banyak sayang....

Saat kau MENYUKAI seseorang, kau
ingin memilikinya untuk keegoanmu
sendiri.

Saat kau MENYAYANGI seseorang, kau
ingin sekali membuatnya bahagia dan
bukan untuk dirimu sendiri.

Saat kau MENCINTAI seseorang, kau akan
melakukan apapun untuk kebahagiaannya
walaupun kau harus mengorbankan jiwamu.

Saat kau menyukai seseorang dan berada
disisinya maka kau akan
bertanya,"Bolehkah aku menciummu?"

Saat kau menyayangi seseorang dan
berada disisinya maka kau akan
bertanya,"Bolehkah aku memelukmu?"

Saat kau mencintai seseorang dan
berada disisinya maka kau akan
menggenggam erat tangannya...

SUKA adalah saat ia menangis, kau akan
berkata "Sudahlah, jgn menangis."

SAYANG adalah saat ia menangis dan kau
akan menangis bersamanya.

CINTA adalah saat ia menangis dan kau
akan membiarkannya menangis dibahumu
sambil berkata, "Mari kita selesaikan
masalah ini bersama-sama. "

SUKA adalah saat kau melihatnya kau
akan berkata,"Ia sangat cantik/tampan
dan menawan."

SAYANG adalah saat kau melihatnya kau
akan melihatnya dari hatimu dan bukan
matamu.

CINTA adalah saat kau melihatnya kau
akan berkata,"Buatku dia adalah
anugerah terindah yang pernah Tuhan
berikan padaku.."

Pada saat orang yang kau SUKA
menyakitimu,maka kau akan marah dan
tak mau lagi bicara padanya.

Pada saat orang yang kau SAYANG
menyakitimu,engkau akan menangis
untuknya.

Pada saat orang yang kau CINTAI
menyakitimu,kau akan berkata,"Tak apa
dia hanya tak tau apa yang dia
lakukan."

Pada saat kau suka padanya, kau akan
MEMAKSANYA untuk menyukaimu.

Pada saat kau sayang padanya, kau akan
MEMBIARKANNYA MEMILIH.

Pada saat kau cinta padanya, kau akan
selalu MENANTINYA dengan setia dan
tulus...

SUKA adalah kau akan menemaninya bila itu menguntungkan.

SAYANG adalah kau akan menemaninya di
saat dia memerlukan.

CINTA adalah kau akan menemaninya tak
perduli bagaimana pun keadaanmu.

SUKA adalah hal yang menuntut.

SAYANG adalah hal memberi dan menerima.

CINTA adalah hal yang memberi dengan rela


Banyak sangat rasa sayang untuk kamu, sehinggakan kamu membuatkan ku jadi sedih kerana rasa tak berdaya...

sob,sob...

Journey of the Heart

a short trip to Kapit. 3-hour journey by boat from the Swan City.

To be honest, kapit is a very small town with basic facilities. Those from the big city would find it ultimately boring- no entertainment whatsoever. Basic is the exact word to describe it. SugarBun is the only fastfood restaurant. It reminded me of Sri kembangan when we went out food hunting at night. Stalls with many selection of food which open daily from 5pm to 1am located at kapit Square. In the morning, there is this eating place called Gelanggang Kenyalang, which is a house of stalls (because the eating place is inside the building) where one can find all the food offered- Chinese, Malay, Iban. The specialty is the roti canai goreng-Not bad...

What is so endearing about Kapit?
The quiet and fresh environment, the open sky, the surprisingly clean town and the nature. Totally relaxing. Quite a treat to the mind actually. In the evening at about 6pm, kapit is cold, dark and gloomy. The exact feeling of being at the hillside of Ranau. The feeling of December. So refreshing. So moving. So peaceful. At once i feel at ease.

As we cruised home, i went outside the cabin-watched the green parade of vrigin jungle under the open sky: a thought crossed my mind-this is the precious thing that everybody is so eager to get rid of. For the last time taking in the scenery into my mind for safekeeping.Yes, i would love to come back again to experience the nature, especially the waterfall- lantai batu- as they called it.


Anyway, is there any chance for me to pass for Kumang Gawai?(Beauty Pageant in Iban)

Beautiful journey... (^________^)

Will power and Miracles

I dont know how i should start my entry on willpower and miracles, or what to write. Knowing that most of the times, it is more of will power rather than miracles.

Yes, Miracles do happen. It is the least expected thing that happens to you when you think everything is almost impossible. it can be an individual or thing. It can be a situation. Or it can be a simple thought. There's no telling where or how it happens, but you will know it when it does happen.

This morning i went over to meet a friend from another department. That walk i walked to that department back and forth gives me a perspective that, until now, i didn't realize or choose to be blind about. I met a few students on the way who wished me Happy Teacher's Day. It made me happy, but im not the kind who do something so that people may praise me for what i do. You know, the exact translation of You know what you are doing, and it's enough in your heart knowing that you are doing your best? i never care for praises. It doesn't define me in anyway. It is just so moving to see the fruit of what you plant blossomed into something real beautiful. As if you can really see your brand stamped on them. And that's making me proud and happy. That's magical. The Miracle is: i believe it's God's way of saying goodness is everywhere. See it, feel it. understand it. Understand it. understand it. To say the least, i don't really know what happened during my walk this morning, but good feeling seeps in, and i am grateful for that epiphany.

Of will power. What of Will Power? i always believe that whatever we do in this world is done by sheer will power. Will power to carry on. Will power to do something. will power to be. i was about to whine- i have no energy to carry on, all i have is the will power to do. But then, what is will power if not energy? The truth is, i have the will power alright, i just lacked the passion. and i used to be a real ardent and passionate girl. sometimes i wonder what happened to that positive, confident, and passionate girl? Something is eating it. and that's what i found sad. To lost your former self and be replaced with someone half your former self is sad.

But then again, i have done the best i could under my current situation. and i have nothing to feel sorry about. Everything is progressing, everything is forming into shape.And to think again, i never lost anything that's mine. Everything that is not in my life is not meant for me, and i knew it right from the start. i compromise myself so much. I compromise my standards so much. So here i am asking myself: Why i waste my precious time being depressed, stressful? Why i waste my time being insecure of my own capability? Why i waste my confident when i know pretty well what i can do and therefore feeds on other people's mean intention towards me? I dont know. I'm just a very insecure young girl i guess.

So, something has to start somewhere. i have to change my perspective, improve my self- esteem and confident. Because, if not people will take my insecurity as an incapability. So i have to try. Something has to start somewhere.

Of will power and miracle: Something has to start somewhere.

I Just need a reason to cry out loud.

I'm Stressful, and i'm sad.

Ya Allah, isn't it the right time for me to hijrah, as i couldnt contribute much here as a healthy human being anymore?

i just need one good reason to cry and purge all. So it might wash away my agony.

Before the number changes to #3

I just discovered bucket list. Bucket list is basically referring to list of things you want to do to a given period of time. So i have this idea flashing in my head long ago, but never think of it as a bucket or pail list.I just thought that these are the things that i should do sometimes, starting from now. I'm quite surprise with myself actually. i would never consider myself as an adventurous type of person. Yet, i am. I like travelling, been travelling half of my life alone without any of my family with me, and usually i survived all.

So what is my list of things to do before i turn 30?
* CROSS COUNTRY
* VISIT A FARAWAY COUNTRY (TAJ MAHAL / EUROPE)
* FIND A JOB AT HOME
* CLIMB A MOUNTAIN
* FIND A BOYFRIEND (it's not a difficult thing to do, but to find the right one...:p)


So that's my bucket list for now.

..Now i dont know how to react to my own list.DAMNED FUNNY..(^_____________^)

Yang tersembunyi

Seharian aku rasa down amat. Serba tak kena dan menerawang fikiran. Aku lawan perasaan kacau bilau itu, tak mahu mengalah kepada perasaan yang tak menentu. Ketika solat zohor rukuk di rakaat yang ketiga, tekak rasa perit dan pahit-muntah. Mujur aku sempat berdiri. jika tidak, aku terpaksa membasuh sejadah itu..setelah keadaan kembali tenang, aku buka naskhah terjemahan Al-Quran dan mulai membaca satu demi satu ayat. sehinggalah aku sampai semula pada Al-Fatihah. Rasa lega sedikit. Walaupun hati masih berat dan fikiran masih tak fokus. ku melangkah masuk ke Office, masih dengan zikrillah.Lebih baik.

Waktu Asar, seusai solat, kumohon lagi lewat doa semoga Allah mempermudahkan urusan dan memeliharaku daripada apa yang tidak ku ketahui. Kuat menghadapi sebarang cabaran dan dugaan, dan terpelihara daripada kejahatan hati dan kelemahan akalku, gangguan jin dan syaitan, dan godaan nafsu, dipelihara dari kejahatan hati manusia dan kejahatan pandangan mereka. Ya Allah, aku meminta bukanlah kerana aku tak sanggup menghadapi ujian serupa ini, kerana aku tak tahu kepada siapa harus diluahkan gundah gulana dihati. Bagaimana untuk sebaiknya menghadapi ujian berupa ini. Ya Allah, aku balikkan semua ini kepada perkiraan Mu ya Allah. Sengsara zahir dan batin hanya Engkau yang Maha Tahu. hanya Engkaulah yang Maha Membalas.

Bagaimana seharusnya aku bersikap terhadap "musuh" yang tak dikenali?

aku maafkan kamu

Aku lepaskan semua yang memberati hati dan fikiran...
Aku Maafkan Kamu, Tak Perlu Kita Bertemu Cukup Kau Tahu. Aku Maafkan Kamu, Tolong Teruskan Hidup Jangan Sebut namaku

An excited girl with exciting ideas

I have been working since last night to finish up the final result for Bengkel semakan yesterday. With the semester that is going to resume on Monday, i really don't have much time to spare. i cant seem to focus at all. Insyaallah i do the best i can to finish it up. Many things to do. What with all the things that are already piling on my desk to do. Insya allah. I woke up quite early today. went out to Perodua Service for the monthly service WITHOUT knowing that today is the Holiday for Wesak. I ended up going to the wet market, buying all the nice and shiny things there. Now i have to cook them. ..hahahaha, something to enjoy beside works. The nice thing about being home is that you can do many things all at once:the laundry, cooking and relaxing. im enjoying the comfort of home. bliss! I am looking forward for the next three weeks because im going hoooommmmmmmeeee..Oh yeah. After all the hard works and tiredness, there's nothing more precious than spending times with lovely people. Thought: why we dont call balik kampung as "going to the village", instead we call it "going home?" i'm not attempting to be funny. I am reading a book titled: At the tips of my tongue-books on the English grammar- so naturally a lot of linguistic thoughts come to mind. My project kitchen today consists of: Udang(haven't decided the method of cooking) i have sweet potato and yam (which i planned to turn into kuih keria, and i also have spinnach (which is so very tasty to cook with japanese tofu with oyster). Im salivating. oh yes, i also have banana, which reminds me of nice bubur pisang... Hey,hey, hey, watch it. hahahaha. i'm just an excited girl with lots of ideas in her head. i better walk my talk now, OR i could end up eating instant mee perisa ayam. (^________^)

Pemilik hati

Malam semalam mimpi Pak Abu dan keretanya yang menjadi buruk. Seawal Subuh masih menafsir yang tersirat di mimpi. Kali terakhir berjumpa, dia agak susut sedikit.Lebih daripada yang biasa. Sempat tanya menyelinap difikiran. namun tak berani disuarakan, bimbang dia dapat membaca rindu di hati. Jumpa si dia lagi ketika dia sedang demam. Satu tanya melintas lagi: selalu sangat dia demam tahun ini sahaja.Normal kah? Sekali lagi tak disuarakan. Tak punya keberanian. Pagi ini, seperti mempunyai aliran gelombang yang sama, tiba-tiba banyak ruang yang terbuka antara kami. Still, keberanian yang ada sudah terkubur semua. dan saya tak punya upaya untuk menghidupkan keberanian itu lagi. Momen-momen itu berlalu begitu sahaja. For FREE.huh Tak kisahlah apa pun: Namanya sentiasa meniti dalam doa, mengharapkan Allah memberikan yang terbaik untuk dia, dan menjaga dia dalam Rahmat, Rahman dan Rahim. Semoga Allah memberikan belas ehsan kepada dia, dan menjaga dia dari apa juga yang tak dapat dinilaikan oleh akal fikiran. Amin. *betapalah saya rindu dia. sangat.