Rasa Hati

Just feel like ranting or writing. whatever the term is.

Rasa sangat lama tak menulis isi hati. Dan bila menulis tu, it means that i have something in my complicated mind that i dont know how tell to anyone. Bukan semua orang pun yang mendengar dan faham. Mereka ada problems sendiri.

2 minggu kebelakangan ini perasaan saya adalah seperti sampah yang disapu orang. Meaning: Sampah tak ada pilihan untuk stay ditempat ia berada. So bila orang sapu, ia akan ikut saja. No choice. I feel like i have no choice.i keep on moving. Fizikalnya bergerak tapi soulnya terhenti di tempat yang sama. Suffocating. Suddenly, many things happened and i dont know how to react / respond. Saya membahayakan diri. Hasilnya, tiga dates yang tak  menjadi, yang mana saya dah rosakkannya dengan rasa tak bersedia itu. Macam lembu yang dicucuk hidung, ikut tapi tak faham kenapa harus ikut. See, my mind is somewhere else. Saya cuba nyatakan perasaan saya berkecamuk, persekitaran saya tak faham tentang kesedihan itu. Mereka mahu saya move on sepantas kilat. Tak memikirkan hati saya terluka. then, saya jadi marah. Marah dengan rasa terpaksa. I am not rash and spontaneous. I like it cool.

Dan saya rasa peluang saya sudah terkubur disana. Biarlah masa sahaja yang menentukan jodoh tu. Saya rasa buat masa ini, saya masih memerlukan ruang. Let it happens naturally. Bila terlalu banyak sangat " bantuan orang lain" di dalamnya, it automatically turns me off.

 Jadi apa yang saya harus buat?Minta maaf kerana saya sedang bersedih? i know it will take times. I will give that time to myself.

Short notes

#Judan
Program "Kampung Angkat".
Pilihan cita-cita anak kecil biasanya dipengaruhi oleh persekitaran.  Memerhati anak-anak kecil bereaksi. Each time i found someone less taken care of, the more i am determined to make sure that my little brother wouldn't have to go through the same thing. I always have so much emotion for those children that do not appear  to be well managed.

#Feeling
My life is so simple and uncomplicated. That's how i see it. But he, with all the complexity totally removes all my familiar feelings. My comfort zone is gone. Why, i wonder. Why it's so complicated with you? You represents the chaos in my head. You are my dear chaos. yet, i dont know. it's complicated. we both are.

I stop thinking that life should be this and that a long time ago. Rather, i try to make the best out of it.

# Disappointment
I dont like being the "cover" for anything. I hate everything and everyone that lies. I dont like the feeling of being used or abused.  Do not ever abuse my friendship. Do Not. Macam orang bodoh rasa.

#Being with you feel right @ KK-in every sense of the words.
Finally. The final moment of goodbye. I believe. spending time or too much times with someone out of sadness, knowing that all would change onward. You make me feel happy and sad at the same time.You made me cry. You made me think that i would be able to live forever.with you. You made it hard to walk away. Agaknya kamu tak sedar, perbuatan kamu tu seolah-olah memberikan harapan bahawa somehow, you like me too. oh stop. Just stop right there. Dalam kepala ingat scene Aaron Kwok dalam Para Para Sakura on the way out from Cecelia Cheung 's wedding. Nangis terjelepuk.

# Everything that works out perfectly
Who would've known how much difference life could be compared to the previous years. Not much can be said out of it. Just one very distinctive point:everything works out perfectly.