kegilaan

semakin banyak tahu tentang dia, semakin rasa dekat, semakin huru-hara pula rasa.kenapa?bila dia jauh..rasa macam dalam kegelapan..bila dia dekat..tetap rasa kepelikan itu..

The Gentleman from Porlock

See..when you go surfing the net 24/7, you will find something extraordinary..which you cant find if you sit quietly and do your job.
that is what i have found while browsing the net yesterday..hehe.someone i never expected to see and someone whom i have lost contact for almost 2 years?!! well, there are numbers,but the courage to pick the phone and call is missing.
i found my gentleman from porlock after a very long quiet and doubtful time.
so, all this while, when i have been creating accusation and entertaining my stupid thoughts about him, it seems that he's doing just fine.doing something useful and beneficial and been busy all this time.i feel struck by guilt for being cruel to him.although he didnt know..huhu
finding him again..i'll be a stranger this time.let the time do everything this time.or if..let the time heals all.
glad i found you...Dear

a dose of strength

"If we want light, we must conquer darkness. I prefer to see challenges as chances and opportunities to be more mature. I have always wanted to look on the cheerful side. Life is like a mirror if you smile upon it, it smiles back upon you, but if you frown and look doubtful on it, you will get a similar look in return"

i found this while i browse through the net for a poem written by Miss.....from Vietnam.(i forgot her name). The poem's title is "my love is like the first ray of light".it is a very melancholy poem-which made everyone cried when she read it in the World Lite class with DR.F.it was not because of the content. the language used moved everybody on that day...Sheer beauty.Instead, i found this..which i guess is ok..

i like what was written above because i believe that, whatever happened in your life is a reflection of what you do in your everyday life..it's like a mirror,reflecting the things which were put in front of it.

samalah juga bila kita menilai orang.Bila kita prejudis sebelum kenal seseorang itu, apa saja yang dia buat pun kita syak...even the good things.Tapi bila kita sentiasa bersangka baik, we found good and helpful persons in the least unexpected places and time.

what makes you different?

i dont know what makes you different-everytime i think of you-as though im on drug-i keep wanting more and more-my obsession is getting bigger and stronger.
what makes you different?what makes you different?what makes you different?
tell me so i can get over you..this time,for good.

Qaisy dan Laila

"Warkah buatmu Laila
Kendati pun teranyam rasa di penjuru hati
Runtuhan hidup tak mengizinkan kita bermimpi
Keutamaan kita teramat jauh berbeza
Sesungguhnya duniaku di sini bukan syurga"

i found this profound lines when i watched Qaisy dan Laila in TV last night. I knew about it before this but..i thought it was just another movie..
i fell in love with the film when i heard Zahid's rendition of the song in Juara Lagu in one time.and it made my heart goes out in grief when i heard him singing it..so pure,so emotional, and so full of hope and desire.
Last night, when i watched the movie again..i feel the grief of the real world.i can see the issues, the complication of life and the hope which was shattered by war and human selfishness.
How can we even dare to hope in the world that doesnt recognize anything?how can we even dare to hope for anything when what we have can be taken away anytime..without notice?

I am NOT single

huhu...the title is just a hype.im still the very 'de'single creature that i am. i am watching this story for the third time. The first time i watched it, i merely heard the story from my bro because i was busy helping my mum for the open house preparation. Second time i watched, i was with Aliff.He was not well, so i have to keep moving-so, he will feel comfortable sleeping in my arm.
and now-today-this is the third time-im accompanying my aunt watching it...i dont mind at all...i kinda like the movie.
and for the first time..i feel that Farid Kamil is a very appealing person. i like the way he act in this film..so neutral, so relax, biasa2 saja..doesnt pretend to be macho..so normal..been hurt, able to give back and compassionate at the same time..i think i have fall in love...with him.
but then, in movies people can afford to be perfect..the thing that we hardly can do in the real life..Movies allow us to be everything under the sun..hehe
my lecturer, once said that there are so many handsome guy in the silver screen that we dont have to find a real guy in the real world..just pick your choose from the lineup in the silver screen..
so true...hehehe

queer..

today, i went home feeling a little tired. Tired because i couldnt sleep soundly in the night, tired of the journey home from work, and tired seeing the house with almost everything was put everywhere. when i reached home, i was alone..
earlier today, i followed kak Qam to CIMB-UMS. While waiting for her outside the building, i saw a husband and his wife..they were walking hand in hand, the wife was pregnant..i dont know but the way she walk reminded me of "orang yang tidak bermaya"..the kind of helplessness that makes me want to walk away and run..huhu
i really feel terrified by what i see. a helplessness that makes u lost your independence to other people?!!oh, no!
The way i see it- as if the wife cant do anything without the help of her husband-the way she walk as if she couldnt walk without the help of her husband.and as if whatever she do she must ask her husband whether it's correct or not..woah,enough to make me shiver!!?the way she looked at her husband with smiling eyes full of hope..menakutkan..
my problem is that..i dont want to be in the situation where i lost my independence because i have someone to care for me..i dont like the dependency i see when i look at the wife.all i can see in the act is helplessness..
and helplessness is a weakness to me..

bitter taste in the mouth

i am superstitious.i can sense a hypocrite from far away.i know someone in my circle that is trying hard to be good.but there's no use really.dont waste your time. before u open your mouth,i knew that you dont mean what you say.. What's the point of keeping up a facade?it only makes me hate u.
just because i didnt say anything,it doesnt mean that im stupid. just because you didnt show it openly, it doesnt mean that nobody knows about it.
it really leaves a bad taste for me. which remind me of a joke..i said once that those who will get invitation to my wedding are those whom i considered as being sincere..so,if u didnt get one..lu pikirla sndiri..

Lelaki

i dont know but i have to sigh. the other gender seems to be the most difficult thing to comprehend. Sometimes they can be very nice, another time, they are the cruelest and emotionless creature.maybe it's true that they are from mars..
they are unpredictable , i dont know how to rationalise what they do. always have hidden plan..everytime, it pissed me off.i hardly have good opinion about them .they sweet talked their way to women's heart.they cheated and blackmailed.
being a cynic i couldnt help my feeling. but does being the 'miss-i-know-what-u-are-up-to' means that im safe from their endless charms?
i am not saying that girls should anti them, but it's better to be careful all the time.although some of them are real good catch, but there was never any guarantee about it.they can always change.
is it very hard just being nice to the girls in your life?is it asking too much just to show that u care?is it?does it pleased u that u make us cry so much, make us die before an actual death?
and is it comforting for you to beat us for no other reason than just because u are superior than us?
there are so many things u do that simply heartbreaking but i guess u just dont care.all that matters-u get what u want.and it is really resentful to see that some girls willingly accept that kind of treatment.and they make the guy the king in their life.

having said that, im still very much a girl who needs the manly present in my life(joke aside)-though a very feminist one-but i insist on being treated with all due respect,and bukan macam sampah sarap yang boleh di buat suka hati saja.