dalam keredhaan Allah, cukuplah. hal-hal lain akan terjaga dengan sendirinya.

Berusaha lagi untuk do good, not only for yourself, but for the goodness itself and for Allah's rewards.

Tapi sebenarnya inilah berkat doa ibu. InsyaAllah, berkat kehidupan didunia dan akhirat. Murah rezeki.

Alhamdulillah, Ya Rabbi.

Crying a river

i cried today. Not out of sadness but of instance feeling of missing someone.

My former boss had moved to another place last year. That is a tremendous lost for me. Of guidance, of support and of fatherly love. he is one of the people that i find exceptionally attached to because i admired him, his style and his personality. everything is very appealing. He inspired deep sense of discipline and attitude, and im glad i met someome like him, for he contributed to what i am today.

So, on his birthday, i wrote on his wall in FB. wishing what i feel was adequate and showing that i still remembered him a lot. there were times that i even think about what he would do if he was in my place. Sufficed to say, that i admired him so much.

When he reply my comment on his wall, suddenly i have this heavy feeling and started to be teary. so, i cried in the office!the mood..i brought it through out the day.
So when i went home in the afternoon, on the pretext of looking for my missing pendrive(which is true)-i cried nonstop..everywhere in the house, in the bathroom, during solat-totally unstoppable.

"Sebak" i believe that's the word.

i couldn't explain why i cried so much but when i remember him, all of a sudden i feel like crying.

and yes, im still crying(at this point).

Slam Poetry Movement

A slam poetry movement is simply a poetry competition in which poets perform original work alone or in teams before an audience, which serves as judge. The work is judged as much on the manner and enthusiasm of its performance as its content or style, and many slam poems are not intended to be read silently from the page. (poet.org)

That is why it gets my interest in the first place. Every performance has a sense of finality. Although it is not accepted academically as the way poetry should be presented because it is quite controversial in terms of the aspects touched, which are ranging generally from all aspects. The challenge to perform, the style of presenting, and more so the content. It is very engaging especially if one is able to balance the enthusiasm in presenting it and the content.

i first came to know about this slam movement last year when a friend of mine uploaded a link on Facebook, a guy named Taylor Mali. For someone who is familiar with the linguistic aspect, i found that his style and his poem is very interesting, witty, creative, mostly a good observation on general theme concerning the commnunity, laced with incorrigible sense of humour and very intellectual indeed. though it would be hard to digest (maybe) to those who have limited understanding of the language or limited schemata on culture would find it terribly offensive. i found it cool. mostly because of his language use and of course his style of performing.
i mean who would dare to be standing in the highlight, where the audience is the judge talking about something which requires lots of creativity and courage except the exceptional? that is another thing i love about it. The confidence and the spontaneity presented in every situation. it inspires so much confidence!

And then again, without the content the poetry wouldnt be as beautiful as it intended to be. Therefore, i also would like to praise him for so many wonderful poetry and poem recitation today.

Something beautiful to keep in mind..^_^

Everyone else is not ME

Sometimes, it becomes tiring to always be the responsible one. Especially when you give, and everyone else only takes.It's so tiring to be the dependable one. Then everyone else can afford to be less dependable and less responsible. It's so tiring to always be the best of yourself when everyone else thinks that it is for granted.I'm so tired of being the nice girl. That way people think that they can afford to be bad and hurtful as long as you are not. it's so tiring to be the think tank for other people when they are obviously doing nothing to contribute.sometimes it's just too much to expect.

yet, i've always been that. and i don't know how to be anything less.

The doorstep of summer

i love the sun!the breezy feeling that comes with it. it reminded me of what my cousin and i termed as "the summer holiday"-referring to the time when we had the short semester break in university time-all the international students went back to their country for a 3 month holiday. always was our favourite time during university. The same shining and bright sun. the different is: now i could never have a 3 month long holiday. what an exchange for the working life. yet, it gets me in the mood, and i kinda love Mukah for the sun. In my hometown, the sun doesn't have the same intensity and brightness. Either way, i love both.^_^

It inspired so much creative energy. Although, sometimes it's hard to differentiate between creativity and desperation, but the ideas keep me going.I have to smile for the fine line between creativity and desperation. Now i realised how much it made sense.^_^

shying away

For the first time in my life, i feel like an idiot who knows nothing. The first time ever, im not sure of what i can do. i feel suffocated in my own inability to finish a work according to my timeline.stressful and tensed.

The first thing i would do after the big management review workshop is to quit one of the posts i have. Enough for now. i need some times to take care of my core business. i need some times to rejuvenate.

im desperately losing touch with my core business.

Insya Allah

so not interested

days and weeks had passed. my mind is still very much of Pak Abu.Everything else is just a blurry vision. so not interesting.

Tye-Red

...means TIRED.i love to pronounce it as tye-red(rhymed with heard).For fun..^_^

Human is a very complicated subject. Enough said.