Twisted in my eyes

Very twisted message. Some might find this sweet. I hate that the boy started by asking questions that signify violence. And yes this cartoon image showed accurately the nature of how boys sweet talked and silenced the rebellious tendency of the girls. Yes, girls. Their expertise are sweet talking. The girl's silence might be interpreted as softening up towards the boy. But, sometimes us girls, when we are silent, it doesn't mean that we're owned by that. We just don't know how to answer back to question like that. We want the answer to be perfect-no matter how bitchy we are, when it comes to the ops gender and emotions- everytime we try to cushioned the impact. So this image, for a grown up girl like me is provocative. Because, it suggested that, the girls are weakling at heart. So now, does it makes me a feminist? well, i proudly am.

Young girls would love this, after all it seems to be a very innocent question.

The ramble of a sleepy horsewoman

I can't sleep. even after a mug of horlick.

I'm tired but my mind can't stop thinking and thinking about so many trivial things.Help,this has to stop!

i want to sleep!

What to do tomorrow

a) emailing and gathering audit evidences for the auditor.

b) Ask about the volunteer program-which my boss selected me and two of my friends to be a part of-to the  PET

c) Call PT's officer about her mistake of sending in document to irrelevant people. Today, i managed to laugh (out of politeness) when other colleagues started "bangang-ing" the PT officer. Mistake like that happened. However, she could've save herself from such "bangang-ing" episode should she ask first. Lesson learned: don't be rash in making any decision especially when it concerned other people, or you will suffer the consequence. Nevertheless, i hate saying words like that ; such a disturbing effect to the mind.

Having said all of that, i have one more trip to Kapit next week. The Whole Week infact. but i was thinking of withdrawing because i have much more pressing matters here with my small unit. i don't want to sort of drop everything else just  to enjoy something else. i had been there, anyway. I also have officially withdrawn myself from Minggu Suai Kenal. i don't think i have the time. I was extremely busy last semester, especially in the middle until the end of semester.i was here and there. So this time, a lot smarter and wiser, i decided to let other people do it. (^___^).

What of the title: suddenly i was thinking about  Sleepy Hollow: The headless horseman. I chose the title, maybe, probably because of the word sleepy-other things are just my twisted mind speaking out of turn again.hahaha

im sleepy, after all.

*Rasa mati tanpa kamera*-quoted from Mr.Tarmizi Shukri (I feel you, Mr.Shukri..)

Mission Accomplished: Bucket's list no.1

Here is the first accomplishment of my bucket's list...Climb a Mountain..Yeayyy!!!!!

What you need for mountain climbing:
a) Mental & physical preparation
b) appropriate attire
c) First aid thingy
d) Pocket knife, torch light, gloves
e) food- chocolate, isotonic drink, drinking water (whatever that easy to carry & can give energy)

Well, here we are...

                                                       "Abang-abang yang baik hati"

                                         "team yang highly motivated and extremely exuberant"

 Sebelum dan selepas naik (atas dan bawah) energy gembira tetap maintain.peace y'all.(^__^)

                             Atas: infront of me is my kind boss. a few times waited for me along the way.

                                               Bawah: 2 hours 30 mins that felt like forever...

Dont you think that the map is a stereotype? The mountain you drew in kindergarten?Haha. I half expected Fred Flinstone to come out from somewhere-maybe because of the rocky surface. Jokingly, of course.

Pics ini tidak menggambarkan betapa mengujakan Eksplorasi Santubong ini. Walaupun begitu, saya akan secara seriusnya berjogging sekiranya saya harus mendaki gunung lagi.hehe. It was one heck of a climb! But the satisfaction, awesome! Felt like floating because of all the endorphin.

But i officially cancelled my idea of mountain climbing during my honey moon. know what, while it is romantic, it would be too tiring and non practical, maybe?Find something better to do AZ! hahaha...

Long and Overdue

Have been busy. i wanted to update my Santubong Trip, but i dont have the pics, in the process of stealing some from my friends. maybe later. Stealing game is complicated.hehehe

Im a bit upset these lately. i have been doing loads of somebody else's fair share of works. everyone else is busy and doing that and this. The problem is their works never settled on time. Long after i've finished mine. That's terribly upsetting. That's terribly annoying. I have been doing what i feel is right for my team, and none of that mattered to them. Buat kerja sikit berkiranya banyak. Buat kerja sikit bising sebab kena buat itu ini. Hey, that's not fair. i have been doing tonnes of work as well. i teach, i do the scholarship work, the quality work, the documents. Kalau i kaki komplen, i have loads of rubbish coming out from my mouth. But, complaining drains energy and makes one tired. i rather be doing things, get it settled, than complaint about so many so called unfairness.

i have this notion of not expecting anyone to be this and that, but after sometimes it becomes really tiring and bored. Everyone is oh so..huh

Another goodbye

Another friend is moving away. Sad but a happy occasion for her. Im happy for her. So there is justice and fairness in this world.:o)

it is sad though. After moving out, it will be a new start all together. Whatever you know before would be put to test or keep in the cupboard afterward. But, better look at the positive side:o)

well, when it's time, it's time.

Random desire to ramble the titbits...

i love writing so much despite of the fact that i have nothing to write about.

Update, update.

Im going to Santubong this weekend with a group of my lecturer friends. i never in a million years ever imagined that i would climb any mountain. This would be my first. Hopefully everything goes well. we, me and my good friend had started our jogging session since saturday after postponing it several times. My ankle is a little hurt, but i guess in time it would be okay. Ironically, i have been living close to mount kinabalu almost all my life, and the first mountain i climb is mount Santubong?hahaha. Kinabalu is next on the list (probably)hahaha.

My progression has been quite slow with works. but everyday i make sure that at least i tick off one or two things from my list of to do things. i don't want to procrastinate. The more i do, the easier the works are done. i like the feeling of completing tasks. Such satisfaction. i don't really mind the piling works actually. i like the busy-ness. i like that i wake up everyday with something to take care of. Something to do. i also don't like the ideas of leaving any work (should i leave in the future) to be left abandoned. at least, those who succeed me know what to do, which direction to go. So, im trying everyday. To make me feel better actually.

Things are better ( i hope) with my friend. not 100% better, but mending probably. i'm tired of playing mind games. i'm dropping the issues here-which means in the future i would no longer be bothered if or when he is ok or not ok. i'm going to let it be normal. i don't want to read any expression, i don't to read too much into anything, don't want to side him in anything, don't want to show that i care, don't want to have anything to do with him. Just tired of being and trying to be nice. it's breaking my heart to million pieces to care too much about someone who dont understand that i do care. or understand that i care, and dont even give a damned. i'm tired of trying actually, to no good use. So, it has to stop. But my feeling remain. it is true that: he is the nicest guy i've ever known, the one person that i trust and love so much. But life has to go on.

Not much happening today. Quite many moving experience. At least, one and two humbling experience: my boss and my friend. I'll keep them in mind for safekeeping. But,you wouldn't believe how much confidence they gave me.Thank you Allah, for all the goodness of today.

Wishing again

i missed studying so much. Especially when it comes to literature class, the analysing, the discussion and all. i wish i could further study in literature-my commercial english classes, which i teach now has nothing to do with analysing at all. a little bit of discourse, psycoanalysis and sociolinguistics. But that's all. And im not being ungrateful, but sometimes, i miss those old times- the discussion especially. the presentation. i was trying to encourage my students to be more outspoken in class. But after a few sentences, i get bored. i dont see the confidence or the passion. i really love to have a sparring mate in conversation. The low level of english somewhat hampers my progression in class, because i have to be very basic in speaking. And that's tiring. That's why i have all the unnecessary presentations in my class. i'm looking for the passions. Which maybe a little too much to ask for.hmm

I'm not perfect, but that's the challenge actually. To challenge yourself in every way possible.

i longed for that environment where you can actually use the language days in and days out.i really longed for that.

Ombak Rindu

i'm bored, so im taking the advantage of free viewing on youtube and watched Ombak Rindu-the last on my lists.

I have been postponing watching the movie because i don't want to ruin my imagination and the feeling i had when i read the novel years ago. Knowing what to expect, what would be there and how, i just cant bear the traumatisation. haha. to put it in big word.

After watching it, well some of my fears didn't even materialized. the movie was upside down different from the book. a great directing, probably. I cant even remember what i read from the book. The plot was there but the way they put it into moving picture was simply amazing.i didn't cry except for some heavy feeling with loathing because of the violence. It was so horrifying to be in the situation where you are in imminent danger of being battered everytime. it was so horrifying. Nightmare of every woman, i could guarantee that. I dont like the insecurity. i dont like the secrecy. Most of all, i hate it that the happiness, if were ever any is depicted in a very horrible state. But then, probably that way, it makes us feel grateful for the simple and happy life we dont need to fight for to get.

Second of all, at first, i couldn't really agree that Maya karin was chosen for "Izzah". too mature!but now i understand why. In my opinion the character was very innocent, and melancholic and also very submissive, but yet watching Maya Karin brought Izzah into life, something struck me as very true. The character needs someone who portrayed tremendous maturity in personality. And Maya hits the notes just fine. Very fine indeed. For someone who had been bombarded with all the madness, we need someone who can actually carry out the expression in person as well as in gesture. I love what i see in her. And also, there are like tonnes of X-rated scenes: it wouldnt be an easy challenge to do when all eyes were on you. If Lisa were "Izzah", then it would be so much more awkward-non experience etc. but Maya Karin: looks convincing. i was thinking, jokingly of course, that it would be easier to do for Aaron and Maya for an obvious reason-experience.i was ashamed to state my reason, which i would leave it to one's imagination to interpret it. (being naughty ;p)

I won't deny one thing though: Aaron Aziz is just so damned manly. i always love manly guy. i like the feeling of being protected and taken care of. I love the "weight" in his personality, the way he carry himself. Mostly, i love the maturity. I have this very funny imagination: that when he hold my hand, his hand would be bigger than mine, and when he hold me in his arm or hug me, i would fit nicely in his two strong arms. This imagination is not about Aaron Aziz. this is my wishful thinking of what i want my guy to have. So funny:o)..i still prefer the traditional description of man. the strong, dependable and protective types. i dont go for metero. Well, speaking of too much info:D
But then, come to think of it, i never really care for looks. It's the personality that always turns me on. Without failing.

Ombak Rindu is a good movie to watch. it might make one feels happy or sad, but heck life is that. and after all, it was just a movie. Don't take it to the heart.

The next step before "Exit"

Time off from bloggerland. I dont want to keep posting how sore a loser i am. Loser here means-i lost something, and not "loser" as in losing. Besides, i hardly had times to think about anything when i'm home. i just enjoyed the limited times.

Long journey too from home..

I finally come to doing the thing that i have keep on postponing. I finally have the courage to do, and not wait for any magic. I finally did what i supposed to be doing a long time ago. I pray that Allah made easy my endeavour. If it fails, well at least, i've turned the last key. If not, then i have to learn to accept what's in front of me. With gratitude.Complete acceptance. And this time, i feel relieved of huge rocks. and hope that this is my last journey out of town. And i'll be around for my family onwards. InsyaAllah.

A little sadness in my heart. i don't know how to tell few good friends of mine about my current progression. i guess it should remain a secret until it becomes official. Many times i have to remind myself to be moderate in my expectation. You never know anything for sure until it materialises, right? Still, it gives me hope that everything would be in its place soon. Would be better for me. I've wasted my times already trying to figure out what's wrong with me, denying myself a chance to move on. I was busy being someone that i hoped could atone for other people's blind side. I come back with a determination and confidence to do things that i love. Before the exit. And stop being the victim of my insecurity. There.Feel Good.

i would miss some of my friends here. But, then i couldn't stay here forever. That would be a mad thing to do.

InsyaAllah.If Allah wills it, it will be.

Prayerful.