Wow..
i only went to two houses so far. i was not that into raya mood. it's all the same.
but i quite enjoyed it. i just didn't feel like eating. One round to my aunt's house today, i went straight home and sleep for one hour. all are the side effect of ketupat palas, rendang and tea. as if i was on drug..Tea was never my favourite for having a very bad effect on me. and glutonious rice?wow, they sent me straight to bed.
The snapshots?sad.
Im working on my raya project for the benefit of my social network and i was disappointed.to say the least. i grew impatient of the photos taken. all were caused by the lense of the digital cam..Oh, it dampened my creative energy. i resorted to using my older Nikon cam, which was as good as my Fuji. but, i have to have ready supply of batteries. again, that dampened my spirit. the lense of my Fuji was slightly problematic because of some people's careless handling.I hate to say anything about it, but at a time like this, it got into my head pretty badly.annoyed would be an understatement. that's what i get for being kind. Trouble!
today is already tuesday. How i wish i could prolong my leave. But life has to continue, and so i have to bear with it. I wish for many things but right now, i just have to learn to manage. I hate Sunday by the way.like hate,hate,hate,hate,hate!
To be honest, i just dont have the heart for everything. im not here to satisfy my peers. i was never a feeder for people ideas of idealistic person.That's why, probably, it is easy to hurt me just by going with the crowd, i would hate anyone for that.Really hate.
That's what time alone do to you. You evaluate your situation, evaluate your strength and weakness, look at how people respond-whether it measure up to their own hyped values,and whether you respond accordingly to the situation.I learn to grow up everyday. and growing up is never an option for me. i was trained like that. and when you start applying what you learn, then some of the things become a lost cause. have to let go for your own betterment.
there are so many things that i could say but, it is true that, some of the things are better left unsaid.
But no matter what i said to calm myself,i still feel surging anger in my heart. For all the wrong reasons.
Aug 30, 2011
A perfect occasion
The eid finally.
Indeed a happy occasion for a muslim. Indeed happier for me. for being able to take the challenge to improve oneself religiously. For being given the opportunity to come as far as the eid for this year. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.
Nothing else to ramble on.
i am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate and appreciate it with my family. the craziest bunch but the most comforting circle ever.
Thank you ya Allah.
I pray ya Allah that with your loving grace and blessing , life would turns out better, i would be able to better myself that would benefit everyone around me.
Ya allah, i pray for the strength to execute my responsibility the best i can to people who matter, and to those that you have thrown into my care.
i pray for the justice to fulfil my duty to you and to those that you have shown for me to be responsible for.
Ya Allah. Ya Rabbi
Tawakaltu 'ala Allah
Indeed a happy occasion for a muslim. Indeed happier for me. for being able to take the challenge to improve oneself religiously. For being given the opportunity to come as far as the eid for this year. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah.
Nothing else to ramble on.
i am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate and appreciate it with my family. the craziest bunch but the most comforting circle ever.
Thank you ya Allah.
I pray ya Allah that with your loving grace and blessing , life would turns out better, i would be able to better myself that would benefit everyone around me.
Ya allah, i pray for the strength to execute my responsibility the best i can to people who matter, and to those that you have thrown into my care.
i pray for the justice to fulfil my duty to you and to those that you have shown for me to be responsible for.
Ya Allah. Ya Rabbi
Tawakaltu 'ala Allah
Aug 25, 2011
What's for tomorrow?
what a long day tomorrow would be. What a long wait.
i couldn't even think about going shopping.i can only think of reaching home, meeting my baby brother. I hate the hassle to buy baju raya and all. i don't care if it's not for my promise with my brothers to go shopping on saturday.
Raya is a special day. but knowing how it would usually be for my family, well....
But it is just something that i have to go through. i don't want to be such a killjoy. I want it to be a happy occasion for everyone.
Ya Allah, only you know. Only you know.
i couldn't even think about going shopping.i can only think of reaching home, meeting my baby brother. I hate the hassle to buy baju raya and all. i don't care if it's not for my promise with my brothers to go shopping on saturday.
Raya is a special day. but knowing how it would usually be for my family, well....
But it is just something that i have to go through. i don't want to be such a killjoy. I want it to be a happy occasion for everyone.
Ya Allah, only you know. Only you know.
Aug 24, 2011
Attitude matter..Or Attitude matters(verb)
An Asshat who has nothing better to do!...As much as i want to smacked her mouth till it bleeds, i prefer to do some damage control first.
Obviously, some fellow colleagues have issues with me because of this Asshat's running mouth. Obviously, she doesn't have any limit when it comes to badmouthing other people.But enough of Asshating her. I pray that she has a long life ahead, so that she could really find a match for what she has done to some other innocent people.
So, this colleagues of mine asked me about something i have said in the past about not liking her, about not liking her husband and about not liking something else about other people. THAT, in the first place fuels my despise of this unthinking Asshat who think she is smart enough to blab around like this.
So i explain to her the best i can. I was so very sorry to be caught in this embarrasing storyline. I was sorry that all these while, while i was busy with my couldn't care less attitude other people are obviously taking advantage of my stand. I was so sorry that some other innocent people get involve in the Asshat's hate-campaign.
After my apology to them, i can't help but thinking to bring this over to the people up there. This is obviously a slander, and i could apply for libel if i want. She is messing with my professional well being, putting my self respect at stakes, and endangering my social circle. I called my cousin about it, and if things got serious, i should and could consider legal action. What You said will be said against you.
i am bored of this childish game! Bored and Tired! She keeps on pointing that I have problem with myself. Yeah, right. You're the perfect bitch, aren't you? The best i would say.
Silly me for thinking that i could count on the lost friendship for a little bit of respect. You doesn't deserve any respect at all. At least after the incident with my boss, i have started to LOST all my respect for you. Silly me, for misjudging your character.
But, Sebagai orang yang beragama, hanya kepadaNya lah tempat kita mengadu. Biarlah kita balikkan segala urusan duniawi ini kepada Dia. Biarlah Dia yang selayaknya mengadili.
Aug 21, 2011
Gratitude
Half past one in the morning! and i couldn't sleep.
Nothing critical. My condition is due to my overdosing my afternoon nap-which obviously can't be called a nap..:D
One week before the break for hari raya. I can't wait to be home.Several plans are already up for execution..going shopping with my brothers,buying all the firecrackers, the theme colours for raya, the iftar before hari raya:everything is well planned. We do this everytime-so much fun to do with people i love:D
With audit that threatened to bog me down, and everyone who has serious problem with himself/herself:i would like to especially highlight the two things that made me thankful beyond description.
Let's not pretend that everything is okay for me. Obviously it's not. It turned out that it is worst than i first imagined. So, on Thursday morning, my boss called me-pointing out about some odds in my FRP. some parts of my FRP were marked Tidak Lengkap and was happily signed off by a person whom complained to the boss that she had already "talked" to me about that many times-and still i do the same mistakes.The funny thing was:she never did talk to me in a professional way. Yes, she did bitch about it to anyone that wanted to listen to her. at first, i was shocked but nevertheless managed to explain what actually happened to my superior.in a very objective way(amazingly). This was the third times i changed my check list;each with different mistakes from the first. She is ridiculous!Before this i would feel bitter about an incident such as this, but now-i seriously pity her for her inability to act in a professional way. i am so thankful that my boss asked me personally about that, and point it out in the most gentleman way, that i almost cry:i was touched. Thank you boss, May Allah returns the same kindness to you. I feel truly blessed by what he did. Small though it may seem:O)
Secondly, from a good friend of mine. so far, he never fail to help whenever he can. This time around what happened was: i went out to get my car tints. In my absent mindedness, i went out and forgot my purse in my office. I called my close friend:she was unable to come because of some matters. I called another person, and obviously what i asked off him was probably too much. In fact, he ended up telling almost everyone about it. Kay poh! So i called up my good friend and told him about my predicament. he came straight away and offered to lend me some money so that i could pay for my car. I was so embarrassed having to troubled him. But at the same time, i feel thankful for what he did. May Allah returns the same kindness to you.
Thank you Allah for surrounding me with people who care enough about me and willing to see past everything and help me in my times of trouble. I couldn't thanked them enough but i pray ya Allah that they get the best of what life has to offer.
I learned that there are only a few people that i could really count on in my time of distress, and are always showing an exemplary way to be a good friend to them as well.
it doesn't really matter that anyone else chooses to believe what they know nothing about Or that they are acting in a strange kind of "detachment" from me. As long as i have these good persons besides me, i could ignore other people as irrelevant.
Thank you Allah for the opportunity to see good things when i found them.
Nothing critical. My condition is due to my overdosing my afternoon nap-which obviously can't be called a nap..:D
One week before the break for hari raya. I can't wait to be home.Several plans are already up for execution..going shopping with my brothers,buying all the firecrackers, the theme colours for raya, the iftar before hari raya:everything is well planned. We do this everytime-so much fun to do with people i love:D
With audit that threatened to bog me down, and everyone who has serious problem with himself/herself:i would like to especially highlight the two things that made me thankful beyond description.
Let's not pretend that everything is okay for me. Obviously it's not. It turned out that it is worst than i first imagined. So, on Thursday morning, my boss called me-pointing out about some odds in my FRP. some parts of my FRP were marked Tidak Lengkap and was happily signed off by a person whom complained to the boss that she had already "talked" to me about that many times-and still i do the same mistakes.The funny thing was:she never did talk to me in a professional way. Yes, she did bitch about it to anyone that wanted to listen to her. at first, i was shocked but nevertheless managed to explain what actually happened to my superior.in a very objective way(amazingly). This was the third times i changed my check list;each with different mistakes from the first. She is ridiculous!Before this i would feel bitter about an incident such as this, but now-i seriously pity her for her inability to act in a professional way. i am so thankful that my boss asked me personally about that, and point it out in the most gentleman way, that i almost cry:i was touched. Thank you boss, May Allah returns the same kindness to you. I feel truly blessed by what he did. Small though it may seem:O)
Secondly, from a good friend of mine. so far, he never fail to help whenever he can. This time around what happened was: i went out to get my car tints. In my absent mindedness, i went out and forgot my purse in my office. I called my close friend:she was unable to come because of some matters. I called another person, and obviously what i asked off him was probably too much. In fact, he ended up telling almost everyone about it. Kay poh! So i called up my good friend and told him about my predicament. he came straight away and offered to lend me some money so that i could pay for my car. I was so embarrassed having to troubled him. But at the same time, i feel thankful for what he did. May Allah returns the same kindness to you.
Thank you Allah for surrounding me with people who care enough about me and willing to see past everything and help me in my times of trouble. I couldn't thanked them enough but i pray ya Allah that they get the best of what life has to offer.
I learned that there are only a few people that i could really count on in my time of distress, and are always showing an exemplary way to be a good friend to them as well.
it doesn't really matter that anyone else chooses to believe what they know nothing about Or that they are acting in a strange kind of "detachment" from me. As long as i have these good persons besides me, i could ignore other people as irrelevant.
Thank you Allah for the opportunity to see good things when i found them.
Aug 16, 2011
Audit
tomorrow would be the opening for internal audit. and i have mixed feeling about it.
Although, im better by experience, i have the tendency to overlook small matters which at a given time could be extremely stressful and time wasting.Writing at midnight could be considered as a leeway for me-to express bottled up feeling.But i like the sense of organization that comes with it.I am responsible for 2 things in general. I hope i manage to pull my act together.
Audit is a very interesting process for me.Before i get involved in JKKQ, i thought that it would be an extremely blind process designed to judge your workability and effectiveness. However, after being audited myself, i found out that it is all very practical process-nothing hanky panky. they have a list, which is taken from the procedure itself,and they assess you based on that. No myths whatsoever. as long as you follow through, there could be no problem. as usual, i like something that i could touch and see.it is a tangible process. i wonder now, why everyone made it sound as if it has no guidelines.It is an evaluation process, alright. But it doesn't judge. I would like to use my own term "it is a professional evaluation".
By mentioning the audit process in such a way, i am not trying to appear cocky. i am only stating this because i don't like the way people look at it as if it is just some blind customs that need to be followed.
To say that this week is a busy week would be an understatement. It is going to be Hectic...would mayhem be an overstatement?to be determined:o)
i would have no trouble with my other responsibility, but i would probably having trouble with the other. Judging from how things are going, i can predict one or two. i did my best to settle everything today, but judging at how things are going, i can bet that i would be called to answer questions.
Insya Allah, everything would work out ok.
La hawla walaa quwwata illa billah
Although, im better by experience, i have the tendency to overlook small matters which at a given time could be extremely stressful and time wasting.Writing at midnight could be considered as a leeway for me-to express bottled up feeling.But i like the sense of organization that comes with it.I am responsible for 2 things in general. I hope i manage to pull my act together.
Audit is a very interesting process for me.Before i get involved in JKKQ, i thought that it would be an extremely blind process designed to judge your workability and effectiveness. However, after being audited myself, i found out that it is all very practical process-nothing hanky panky. they have a list, which is taken from the procedure itself,and they assess you based on that. No myths whatsoever. as long as you follow through, there could be no problem. as usual, i like something that i could touch and see.it is a tangible process. i wonder now, why everyone made it sound as if it has no guidelines.It is an evaluation process, alright. But it doesn't judge. I would like to use my own term "it is a professional evaluation".
By mentioning the audit process in such a way, i am not trying to appear cocky. i am only stating this because i don't like the way people look at it as if it is just some blind customs that need to be followed.
To say that this week is a busy week would be an understatement. It is going to be Hectic...would mayhem be an overstatement?to be determined:o)
i would have no trouble with my other responsibility, but i would probably having trouble with the other. Judging from how things are going, i can predict one or two. i did my best to settle everything today, but judging at how things are going, i can bet that i would be called to answer questions.
Insya Allah, everything would work out ok.
La hawla walaa quwwata illa billah
Aug 15, 2011
Back to Basic
Ramadhan, Day 15th.
What a wonderful feeling, Ya Allah.
It is going to be a busy week this week. with all the auditing processes and students' evaluation coming in. I have decided to take it all in a good spirit. Last week, i was feeling quite stressful with anything that didn't turn out right. But on the second thought, it was nothing difficult. Just need to focus a little bit and perseverence.
i would like to write my days in bullet point. It is easier and more organized.
*i am done with FRP. just need a little bit of adjustment on one of my RMs.
*i have sorted out and put the Q's file neatly. I'm hoping that it will get good result during the audit.
*i am preparing my notes for my students.i feel more zestful than usual. So, as a result, i have plenty of note for reinforcement purposes. A good thing, considering my very low self esteem at the moment.
*i have started reading again. I have not been active for a while, and now i feel glad that i have taken up my old hobby again. It is good for me because it heighten my sense of creativity.
*For a long time, i have not been able to appreciate my TV due to extreme stress and also because i couldn't focus. But, i found out that i am able to get lost in the experience,and found to my amaze: the ability to laugh it all out loud without getting emotional. this is also a good thing, because it means i am able to relax myself.
*For the first in a long time, i could simply sit in my house and soaked in my alone time, without getting restless.Also a good thing because it means that i am beginning to let go of most things that bothering me-once upon a time:o)
*i was also surprised that i can laugh easily at a friend's joke naturally.
*i have started to enjoy cooking again. started to enjoy keeping the house in order-no more lagging for hours or zooming out unnecessarily when i am alone. so it's better, isn't it?
*i still feel a tad melancholy, but i'm even more eager to move on. I have always been ardent about what i do, therefore i am trying to re-ignite my passion for life.
*my favourite quote for today: "Lost Cause-something that you have to let go because of some other important matter which is more persisting and needed at a given time.
i want to live in my usual stylish way, and i believe everybody else does. so, what's more important now is to live it the best way we know how, right?Insya Allah.
Im so blessed with many wonderful things and the wisdom to understand it.
Thank you ya Allah for another chance to see it in a positive light. Alhamdulillah.
Suddenly, im thinking of writing a book. Like always: an ambitious dreamer..:o)
What a wonderful feeling, Ya Allah.
It is going to be a busy week this week. with all the auditing processes and students' evaluation coming in. I have decided to take it all in a good spirit. Last week, i was feeling quite stressful with anything that didn't turn out right. But on the second thought, it was nothing difficult. Just need to focus a little bit and perseverence.
i would like to write my days in bullet point. It is easier and more organized.
*i am done with FRP. just need a little bit of adjustment on one of my RMs.
*i have sorted out and put the Q's file neatly. I'm hoping that it will get good result during the audit.
*i am preparing my notes for my students.i feel more zestful than usual. So, as a result, i have plenty of note for reinforcement purposes. A good thing, considering my very low self esteem at the moment.
*i have started reading again. I have not been active for a while, and now i feel glad that i have taken up my old hobby again. It is good for me because it heighten my sense of creativity.
*For a long time, i have not been able to appreciate my TV due to extreme stress and also because i couldn't focus. But, i found out that i am able to get lost in the experience,and found to my amaze: the ability to laugh it all out loud without getting emotional. this is also a good thing, because it means i am able to relax myself.
*For the first in a long time, i could simply sit in my house and soaked in my alone time, without getting restless.Also a good thing because it means that i am beginning to let go of most things that bothering me-once upon a time:o)
*i was also surprised that i can laugh easily at a friend's joke naturally.
*i have started to enjoy cooking again. started to enjoy keeping the house in order-no more lagging for hours or zooming out unnecessarily when i am alone. so it's better, isn't it?
*i still feel a tad melancholy, but i'm even more eager to move on. I have always been ardent about what i do, therefore i am trying to re-ignite my passion for life.
*my favourite quote for today: "Lost Cause-something that you have to let go because of some other important matter which is more persisting and needed at a given time.
i want to live in my usual stylish way, and i believe everybody else does. so, what's more important now is to live it the best way we know how, right?Insya Allah.
Im so blessed with many wonderful things and the wisdom to understand it.
Thank you ya Allah for another chance to see it in a positive light. Alhamdulillah.
Suddenly, im thinking of writing a book. Like always: an ambitious dreamer..:o)
Aug 12, 2011
Ramadhan Kareem
Ramadhan, day 12th.
i can feel the serenity and tranquility surrounding my mind.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me. adzan maghrib is always melancholy. my memory of ramadhan-at least most of those in the last 10 years of my life was being far away from home. So ramadhan invokes a mixture feeling of melancholy and sentimental. and it is my favourite time all year round.
Ramadhan, the month of barakah.peaceful feeling that no word can explain.
i can feel the serenity and tranquility surrounding my mind.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me. adzan maghrib is always melancholy. my memory of ramadhan-at least most of those in the last 10 years of my life was being far away from home. So ramadhan invokes a mixture feeling of melancholy and sentimental. and it is my favourite time all year round.
Ramadhan, the month of barakah.peaceful feeling that no word can explain.
Aug 4, 2011
Fajr's rambler
There are so many things in life, in which we have no control over. Even our best plan is contest-able. and it's only for Him to know what best for us.If He fated something to happen then it will.
I am glad for a chance to see my life in positive light, for the realisation that i have been doing great despite all the setbacks and heartaches.
I am glad that i have never been extremely hysterical about anything, and i have been quite calm in most situation. I am ever so glad that i never ruin anyone's life for the sake of holding my popularity if there were ever any.
I am so glad that i did not try to buy anyone's attention or affection by being a hypocrite. I am so glad that i am always me no matter how much i am hurting by some events.
I am glad that when it comes to principles, i have always stand strong.
I am stubborn, most of the times, to things that i know i am right.Although, at a given time, that was not a recommendable trait, but over times it pays well.
Ya Allah, my judgment and evaluation of myself might be shallow and self-centered, but i pray for the courage and for the wisdom to be better in my dealings. I have been very patient all these while ya Allah, but in some cases, i feel that there's a needs for me to stay away from and stop trying.
For anything that i have no control over, to you i give my complete surrender ya Allah. For only you know the wisdom and the reasons for everything.
I am glad for a chance to see my life in positive light, for the realisation that i have been doing great despite all the setbacks and heartaches.
I am glad that i have never been extremely hysterical about anything, and i have been quite calm in most situation. I am ever so glad that i never ruin anyone's life for the sake of holding my popularity if there were ever any.
I am so glad that i did not try to buy anyone's attention or affection by being a hypocrite. I am so glad that i am always me no matter how much i am hurting by some events.
I am glad that when it comes to principles, i have always stand strong.
I am stubborn, most of the times, to things that i know i am right.Although, at a given time, that was not a recommendable trait, but over times it pays well.
Ya Allah, my judgment and evaluation of myself might be shallow and self-centered, but i pray for the courage and for the wisdom to be better in my dealings. I have been very patient all these while ya Allah, but in some cases, i feel that there's a needs for me to stay away from and stop trying.
For anything that i have no control over, to you i give my complete surrender ya Allah. For only you know the wisdom and the reasons for everything.
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