Out of context

i hate it when i'm bored because it means that my works will all finished before time.Leaving me in limbo state and with abundance of time to waste. i love pacing-being able to control my time and activities in a healthy and positive way.these few days, i tend to finish all my works well before time that it leaves me plenty of time to wander..i craved the busy-ness. i like my hands full and dirty..

today, i managed to finish typing up my students' group discussion lists before 1630 hour because at night, supposedly i have a meeting with the strategic planning course for hostel representatives. Since it is postponed, i didn't have anything to do tonight.
tomorrow, i planned to prepare for my MUET's class, notes and planning for the class. so basically my morning is already booked.Since i have already prepared for my moral class,so i guess something else should be done tomorrow. maybe i can try reading and finding material for my research tomorrow besides my usual scattered FBing activity.again, i love the busy-ness.

My FRP is basically done. which come to think of it...tomorrow i can print out my PKK sheet. yes, lovely plan.

seriously, i can sometimes be very boring and dull, because of all the planning and the adherence to schedule. i hate last minute changes, and love it very much when i can follow through with my plans. How conservative i can get?very conservative actually...

As long as it is smooth running, then who can blame the fire for being hot?(totally taken out of context :D)

Mr. Holmes and rationalisation

Sherlock Holmes or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is a subject of one of my presentation in intro the short story and novel in my third year. Both the character and Sir Arthur are very interesting subject for me. At that time my presentation was on industrial revolution and its relation to spirit of rationalism/scientific revolution in literature at that time. I have been an ardent fan of investigative genre for a long time. So, i chose sir Arthur's famous detective as the subject for my presentation.

Everything about Sherlock Holmes is fascinating. He is a cynic, witty, very sharp in observation, very focus, and very rational. he loves logical and scientific explanation. he believes that everything has its reason.i wondered why there were never any mention in all the stories i read about Irene Adler. Although, it is a known fact that Sherlock Holmes thinks that anything in traditional sense, marriage included, is detrimental to one's rational mind. In the book, he made it obvious that he renounced marriage.Did i missed any part about Adler?

So...my presentation was a hit at that time because i was able to relate everything-the writing, the industrial revolution,science, logic instead of traditional romanticism. One of the best presentations i did. When i watched the movie, i started to miss studying so much. i miss the presentation, the preparation, the reading and all. i miss the discovery and the flowing of ideas. i miss the creative process.i miss everything so much so, that i wish to further study.

But of course, when it comes to commercializing, one should not be surprised by any twist. it is after all, for commercial purposes.

Commercial or not, i like Adler. Not only because she happens to be Rachel McAdam, but because, it is like an honour to Sherlock Holmes the character. At least, the girl he loves is of a strong character, independent, smart, beauty is a bonus and as resourceful as he is. It would be terribly insulting if the great Mr Holmes fell for James Bond's types of girls- the anything will do types. Exactly.A match couple.

I like Adler's last line: You would miss me, Sherlock- which was answered by a confident: sadly, yes- by the man himself.

a nice treat, i would say (though i have watched this movie more than 3 times)-still loving it everytime..:o)

Kehilangan Pak Abu 2

sangat sedih...speechless..


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wonderful

It's just feel wonderful to be frank about what you actually feel.

it feels like a burden is being taken away from your shoulder.

it's a little sad that you will lose one person who once meant more than anything you could ever have again. Yet having them will only make you even sadder. When having them around feels like a handicapped to you.it's almost like a punishment.

i believe, life gets better and better every second.i don't want to hurt anyone but at a time like this, the least i could do is to try giving the priority to my own feeling.

yes, the best feeling is when you start to feel better again after you have been feeling awful for a long time.

yes.and yes, it feels wonderful.

Been cooking, Been reading, Been watching

in short lazying around at home. Feel extremely great! Looking forward to the next 2-day balance.:o)

Of cooking...
well, this is my new passion, so to say. my cooking skills have definitely improved a lot. I've tried the Malay cuisine, which is by far the most complicated. This is due to the amount of ingredients needed and its preparation time. But, it is also the most rewarding experience when what it is a success. Say, Curry?Bring it on, baby..and also my favourite asam pedas..Done it.:D. Now i am trying to improve my skills on the western. Today i tried homemade garlic bread topped with frankfurter with tomato sauce. taste just nice. tomorrow, i'll try the pineapple curry which i have put off cooking because of time constraint.i have also been putting off cooking my pancake. i think it would be great for breakfast. oh yes, im so into cooking nowadays.:o)

of reading...
i love internet. i just type a name, and i get hosts of novel to read. So many new information or facts, or simply self-help tips. I have been reading generally on health issues, and novels. I am not a fan of all the gossip's websites. im not interested to find out about who get married, who get divorced, pregnancy or lovelife. That's a matter of no importance. it's just an excuse to waste time, seriously.

Of watching..
watched tonnes of movies, and dramas online. just something to get me occupied. just so that i won't miss home so much. Or spend my times bothering other people. Great plan.i hate having to make small talks with people, so i locked myself in my castle.:D

The good news is(though the plan was originally my plan), after a little encouragement from my close friend, i'm gonna try cross-country. soon!:D though it would be a little ambitious now, but nothing is impossible.:o)

Do i miss Pak Abu today?yes, i do. but i like the space, and respect anyone who wishes for it.
"...Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back"-Robert Frost
i don't know how this poem popped into my head when i think of Pak Abu..

Long and unspeakable week

oh,it is a very long and unspeakable week. so many things to do and to catch up. it is almost as if the only thing i hear all week is my door being closed and opened again. unspeakably tired.

my cooking plan is postponed due to lack of time for preparation. i m the kind of person who need to do my cooking with lots of concentration, because i love the good result.:o)

this week, i learned to manage my impatience with my class. i try changing my style, different methods, more games, and more jokes. at the same time, i still want them to know that i don't like few things and said it to their faces in class. i still try to treat them like grown ups and at the same time lashed at them for being less than serious in class. i love to strike a balance. i love the control actually. But still, no matter what methods i tried the boys are so hard to handle, and again, it irritated me so much. What with the CNY holiday, and the mood is oh so lazy, they get on my nerves pretty easy.

On Monday, supposedly i was on duty at Kamsis. But due to unforeseen circumstance,i didn't go. So today, i have to replace it. On Tuesday and Wednesday i had a replacement class for two hours. Thursday, MUET tuition class. so i have completed a full week of night out. i really don't want to spend anymore time away but, well sometimes one have to sacrifice in line of duty.

Fortunately, all my plans for this week were smooth running, and i think that is the biggest rewards.:o)

and unfortunately,there is one thing that i need to straighten out. i have postponed it since Tuesday. But i don't want to make a rash decision, but what is the saying about "can't take No for an answer?"i'm afraid that it has already been decided, and my so-called postponement on giving answer is just a procedural thing. So, i'll try again next week. whatever my decision would be, i hope it wouldn't leave bad impression.

if i would give a rating for this week- i would say that i'm grateful for some of the twist and turn of events. I'm so thankful, dear Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Great, despite the madness(^_^)

Kehilangan Pak Abu

This entry should be a happy entry. But somehow i feel something is not right.

Pak Abu is my close friend, and so far the closest, the nicest and the most comfortable person to have around.
It's just that these lately, the friendship has lost its spark. as if there is a wall between us. Although, we still communicate with one another, but it's very uncomfortable. i can't even explain why.

i really miss the happy time we had together, the laughters, the joke and the closeness. i am trying to keep the friendship. this is one person i don't want to lost.

But somehow, i feel like i'm losing him already.

i really miss u, Pak Abu!

Life As We Know It

Relationship is a complicated thing. You get used to it, it seems to be bearable. Until one person modify the meaning for you.

I used to be a commitment phobic. and sadly after one failed attempt at a relationship, i'm even more of a phobic. i used to think that as long as you are committed to the relationship, and you both have the same objective it would work well. Love doesn't even come into my big picture. because i'm not a believer of that emotion. i don't believe in love at the first sight. Based on my observation, 80% of relationship worked because of the hardworks, compromise, commitment and your willingness to be in one. Traditionally, people got married because it was an obligation,a responsibility and because it was the right thing to do. No one ever mentioned love. Those who marry for love seemed to be always at the wrong side of the bed; maybe because the society think that people who show their feeling are not sensible. People often associated love with desire and lust.

i thought i could get away with all those traditional values until i was in the relationship which had proven to me otherwise. I thought it's okay to be in a relationship, where emotion are not intense;as long as you respect the other, well, love can come later on. But the failed relationship told me that my thinking is actually very defective. In the end,you could get in a very emotionally tangled state. What's the use of a relationship when you can't actually put your feeling in it?What's the use of a relationship when you can't actually proclaimed anything to be yours?and can you be responsible then?It sounded so half-hearted.and how bad a damage it caused.

i'd rather be in a relationship with all my heart than in a relationship where i don't actually know what i have or where i stand. As if you are in a ghost relationship, where not much can be developed.

But so far, i haven't really found one.

And if i ever were in a relationship again, let it be for real.

Hey..

well, today is a happy day.:o)
seriously happy!

Happy=better feeling=better thinking=better performance=better motivation=better appearance=more lovely smile=more fun class=more lively joke=more appetite=more calm=better sleep=better world.

whatever makes me think that i would be okay minused you?

Okay simply does not means okay without U.that's for sure...

(^_^)

Ranting and Raving

Maybe a long holiday is not effective for me, because after my long holiday, i couldn't focus, i feel tired and less motivated to work. Maybe, what i need is either a change in environment/more works. I feel so deprived of energy.i am thinking of home almost every hour, and that is hardly helping in combating my laziness. i felt this before when i was taking DPLI straight after finishing degree.less motivated and lost.This is troubling.

It doesn't help that one of my class is challenging my ability to teach and make them understand. i almost explode today because one of the students think it is funny to disregard my instruction to try using English when conversing in class. The point is, in the previous class he also did the same. He didn't try at all and that's what pissing me off. The unwillingness to try. I had been explaining to them like a subtitle. one sentence after another. Still, he didn't get it. tired. im pretty much linguistically challenged when it comes to translating one sentence after another.I mean, should i just use malay language instead of English? I can tolerate broken English, but i really despise it when people do not want to try at all, and think that it is funny. So very tiring. I knew that some people might have problem with English,but what is their problem with "trying"?

It also doesn't help that i'm having a very sensitive stomach, and barely can eat anything without having stomachache.

Oh God, what have i put myself into?

Project Kitchen

Kitchen is so much fun when you know what you are doing, and have all the ingredients for the recipes. Cooking helps to channel creative energy and helps to while away the time especially during weekend.

i was a little downhearted at first, when i didn't found what i was looking for. But as i was cooking, the great feeling came again- and made the dishes tasty to me.

i was planning on cooking steamed whole chicken with ginger and garlic source mixed with oyster sauce during the break for CNY. though, the steaming process is less complicated, the ginger sauce will be more tricky to prepare.

A food is tasty when you say it is.My idea of tastiness differed from my friends. therefore i never cook for them for fear that my taste didn't suit their advanced taste.So i let them get away with the notion that i don't know anything about cooking. Well, when it comes to girlish characteristics, everyone is trying their very best to show off best quality. :o)

The definition of tastefulness is relative. As long as it is able to capture your sense of taste, then it is tasty.

praying for divine intervention

the rain is pouring heavily outside accompanied by the wind. Sleep would be easy to come tonight.i guess.

Right now, i feel heavy with sadness.

i couldnt count how many time i cried in my prayers. endless crying and praying that everything would be fine. a conversation took place yesterday, and i suddenly realised that there's nothing i could do to try fixing other people's mind set or heart condition so to say.

i hadn't been happy for a long time until recently, and i pray for justice from the Almighty. I can't afford to lose another dear individual just because someone else think that it is sinful for me to have a life and be happy.My question is: what have i done to you that you can't rest from making me miserable?

what, my dear, is the price i have to pay so that you would be happy and stop all these?Because if the price is my life, then you had succeeded. You had longed succeeded and you knew that.

Dear God, dear God.

At least

...is not my favourite words..

as if i am forced to do something i don't like.

as if i settled for a second best.

as if i wasn't honest with what i do.

as if my effort was half hearted.

But that's the very least that i can do.

at least.

New season in the air

The day seems so long today. tomorrow i plan to go to town to buy something i can cook.I just notice that my kitchen has barely anything to munch on. nevertheless, i managed to cook fried mihun which tasted good and suddenly i have this vision of cooking something more challenging like my favourite sambal udang or mushroom soup.

i was browsing through the net today and found the term Post Holiday Blues. It explained my aversion to socialising. i am tired, impatient, quiet and boring these few days. i was afraid that my condition is due to depression...again. Thankfully, no. Once i understand my psychological condition, i am ready to go about from my shell again and enjoy the time. :D

Hmm..i also noticed that i did not have any new goal for the past two years. i was too busy trying to fulfill my 2009's goals that i didn't pay attention on having any new goal. One thing led to another and life gets a bit complicated. So i was also busy trying to adjust my footing. But Praise be to god, all in good courses, so it is a good time to start something new. so basically, i have 2 goals-:D.
Getting me excited already..(^________^)

i also noticed that some people are trying to take advantage of my misfortune last year by using my crisis to lash out their own rage.Some are downright busuk hati.No more of that, thank you.

This is a year to remain off-screen but nevertheless industrious, enthusiastic, and creative. This is a year to be prosperous and happy and positive.

It is a new season for me. New is The Operative word.Smile again, baby (^____^)