Rambling about

well. there's a lot of things to ramble about.
Firstly,i am frustrated over some business with my sponsor with a so called professional but cold blooded treatment i received. and this is not the first time i've been dealing with this same person.she never change!she said that i was entitled to my claim because i didnt pick up phone when they called-and because i violated one of the term in the contract-which is totally untrue.i remembered calling this person after i submitted "by hand" my form-and they said it was flawless.and called again the following day-and they still said it was flawless!why are you saying that i did not respond to your query?which is never made? and later on they mentioned about "violation".i read the contract it said that"it can be made WITHOUT the support of..".i say..YOU READ YOUR OWN CONTRACT.Truly madam, this world is revolving around.either you are up or down.Must i say the rest?im pissed off by that kind of stupidity.what funny is that she asked other staff to talk to explain my "mistake" the second time i called.very funny.i declined their offer to settle with anything.And what i find strange was that-another one of my friend who is also from Sabah suffered the same fate..i mean are we both mistaken-or stupid-or is this just plain prejudice?!! MY GOD! to think that this whole world LIVE with civilisation!
and enough of that,i am not the kind of person who ask for handouts. kalau rezeki,it's mine.if no then so be it.a lot of energy wasted already.
today, the interview result should be out.but no sign of it in the internet yet.maybe tomorrow.Hopefully everything will be okey.after a while of sitting around doing nothing, it feel like a burden to everyone.
meeting with an old friend last sunday was not a very memorable thing to happen to me,but it relaxing. i dont know why i tell her things that i know she couldnt keep to herself..but i did.no big a deal i guess.
i have rambled enough.time to say goodbye...

pieces that dont come together

have you ever feel you've wronged a person so much that you couldnt even look at what the person did to you? i did and always have been.feeling guilty without any obvious reason.it's not a matter of what said but what is not said..the one that is between the line..i read somewhere in the paper that actually that is the symptom of pre depressed mind.you have been brought up by a surrounding that always blame you for everything...you didnt do.so the mind is trained to assume the rest.very sad.
im an avid reader of psychological books.i read about human emotion,human mind,what they do,where does the bullying came from,why some people are much more domineering than the other..basically everything that i can put my hands on..it makes me a better because i can tolerate and understand what happens around me..the bad thing is that i couldnt blame any single thing on them because i kononnya i empathised with them..so i somewhat or rather..took the blame for everything.
and it becomes real frustating when you know certain things that nobody do not seem to be aware of..for example,the shouldnt,or the dont..tiring.
anyway,i still think that reading all those books help me grow into a healtier individual than i ever could been before i read this books.

live and let die

that was a very 'eye-catcher' sort of phrase.love it.
i am still at home waiting for the good news to pop itself out from a certain place.i believe that my routine has improved tremendously this past few days.i eat well,sleep well and exercise well..it makes me feel like i have succeed and won against my deteriorating thought.yayyy..
well,not much can be said about myself right now.i have a family project at hand..which will be execute at the end of this year..insyaallah.
My new fave TV programm is The Nanny because i practically am a nanny for my baby brother..no sweat baby..just a piece of cake..;o)
but apart from the enjoyment from watching The Nanny is either you become the marriage obsessed nanny Or become the glutonious mother, Sylvia..if i spell correctly..huhu
Still some people constantly spring the question of when oh when im going to start working for good..the truth is i dont know.
it's not as if i have any say to the matter at hand.i have to wait for certain party to stop procrastinating about it..and be done with everything..why on earth should i feel guilty about it?
in the meantime,im going to enjoy being with my family..something i never did in the past six years..so i wont complain.isnt that something to be grateful about?