Cleaning out my closet

I dont know whether this so called "cleansing" process would ever be beneficial to the country, or rather just a smokescreen used by some people to cover the "body" so to speak. People are causing more harm than good. no matter what is intention, the end doesn't justify the means. The intention, no matter how good doesn't permit bad behaviour and actions. as far as i know, all religions have similar view on this. So, don't try to use religion as the basis for you irresponsible behaviour. Not to mention, that it is common sense. After watching a video posted by my friend who joined the gathering, i cried. i felt helpless, i felt suffocated. I don't know how to react. All i see is a group of people who were there under a non realistic false sentiment, who think that this is as easy as the soap opera on TV WITHOUT thinking that what they do would create greater damage in terms of the stability of the country. Call me less patriotic, but patriotic doesnt mean you can go around causing troubles and disrespect all. Patriotic doesn't mean one has to join the rally just because someone else said that your participation will ensure that "world peace" could be established once more. What i did: a) Read articles related to the event. here's what i found: -The aim is to get people to sit together and protest against the government's attempt to build a nuclear reactor(somewhere in semenanjung) because we lacked expertise, and it would be extremely hazardous to people living in that areas(which covered up to 8 hectares of massive land)- (all the hypes about LYNAS are related to this) - Another aim is to ensure that the GE is conducted fair and just, without interference from outside party(s)/individuals. - According to Datuk S. A(the organiser), it is not meant as a political demonstration supporting any individual, and it was meant as a peace rally. -Another one is on sexual freedom (this one is referring to DSAI's case(s).) What i found baffling is: - Why they can't agree on one objective? What is the objective? Why some people say this and another say that?Why they are so many conflicting aims. They seems to be sitting together with unclear objectives VS the so-called culprit. - Is it true that this is not a personal venture exaggerated to win people sympathy and "common sense?" - Are you sure ( people who are out there yelling about telus, bersih, hak dan adil) that the rally is THE ultimate way of upholding justice in this part of the world? Do you people really know what is the meaning of the words which are so often thrown out and about. What is "hak"? what is "justice" Do you really know that or you simply go there because people said that the government is useless, and we must throw them out on the street, "merempat dan terhina? So, does that make you any better?? or any cleverer? Something my friend said made me questioned her statement. She was making this hypes about going there for the sake of her homeland, The land below the wind- for the injustice done to my people, and for all the children who go to school in a very poor ala-ala kampung and tak maju condition- She must have been living there in rabbit year. She hasn't been around so much so how can she generalise like that? i am sure she went there to prove something but certainly none of it has anything to do with the state. That i can be sure(from some personal observation) One very important thing is: not all people who joined the riot were those with clear thinking, "org yang boleh berfikir secara terpelajar"(no offense). They must have known that, in a large group of people, with different outlooks and personal agenda, anything is bound to happen. But, they do not learned from the past rally, and assumed that everything would be under control. they didn't learn at all from '98 and series of rally after that. Nobody seems to be learning anything. Everyone is busy proving that they are right. And it doesn't matter what is at stakes. To be honest, there are pros and cons to it. Saya masih tak menyokong mana-mana pihak. But, i'm all for human justice-Justice that ensures rightful people get what they "deserve", and rightful things be put in their rightful places. The kind that ensures happiness in the world and in the hereafter. The kind that(those people who claimed to be Islamic)should know. Not the "mainstream" justice Life is about answering questions. when it's time to answer ours, hopefully we could anwer it with clear conscience. Cos in the end, it is between you and Allah alone.

Si Batu Api Pengadu Domba

Seorang ketua yang cool pada saya adalah orang yang tak mudah melenting dan mampu menjadi "resourceful" sekiranya perlu. Banyak sesi pembelajaran kendiri sekarang. Kita Observe and lakukan, di samping belajar membiasakan diri dengan environment. Kita bukannya berumur 2o tahun kebawah yang semua benda harus di ajarkan dan di suruh. Ketua yang baik harus boleh bertindak tanpa mengharapkan pendapat orang lain, bertindak dengan matang dan waras sesuai dengan keperluan keadaan. DAN, paling penting berani membuat keputusan yang boleh diterima akal, tanpa dipengaruhi emosi Semalam adalah pelajaran yang bagus. Hari ini juga adalah pelajaran yang bagus betapapun saya merasa si polan ini cuba "membatu api" dan "berlagak hero". Well, to tell you the truth, what you did no matter how good the intention, hanyalah satu cubaan mencedera parahkan hubungan orang lain. Menimbulkan salah faham yang boleh dielakkan. kerana..? Yang bermasalahnya kau, tapi kau guna platform orang lain untuk tutup kejahilan diri sendiri. And I? I simply BENCI orang yang menangguk di air yang keruh.. Padahalnya, dia saja yang bermasalah. Habis satu kampung diheret. Sangat benci. Pengajaran dari insiden ini ialah: Jangan cepat melenting. Jangan cepat melenting. Jangan cepat melenting. Really, just because you are bigger in number (age), doesn't make you any wiser. MARK MY WORD. Saya sangat marah kerana si polan ini cuba-cuba menggunakan my authority to cover her damned ass-yang couldn't care less about a thing. Yang sebenarnya tidak tahu apa-apa.Some people. So moral of the story is: Tak kira apa niat kamu, sekiranya kamu menimbulkan salah faham dan cuba-cuba mencedera parahkan hubungan sesama manusia, it is not cool at all. Sebaliknya, jom kita marked dia sebagai orang yang harus dilayan secara berhati-hati pada masa akan datang.. 2nd moral of the story: i love my bosses because they are cool. (^___^)

Hellish

O Allah. Just as i thought i would be doing okay, im torn to pieces again. What is this place? Hell?

The "NO" Zone

Impulsiveness and random desire are very dangerous. They are fleeting. They make you extremely brokenhearted.

Like drug. Kicking high the first second, and crumpled the next.

I'm the new kid on the block

So many things to study and to learn.Sometimes, i don't know which one should come first. Everything comes in big chunk. I have been trying to manage and cope in between auditing and writing reports and CLASSES. I'm trying to be fair in my dealing. So as to make all balance.

These few weeks, i've learned so many things that otherwise would probably take a year or two to learn. Whatever it is that i'm doing, i try to get all the benefits i can get. Try to open my mind to new information. Try to be creative and effective all at once. certainly, there is no room for complaint.

in everything i do, i pay attention to the details, to procedure, on how people work.Some are great inspiration, some are just clueless. some asked question only to prove their own intelligence. To show off things that i don't know, and they answer their own questions in vain. -which i still find amusing.

People who talk as if they knew all, i just dont mind in a bit. They have their own excuses for being the boast.

At first, i might have felt a bit slighted-with people, with the responsibility. But heck, i would give it my best.

"im too much of a gunslinger to back off and be defeated in purpose"

Welcome to the new challenges. I'll make sure it would be a worthy pain and struggle.

Anyway, i found things today-very inspiring indeed from an Indonesian Ulama'

"Alloh lebih tau daripada kita,
segala keperluan dan yang terbaik bagi kita, tugas kita hanya luruskan niat & sempurnakan ikhtiar.

Bukankan selama ini yang terjadi pada kita banyak yang tak terfikirkan dari pada yang difikirkan ?... KH Abdullah Gymnastiar.


Yes, exactly. Luruskan niat, dan sempurnakan ikhtiar.


Another one:

"Bersiaplah,
karena semaksimal apapun kebaikan yg kita lakukan, tetap akan ada yang tak suka.

dan yang perlu kita pahami
"Bila kita terluka dan kecewa berarti kita belum ikhlas, berbuat kebaikan hanya mengharap sesuatu dari manusia"

Yes. Belajar ikhlas dalam semua perkara. Belajar untuk tolerate other people.


Another one:

Bila kita salah, lebih cepat mengakui dengan JUJUR dan siap memikul resikonya,
akan jauh lebih menentramkan daripada sibuk bela diri.

Yes, Bertanggungjawab dgn setiap perbuatan.

Insyaallah.

I always wonder

I have many questions with no answer. and i hate them very badly.

Of Responsibility and Commitment

<<>

If we look at things that we HAVE to do in our daily lives, they normally fall under one of the following 2 categories:

Responsibilities: Things you're accountable for, have to make decisions on, and simply get done.
Commitments: Pledges, undertakings to people and/or organisations.
As Productive Muslims/Muslimas, we sometimes do tend to take on board too many responsibilities and/or commitments that we find it hard to balance. Here's a quick solution to help resolve such balancing dilemmas:

For each of your responsibilities or commitments, ask yourself the following 3 questions:
Can you delete it?
Can you delegate it?
Can you defer it?

ONLY responsibilities or commitments that have "NO" as the answer to ALL 3 questions above should you keep hold off and try to get done as soon as possible. Everything else is negotiable.

InshaAllah, this insight will help you a LOT in balancing the tens of things you get involved in and you'll know what to focus your energy on as a result.

(taken from the International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) facebook page)

Noumbalan Ku Noh (I'd Already tried)

Oilaan ku kasala
muhang om mupus dika
om oilaan nu nogi
poinkuro ginawoku..
mimang ti sala ku,
moi toning kumaa dika
tu haro noh suai sanganu nu
gulu mantad doho..

Noumbalanku noh papatagak (1'd tried to banish)
Ngaran nu id suang ginawoku (your name in my heart)
nga au ku kaanu (i dont get it, i just cant.)
pointatap ika no rumikot id tinipi ku (you keep on coming/you are still in my dream)
Noumbalanku no mogidu (i'd tried to leave)
minsodu mantad id dika ( to stay away from you)
nga iri kasari (But, still...)
ika noh songulun pilangad langad ku (you are the only one that i miss)

the wording is so amazing. Older Kadazandusun songs are profound in meaning and poetic. i dont really listen to the new generation songs, for it's lacking in wording, too casual and too commercial.

What i like about this song: i like the way it was written. for a native speaker, it is so artful, and the choice of words were accurate. Even my translation in English doesn't really capture the sentiment, though the meaning is there. This song seems to be straightforward because most of the other songs would mentioned the sun, the moon, the open field, the sky, the rain and flowers(just to name some). None in this song, however it was written (should it be spoken word-soft spoken)nicely.

#this is written because=im still thinking whether to choose linguistic OR literature OR education if i were to further study?

We are serious people who take everything seriously.Drama excluded!

The problem with most people is they don't really say(in so many words) what they wanted, and ended up blaming other people for being less understanding. They dont show what they want (in so many ways) what they prefer, and suffered from being the stress of being mistakenly taken for someone they are not.

Im just glad to be able to say what i feel and do what i like so that people may make their own assumption or accepted it the way they see fit. I don't care being called insensitive or less kind. it might be disrespect to some, but it helps me go through with my life.I don't care being called "not helping", because in the first place, some people just don't know when enough is enough, thus becoming a baggage for some.

Rather than having to keep everything, and risk the sinfulness of backbiting or being hypocritical about it to others, you better come out clean, baby. We are serious people, we don't play childish games!

And why is the explanation again? So, you won't mistaken me for someone who interested in other's excuses and bullshits.

Im not. My only interest is me and no one else.Your damned unsexy ass is your bussiness.

Tomorrow?

Guess i have to get myself one of those smaller pad/pod-whatever the names for easy access.

What's need to be done tomorrow?

early in the morning-contact the MQA reps for audit materials, scheduled a unit meeting,deposit all document in the OR..make sure everything in its place.

0900 hour-Management meeting.

1430-class(if ever)

Cried in desperation today for someone' s good intention that gone wrong. Really, a grade higher, age, and power made you a snobbish know it all that requires a spanking or two.

What's in a day?

What is happening tomorrow?

# 0730 hour, letters to be amended, and forms to be submitted to PTPTN

#0930 hour, supposedly a class, but i'm having an MQA meeting with the team.can go on forever.

#1330 hour, hopefully a short break for prayer and lunch

#1630 hour, replacement class.

1930 hour, another replacement class.

I'm my own PA right now. i have to know what im doing and where.

Done for tomorrow.