it is a very meaningful 2009 for me.i experienced a lot of things that made me so happy, excited things, emotional things and sad. i learned alot, and hopefully for the next year, i will be able to apply it for the better.there are many things that spiced up my existence.physical and mental journey that had been very stimulating-whether it is sad or happy.
i would like to thank everybody for making every part of my 2009 interesting and worthy.
i would like to apologize for any wrongdoing i have done-whatever it might be.and hoping that everybody will forgive me for mine.i know i can be very emotional but thank you for being my friend.i already forgive and forget whatever it is that making me upset.i dont hold grudges.:o)
i would like to thank a particular person, whether he reads this or not..i dont know you that much.and i think that you really come from Mars..LOL
seriously, i like you.and im not sorry at all for whatever that has happened.i think you are nice, responsible, and can be a good friend if u are in the mood. but probably you need to add a little more sense of humour(u are just too quick to judge), a little more sensitive to feelings and stop feeling that you need to prove that you are worthy.because you are worthy of yourself.whatever it is you decide for your life, i wish you get the best.
i have 2 major goals for 2010.which i will update the progress from time to time.i dont want to say it.Insyaallah.
Wishing you all the best time to come, and whatever you dream of comes true.Bye for 2009.
Dec 31, 2009
Reflection
1. DUNIA INI SEMENTARA, ALLAH PENENTU SEGALANYA
Sentiasa menyedari bahawa hidup di dunia ini hanya lah sementara dan permainan sahaja. Kita hidup atas dunia ini hanya sekali, jadi kita tidak boleh mensia-siakannya dengan sesuatu yang tidak bermakna.
Ikhtiar yang disertai dengan niat yang sempurna itulah yang perlu ada. Perkara apapun yang terjadi, kita patut serahkan sepenuhnya kepada Allah Yang Maha Tahu agar menentukan yang terbaik buat kita.
Kita harus sedar betul bahawa, yang terbaik bagi kita menurut pandangan kita, belum tentu terbaik bagi kita menurut Allah Ta’ala.
Pengetahuan kita tentang diri kita atau tentang apapun amat terbatas. Sedangkan pengetahuan Allah menyeliputi segala-galanya. Sehingga betapa pun kita sangat menginginkan sesuatu, tetapi hati kita harus kita persiapkan untuk menghadapi kenyataan yang tak sesuai dengan harapan kita. Kerana mungkin itulah yang terbaik bagi kita.
Ingatlah bahawa, ALLAH itu Maha Adil lagi Bijaksana.
2. REDHA
Realiti hidup yang terjadi pada kita, kita kena terima dengan redha dan seadanya. Itulah kenyataan dan episod hidup yang harus kita jalani.
Emosional, sakit hati, tertekan, atau apa jua perkara yang membuat hati kita menjadi kecewa dan sengsara, harus kita tinggalkan. Ingatlah bahawa, samaada kita tertekan dan tidak gembira, atau kita tidak tertekan dan gembira, ia tetap begitu jadinya.
Maka adalah lebih baik kita redha dan terima apa yang berlaku dengan berlapang dada dan hati yang terbuka. Perit kita telan, manis pun kita telan. Nikmatilah pahit manis itu seadanya.
3. INGAT JANJI ALLAH
Meyakini bahawa hidup ini bagai siang dan malam yang pasti silih berganti. Tak mungkin siang terus menerus dan tak mungkin juga malam terus menerus. Pasti setiap kesenangan ada hujungnya begitulah masalah yang menimpa kita, pasti ada akhirnya. Kita harus sangat sabar menghadapinya.
Ujian yang diturunkan Allah kepada kita, pasti sudah ditetapkan dengan penuh keadilan. Tak mungkin ujian yang menimpa itu, melampaui batas kemampuan kita. Kerana Allah tak pernah menzalimi hamba-hambaNya.
Ingatlah bahawa, semua fikiran negatif dan emosi buruk kita hanya akan mempersulitkan dan menyengsarakan diri kita saja. Pujuklah h ati, agar kita tidak menekan diri sendiri. Hati dan fikiran kita dipujuk agar tetap tenang, tabah dan sabar.
Kita harus berani menghadapi mehnah masalah ujian demi ujian. Kita tak boleh lari dari kenyataan. Kerana lari nya kita itu tak akan menyelesaikan masalah. Bahkan ia sebaliknya hanya akan menambah permasalahan.
Jadi, semua yang berlaku harus kita hadapi dengan baik. Kita tak boleh menyerah mudah, kita tak boleh kalah menyerah.
Pastinya segala sesuatu itu ada akhirnya. Begitu jualah permasalahan yang kita hadapi. Seberat manapun ujian Allah pada kita, yakinlah dengan janji Allah Ta’ala : “Fa innama’al usri yusran, inna ma’al usri yusran”. Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan itu pasti ada kemudahan, dan bersama kesulitan itu pasti ada kemudahan.
Janji Allah itu pasti benar. Kerana itu, apalah guna kita menekan diri.
4. PASTI ADA HIKMAH
Semua apa yang terjadi, samaada baik atau buruk, terjadi adalah dengan izin dan kehendak Allah Ta’ala. Dan pastinya Allah tak mungkin berbuat sesuatu dengan sia-sia.
Setiap sesuatu perkara itu, pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Sepahit mana pun derita yang kita tanggung, pasti ada kebaikan yang terkandung di dalamnya jika kita terima dan hadapi dengan sabar dan redha.
Cuba kita renung dan fikirkan, kenapa Allah mentakdirkan semua ini menimpa kita. Setidak-tidaknya ia adalah sebagai peringatan atas dosa-dosa dan kelalaian yang kita telah lakukan. Atau mungkin Allah mahu naikkan darjat dan kedudukan kita di sisi Nya.
Mungkin agak sukar untuk kita sedar kesilapan dan kesalahan yang telah kita lakukan. Namun, iktibar dari setiap ujian yang menimpa sebenarnya mencerminkan amalan dan tingkah laku yang kita lakukan.
Tak usah takut atau bimbang menerima kekurangan dan kesilapan yang kita telah lakukan. Yang penting, kita mesti berazam sungguh-sungguh untuk memperbaiki kelemahan yang ada. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun dan Maha Penerima Taubat. Muhasabahlah diri, bertaubat atas dosa dan mohonlah hidayah dan kekuatan daripadaNya.
5. ALLAH SAJA PENOLONG KITA
Kita wajib meyakini bahawa, walau seluruh manusia, jin dan semua makhluk atas dunia ini bergabung untuk menolong kita sekalipun, ketetapan Allah tetap akan berlaku. Semua usaha pasti tidak akan membuahkan hasil tanpa izin Allah Ta’ala.
Hati kita mesti bulat yakin sepenuhnya bahwa hanya Allah lah satu-satunya yang dapat menolong dan memberi jalan keluar terbaik daripada sebarang perkara yang terjadi. Allah Maha Berkuasa atas segala-galanya. Dialah pemilik dan penguasa segala sesuatu. Dialah yang mengatur segala-galanya.
Maka, kita harus bermunajat dan berusaha menagih simpati daripadaNya agar menolong kita. Mengadu dan dekatilah Allah dengan membuat amalan yang disukaiNya. Pohonlah hidayah, kekuatan dan pertolongan daripadaNya. Bebaskan hati dan diri kita daripada mengharap pada makhluk dan selain daripada Allah. Tagih dan pintalah pertolongan dengan sabar dan solat. (Sila baca mengenai FALSAFAH KUCING di sini)
Ingatlah firman Allah Ta’ala yang bermaksud ;
“Barang siapa bertakwal kepada Allah, nescaya akan diberi jalan keluar dari setiap urusannya dan diberi rezeki dari arah yang tak disangka-sangka, dan barang siapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah nescaya akan dicukupi segala keperluannya.” (QS [65] : 2-3
Sentiasa menyedari bahawa hidup di dunia ini hanya lah sementara dan permainan sahaja. Kita hidup atas dunia ini hanya sekali, jadi kita tidak boleh mensia-siakannya dengan sesuatu yang tidak bermakna.
Ikhtiar yang disertai dengan niat yang sempurna itulah yang perlu ada. Perkara apapun yang terjadi, kita patut serahkan sepenuhnya kepada Allah Yang Maha Tahu agar menentukan yang terbaik buat kita.
Kita harus sedar betul bahawa, yang terbaik bagi kita menurut pandangan kita, belum tentu terbaik bagi kita menurut Allah Ta’ala.
Pengetahuan kita tentang diri kita atau tentang apapun amat terbatas. Sedangkan pengetahuan Allah menyeliputi segala-galanya. Sehingga betapa pun kita sangat menginginkan sesuatu, tetapi hati kita harus kita persiapkan untuk menghadapi kenyataan yang tak sesuai dengan harapan kita. Kerana mungkin itulah yang terbaik bagi kita.
Ingatlah bahawa, ALLAH itu Maha Adil lagi Bijaksana.
2. REDHA
Realiti hidup yang terjadi pada kita, kita kena terima dengan redha dan seadanya. Itulah kenyataan dan episod hidup yang harus kita jalani.
Emosional, sakit hati, tertekan, atau apa jua perkara yang membuat hati kita menjadi kecewa dan sengsara, harus kita tinggalkan. Ingatlah bahawa, samaada kita tertekan dan tidak gembira, atau kita tidak tertekan dan gembira, ia tetap begitu jadinya.
Maka adalah lebih baik kita redha dan terima apa yang berlaku dengan berlapang dada dan hati yang terbuka. Perit kita telan, manis pun kita telan. Nikmatilah pahit manis itu seadanya.
3. INGAT JANJI ALLAH
Meyakini bahawa hidup ini bagai siang dan malam yang pasti silih berganti. Tak mungkin siang terus menerus dan tak mungkin juga malam terus menerus. Pasti setiap kesenangan ada hujungnya begitulah masalah yang menimpa kita, pasti ada akhirnya. Kita harus sangat sabar menghadapinya.
Ujian yang diturunkan Allah kepada kita, pasti sudah ditetapkan dengan penuh keadilan. Tak mungkin ujian yang menimpa itu, melampaui batas kemampuan kita. Kerana Allah tak pernah menzalimi hamba-hambaNya.
Ingatlah bahawa, semua fikiran negatif dan emosi buruk kita hanya akan mempersulitkan dan menyengsarakan diri kita saja. Pujuklah h ati, agar kita tidak menekan diri sendiri. Hati dan fikiran kita dipujuk agar tetap tenang, tabah dan sabar.
Kita harus berani menghadapi mehnah masalah ujian demi ujian. Kita tak boleh lari dari kenyataan. Kerana lari nya kita itu tak akan menyelesaikan masalah. Bahkan ia sebaliknya hanya akan menambah permasalahan.
Jadi, semua yang berlaku harus kita hadapi dengan baik. Kita tak boleh menyerah mudah, kita tak boleh kalah menyerah.
Pastinya segala sesuatu itu ada akhirnya. Begitu jualah permasalahan yang kita hadapi. Seberat manapun ujian Allah pada kita, yakinlah dengan janji Allah Ta’ala : “Fa innama’al usri yusran, inna ma’al usri yusran”. Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan itu pasti ada kemudahan, dan bersama kesulitan itu pasti ada kemudahan.
Janji Allah itu pasti benar. Kerana itu, apalah guna kita menekan diri.
4. PASTI ADA HIKMAH
Semua apa yang terjadi, samaada baik atau buruk, terjadi adalah dengan izin dan kehendak Allah Ta’ala. Dan pastinya Allah tak mungkin berbuat sesuatu dengan sia-sia.
Setiap sesuatu perkara itu, pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Sepahit mana pun derita yang kita tanggung, pasti ada kebaikan yang terkandung di dalamnya jika kita terima dan hadapi dengan sabar dan redha.
Cuba kita renung dan fikirkan, kenapa Allah mentakdirkan semua ini menimpa kita. Setidak-tidaknya ia adalah sebagai peringatan atas dosa-dosa dan kelalaian yang kita telah lakukan. Atau mungkin Allah mahu naikkan darjat dan kedudukan kita di sisi Nya.
Mungkin agak sukar untuk kita sedar kesilapan dan kesalahan yang telah kita lakukan. Namun, iktibar dari setiap ujian yang menimpa sebenarnya mencerminkan amalan dan tingkah laku yang kita lakukan.
Tak usah takut atau bimbang menerima kekurangan dan kesilapan yang kita telah lakukan. Yang penting, kita mesti berazam sungguh-sungguh untuk memperbaiki kelemahan yang ada. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun dan Maha Penerima Taubat. Muhasabahlah diri, bertaubat atas dosa dan mohonlah hidayah dan kekuatan daripadaNya.
5. ALLAH SAJA PENOLONG KITA
Kita wajib meyakini bahawa, walau seluruh manusia, jin dan semua makhluk atas dunia ini bergabung untuk menolong kita sekalipun, ketetapan Allah tetap akan berlaku. Semua usaha pasti tidak akan membuahkan hasil tanpa izin Allah Ta’ala.
Hati kita mesti bulat yakin sepenuhnya bahwa hanya Allah lah satu-satunya yang dapat menolong dan memberi jalan keluar terbaik daripada sebarang perkara yang terjadi. Allah Maha Berkuasa atas segala-galanya. Dialah pemilik dan penguasa segala sesuatu. Dialah yang mengatur segala-galanya.
Maka, kita harus bermunajat dan berusaha menagih simpati daripadaNya agar menolong kita. Mengadu dan dekatilah Allah dengan membuat amalan yang disukaiNya. Pohonlah hidayah, kekuatan dan pertolongan daripadaNya. Bebaskan hati dan diri kita daripada mengharap pada makhluk dan selain daripada Allah. Tagih dan pintalah pertolongan dengan sabar dan solat. (Sila baca mengenai FALSAFAH KUCING di sini)
Ingatlah firman Allah Ta’ala yang bermaksud ;
“Barang siapa bertakwal kepada Allah, nescaya akan diberi jalan keluar dari setiap urusannya dan diberi rezeki dari arah yang tak disangka-sangka, dan barang siapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah nescaya akan dicukupi segala keperluannya.” (QS [65] : 2-3
Dec 28, 2009
new year, new year
just one week to go and then it's 2010.
it is quite a hectic end of year for me. Last year at this time, i was agonising over job prospect, and pretty much stay grounded at my house, watched tv and added on the kilos.Well, this time of the year, i am working. so, there is nothing to complain about rite? plus, there are many things to do at the office.and while everybody is having their break, i can concentrate doing my works. Although, it will be quite lonely but, i'll manage.
Last week. i was at home. sending off my brothers.Quite accustomed to having them here. Felt so nice to come home in the evening knowing that there are people you could talk to. one week at home, i tried as much to stay away from FB, or phone.i deliberately shut off from the world.i stayed home.and i stayed home.i dont know why, but i feel disturbed by outside contact.i came back with lots of energy and more relax mind.
i want to write about my 2009.i want it to come out meaningful. i have been writing quite a number of junks these lately.i want to write my reflection beautifully so everytime my enthusiasm starts to fade, i can read and reflect on what i really want for my new year. so, i'l have to wait until later for that.
it is quite a hectic end of year for me. Last year at this time, i was agonising over job prospect, and pretty much stay grounded at my house, watched tv and added on the kilos.Well, this time of the year, i am working. so, there is nothing to complain about rite? plus, there are many things to do at the office.and while everybody is having their break, i can concentrate doing my works. Although, it will be quite lonely but, i'll manage.
Last week. i was at home. sending off my brothers.Quite accustomed to having them here. Felt so nice to come home in the evening knowing that there are people you could talk to. one week at home, i tried as much to stay away from FB, or phone.i deliberately shut off from the world.i stayed home.and i stayed home.i dont know why, but i feel disturbed by outside contact.i came back with lots of energy and more relax mind.
i want to write about my 2009.i want it to come out meaningful. i have been writing quite a number of junks these lately.i want to write my reflection beautifully so everytime my enthusiasm starts to fade, i can read and reflect on what i really want for my new year. so, i'l have to wait until later for that.
Dec 19, 2009
committment phobic
"all your relationship have always ended up not in the way you thought it would be.Maybe it's time to ask and answer the question" says my horoscope.
"Not in the mood" says the quiz in FB.
i used to be a commitment phobic.im so blinded by what i see in everyday life-people who profess undying love but ended up creating a mess together.they can be foolishly stubborn, irritatingly patient and sometime just plain irrational.i was thinking that, if you share your life with a person only to end up lesser than you are, with no confident and always doubtful, always bitter, always trying to be meaner and meaner everytime-just for the sake of controlling the other, well no thank you.im not interested in organized mess.
i dont think i am a responsible person yet.and i dont think i can raise a child at all.given my very poor background, i dont want to ruin anybody's life with my insecurity and distrust.Given my poor background again, i dont think that, anybody can accept me and all the emotional baggage i carry. i was ashamed to let anyone near me, because i dont have the answer for anything.They deserve someone with a stable background, who can give 100 percent and not just take but cant give anything like me. Who dont run away at any sign of insecurity. i couldnt even make promise.i was scared..im that-distrustful, insecure, and reserved when it comes to relationship.All of my relationship ended because i want it to be that way.In my prayer, i always pray that they find someone better.it's not because i have no feelings but simply because, im helpless.i couldnt trust myself to go through it.i couldnt reach out and say i care.so, what i did was say "it's ok."and wish them happily ever after.and i mean it.
i read a book by Andrew matthews, and realised that i was being hard on myself. it was not my fault if anybody else ends up tearing each other apart. but somehow, i still have a little restraint about relationship.i always doubt myself.my ability to really connect at a deeper level.i used to term myself as emotionally handicapped person.simply for the fact that im unable to really connect.but im learning since then, and i have improved tremendously.
and now im still a little bit of a phobic, but im more relax about everything. no longer so bitter about it.just not ready.
i just need a little push into the right direction.or maybe i just need that someone that can make me see it from different perspective. otherwise,im not settling for lesser.the truth that i always know in my heart is, i dont want someone that's perfect for everybody.i just want someone that i cant live without.
not someone that i can live with...
"Not in the mood" says the quiz in FB.
i used to be a commitment phobic.im so blinded by what i see in everyday life-people who profess undying love but ended up creating a mess together.they can be foolishly stubborn, irritatingly patient and sometime just plain irrational.i was thinking that, if you share your life with a person only to end up lesser than you are, with no confident and always doubtful, always bitter, always trying to be meaner and meaner everytime-just for the sake of controlling the other, well no thank you.im not interested in organized mess.
i dont think i am a responsible person yet.and i dont think i can raise a child at all.given my very poor background, i dont want to ruin anybody's life with my insecurity and distrust.Given my poor background again, i dont think that, anybody can accept me and all the emotional baggage i carry. i was ashamed to let anyone near me, because i dont have the answer for anything.They deserve someone with a stable background, who can give 100 percent and not just take but cant give anything like me. Who dont run away at any sign of insecurity. i couldnt even make promise.i was scared..im that-distrustful, insecure, and reserved when it comes to relationship.All of my relationship ended because i want it to be that way.In my prayer, i always pray that they find someone better.it's not because i have no feelings but simply because, im helpless.i couldnt trust myself to go through it.i couldnt reach out and say i care.so, what i did was say "it's ok."and wish them happily ever after.and i mean it.
i read a book by Andrew matthews, and realised that i was being hard on myself. it was not my fault if anybody else ends up tearing each other apart. but somehow, i still have a little restraint about relationship.i always doubt myself.my ability to really connect at a deeper level.i used to term myself as emotionally handicapped person.simply for the fact that im unable to really connect.but im learning since then, and i have improved tremendously.
and now im still a little bit of a phobic, but im more relax about everything. no longer so bitter about it.just not ready.
i just need a little push into the right direction.or maybe i just need that someone that can make me see it from different perspective. otherwise,im not settling for lesser.the truth that i always know in my heart is, i dont want someone that's perfect for everybody.i just want someone that i cant live without.
not someone that i can live with...
Dec 17, 2009
No Reservation
whatever happens in this year, that will be my motivation...
to improve,
to make things better for myself,
to excell professionally,
to be more open to challenge,
to be stronger,
to be more organized,
to learn about responsibility,
to be more focus,
to be more forgiving,
to be more happy,
to be human,
to learn something new everyday,
and to be more passionate about everything
to believe in myself.
to have no reservation about life.
"when you learn something, the process is going to hurt you in one way or another, but that's the only way you grow"
to improve,
to make things better for myself,
to excell professionally,
to be more open to challenge,
to be stronger,
to be more organized,
to learn about responsibility,
to be more focus,
to be more forgiving,
to be more happy,
to be human,
to learn something new everyday,
and to be more passionate about everything
to believe in myself.
to have no reservation about life.
"when you learn something, the process is going to hurt you in one way or another, but that's the only way you grow"
Dec 15, 2009
the superficial value
Discussion,discussion.
This morning, on the way to the office i discussed something with my friend.
There is this one guy.a very friendly person.the first time i saw him i thought that he is friendly, and very easy going sort of person.He is nice, with all the smiley appearance and a quite important person in our institution as well. the second time i met him,he was accompanying his wife to one of the night class. it so happened that, i was the one holding the office key.and he needed to get in to take the projector for his wife's class. so we chatted and still i feel that he is a very decent, nice and friendly guy. and i was thinking that his wife is lucky to have him.By the way, he waited until the class ended with his wife.so protective and husbandly..
But sometimes before our second meeting, i heard a story about him.Before he marry his current wife, he had this one girlfriend.the wife is his girlfriend's friend.and he ended up marrying the girlfriend's friend because of language issue.It happened that his girlfriend do not speak the language spoken by his family.and his current wife does.
to discard/reject someone just because of something that can be learn such as language...why?
i can only think that probably he dont want to disappoint anybody, and he wants to get an approval from the entire family, and is it worth it?
when i started befriending my bestmate-or rather when we started getting closer, everytime he mentioned about somebody else looking at us,or when he cares so much of what everybody thinks, deep down in my heart, i feel that he has this reservation about actually and really being my friend. When he mentioned that, i feel that he probably much more prefer to have a friend that is more like him...that he dont see me as his friend at all, but just somebody to fill in some empty slots.
and yes.to think again, our life are tied to all the values we inherited from people in our life.and if it can make you feel better about everything, then you should just stick to it.
This morning, on the way to the office i discussed something with my friend.
There is this one guy.a very friendly person.the first time i saw him i thought that he is friendly, and very easy going sort of person.He is nice, with all the smiley appearance and a quite important person in our institution as well. the second time i met him,he was accompanying his wife to one of the night class. it so happened that, i was the one holding the office key.and he needed to get in to take the projector for his wife's class. so we chatted and still i feel that he is a very decent, nice and friendly guy. and i was thinking that his wife is lucky to have him.By the way, he waited until the class ended with his wife.so protective and husbandly..
But sometimes before our second meeting, i heard a story about him.Before he marry his current wife, he had this one girlfriend.the wife is his girlfriend's friend.and he ended up marrying the girlfriend's friend because of language issue.It happened that his girlfriend do not speak the language spoken by his family.and his current wife does.
to discard/reject someone just because of something that can be learn such as language...why?
i can only think that probably he dont want to disappoint anybody, and he wants to get an approval from the entire family, and is it worth it?
when i started befriending my bestmate-or rather when we started getting closer, everytime he mentioned about somebody else looking at us,or when he cares so much of what everybody thinks, deep down in my heart, i feel that he has this reservation about actually and really being my friend. When he mentioned that, i feel that he probably much more prefer to have a friend that is more like him...that he dont see me as his friend at all, but just somebody to fill in some empty slots.
and yes.to think again, our life are tied to all the values we inherited from people in our life.and if it can make you feel better about everything, then you should just stick to it.
Dec 12, 2009
just rambling
much anticipated weekend. really needs this weekend like i never need any before.i realised these lately, ive spent quite many weekends at other places than home. so,im very grateful to have the weekend just flipping through channels on TV. simple pleasure of doing nothing.
In the morning though, went out with my friends and my brothers to pasar.bought sotong because my brothers love it.i promised to cook but after doing some chores in the afternoon,and prepared tea, i changed my mind. so instead of the sotong my brothers ate spicy fried chicken . i try to do it tomorrow. hope, the taste wont disappoint them, i think they missed home.they mentioned home almost everyday.they missed my mum's cooking. my mum jokingly said that one of my brothers missed her girlfiend.so true.the way that they smsed non stop.i will be lonely after they go home. No one to talk to.No one to go home to in the evening.huh.
im a homely person.i like spending time at home.it is like a bolthole for me.my private space.my favourite resting place. well, i enjoy going out once in a while, but somehow i get bored of constantly moving around.i like my own company. but i learned something a long while ago. if you said that you are tired, then u will automatically feel tired, but if you didnt announce it, you will feel just fine. it's in the mind.
but there was a time when i feel so stressed out being alone. i can only feel gratitude when a bunch of friends asked me out.after that, i was cured from the boredoom. this is not one of those. this time i really love staying indoor, just lie down and do some chores around the house. blissful.
next week, i'll be out again, going to send my brothers home. maybe i'll be away for a week.or if my boss didnt approve, i'll be back in mukah in no time.i have something i need to settle at home, and it's the only time i can think of getting away.i dont know what i would do in the office while waiting for next semester to resume. My friend ask me to follow her to Kuching and stay at her house.That's so much an interesting prospect.im not going to think about it.im going.
i have mostly finished my works on friday/except for some.and i found myself wondering what to do.lucky i have to invigilate an examination in the afternoon.otherwise, i will sit around and do nothing in the office waiting for the clock to strike 4.30pm.
Weird, i noticed that my friend was eyeing my brother this morning.and it was not an unusual response.he gets the same attention all the time.so i noticed but just keep quiet. i was looking at my brother and he was seriously eating his breakfast-and wont even make eye contact with me-so he noticed too. but what's new?She even boldly announced-suddenly-that she was too old for them(my brothers).i was reading too much of her body language.although she said it jokingly,but i found it rather out of place.but what the heck?what could be so wrong of just looking?we can only enjoy it while it lasts.
met with my colleague and her BF again today.she did asked me to go out with them.But i decided not to go with them because i thought that with me it would be a threesome.but my brothers and all?it was like asking the whole Mukah.haha. but mostly is because, there was one time when she asked her BF to go and stay the night at my house.Her mother came and she didnt want her to know that her BF was a regular at her house. so we talked. and after that, he seemed to be quite comfortable with me.and it was not after he held my hand when i was trying to cross a drain when the three of us went out together that i decided i dont want to go with them anymore.well, probably it was a simple gesture of kindness, but not when ive already reached the other side safely. There was a time when she told me that, her BF said that after she went home that night, he slept till morning.when the truth was, he stayed chatting with me until 2am in the morning.i never said anything about it. and lately, there were quite many advices from her BF for me conveyed by my friend.i try to be positive about it all,and i dont want to intrude on other people's property as well.so, the less i be around them, the better.it so happened that "people" in my past started to develop feelings for me after they spent times with me. and it so happened also that ive lost quite a few girlfriends because of that.and it's hardly my fault.i didnt even do a single thing.im too principled for cheap tricks like that.but it so happened.so a little caution helps.
Still on the same subject though, it takes a long time for me to really notice that i like a person. i remembered when i finally fell for My Gentleman.people are constantly talking about him, his charms, and his everything.and i didnt even notice.it was his personality that caught me in the end. i dont care about his good looks. i only noticed that he was kind, caring,smile a lot, always trying to crack a joke around me, active-and i fell for that.and not his look.
the way i rambled,probably im bored after all..huhu.
In the morning though, went out with my friends and my brothers to pasar.bought sotong because my brothers love it.i promised to cook but after doing some chores in the afternoon,and prepared tea, i changed my mind. so instead of the sotong my brothers ate spicy fried chicken . i try to do it tomorrow. hope, the taste wont disappoint them, i think they missed home.they mentioned home almost everyday.they missed my mum's cooking. my mum jokingly said that one of my brothers missed her girlfiend.so true.the way that they smsed non stop.i will be lonely after they go home. No one to talk to.No one to go home to in the evening.huh.
im a homely person.i like spending time at home.it is like a bolthole for me.my private space.my favourite resting place. well, i enjoy going out once in a while, but somehow i get bored of constantly moving around.i like my own company. but i learned something a long while ago. if you said that you are tired, then u will automatically feel tired, but if you didnt announce it, you will feel just fine. it's in the mind.
but there was a time when i feel so stressed out being alone. i can only feel gratitude when a bunch of friends asked me out.after that, i was cured from the boredoom. this is not one of those. this time i really love staying indoor, just lie down and do some chores around the house. blissful.
next week, i'll be out again, going to send my brothers home. maybe i'll be away for a week.or if my boss didnt approve, i'll be back in mukah in no time.i have something i need to settle at home, and it's the only time i can think of getting away.i dont know what i would do in the office while waiting for next semester to resume. My friend ask me to follow her to Kuching and stay at her house.That's so much an interesting prospect.im not going to think about it.im going.
i have mostly finished my works on friday/except for some.and i found myself wondering what to do.lucky i have to invigilate an examination in the afternoon.otherwise, i will sit around and do nothing in the office waiting for the clock to strike 4.30pm.
Weird, i noticed that my friend was eyeing my brother this morning.and it was not an unusual response.he gets the same attention all the time.so i noticed but just keep quiet. i was looking at my brother and he was seriously eating his breakfast-and wont even make eye contact with me-so he noticed too. but what's new?She even boldly announced-suddenly-that she was too old for them(my brothers).i was reading too much of her body language.although she said it jokingly,but i found it rather out of place.but what the heck?what could be so wrong of just looking?we can only enjoy it while it lasts.
met with my colleague and her BF again today.she did asked me to go out with them.But i decided not to go with them because i thought that with me it would be a threesome.but my brothers and all?it was like asking the whole Mukah.haha. but mostly is because, there was one time when she asked her BF to go and stay the night at my house.Her mother came and she didnt want her to know that her BF was a regular at her house. so we talked. and after that, he seemed to be quite comfortable with me.and it was not after he held my hand when i was trying to cross a drain when the three of us went out together that i decided i dont want to go with them anymore.well, probably it was a simple gesture of kindness, but not when ive already reached the other side safely. There was a time when she told me that, her BF said that after she went home that night, he slept till morning.when the truth was, he stayed chatting with me until 2am in the morning.i never said anything about it. and lately, there were quite many advices from her BF for me conveyed by my friend.i try to be positive about it all,and i dont want to intrude on other people's property as well.so, the less i be around them, the better.it so happened that "people" in my past started to develop feelings for me after they spent times with me. and it so happened also that ive lost quite a few girlfriends because of that.and it's hardly my fault.i didnt even do a single thing.im too principled for cheap tricks like that.but it so happened.so a little caution helps.
Still on the same subject though, it takes a long time for me to really notice that i like a person. i remembered when i finally fell for My Gentleman.people are constantly talking about him, his charms, and his everything.and i didnt even notice.it was his personality that caught me in the end. i dont care about his good looks. i only noticed that he was kind, caring,smile a lot, always trying to crack a joke around me, active-and i fell for that.and not his look.
the way i rambled,probably im bored after all..huhu.
Dec 10, 2009
another one
went to Taklimat PPPT today with one of my colleagues.
i dont know but i feel that im not as ambitious as i think i am. as the pensyarah kanan briefed us about the kenaikan pangkat and everything, i have a weird feeling of just wanting to sit in the corner and do nothing.
all the talks of being in the higher position-what with responsibility and some of the things you need to do...it gets me nervous.
probably i dont have enough faith in myself.i need time to get used to everything before i can decide what to do. i need time to prove to myself that im going to be just fine doing things such as that.i get discourage by high expectation. i prefer to do it slowly but surely.
i dont want to rush into something for fear that im going to screw it.But then again, i think it is the sense of failure that gets me nervous.
or again, probably im so very simple minded that im afraid to try thing out.
but the point is, im scared about failing.and im scared that i wont perform to the best of my ability.
i dont know but i feel that im not as ambitious as i think i am. as the pensyarah kanan briefed us about the kenaikan pangkat and everything, i have a weird feeling of just wanting to sit in the corner and do nothing.
all the talks of being in the higher position-what with responsibility and some of the things you need to do...it gets me nervous.
probably i dont have enough faith in myself.i need time to get used to everything before i can decide what to do. i need time to prove to myself that im going to be just fine doing things such as that.i get discourage by high expectation. i prefer to do it slowly but surely.
i dont want to rush into something for fear that im going to screw it.But then again, i think it is the sense of failure that gets me nervous.
or again, probably im so very simple minded that im afraid to try thing out.
but the point is, im scared about failing.and im scared that i wont perform to the best of my ability.
Dec 9, 2009
The course
i was in Johor for a few days.So far, some of my friends said that it would be the most boring course ever.and really, i think that it depends on how you see it.i found it to be quite motivating-especially the physical aspects. surprising as well because i never really liked physical activities before-where you have to run around, do all the physical stuffs.This one was enjoyable.
But, the ceramah parts..hmm i slept all through it.haha. Except for one ceramah where the speaker had a very engaging way of explaining thing.I always admire people with that ability.Good speaking style.a very good sense of humor.so, even if it is a serious issue, you do not get all emotional-you have the time to think things through. You are given the chance to see things in a different light, in a new perspective-where everything is crystal clear and rational.unfortunately, most people think that, being dead serious is the only way.But, i slept partly was because, politics, law and history are my favourite.so, i got bored listening to stuffs i already knew. and i was tired because i had been travelling around these lately and i couldnt keep my mind from wondering and dreaming.
i was ok during the LDK.Simply for the fact that the facilitator said many unacceptable things.mainly about the religion.im not saying that i knew best, but some of the things he said were totally human thinking.he mentioned about not wanting to send his children to school because, during the Prophet S.A.W time, there were no schools built for education.that was absurd.Why?because education can take place formally and informally. During the prophet's time, education was stressed.it was only that, it was conducted informally.and he mentioned about not sending his children to university.Man, that was a gross generalisation. In Islam to improve oneself is a form of jihad. Jihad by definition is trying your best to get the best out of your life.it doesnt mean war.He said that he would tell his son to go and sell burger or something.no need for higher education..For God's Sake.Really, when you have only a superficial knowledge about something, you should not really talk too much about it. Islam is a very flexible and conditionally liberal way of life.You dont have to be so narrow minded about it.He also mentioned about giving salam. and i disagreed totally with what he said. He said that there were no hadith or quranic ayah about not giving salam to muslim.But there is.Where the prophet was given salam by the a group of Jews and the prophet answered it..but differently.Not the one offered to the Muslim.Probably, im wrong when it comes to this but my point is he shouldnt say that there were no hadith or quranic ayah that supported it. Really, always be careful with what you said.Especially when it corelates with belief.
i really think that, if you come to the course with an open mind, and not just because you want so much to see the 'wrongness' in everything,you will come out refreshed.but if you are there, ready to attack everything, of course you will find all the wrong things. simple logic, isnt it?
The Prophet was a very pragmatic person.And he was always practical in his dwelling. Always with an exemplary behaviour. Then why do we need to be sceptical in our perspective?The facilitator was quite comfortable talking about everything in his most religious view, but heck baby..it takes more than that to understand what you are talking about. i really was disturbed by his approach-i was judgemental about the way he explain most of his religious view.
One more things was, the way they were oblivious to the fact that they were addressing a bunch of generation Y.Where they have different ways of seeing things and they most probably have different opinion as well. They were not talking about current mission-which is one M. They were so obsessed on talking about the past,the hurt and the things that should have been erased from memory long time ago. They were not aiming for unification. They were trying to open old wound,make sure that everybody remembered and hate each other for that. i mean, come on..we are talking about hybridity, about realising 2020, about national vision-not just an individual group.Any wonder why we never come close to meeting halfway? because we still have so much distrust and vengeance in our heart. We still want to carry on hating each other for a lifetime. and any wonder why the GE got so poor result?Simply because we do not listen to what's current.we dont know what's current. The elderly think that their way of thinking is still the best. I love this land but i dont fancy being a sceptic just because everybody think it is the best.No, thank you.
well,actually im a very patriotic person. It just that i am not trained to show my emotion.i can argue my points when i feel there is a need.i just hate being at a loggerhead with anybody.i prefer to prefer what i prefer.the rest is my problem.as long as nobody gets hurt..what's the big deal? what's the point of arguing about everything if you can get it the other way around?
then again, it's up to individual.This is totally my reflection about what i see or hear.and im not asking anybody to agree.
But, the ceramah parts..hmm i slept all through it.haha. Except for one ceramah where the speaker had a very engaging way of explaining thing.I always admire people with that ability.Good speaking style.a very good sense of humor.so, even if it is a serious issue, you do not get all emotional-you have the time to think things through. You are given the chance to see things in a different light, in a new perspective-where everything is crystal clear and rational.unfortunately, most people think that, being dead serious is the only way.But, i slept partly was because, politics, law and history are my favourite.so, i got bored listening to stuffs i already knew. and i was tired because i had been travelling around these lately and i couldnt keep my mind from wondering and dreaming.
i was ok during the LDK.Simply for the fact that the facilitator said many unacceptable things.mainly about the religion.im not saying that i knew best, but some of the things he said were totally human thinking.he mentioned about not wanting to send his children to school because, during the Prophet S.A.W time, there were no schools built for education.that was absurd.Why?because education can take place formally and informally. During the prophet's time, education was stressed.it was only that, it was conducted informally.and he mentioned about not sending his children to university.Man, that was a gross generalisation. In Islam to improve oneself is a form of jihad. Jihad by definition is trying your best to get the best out of your life.it doesnt mean war.He said that he would tell his son to go and sell burger or something.no need for higher education..For God's Sake.Really, when you have only a superficial knowledge about something, you should not really talk too much about it. Islam is a very flexible and conditionally liberal way of life.You dont have to be so narrow minded about it.He also mentioned about giving salam. and i disagreed totally with what he said. He said that there were no hadith or quranic ayah about not giving salam to muslim.But there is.Where the prophet was given salam by the a group of Jews and the prophet answered it..but differently.Not the one offered to the Muslim.Probably, im wrong when it comes to this but my point is he shouldnt say that there were no hadith or quranic ayah that supported it. Really, always be careful with what you said.Especially when it corelates with belief.
i really think that, if you come to the course with an open mind, and not just because you want so much to see the 'wrongness' in everything,you will come out refreshed.but if you are there, ready to attack everything, of course you will find all the wrong things. simple logic, isnt it?
The Prophet was a very pragmatic person.And he was always practical in his dwelling. Always with an exemplary behaviour. Then why do we need to be sceptical in our perspective?The facilitator was quite comfortable talking about everything in his most religious view, but heck baby..it takes more than that to understand what you are talking about. i really was disturbed by his approach-i was judgemental about the way he explain most of his religious view.
One more things was, the way they were oblivious to the fact that they were addressing a bunch of generation Y.Where they have different ways of seeing things and they most probably have different opinion as well. They were not talking about current mission-which is one M. They were so obsessed on talking about the past,the hurt and the things that should have been erased from memory long time ago. They were not aiming for unification. They were trying to open old wound,make sure that everybody remembered and hate each other for that. i mean, come on..we are talking about hybridity, about realising 2020, about national vision-not just an individual group.Any wonder why we never come close to meeting halfway? because we still have so much distrust and vengeance in our heart. We still want to carry on hating each other for a lifetime. and any wonder why the GE got so poor result?Simply because we do not listen to what's current.we dont know what's current. The elderly think that their way of thinking is still the best. I love this land but i dont fancy being a sceptic just because everybody think it is the best.No, thank you.
well,actually im a very patriotic person. It just that i am not trained to show my emotion.i can argue my points when i feel there is a need.i just hate being at a loggerhead with anybody.i prefer to prefer what i prefer.the rest is my problem.as long as nobody gets hurt..what's the big deal? what's the point of arguing about everything if you can get it the other way around?
then again, it's up to individual.This is totally my reflection about what i see or hear.and im not asking anybody to agree.
my days
there are so many things happened around me.my aunt's wedding, my BTN course and many other things.
27th November
-Took a bus to Miri-spent about 9 hours.reached miri around 5pm.
-my flight was at 9pm, so i roamed around shopping in Miri Boulevard.i went to the airport after a quick dinner around 7. i just sit quietly while waiting check in around 8.30pm.Flight was delayed for about 10 minutes.oh,what's another 10 minutes..i couldnt care less.
-Reached KK about 10.20pm.My brothers were already there.so we continued the journey home after a refreshment at Tanjung Lipat about 11.30pm
-Reached home before 2am in the morning.My mum was already asleep.my baby brother was pretty much awake-by the noise and by the disturbance..hehe
28th November.
-My aunt's majlis nikah started around 2pm. i have to pick up the Mak andam who lost her way to the house.What a...huhu.she was there the day before,and she didnt bother to check the place. I had to go about several times looking for her Proton. whew..
-the majlis nikah started.everybody especially a certain someone was busy bossing everybody around.Like heck!but i just didnt want to spoil the day for my aunt.so, i basically ignored her and did what need to be done.
-didnt sleep until morning.My father asked me to keep an eye on my aunt.the unthinkable happened that night, and my aunt was in and out of consciousness-and some other paranormal things-which is not exactly for the weak hearted.i guess im not a weakhearted person..just before Subuh, my father went home, so i followed.
29th November
-it's so very tiring acting as the pengapit.this certain somebody wanted to make sure that she could blame everything on someone.and im the best catch-just because im the pengapit.i almost snap-but thinking that i was only doing it for my aunt, i let some steam out, but i keep the rest.by this time, my mood was spoiled to the max.i promised myself to enjoy the wedding and that was exactly what i did-i sang a few songs.;o)
-i didnt stay until the night.i have a family meeting on my mother's side to attend.So i went, enjoy the chat and the food, picked up my mum later on and headed home around 11pm.
-so tiring but full with activities.and there was nothing to complain about.Nice.:O)
30th November
-went around town with my baby shopping for BTN course,and after 2 o clock headed back to KK with my brothers-our flight to Sarawak was in the morning, the next day, so have to spend the day in KK.
When i came back to Sarawak the next day..works were waiting.so i leave my brothers at home, and i diligently headed to the office.settled everything, except for FRP.
the day after i went for the BTN course in Johor.
it was quite a rush,but it is purposeful.and it is all that matter.:O)
27th November
-Took a bus to Miri-spent about 9 hours.reached miri around 5pm.
-my flight was at 9pm, so i roamed around shopping in Miri Boulevard.i went to the airport after a quick dinner around 7. i just sit quietly while waiting check in around 8.30pm.Flight was delayed for about 10 minutes.oh,what's another 10 minutes..i couldnt care less.
-Reached KK about 10.20pm.My brothers were already there.so we continued the journey home after a refreshment at Tanjung Lipat about 11.30pm
-Reached home before 2am in the morning.My mum was already asleep.my baby brother was pretty much awake-by the noise and by the disturbance..hehe
28th November.
-My aunt's majlis nikah started around 2pm. i have to pick up the Mak andam who lost her way to the house.What a...huhu.she was there the day before,and she didnt bother to check the place. I had to go about several times looking for her Proton. whew..
-the majlis nikah started.everybody especially a certain someone was busy bossing everybody around.Like heck!but i just didnt want to spoil the day for my aunt.so, i basically ignored her and did what need to be done.
-didnt sleep until morning.My father asked me to keep an eye on my aunt.the unthinkable happened that night, and my aunt was in and out of consciousness-and some other paranormal things-which is not exactly for the weak hearted.i guess im not a weakhearted person..just before Subuh, my father went home, so i followed.
29th November
-it's so very tiring acting as the pengapit.this certain somebody wanted to make sure that she could blame everything on someone.and im the best catch-just because im the pengapit.i almost snap-but thinking that i was only doing it for my aunt, i let some steam out, but i keep the rest.by this time, my mood was spoiled to the max.i promised myself to enjoy the wedding and that was exactly what i did-i sang a few songs.;o)
-i didnt stay until the night.i have a family meeting on my mother's side to attend.So i went, enjoy the chat and the food, picked up my mum later on and headed home around 11pm.
-so tiring but full with activities.and there was nothing to complain about.Nice.:O)
30th November
-went around town with my baby shopping for BTN course,and after 2 o clock headed back to KK with my brothers-our flight to Sarawak was in the morning, the next day, so have to spend the day in KK.
When i came back to Sarawak the next day..works were waiting.so i leave my brothers at home, and i diligently headed to the office.settled everything, except for FRP.
the day after i went for the BTN course in Johor.
it was quite a rush,but it is purposeful.and it is all that matter.:O)
Nov 25, 2009
hilang dalam tafsiran
saya hilang dalam tafsiran-yang salah, yang tergesa-gesa dan dipengaruhi oleh emosi.
saya hilang inspirasi-untuk menyatakan apa yang tersurat,mahupun yang tersirat.
saya hilang diri saya yang lama-kerana saya cuba menukarnya dengan keyakinan yang baru-akhirnya saya hilang sendiri
saya manusia.dengan kelemahan manusia-walaupun itu bukan alasan untuk melakukan semua kesilapan yang ada.
saya tersedar diri-saya seorang yang baru-berfikir dengan pengalaman yang baru-mentafsir dengan fikiran yang baru-tetap dengan keyakinan yang satu-kepada Yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Mendengar
saya tercalar di hati-kerana salah mengertikan rasa percaya-
dan-
saya kehilangan kesayangan-kerana saya mengikut hati dan tidak berfikir panjang
tiada apa yang tinggal-kerana-salah tafsiran itu harganya adalah persahabatan.
saya adalah saya-
yang individualistik-impulsive-dan-naive
tapi selalu bertanggungjawab untuk perasaan saya-dan-apa juga yang berlaku di dalam hidup saya.
saya.hilang.dalam.tafsiran.
saya hilang inspirasi-untuk menyatakan apa yang tersurat,mahupun yang tersirat.
saya hilang diri saya yang lama-kerana saya cuba menukarnya dengan keyakinan yang baru-akhirnya saya hilang sendiri
saya manusia.dengan kelemahan manusia-walaupun itu bukan alasan untuk melakukan semua kesilapan yang ada.
saya tersedar diri-saya seorang yang baru-berfikir dengan pengalaman yang baru-mentafsir dengan fikiran yang baru-tetap dengan keyakinan yang satu-kepada Yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Mendengar
saya tercalar di hati-kerana salah mengertikan rasa percaya-
dan-
saya kehilangan kesayangan-kerana saya mengikut hati dan tidak berfikir panjang
tiada apa yang tinggal-kerana-salah tafsiran itu harganya adalah persahabatan.
saya adalah saya-
yang individualistik-impulsive-dan-naive
tapi selalu bertanggungjawab untuk perasaan saya-dan-apa juga yang berlaku di dalam hidup saya.
saya.hilang.dalam.tafsiran.
Nov 22, 2009
sang pelengah masa
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang melengahkan kerja.
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang tidak boleh bergerak
selaju mungkin
kerana saya dilengahkan oleh
kerja-kerja yang dilengahkan.
saya
terlengah
melengah-lengahkan
dilengahkan
oleh masa-masa
yang terlengah.
saya hanya ada masa
untuk lengahkan lagi
apa yang sudah terlengahkan.
saya sang pelengah masa
yang terlengah kerana yang melengahkan
p/s-tapi marking dah settle,dan minggu depan saya harus mulakan dengan kerja-kerja key in markah,dan buat SKT untuk semester ini.semoga saya berjaya untuk tidak melengah-lengahkan lagi apa yang sudah terlengah.semoga yang terbaik untuk saya..:O)
sang pelengah masa
yang melengahkan kerja.
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang tidak boleh bergerak
selaju mungkin
kerana saya dilengahkan oleh
kerja-kerja yang dilengahkan.
saya
terlengah
melengah-lengahkan
dilengahkan
oleh masa-masa
yang terlengah.
saya hanya ada masa
untuk lengahkan lagi
apa yang sudah terlengahkan.
saya sang pelengah masa
yang terlengah kerana yang melengahkan
p/s-tapi marking dah settle,dan minggu depan saya harus mulakan dengan kerja-kerja key in markah,dan buat SKT untuk semester ini.semoga saya berjaya untuk tidak melengah-lengahkan lagi apa yang sudah terlengah.semoga yang terbaik untuk saya..:O)
Nov 20, 2009
the fast lane
again and again.Busy with keying in mark,busy with students who wanted to take exam or test, busy with SKT, busy with everything.my head is buzzing and pounding from tiredness and excitement..to finish up everything on time.
Today had been very progressive.in the morning, i spent about 45 minutes keying in marks when suddenly the system went down.but dont want to stress myself, so i went and check the exam papers-putting the marks in the PB form.and when i reached to the last paper, i went around walking and talking to my everybody in the office..taking a deep breath and feeling all the rush in the office..heavenly.
about 9.30am, i followed my friends-breakfast at one of our favourite lepak port.usually on friday.i ordered a roti kosong and teh tarik,which i hadnt eat for a long long time. and it tasted wonderful.it made me think about my lepak times with my brothers.we loved to have a nite out in my hometown, which afterwards we usually went for roti canai and teh tarik at our regular port before heading home..and helped to tapau for everyone at home.hehe
when we came back from our little rendezvous, there were students waiting.for listening test..and one student wanted to take the final test.I went to fax a document to my sis-on the way, i met with Pn A(i dont know her name actually), and suddenly we were talking about flowers-all the petunia,and some of it whose names i have forgotten-but really.i saw her house and it is full of flowers.i genuinely interested.a nice hobby but not for a lazy person like me..hehe. when i came back, my colleagues let a good news out.that we're going for BTN in December.ohhh,it dampened my spirit. i expected it to be next year.but well.beggars cant be chooser.if it's this year,then iam going anyway..still dont want to be stress about unnecessary thingy..
in the afternoon, i went to the exam unit and helped someone from JP to translate their exam question.it was a tough job-terms etc.but with the help from one of the staffs,i manage to pull through. and guess what-i was given a declaration memo that said-i helped with the translation-and more importantly-it can be put in the SKT.Praise be to Allah.another reason to be thankful for a wonderful blessing.:o)
Tomorrow morning i have MUET tuition at 8am.i planned on doing something, but i forgot that in order to do what i planned, i have to photocopy some article-which i conveniently forgot..oh well, we'll see what we can do tomorrow. and on Sunday, there's a Seminar Pemantapan Aqidah by organised by Pusat Islam.apparently i am in one of the committees.and my committee happened to be my colleague.i really feel guilty for not being a helping hand, or when im not being readily available.and he didnt say anything at all to me.so,i just got carried away with all the things i have to do everyday-or simply being busy thinking about the unattainable...hehehe.but im coming anyway on Sunday.that's my commitment.Insyaallah.so no saturday-sunday this week.but it's ok.;o)
Next week, my goal is to try to finish up keying in marks into the system, so i can proceed with my SKT.im going home on Friday for my aunt's wedding. and im going to have a blast. i even agreed to be my aunt's pengapit.my first planning is to shop in Miri while waiting for my flight later that night..but with BTN coming around, and knowing how shopping could end up..hehe,i'l have to do some serious budgeting..i seriously am thinking of buying something pink for the wedding.hmm,weird.
oh yeah, and it kinda weird but i wonder about a mysterious Hang Kebun, who has the habit of visiting my Friendster every once in a while-and keeps himself in the dark-who he is or why,i would never know.i tried sending him message once and the next thing is he turn off his messaging function.
so, today im having a quite heavy dinner-because my bestfriend is here.and i need an energy booster.
i was listening to my playlist earlier today and i suddenly caught some words from Celine Dion's song that said:
What do you say of taking chances?
What do you say of jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's a solid ground below
or hands to hold
or hell to pay...?
let just start again..
i agree to start again.i am.i will.
Today had been very progressive.in the morning, i spent about 45 minutes keying in marks when suddenly the system went down.but dont want to stress myself, so i went and check the exam papers-putting the marks in the PB form.and when i reached to the last paper, i went around walking and talking to my everybody in the office..taking a deep breath and feeling all the rush in the office..heavenly.
about 9.30am, i followed my friends-breakfast at one of our favourite lepak port.usually on friday.i ordered a roti kosong and teh tarik,which i hadnt eat for a long long time. and it tasted wonderful.it made me think about my lepak times with my brothers.we loved to have a nite out in my hometown, which afterwards we usually went for roti canai and teh tarik at our regular port before heading home..and helped to tapau for everyone at home.hehe
when we came back from our little rendezvous, there were students waiting.for listening test..and one student wanted to take the final test.I went to fax a document to my sis-on the way, i met with Pn A(i dont know her name actually), and suddenly we were talking about flowers-all the petunia,and some of it whose names i have forgotten-but really.i saw her house and it is full of flowers.i genuinely interested.a nice hobby but not for a lazy person like me..hehe. when i came back, my colleagues let a good news out.that we're going for BTN in December.ohhh,it dampened my spirit. i expected it to be next year.but well.beggars cant be chooser.if it's this year,then iam going anyway..still dont want to be stress about unnecessary thingy..
in the afternoon, i went to the exam unit and helped someone from JP to translate their exam question.it was a tough job-terms etc.but with the help from one of the staffs,i manage to pull through. and guess what-i was given a declaration memo that said-i helped with the translation-and more importantly-it can be put in the SKT.Praise be to Allah.another reason to be thankful for a wonderful blessing.:o)
Tomorrow morning i have MUET tuition at 8am.i planned on doing something, but i forgot that in order to do what i planned, i have to photocopy some article-which i conveniently forgot..oh well, we'll see what we can do tomorrow. and on Sunday, there's a Seminar Pemantapan Aqidah by organised by Pusat Islam.apparently i am in one of the committees.and my committee happened to be my colleague.i really feel guilty for not being a helping hand, or when im not being readily available.and he didnt say anything at all to me.so,i just got carried away with all the things i have to do everyday-or simply being busy thinking about the unattainable...hehehe.but im coming anyway on Sunday.that's my commitment.Insyaallah.so no saturday-sunday this week.but it's ok.;o)
Next week, my goal is to try to finish up keying in marks into the system, so i can proceed with my SKT.im going home on Friday for my aunt's wedding. and im going to have a blast. i even agreed to be my aunt's pengapit.my first planning is to shop in Miri while waiting for my flight later that night..but with BTN coming around, and knowing how shopping could end up..hehe,i'l have to do some serious budgeting..i seriously am thinking of buying something pink for the wedding.hmm,weird.
oh yeah, and it kinda weird but i wonder about a mysterious Hang Kebun, who has the habit of visiting my Friendster every once in a while-and keeps himself in the dark-who he is or why,i would never know.i tried sending him message once and the next thing is he turn off his messaging function.
so, today im having a quite heavy dinner-because my bestfriend is here.and i need an energy booster.
i was listening to my playlist earlier today and i suddenly caught some words from Celine Dion's song that said:
What do you say of taking chances?
What do you say of jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's a solid ground below
or hands to hold
or hell to pay...?
let just start again..
i agree to start again.i am.i will.
Nov 17, 2009
sense of humor
how important that is in our daily dwelling-without which life would be a terrible, unbearable and distressful journey.
Sense of humor is an essential ingredient of life.you cant possibly go through everything without having some semblance of humor in your mind.
and when i said humor, it is not necessarily means laughing like mad.it is a way of perceiving things.How you look at things without being overly obsessed by it,or overly serious about it, or negative etc.it helps you see the other side of the coin, and to always believe that there are always options available for everything. To think that there is something worthwhile about everything. To think that sadness is not just sadness but probably a blessing in disguise.It helps lighten the burden of mind.Many people think that sense of humor is making fun of something.
but we should not confused sense of humour with being humorous.it's different thing altogether.
when it is humorous, we laugh.But when we have sense of humor, when we think life is suck, we thank God that we'r living at all.Or when it is raining and we forgot to bring the umbrella, instead of cursing God and the rain, we simply enjoyed it.
Or when your bestmate said that you are his closest friend, and the next minutes he was acting as if you are a stranger he met somewhere around and forgot..instead of regretting everything, you simply moved on and think that probably it is for the better.and he might not be the friend/companion you are looking for.
Sense of humor is being able to realise all the good things in your life-noticing that people are helpful at the least expected time, noticing that when you feel out of place there are people who come to your side, saying nice things, and offering support.
Sense of humor is being able to appreciate the difference in people and being able to accept the difference.
Sense of humor is being able to smile at the mistake you made, and not killing yourself with self-degrading talks.
Sense of humor is believing that the source of all good is God-and that nothing is mightier than HIM.
Sense of humor is believing in yourself-that no matter what, you are who you are-worthy of yourself and those people who matter.
Sense of humor is being able to forgive yourself for whatever that happens in your life-be it in the past or present.
Sense of humor is being thankful for everything that has happened, for it made you who you are. and everyone for they help you to push your own limits,to be better next time around.
Sense of humor is an essential ingredient of life.you cant possibly go through everything without having some semblance of humor in your mind.
and when i said humor, it is not necessarily means laughing like mad.it is a way of perceiving things.How you look at things without being overly obsessed by it,or overly serious about it, or negative etc.it helps you see the other side of the coin, and to always believe that there are always options available for everything. To think that there is something worthwhile about everything. To think that sadness is not just sadness but probably a blessing in disguise.It helps lighten the burden of mind.Many people think that sense of humor is making fun of something.
but we should not confused sense of humour with being humorous.it's different thing altogether.
when it is humorous, we laugh.But when we have sense of humor, when we think life is suck, we thank God that we'r living at all.Or when it is raining and we forgot to bring the umbrella, instead of cursing God and the rain, we simply enjoyed it.
Or when your bestmate said that you are his closest friend, and the next minutes he was acting as if you are a stranger he met somewhere around and forgot..instead of regretting everything, you simply moved on and think that probably it is for the better.and he might not be the friend/companion you are looking for.
Sense of humor is being able to realise all the good things in your life-noticing that people are helpful at the least expected time, noticing that when you feel out of place there are people who come to your side, saying nice things, and offering support.
Sense of humor is being able to appreciate the difference in people and being able to accept the difference.
Sense of humor is being able to smile at the mistake you made, and not killing yourself with self-degrading talks.
Sense of humor is believing that the source of all good is God-and that nothing is mightier than HIM.
Sense of humor is believing in yourself-that no matter what, you are who you are-worthy of yourself and those people who matter.
Sense of humor is being able to forgive yourself for whatever that happens in your life-be it in the past or present.
Sense of humor is being thankful for everything that has happened, for it made you who you are. and everyone for they help you to push your own limits,to be better next time around.
Nov 15, 2009
Careless Remark
Carelessness causes death.
it all happened on Thurday evening. this was not the first time it happened.Infact it can be considered as a norm.i dont know what people in their right mind would tolerate such stupidity and dragged everybody along too.Still i am raging mad.i feel such a suffocating emotion in my heart.
He did it again. This time he took advantage on someone, and when people started asking question he started using what he knew best-the emotional blackmail, the physical threatening, shouting, and blame everyone for everything that he did wrong-instead of answering the question. This time he asked everybody to move out from the house!Damn him for thinking that he has the power to control everybody.Damn her for staying. After all of these years, why cant he change for the better? Her sacrifices have no meaning at all to him?ungrateful,insensitive and downright selfish.
He thinks it's ok to go about menacing other people?He thinks that just he is an elderly, we the younger one do not have the right to say a thing?He go about saying thing without regards to people's feeling, and claimed how righteous he is and how bad other people are..Dear God, fortunately we are not the type who love to say things without thinking, only to regret anything that comes out from our mouth later on..If not then they will be hell to listen to.and probably that's what made him think that we are weak.Because we didnt fight back-Blood by Blood!
I hate him for being the person he is.he has no respect for other people.He dont care about other people. He dont know the word SORRY. Both of them think that it is cool to drag everybody down to their standard.Whenever we plan to be better, she has always been the setback. i dont know why she still want to stick to the bully.She is hurt physically and mentally.Why oh why???!! and why we need to condone to everything?why should they torture us with all the pains???Why should we stay???and the answer is always...nowhere to go,you all are still small, shameful, bla,bla,bla..Just for once say that you cant leave him because you love him so much you cannot see reasons.What make u stay together for 26 years?!What's the point of nursing a pain for 26 years?!No need to say that we need a father to continue living.Bullshit!!!
and he have the gut to come back as if he has done nothing wrong.and act as if it has never happened. that he can just barge in and people will forget everything.What the hell? last night you spit, you say terrible things-and suddenly you come without any guilt at all. Senang,senang.oh yeah, have a nice day!Guys are very practical.when they dont want to be responsible for their feeling or what they do, they forget it.how convenience!
i have no patience for people with no respect for other people.Or people who couldnt say what they actually want and set on picking other people.I dont have the sense of humour. and i really couldnt tolerate "weird sense of humour" right now.Who thinks that "joke" means making other people feel like shit.
careless remark-Ucapan yang tidak berhati-hati-you dont care what is the consequence,yg penting cakap.
it all happened on Thurday evening. this was not the first time it happened.Infact it can be considered as a norm.i dont know what people in their right mind would tolerate such stupidity and dragged everybody along too.Still i am raging mad.i feel such a suffocating emotion in my heart.
He did it again. This time he took advantage on someone, and when people started asking question he started using what he knew best-the emotional blackmail, the physical threatening, shouting, and blame everyone for everything that he did wrong-instead of answering the question. This time he asked everybody to move out from the house!Damn him for thinking that he has the power to control everybody.Damn her for staying. After all of these years, why cant he change for the better? Her sacrifices have no meaning at all to him?ungrateful,insensitive and downright selfish.
He thinks it's ok to go about menacing other people?He thinks that just he is an elderly, we the younger one do not have the right to say a thing?He go about saying thing without regards to people's feeling, and claimed how righteous he is and how bad other people are..Dear God, fortunately we are not the type who love to say things without thinking, only to regret anything that comes out from our mouth later on..If not then they will be hell to listen to.and probably that's what made him think that we are weak.Because we didnt fight back-Blood by Blood!
I hate him for being the person he is.he has no respect for other people.He dont care about other people. He dont know the word SORRY. Both of them think that it is cool to drag everybody down to their standard.Whenever we plan to be better, she has always been the setback. i dont know why she still want to stick to the bully.She is hurt physically and mentally.Why oh why???!! and why we need to condone to everything?why should they torture us with all the pains???Why should we stay???and the answer is always...nowhere to go,you all are still small, shameful, bla,bla,bla..Just for once say that you cant leave him because you love him so much you cannot see reasons.What make u stay together for 26 years?!What's the point of nursing a pain for 26 years?!No need to say that we need a father to continue living.Bullshit!!!
and he have the gut to come back as if he has done nothing wrong.and act as if it has never happened. that he can just barge in and people will forget everything.What the hell? last night you spit, you say terrible things-and suddenly you come without any guilt at all. Senang,senang.oh yeah, have a nice day!Guys are very practical.when they dont want to be responsible for their feeling or what they do, they forget it.how convenience!
i have no patience for people with no respect for other people.Or people who couldnt say what they actually want and set on picking other people.I dont have the sense of humour. and i really couldnt tolerate "weird sense of humour" right now.Who thinks that "joke" means making other people feel like shit.
careless remark-Ucapan yang tidak berhati-hati-you dont care what is the consequence,yg penting cakap.
Nov 12, 2009
Benefit of the doubts
How to best say this?
i couldnt write or think. For few days now, i was feeling a little disturbed. My senses are numb.i feel disoriented, lost and confused. I am emotional and very much a cry baby. I feel ignored and i dont know what went wrong.
i believe i let my impulsivenes led the way. i made a spur at the moment decision.and never once did i regret it.i just am not ready for an unexpected consequence. to tell the truth, regret was not one of the emotions i feel.but hurt...yes.
Before it actually happens, i have already thought about all the things that will come afterwards.and i know that whatever the situation is, it wouldnt be similar to the situation beforehand.and i was partly ready for it.i know that this would be casual thing and nothing more.To be realistic, this was just a chance to take advantage of what one another might offer.im ready to believe everything because i trust.im ready to believe because i think it was a genuine friendship.im ready to believe because i want to know whether certain people are as good as their words.Well, there's no such thing as the perfect plan.and there is no such thing as "as good as their words".none.
as rationality seeps in, i think im sad because i think i fell for the person-when in actual world, i was just confused and mistaken my feeling as something deeper.i wanted so much to believe that this was something better when actually it was just a testing ground for both party.and that it doesnt mean anything. i confused my feeling, because everything was so new, and i dont know what to do. That's why i feel miserable and terrible because i dont know what to do.and nobody assured me that everything would be ok. and im not sure whether the friendship thingy is still in..or whether it was just a flimsy pretense.
Like always, every single thing that happens will past.so does the burden of emotion.will past.leave it and let it fade.as the time of speaking, i really begin to develop stronger feeling for that someone, but hey..the last thing i want is to be a pushover.i just know when enough is enough.
im just a simple minded person, who believe that everybody is as good as they seem to be.and im always willing to test my own doubts on people,i just dont want to believe anything that i didnt witness or experience on my own. The backlash is, not everyone is worthy of your trust. Not everyone cares about you, and they might just do anything regardless of how you feel about it. i guess, it is better for everyone to forget it.Forget all.Forget and start at point one.Forget everything to its core. Forget that there was a "you" and "1" at all. Erase everything.if only it is that easy...
i couldnt write or think. For few days now, i was feeling a little disturbed. My senses are numb.i feel disoriented, lost and confused. I am emotional and very much a cry baby. I feel ignored and i dont know what went wrong.
i believe i let my impulsivenes led the way. i made a spur at the moment decision.and never once did i regret it.i just am not ready for an unexpected consequence. to tell the truth, regret was not one of the emotions i feel.but hurt...yes.
Before it actually happens, i have already thought about all the things that will come afterwards.and i know that whatever the situation is, it wouldnt be similar to the situation beforehand.and i was partly ready for it.i know that this would be casual thing and nothing more.To be realistic, this was just a chance to take advantage of what one another might offer.im ready to believe everything because i trust.im ready to believe because i think it was a genuine friendship.im ready to believe because i want to know whether certain people are as good as their words.Well, there's no such thing as the perfect plan.and there is no such thing as "as good as their words".none.
as rationality seeps in, i think im sad because i think i fell for the person-when in actual world, i was just confused and mistaken my feeling as something deeper.i wanted so much to believe that this was something better when actually it was just a testing ground for both party.and that it doesnt mean anything. i confused my feeling, because everything was so new, and i dont know what to do. That's why i feel miserable and terrible because i dont know what to do.and nobody assured me that everything would be ok. and im not sure whether the friendship thingy is still in..or whether it was just a flimsy pretense.
Like always, every single thing that happens will past.so does the burden of emotion.will past.leave it and let it fade.as the time of speaking, i really begin to develop stronger feeling for that someone, but hey..the last thing i want is to be a pushover.i just know when enough is enough.
im just a simple minded person, who believe that everybody is as good as they seem to be.and im always willing to test my own doubts on people,i just dont want to believe anything that i didnt witness or experience on my own. The backlash is, not everyone is worthy of your trust. Not everyone cares about you, and they might just do anything regardless of how you feel about it. i guess, it is better for everyone to forget it.Forget all.Forget and start at point one.Forget everything to its core. Forget that there was a "you" and "1" at all. Erase everything.if only it is that easy...
Nov 5, 2009
As You Like It
as much as i want to get away with everything,i really want to be in control.i dont want to be in a mess just because i let my heart rules my reason.
and as much as im convinced im saying no when i mean no...somebody still couldnt take it for the real truth.
to tell the truth im okay with anything,but being a girl who is used to do doing things my way,unsupervised and alone,i find that succumbing to other people wants and needs a little overwhelming.
i valued space and am not ready to change anything that has been there before.mentally, physically,literally and figuratively. but for the time being, i dont know how best to say that.
the thing is im not interested in half measure.never would be.Besides i keep having this feeling that this somebody is insisting that i am the one who wants this badly-which i find a little unsettling.in my opinion,if u want something as much as i do,what's the point of making a pretense out of it?in actual world,i love it but not desperate to have that.
but i do think that to stop everything now would be asking too much..but probably the best thing to do.
and as much as im convinced im saying no when i mean no...somebody still couldnt take it for the real truth.
to tell the truth im okay with anything,but being a girl who is used to do doing things my way,unsupervised and alone,i find that succumbing to other people wants and needs a little overwhelming.
i valued space and am not ready to change anything that has been there before.mentally, physically,literally and figuratively. but for the time being, i dont know how best to say that.
the thing is im not interested in half measure.never would be.Besides i keep having this feeling that this somebody is insisting that i am the one who wants this badly-which i find a little unsettling.in my opinion,if u want something as much as i do,what's the point of making a pretense out of it?in actual world,i love it but not desperate to have that.
but i do think that to stop everything now would be asking too much..but probably the best thing to do.
Nov 1, 2009
The Things You Never Knew
i have always been practical.everything i do is based on one sound and logical thinking.something i can explain and justify quite adequately.it seems that i have always believe in conforming with whatever that feels right to the mass. and i never thought of being at the other side of the blanket.but i am now.
i decided to try something new.something i never even think of trying.something totally out of my practical-uncomplicated-existence.and before i actually proceed to doing that,my head is loaded with doubts and other thoughts. this thing that i am about to do has no logical explanation,and cant be justify.it is purely emotional.
and i become unsure of what to do or to expect.i almost back off.and i didnt.
and to be fair,after it was done,i found out that none of my doubts and thoughts were there.Though some of the thoughts were.Because i meant to see it as a try-out, i didnt actually feel any excitement or enjoyment.it is indescribable. my mind was busy thinking about the "how".so, i forgot to really enjoyed it as it is.and the worse part is, i only want to do it once.
but that was before.the problem with thing as emotional as this is,it's very easy to get caught up.You get attached to it.and many other things started to spring out of nowhere.by this time,there is no turning back.you promise to do one thing,and you end up with ten.;o).i knew this would happen.and i am not ready for more.huhu
though thanks to the person involved.i woke up feeling that the sun is bright snd beautiful...hahahaha.
so it's true that people dont change you.they just give you the confident to be yourself.to be something that's different from the one you used to be.
i decided to try something new.something i never even think of trying.something totally out of my practical-uncomplicated-existence.and before i actually proceed to doing that,my head is loaded with doubts and other thoughts. this thing that i am about to do has no logical explanation,and cant be justify.it is purely emotional.
and i become unsure of what to do or to expect.i almost back off.and i didnt.
and to be fair,after it was done,i found out that none of my doubts and thoughts were there.Though some of the thoughts were.Because i meant to see it as a try-out, i didnt actually feel any excitement or enjoyment.it is indescribable. my mind was busy thinking about the "how".so, i forgot to really enjoyed it as it is.and the worse part is, i only want to do it once.
but that was before.the problem with thing as emotional as this is,it's very easy to get caught up.You get attached to it.and many other things started to spring out of nowhere.by this time,there is no turning back.you promise to do one thing,and you end up with ten.;o).i knew this would happen.and i am not ready for more.huhu
though thanks to the person involved.i woke up feeling that the sun is bright snd beautiful...hahahaha.
so it's true that people dont change you.they just give you the confident to be yourself.to be something that's different from the one you used to be.
Oct 30, 2009
rambles..
Today is the perhimpunan bulanan.and i still think that the best assembly was the one organized by the Commerce Dept.they managed to lighten up the mood.that's why i think i think it was the best perhimpunan so far.well, today is just an ordinary perhimpunan.with some points to cheer on. i love perhimpunan, because you get to meet many people.
some points mentioned by the TP interests me. First is about the opportunity to further study.Secondly, he mentioned about how much politeknik resembles sekolah menengah.and how we should help to change the perception.
Iam really interested about doing an action research that will contribute to the betterment of PNP in general.i think, as a teacher or academician,it comes naturally.you planned your PNP everday,and see how much of the strategies you use are applicable in the teaching process.Teachers are creative people because they are dealing with everchanging subject-the students. When i start teaching, i am stimulated by the challenge of knowing what to do in various situation,knowing how to act and predicting whatever consequences from the action taken.My interest is more to educational psychology-because when you know what you're dealing with, it makes everything less alarming.
When the TP mentioned about the fact that people actually confused politeknik and sekolah menengah,i got answer ready in my head. It was in the establishment.We are treating ourselves and the students like we are in sekolah menengah.We hardly give them a fair chance to prove their values.we controlled everything including their exam grades.We treat them like they are school children. Of course, some disciplines, we cant but must internalize but it shouldnt be in a way akin to that of sekolah menengah.After all, the students are big enough to try to control everything.But probably, we think that we know best.and that we can handle everything by grilling all of the values inside their head.what about the human aspects?what about being more liberal and try any other method?but again it is up to individual.we couldnt possibly ask anybody to think about it the way we think it. So, guess we must do our part of the deeds and other people to theirs.
when i first came here, i was inspired by one very creative person. I like the way he looked at things, and like the way he handled his students. Full of wisdom.and i am still inspired by that until now. i hope i can be as good as him.
the best thing about him, is that he doesnt try to be like other people.He is such a natural, such an original person.he didint drill, or grill, or talk bad.just give a straightforward feedback.and i cant resist that quality.very appealing.
when i discussed him with my friend, she seemed to be not interested.so i keep quiet,keeping my awe as my motivation to be a better teacher.he is one of a kind.which will mean a terrible lost to the education system if he ever think of quitting.
i am such a sucker for kindness and wisdom.but there are times that i forgot my aim-to do what i can to be the "improvement"-and not be tired doing it.Definitely, there are a lot of things to learn.
for instance-grammar..huhu(i seriously think that i need revision on this particular aspect-it sucks!)
some points mentioned by the TP interests me. First is about the opportunity to further study.Secondly, he mentioned about how much politeknik resembles sekolah menengah.and how we should help to change the perception.
Iam really interested about doing an action research that will contribute to the betterment of PNP in general.i think, as a teacher or academician,it comes naturally.you planned your PNP everday,and see how much of the strategies you use are applicable in the teaching process.Teachers are creative people because they are dealing with everchanging subject-the students. When i start teaching, i am stimulated by the challenge of knowing what to do in various situation,knowing how to act and predicting whatever consequences from the action taken.My interest is more to educational psychology-because when you know what you're dealing with, it makes everything less alarming.
When the TP mentioned about the fact that people actually confused politeknik and sekolah menengah,i got answer ready in my head. It was in the establishment.We are treating ourselves and the students like we are in sekolah menengah.We hardly give them a fair chance to prove their values.we controlled everything including their exam grades.We treat them like they are school children. Of course, some disciplines, we cant but must internalize but it shouldnt be in a way akin to that of sekolah menengah.After all, the students are big enough to try to control everything.But probably, we think that we know best.and that we can handle everything by grilling all of the values inside their head.what about the human aspects?what about being more liberal and try any other method?but again it is up to individual.we couldnt possibly ask anybody to think about it the way we think it. So, guess we must do our part of the deeds and other people to theirs.
when i first came here, i was inspired by one very creative person. I like the way he looked at things, and like the way he handled his students. Full of wisdom.and i am still inspired by that until now. i hope i can be as good as him.
the best thing about him, is that he doesnt try to be like other people.He is such a natural, such an original person.he didint drill, or grill, or talk bad.just give a straightforward feedback.and i cant resist that quality.very appealing.
when i discussed him with my friend, she seemed to be not interested.so i keep quiet,keeping my awe as my motivation to be a better teacher.he is one of a kind.which will mean a terrible lost to the education system if he ever think of quitting.
i am such a sucker for kindness and wisdom.but there are times that i forgot my aim-to do what i can to be the "improvement"-and not be tired doing it.Definitely, there are a lot of things to learn.
for instance-grammar..huhu(i seriously think that i need revision on this particular aspect-it sucks!)
Oct 28, 2009
My bestmate and I
this is kind of queer.but i notice that usually when today is a good day for my bestmate and i, the next day would be the opposite. if we laughed a lot today, tomorrow, we will start picking on each other. The happy feeling usually evaporated after the first two days. and afterward, it's going to be weird sitting next to one another.
To tell the truth, it disarmed me.it's pretty confusing.probably because i am not ready for the change in environment.previously i even think that it might be moodiness..but im not sure about that.The real danger of observation is that you see too many things that people do not mention.so you become unsure of your next move-whether to believe the observation or pretend you dont know a thing.usually i just kept quiet.
and one more thing is-when i read my previous writing, i never write about happy moments with him.though there are quite a number of them.
i am strucked by the realisation today-while we were sitting and talking while waiting for the clock to strike 4.30pm today.
To tell the truth, it disarmed me.it's pretty confusing.probably because i am not ready for the change in environment.previously i even think that it might be moodiness..but im not sure about that.The real danger of observation is that you see too many things that people do not mention.so you become unsure of your next move-whether to believe the observation or pretend you dont know a thing.usually i just kept quiet.
and one more thing is-when i read my previous writing, i never write about happy moments with him.though there are quite a number of them.
i am strucked by the realisation today-while we were sitting and talking while waiting for the clock to strike 4.30pm today.
Oct 27, 2009
Before It's Too Late
a conversation with a friend today,get me thinking about something.
My teacher once said, that if you do not enjoy what you do, and you cant do nothing but complaint about bad timing,unfair life and bla bla bla bla,you might as well quit.You wouldnt be of any use to anybody.
i seriously think that it is a gross generalization to say that nobody is better than those people whom you are close to.you only feel that because you didnt try to really look at other people.Too damned buried in your own world to even care.
we always try to improve our situation,for our own good.
when it comes to the time when you can only feel negative feeling in the end of the day,then you should really reconsider your life..or your way of thinking.
im happy with everything, and wouldnt want it to be any other way around...;o)
My teacher once said, that if you do not enjoy what you do, and you cant do nothing but complaint about bad timing,unfair life and bla bla bla bla,you might as well quit.You wouldnt be of any use to anybody.
i seriously think that it is a gross generalization to say that nobody is better than those people whom you are close to.you only feel that because you didnt try to really look at other people.Too damned buried in your own world to even care.
we always try to improve our situation,for our own good.
when it comes to the time when you can only feel negative feeling in the end of the day,then you should really reconsider your life..or your way of thinking.
im happy with everything, and wouldnt want it to be any other way around...;o)
Oct 25, 2009
my dear darling baby
oh yeah.the meaning of my life.His name is Alif,1 year and 4 months. the love of my life.the only hope when everything comes tumbling down.the only reason in madness,the smile to our face.nakal,manja,comel.everything a person ask for.
Nobody in the family ever expected that we will have a new baby brother after 12 years.he came in a very tiny 2.6kg.nothing but a towel and the cloth he was wearing-on a rainy 20th of April.
since then,many things had changed.about him and us.personally.humanly.everytime i think of him,i regret the time i lost for not being around and seeing his development from day to day.
my heart goes out for him, for everything that he might feel and know later in life.For everything that we can never be able to replace for him.For anything that we could never fight for him.we will do our best for him. Infact, we have already sacrificed everything..
Although, some facts just cant be changed, but we love him unconditionally.regadless.
"Ya Allah, tiadalah kekuatan melainkan Engkau.Peliharalah kami dari kejahatan hati dan Kelemahan akal kami,gangguan jin dan syaitan,serta godaan nafsu.Peliharalah kami daripada apa yang tidak kami ketahui. Ya Allah, Engkau lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk hambaMu, kepadaMu kami berserah diri,KepadaMu kami berserah diri,kepadaMu kami berserah diri. Bantulah kami,Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim.."Amin
Oct 24, 2009
Desperate for human contact
Yes,you read it right.i m desperate to talk to someone.it’s very boring after one week of working.to actually spend the time idling at home. I settled the chores on Friday night.in the morning I went for my MUET tuition class, and when I came back, cooked my lunch. A very healthy non oil lunch…huhu
That’s why I loved going to MUET class.it gives me some semblance of normality.there are people to talk to.and when I come back home?Nobody!!
My superior asked me, well she actually invited asked me to go out with her and her boyfriend..but what am I going to do then? Jadi Racun nyamuk?urgh..unthinkable.so I smartly declined,;o) I will not fit in. spend the day flipping through channels on TV.Nothing interesting! And the broadband is a real pain in the a**.
Whatever..
BOOORINGGG
I called my mum, called my brothers, and my sister.but still, it was only for a short period of time.
Whatever will happen on Sunday???!!!
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
Urgh!
To think of everything now,I used to be that girl who loves being alone,spending time alone, doing my own thing.im not sure where that girl is…hmm
But probably the key word is “doing things”.and I have nothing to do since after lunch.i just vegged out in front of this boring 21’ box. Desperately trying to “relax". Desperately...Desperately...
That’s why I loved going to MUET class.it gives me some semblance of normality.there are people to talk to.and when I come back home?Nobody!!
My superior asked me, well she actually invited asked me to go out with her and her boyfriend..but what am I going to do then? Jadi Racun nyamuk?urgh..unthinkable.so I smartly declined,;o) I will not fit in. spend the day flipping through channels on TV.Nothing interesting! And the broadband is a real pain in the a**.
Whatever..
BOOORINGGG
I called my mum, called my brothers, and my sister.but still, it was only for a short period of time.
Whatever will happen on Sunday???!!!
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
Urgh!
To think of everything now,I used to be that girl who loves being alone,spending time alone, doing my own thing.im not sure where that girl is…hmm
But probably the key word is “doing things”.and I have nothing to do since after lunch.i just vegged out in front of this boring 21’ box. Desperately trying to “relax". Desperately...Desperately...
Oct 22, 2009
my kitchen
My kitchen is in a mess!
i dont know what happened to my kitchen but i think im gonna need more than hot water,Bleach,bicarbonate powder and salt!
it started last week when my aunt came stayed in my house for the convo.Actually, before my aunt came,the sink had shown sign of clogging. the water would fill up the sink for a good five minutes before it went down.and i guess im still ok with it.at least it went down.Given the number of times i actually use my kitchen,it was pretty surprising that it get clogged.
So last time,when i came home from the office, the kitchen floor was wet-either from the moping or probably because the water from the sink overflowed and it wet the floor.im not sure which one.But there were waters in several parts of the kitchen.the mate i put near the kitchen door was thoroughly wet, and it was put outside of the kitchen.a pail was put near the door to the kitchen.and the mop itself was put against the railing at the verandah of my kitchen.everything was wet!and i was in the kitchen for a glass of water-innocently-when all sorts of theories attack my mind.i was quite taken aback by the scenario.
Before i can say anything, my aunt started.She followed me to the kitchen,explained how she cleaned the pipe below the sink so as to prevent it from clogging.and showed me which pipe she had "operated".but she pointed me to the water in the sink that wont go down.stuck there.and said that she didnt kow why but usually what she done earlier during the day-whatever it is-never failed.i responded with a bewildered "oh".i dont know what to say.
and now,it is really problematic because, the water stucked there.i have to clean up manually.and if i let it be,it could stay there forever.it really stressed me out.after my aunt went home,i started cleaning up up my kitchen.but it never been the same again.it can make me moody just to enter my kitchen.
i know she meant well, and i appreciate the help,but no thank you.i was not asking for help.please let me do it on my own.Please just leave it to be my problem.please dont touch anything.i know im a bit of a freak when it comes to handling my own business,and i know that now for sure.i'll ask if i need help.
otherwise,dont troubled yourself,thank you.
i dont know what happened to my kitchen but i think im gonna need more than hot water,Bleach,bicarbonate powder and salt!
it started last week when my aunt came stayed in my house for the convo.Actually, before my aunt came,the sink had shown sign of clogging. the water would fill up the sink for a good five minutes before it went down.and i guess im still ok with it.at least it went down.Given the number of times i actually use my kitchen,it was pretty surprising that it get clogged.
So last time,when i came home from the office, the kitchen floor was wet-either from the moping or probably because the water from the sink overflowed and it wet the floor.im not sure which one.But there were waters in several parts of the kitchen.the mate i put near the kitchen door was thoroughly wet, and it was put outside of the kitchen.a pail was put near the door to the kitchen.and the mop itself was put against the railing at the verandah of my kitchen.everything was wet!and i was in the kitchen for a glass of water-innocently-when all sorts of theories attack my mind.i was quite taken aback by the scenario.
Before i can say anything, my aunt started.She followed me to the kitchen,explained how she cleaned the pipe below the sink so as to prevent it from clogging.and showed me which pipe she had "operated".but she pointed me to the water in the sink that wont go down.stuck there.and said that she didnt kow why but usually what she done earlier during the day-whatever it is-never failed.i responded with a bewildered "oh".i dont know what to say.
and now,it is really problematic because, the water stucked there.i have to clean up manually.and if i let it be,it could stay there forever.it really stressed me out.after my aunt went home,i started cleaning up up my kitchen.but it never been the same again.it can make me moody just to enter my kitchen.
i know she meant well, and i appreciate the help,but no thank you.i was not asking for help.please let me do it on my own.Please just leave it to be my problem.please dont touch anything.i know im a bit of a freak when it comes to handling my own business,and i know that now for sure.i'll ask if i need help.
otherwise,dont troubled yourself,thank you.
Oct 20, 2009
good is good
just finished a 3-hour presentation for my sem 3 students.for 2 classes of course.i felt real sleepy during the presentation.but just as soon as i hit the office,i immediately recovered.iam a little disappointed because i expected a more stylish presentation from these students.but just one group pull it through.the rest..huh.they were reading the text all the times.and i was sitting closer to the window,and it was really cold, wind and rain some more-i was off wondering into my darkest imagination!
there are piles of paper on my desk-which need to be taken care of before other things come up.but i just dont have the 'might' to do it.mentally and physically.but i will do it sooner or later.Yesterday, i almost panic because i thought i mixed up the papers. and that i might completely lost track of everything.luckily,nothing as dire as that happen.it just that, i seriously need to do some unpiling activity,return the papers to the students, arrange my desk neatly...before i get stuck trying to find where everything is.
i finally gave out the teacher evaluation form to my SKM students.the comments they gave were quite positive-that im ok but i have to do something more so that my PNP will be better in the future.nice.i actually thought they would give lots of childish comments.but it turned out that they didnt.im glad i actually give them the form-to actually preach about not being a bias and actually demonstrate it through our everyday action..well.it feels good.
this morning i woke up late, so i have to do sort of walkathon to the office.walking as fast i could..at times like this,my motivation is really geared to go and get driving licence sooner,so i can buy my own car-because nobody seems to give a damn this morning-seeing me walking and running at the same time.but what's new about that?so i came down to the office feeling a little let down,and i never expect my students will be my saviour..they save me whatever gloomy feeling i harboured on my way to the office.Talk about practising what you preach.:o(
i just thought there is no limit to doing good deeds.i never realise that it was just an ideal point to talk over coffee..so i expect too much.
there are piles of paper on my desk-which need to be taken care of before other things come up.but i just dont have the 'might' to do it.mentally and physically.but i will do it sooner or later.Yesterday, i almost panic because i thought i mixed up the papers. and that i might completely lost track of everything.luckily,nothing as dire as that happen.it just that, i seriously need to do some unpiling activity,return the papers to the students, arrange my desk neatly...before i get stuck trying to find where everything is.
i finally gave out the teacher evaluation form to my SKM students.the comments they gave were quite positive-that im ok but i have to do something more so that my PNP will be better in the future.nice.i actually thought they would give lots of childish comments.but it turned out that they didnt.im glad i actually give them the form-to actually preach about not being a bias and actually demonstrate it through our everyday action..well.it feels good.
this morning i woke up late, so i have to do sort of walkathon to the office.walking as fast i could..at times like this,my motivation is really geared to go and get driving licence sooner,so i can buy my own car-because nobody seems to give a damn this morning-seeing me walking and running at the same time.but what's new about that?so i came down to the office feeling a little let down,and i never expect my students will be my saviour..they save me whatever gloomy feeling i harboured on my way to the office.Talk about practising what you preach.:o(
i just thought there is no limit to doing good deeds.i never realise that it was just an ideal point to talk over coffee..so i expect too much.
Oct 14, 2009
Oct 12, 2009
the ache in my heart
berasa biru kerana merindui si kecil yang jauh di rumah.
sepanjang hari semalam memikirkan dia.mak saya suruh ambil cuti untuk majlis perkahwinan makcik saya akhir November ini.saya keberatan.Bukan sebab tidak suka.Tapi pertemuan yang sekejap dengan si kecil itu nanti akan buat saya lebih rindu dia.
akhirnya kerana perasaan yang membuak-buak itu,panggilan lewat malam itu pun berlaku.tapi,dia sudah tidur pula...huh.benda pemanggil ini pula mempunyai masalah daya ketahanan.sekejap nyala,sekejap padam.geram!
Lewat solat semalam,tidak henti-henti doa mudah-mudahan Allah memelihara dia dan sentiasa berada di bawah rahman dan rahim-NYa.itulah saja yang termampu buat.Sangat jauh untuk sampai dengan jasad.Doa lebih cepat.Insya Allah.
Walaupun begitu,saya rasa lega sikit sebab adik perempuan saya temankan saya berbual.sekurang-kurangnya,kita tahu.semua orang dalam keadaan yang baik.
lama betul tidak nangis macam semalam.dan selepas nangis tu perasaan lebih lega.bukan saja perasaan yang berkait dengan dia.tapi tentang semua.semua sudah terbasuh dengan airmata yang tidak dapat ditahan-tahan lagi.
huh.selepas itu,tidur dengan nyenyak.;o)
sepanjang hari semalam memikirkan dia.mak saya suruh ambil cuti untuk majlis perkahwinan makcik saya akhir November ini.saya keberatan.Bukan sebab tidak suka.Tapi pertemuan yang sekejap dengan si kecil itu nanti akan buat saya lebih rindu dia.
akhirnya kerana perasaan yang membuak-buak itu,panggilan lewat malam itu pun berlaku.tapi,dia sudah tidur pula...huh.benda pemanggil ini pula mempunyai masalah daya ketahanan.sekejap nyala,sekejap padam.geram!
Lewat solat semalam,tidak henti-henti doa mudah-mudahan Allah memelihara dia dan sentiasa berada di bawah rahman dan rahim-NYa.itulah saja yang termampu buat.Sangat jauh untuk sampai dengan jasad.Doa lebih cepat.Insya Allah.
Walaupun begitu,saya rasa lega sikit sebab adik perempuan saya temankan saya berbual.sekurang-kurangnya,kita tahu.semua orang dalam keadaan yang baik.
lama betul tidak nangis macam semalam.dan selepas nangis tu perasaan lebih lega.bukan saja perasaan yang berkait dengan dia.tapi tentang semua.semua sudah terbasuh dengan airmata yang tidak dapat ditahan-tahan lagi.
huh.selepas itu,tidur dengan nyenyak.;o)
Oct 9, 2009
be it so
Dearest i say,
if i bored you,
just go.
if i irritate you,
just go.
if im not the best pal for you,
just go.
then i lost your friendship,
be it so.
if i bored you,
just go.
if i irritate you,
just go.
if im not the best pal for you,
just go.
then i lost your friendship,
be it so.
thought and feeling
busy as busy can be.many things to do.assignments to mark.assignment to be given out.have to update many things.just for the sake of making things run smoother.somehow,i find solace in that.i can lost myself doing it.i was marking assignment.a simple one really.i was marking assignment intending to just look at the main ideas.and i ended up looking at the language aspect.it made me shook my head in helplessness, and made me smile at the same time.that's the beauty of it.i begin to feel deeply in love.and it gives me purpose.i love the feeling of challenging my notion about myself.knowing that i can do and iam different from what i believe i am. i am practically happy.
though i feel disturbed about something.and today,i am pretty angry about it.i try not to care about what other people said about me.But the more i gnore it,the more he wants to see me crawl inside.i wonder, why he wants to put off the smile of my face.i am not sure which parts of him that hurts..or probably i begin to think about it too seriously.i m not sure.but if things were said more than once, and in many different ways,u begin to feel hurt and angry about it.i was hurt because i feel that he is trying to find fault with me.as if nothing i do is right.as if i cant do anything right.i dont know what is the intention-whether to get my attention or to drive me away.the way everything goes, i guess it's the later...
well,if that's the best for everyone,i guess i need to relocate.i couldnt stand being in an uncomfortable situation with anyone when there is no obvious reason.i just dont need that. oh well, there is one vacant place somewhere in the office...
im reading a book "the story of you" by steve chandler-something that helps me to be positive, to stay positive and create a positive energy for myself in everyday life.
So, insyaallah i m going to be just fine.
though i feel disturbed about something.and today,i am pretty angry about it.i try not to care about what other people said about me.But the more i gnore it,the more he wants to see me crawl inside.i wonder, why he wants to put off the smile of my face.i am not sure which parts of him that hurts..or probably i begin to think about it too seriously.i m not sure.but if things were said more than once, and in many different ways,u begin to feel hurt and angry about it.i was hurt because i feel that he is trying to find fault with me.as if nothing i do is right.as if i cant do anything right.i dont know what is the intention-whether to get my attention or to drive me away.the way everything goes, i guess it's the later...
well,if that's the best for everyone,i guess i need to relocate.i couldnt stand being in an uncomfortable situation with anyone when there is no obvious reason.i just dont need that. oh well, there is one vacant place somewhere in the office...
im reading a book "the story of you" by steve chandler-something that helps me to be positive, to stay positive and create a positive energy for myself in everyday life.
So, insyaallah i m going to be just fine.
Oct 8, 2009
pissed off
that somebody is mean enough to try to hurt my confidence .and is mean enough to suggest that im too desperate to find a companion after a breakup.
FYI:that's not me.i dont need to add anybody in my life to make me feel happy.No,thank you.
enough said.
FYI:that's not me.i dont need to add anybody in my life to make me feel happy.No,thank you.
enough said.
Oct 6, 2009
Auguries of Innocence
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.
Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.
The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.
-William Blake
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipt and arm'd for fight
Does the rising sun affright.
Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer, wand'ring here and there,
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misus'd breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be belov'd by men.
He who the ox to wrath has mov'd
Shall never be by woman lov'd.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the last judgement draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of envy's foot.
The poison of the honey bee
Is the artist's jealousy.
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so;
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know,
Thro' the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands;
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright,
And return'd to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar,
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes revenge in realms of death.
The beggar's rags, fluttering in air,
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier, arm'd with sword and gun,
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the lab'rer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands;
Or, if protected from on high,
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mock'd in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner, who sits so sly,
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plow,
To peaceful arts shall envy bow.
A riddle, or the cricket's cry,
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding-sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born,
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not thro' the eye,
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light,
To those poor souls who dwell in night;
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.
-William Blake
Oct 3, 2009
When i was one and twenty
When i was one-and-twenty
i heard a wise man say,
"Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free"
But i was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.
When i was one-and-twenty
i heard him say again,
"the heart out of the bossom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue."
And i am two-and-twenty,
And oh,'tis true, 'tis true.
A.E.Housman(1859-1936)
i heard a wise man say,
"Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free"
But i was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.
When i was one-and-twenty
i heard him say again,
"the heart out of the bossom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue."
And i am two-and-twenty,
And oh,'tis true, 'tis true.
A.E.Housman(1859-1936)
Oct 1, 2009
quiet
Time is running past me
through the day and
night.
my mind wanders aimlessly,
shifting,
jumping,
walking from one direction to the other
Nothing.
Wind
birds
Birds
wind
Silence-
....Quiet
through the day and
night.
my mind wanders aimlessly,
shifting,
jumping,
walking from one direction to the other
Nothing.
Wind
birds
Birds
wind
Silence-
....Quiet
Sep 27, 2009
I...
i am in the land of wonderland.Here at home, it is really windy.it rains sometimes.so,it gets real cold.i almost lost track of time.i was thinking of school time,where it was usually windy,warmth weather.it reminds me of going to school again.oh yeah, school starts on Monday.maybe that's triggered my thought of school.
today,i went to Papar with my family-my uncle's engagement.we went as early as 7.30am,and stopped for breakfast at my uncle's house in Menggatal.So far out, but it's ok.i enjoyed the trip.it so happened that, my mum's elder brother was having an open house today.And usually i wont want to miss that.He is a real nice uncle-very helpful and kind-besides,it was a long time since i last saw him-but my father insisted on tagging along with his side of the family for the engagement-so,my brother and i just went with my father.My mum and my two other brothers went to the open house.
Yesterday, i went to the Hotspring with my brothers and one of my uncles.i just sit quietly, soaking my feet in warm water while they went swimming.i enjoy swimming.It's just that i dont feel it's ok for me to do that.With all the things i need to do before i could swim,i guess i can do without it. At night, my cousin asked me whether i would like to join his kinda-sort of-MLM business.so i went, listened.but that's it.im not interested.at least not this kind of business.the sum is blinding but..no thanks ;o).
Next week will be a quiet week.everything will resume once again.i have another one week,then the break will be over.
today,i went to Papar with my family-my uncle's engagement.we went as early as 7.30am,and stopped for breakfast at my uncle's house in Menggatal.So far out, but it's ok.i enjoyed the trip.it so happened that, my mum's elder brother was having an open house today.And usually i wont want to miss that.He is a real nice uncle-very helpful and kind-besides,it was a long time since i last saw him-but my father insisted on tagging along with his side of the family for the engagement-so,my brother and i just went with my father.My mum and my two other brothers went to the open house.
Yesterday, i went to the Hotspring with my brothers and one of my uncles.i just sit quietly, soaking my feet in warm water while they went swimming.i enjoy swimming.It's just that i dont feel it's ok for me to do that.With all the things i need to do before i could swim,i guess i can do without it. At night, my cousin asked me whether i would like to join his kinda-sort of-MLM business.so i went, listened.but that's it.im not interested.at least not this kind of business.the sum is blinding but..no thanks ;o).
Next week will be a quiet week.everything will resume once again.i have another one week,then the break will be over.
Sep 23, 2009
Question of Trust
The fourth day of hari raya.we were having an open house yesterday.People coming in and out of the house,until after Isyak.It was ok,not as tiring as last year's hari raya.Catering-save time and budget.Some of my friends and long lost friends came.I felt glad to see them after years of absence. Though i dont have many friends here now.Just because of times and commitment.so along the way, we drifted.some of them moved out.some were simply M.I.A.
But,the hari raya was marred by inconsiderate people who just dont know where to draw the line. it's one thing to cheat on somebody, and another to actually bring home the culprit. This is after all a family gathering.there's no point bringing home the home wrecker. and even worst when there were people who dont understand this.and still have the guts to ask/order other people to simply be nice and accept 'it' as normal.come on man, it's a question of trust.once broken, that's the point of no return.at least try to understand the concept, can you?i think not.oh the stress, all the bickering, the blaming game,the emotional blackmail..i cant begin to describe how upset i am by that.
i dont want to keep finding things to be at fault.it's becomes really tiring and boring after some time.i dont want to keep on talking about negative feeling.But what am i suppose to do,when it was right in front of my eyes?How can i remain unmoved by that?i dont want to be hating anyone for a lifetime.But still, it happened.again and again.
I learned something though.once you fail to honour the trust nothing would be the same again. Never would anything be the same again.you will always be on the watch out for signs of corruption.Dont ever mention the words trust, or respect, if you dont know the meaning. Dont!!if you dont mean it.Dont ever try to use that against somebody just to blackmail them.
i am looking for somebody who wouldnt use emotional blackmail against me, just so that i feel inadequate about who i am,or what i stand for.i wouldnt want somebody who makes me feel so wrong about myself just so that he will feel better about himself.i want somebody who helps me to realise my full potential as a friend and as someone who matters.Not just a helping hand during vulnerable moments.i want everything he can offer in whatever times.i want the real deal.solid and sound.i dont want half measure.
I know it's hari raya.Not exactly the right time to nag senseless.But i wonder when is the right time?
But,the hari raya was marred by inconsiderate people who just dont know where to draw the line. it's one thing to cheat on somebody, and another to actually bring home the culprit. This is after all a family gathering.there's no point bringing home the home wrecker. and even worst when there were people who dont understand this.and still have the guts to ask/order other people to simply be nice and accept 'it' as normal.come on man, it's a question of trust.once broken, that's the point of no return.at least try to understand the concept, can you?i think not.oh the stress, all the bickering, the blaming game,the emotional blackmail..i cant begin to describe how upset i am by that.
i dont want to keep finding things to be at fault.it's becomes really tiring and boring after some time.i dont want to keep on talking about negative feeling.But what am i suppose to do,when it was right in front of my eyes?How can i remain unmoved by that?i dont want to be hating anyone for a lifetime.But still, it happened.again and again.
I learned something though.once you fail to honour the trust nothing would be the same again. Never would anything be the same again.you will always be on the watch out for signs of corruption.Dont ever mention the words trust, or respect, if you dont know the meaning. Dont!!if you dont mean it.Dont ever try to use that against somebody just to blackmail them.
i am looking for somebody who wouldnt use emotional blackmail against me, just so that i feel inadequate about who i am,or what i stand for.i wouldnt want somebody who makes me feel so wrong about myself just so that he will feel better about himself.i want somebody who helps me to realise my full potential as a friend and as someone who matters.Not just a helping hand during vulnerable moments.i want everything he can offer in whatever times.i want the real deal.solid and sound.i dont want half measure.
I know it's hari raya.Not exactly the right time to nag senseless.But i wonder when is the right time?
Sep 21, 2009
mad world
All around are me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
-when adam sang this in AI, i was shaken by his powerful voice.and when i actually read the lines, i felt certain degree of emotional turmoil-mixture of hopelessness,helplessness,regret,alone, lost-and several other emotions i couldnt name.I feel disturbed.it reminds me of what i feel when i heard that Chris Benoit has died(given the nature of his death)-because i was a fan.and the feeling i had when Heath Ledger died.disturbed and overwhelmed.
and mostly, to the fact that there are some things, u just have no control over...huh
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
-when adam sang this in AI, i was shaken by his powerful voice.and when i actually read the lines, i felt certain degree of emotional turmoil-mixture of hopelessness,helplessness,regret,alone, lost-and several other emotions i couldnt name.I feel disturbed.it reminds me of what i feel when i heard that Chris Benoit has died(given the nature of his death)-because i was a fan.and the feeling i had when Heath Ledger died.disturbed and overwhelmed.
and mostly, to the fact that there are some things, u just have no control over...huh
Sep 20, 2009
points to ponder
I met with a friend while shopping with my brothers on Saturday.He was my friend from school,the only friend i have after all those years.we keep on contacting each other even after smk..we were quite close at school, but we were even closer now.When i was in KK for the Young Lecturers's course, we went out and talked almost about everything.
Except for some private things about his previous relationship-i dont want to pry,so i didnt really ask about that.
i like him-his attitude,his sense of humor,determination,responsible,rajin and simplicity-i never really gotten over my awe for him.i really respect him for all the things he did.we used to study math together, and in some vulnerable time, he let slipped some of his trouble.and i would start feeling sorry for him,but i dont know how i can help.so, i just kept quiet. The way he was so calm and relax about everything, was really something to learn from.he never complain about it,he mentioned it as if it was no big deal.After school, he helped out in a shop,which mean,he did not have too much times for other things.that's why i humoured him,when he stole one of my graphs for economics-knowing that he stayed up pretty late at night, slept 2-4 hours before school in the morning.Some people couldnt and wouldnt accept sympathy, so i helped the best way i know how. still, i have so much respect for his will to make life better.
he inspires deep feeling of gratitude for whatever i have in my life.although everything has been like a roller coaster,but somehow something is worth smiling over.
Steve Chandler says in his book-that life is a commitment-face it with commitment-look at it with commitment...
Except for some private things about his previous relationship-i dont want to pry,so i didnt really ask about that.
i like him-his attitude,his sense of humor,determination,responsible,rajin and simplicity-i never really gotten over my awe for him.i really respect him for all the things he did.we used to study math together, and in some vulnerable time, he let slipped some of his trouble.and i would start feeling sorry for him,but i dont know how i can help.so, i just kept quiet. The way he was so calm and relax about everything, was really something to learn from.he never complain about it,he mentioned it as if it was no big deal.After school, he helped out in a shop,which mean,he did not have too much times for other things.that's why i humoured him,when he stole one of my graphs for economics-knowing that he stayed up pretty late at night, slept 2-4 hours before school in the morning.Some people couldnt and wouldnt accept sympathy, so i helped the best way i know how. still, i have so much respect for his will to make life better.
he inspires deep feeling of gratitude for whatever i have in my life.although everything has been like a roller coaster,but somehow something is worth smiling over.
Steve Chandler says in his book-that life is a commitment-face it with commitment-look at it with commitment...
Sep 18, 2009
Apalah erti hari raya tanpa...
hehe.tajuk konon gempaklah.
sebenarnya,tidak ada apa yang perlu dikhabarkan tentang hal diatas.cuma sekadar title.hype saja.
semalam agak lewat sampai ke rumah.sebab banyak sangat singgah ke sana ke mari, tidak sedar hari makin lewat.sampai agak pagi hari jugalah.terus tunggu sampai sahur.maklum saja, sahur disini kan kira-kira pukul 3 macam tu.masa yang ada habiskan dengan borak-borak sambil makan dan discuss planning seterusnya.Bangun awal..sebab ada baby kecil yg macam ayam.pagi hari lagi sudah kecoh-kecoh.wouldnt want to miss the fun..;o)
awal pagi lagi sudah hujan.so, hari yang berbaki panjang tu di habiskan dengan aktiviti mengemas rumah..dan main bunga api dengan baby kecil yang cute and keletah.sure to miss him later.my sister kata kenapalah kami berdua main bunga api siang hari?whateverlah.yg penting baby gembira, and i shared the feeling with him.after maghrib sambung main.kali ni main bunga api yang agak besar pula.15 kali.all sounds and colours.up in the air.memang meriah.my brother pasang pelita.Kali ni, tinggal rumah kami saja yang ada pelita.jiran sebelah sudah balik kampung.jadi, pelita yang ada di lorong tu hanya pelita dari rumah kami. It looks so beautiful.it is like Fire burning.cantik.
Terasa suasana raya tu.setiap tahun memang tidak sempat rasa suasana begini.Balik pun pada akhir-akhir ramadhan. Kami tidak pernah terfikir pula untuk beli firecrackers.tahun ni lain sikit.kesempatan dan masa.Baby kecil yang first time sambut raya.semua tulah yang mendorong untuk sambut raya dengan lebih meriah.More feelings no doubt. My brothers simpan lagi satu surprise untuk malam raya.Bigger firecrackers.hehe.memang diorang ni bersungguh betul.Walaupun tahun ni, kad raya tidaklah banyak sangat.banyak yang di hantar secara online, tapi tidak menjejaskan perasaan untuk raya.
apalah erti hari raya tanpa kegembiraan begini.berkumpul.bergembira.merayakan dengan rasa syukur.dan bunga api.;o)
Semua ini sangat bermakna kerana adanya orang-orang yang kita sayang dan sentiasa membuatkan kita gembira.walaupun bukannya dapat diukur dengan harta benda yang banyak.
sebenarnya,tidak ada apa yang perlu dikhabarkan tentang hal diatas.cuma sekadar title.hype saja.
semalam agak lewat sampai ke rumah.sebab banyak sangat singgah ke sana ke mari, tidak sedar hari makin lewat.sampai agak pagi hari jugalah.terus tunggu sampai sahur.maklum saja, sahur disini kan kira-kira pukul 3 macam tu.masa yang ada habiskan dengan borak-borak sambil makan dan discuss planning seterusnya.Bangun awal..sebab ada baby kecil yg macam ayam.pagi hari lagi sudah kecoh-kecoh.wouldnt want to miss the fun..;o)
awal pagi lagi sudah hujan.so, hari yang berbaki panjang tu di habiskan dengan aktiviti mengemas rumah..dan main bunga api dengan baby kecil yang cute and keletah.sure to miss him later.my sister kata kenapalah kami berdua main bunga api siang hari?whateverlah.yg penting baby gembira, and i shared the feeling with him.after maghrib sambung main.kali ni main bunga api yang agak besar pula.15 kali.all sounds and colours.up in the air.memang meriah.my brother pasang pelita.Kali ni, tinggal rumah kami saja yang ada pelita.jiran sebelah sudah balik kampung.jadi, pelita yang ada di lorong tu hanya pelita dari rumah kami. It looks so beautiful.it is like Fire burning.cantik.
Terasa suasana raya tu.setiap tahun memang tidak sempat rasa suasana begini.Balik pun pada akhir-akhir ramadhan. Kami tidak pernah terfikir pula untuk beli firecrackers.tahun ni lain sikit.kesempatan dan masa.Baby kecil yang first time sambut raya.semua tulah yang mendorong untuk sambut raya dengan lebih meriah.More feelings no doubt. My brothers simpan lagi satu surprise untuk malam raya.Bigger firecrackers.hehe.memang diorang ni bersungguh betul.Walaupun tahun ni, kad raya tidaklah banyak sangat.banyak yang di hantar secara online, tapi tidak menjejaskan perasaan untuk raya.
apalah erti hari raya tanpa kegembiraan begini.berkumpul.bergembira.merayakan dengan rasa syukur.dan bunga api.;o)
Semua ini sangat bermakna kerana adanya orang-orang yang kita sayang dan sentiasa membuatkan kita gembira.walaupun bukannya dapat diukur dengan harta benda yang banyak.
Sep 16, 2009
Raya, si Jahat Mulut dan Keliru
Esok balik kampung.minggu lepas lagi I dah kemas barang siap-siap. Bukan apa..supaya memudahkan kerja.hari ni hanya perlu kemas rumah saja.tidak perlu fikir baju mana atau barang apa yang kena bawa.sebab semua sudah settle.tu namanya planning ahead.bagus jugalah.incase ada last minute planning kan.so,focus.hehe.atau sebenarnya mengada-ngada.tapi cakaplah apa saja yang penting kita ada cara masing-masing untuk make life easier kan.
Apa ceritanya si jahat mulut ni?actually ni memang sesuatu yang biasa berlaku.satu insiden berlaku baru-baru ni yang telah menyebabkan orang-orang gaduh.di bulan-bulan puasa pula lagi.hampir-hampir hari raya.mungkin ada orang yang memang dilahirkan suka cari masalah dengan orang lain. Suka cakap yang memecah belahkan sesama sendiri.cakap ikut sedap mulut lepas tu tidak mau pula bertanggungjawab kepada kerosakan-kerosakan yang terjadi.apa lagi..salahkan lah orang lain.sungguh mudah.yang si jahat mulut ni tidak sedar, tuhan tu mengira apa yang kita buat di dunia.baik atau buruk.jangan suka hati saja beb!Dia Maha Dengar dan Maha Tahu apa yang u buat.walaupun orang tidak nampak. U tuduh sana tuduh sini, mentang-mentang orang lain ni jenis tidak suka cakap banyak. Herannya kenapa u tidak belajar dari pengalaman yang lepas?u tau ada certain individual ni cakap dia memang tidak guna satu sen pun,u percaya buat apa?u dengar saja tidak bolehkah?siap tambah perasa pula lagi tu.susah betul kalau suka menokok tambah cerita.lagi teruk kalau jadi batu asah..Tau orang ni cepat panas u pegi sibuk-sibuk kasi panas dia lagi buat apa?apa Faedah dia?u cakap u belajar tinggi.. Siap main geng-geng lagi..hai,kita ni semua sudah besar.try acting like one!nasib baik, my side ni jenis cool gitu. Satu yang ada problem, kita dengar..TAPI tidaklah sepandai you all yang suka merumitkan lagi keadaan. And kita tidak cakap apa-apa, bukan maksudnya kita bodoh.Kita Cuma tidak mau join jadi bodoh saja.
tapi yalah.nama pun hari raya.hari yang sepatutnya kita berusaha meneutralkan apa yang keruh. ambil apa yang baik.yang tidak baik tu buang saja.tak rugi kan.Buat apa memanjangkan cerita yang boleh di pendekkan?A true muslim is willing to forget and forgive.That's the spirit. As Andrew Matthews says, u forgive other people for your benefits.and in this case, why not?
Apa ceritanya si jahat mulut ni?actually ni memang sesuatu yang biasa berlaku.satu insiden berlaku baru-baru ni yang telah menyebabkan orang-orang gaduh.di bulan-bulan puasa pula lagi.hampir-hampir hari raya.mungkin ada orang yang memang dilahirkan suka cari masalah dengan orang lain. Suka cakap yang memecah belahkan sesama sendiri.cakap ikut sedap mulut lepas tu tidak mau pula bertanggungjawab kepada kerosakan-kerosakan yang terjadi.apa lagi..salahkan lah orang lain.sungguh mudah.yang si jahat mulut ni tidak sedar, tuhan tu mengira apa yang kita buat di dunia.baik atau buruk.jangan suka hati saja beb!Dia Maha Dengar dan Maha Tahu apa yang u buat.walaupun orang tidak nampak. U tuduh sana tuduh sini, mentang-mentang orang lain ni jenis tidak suka cakap banyak. Herannya kenapa u tidak belajar dari pengalaman yang lepas?u tau ada certain individual ni cakap dia memang tidak guna satu sen pun,u percaya buat apa?u dengar saja tidak bolehkah?siap tambah perasa pula lagi tu.susah betul kalau suka menokok tambah cerita.lagi teruk kalau jadi batu asah..Tau orang ni cepat panas u pegi sibuk-sibuk kasi panas dia lagi buat apa?apa Faedah dia?u cakap u belajar tinggi.. Siap main geng-geng lagi..hai,kita ni semua sudah besar.try acting like one!nasib baik, my side ni jenis cool gitu. Satu yang ada problem, kita dengar..TAPI tidaklah sepandai you all yang suka merumitkan lagi keadaan. And kita tidak cakap apa-apa, bukan maksudnya kita bodoh.Kita Cuma tidak mau join jadi bodoh saja.
tapi yalah.nama pun hari raya.hari yang sepatutnya kita berusaha meneutralkan apa yang keruh. ambil apa yang baik.yang tidak baik tu buang saja.tak rugi kan.Buat apa memanjangkan cerita yang boleh di pendekkan?A true muslim is willing to forget and forgive.That's the spirit. As Andrew Matthews says, u forgive other people for your benefits.and in this case, why not?
Goosebumps
Funny.crazy.call it whatever.
suddenly there's whiff of familiar smell enveloping my senses.
suddenly i got goosebumps all over.
it made me feel as if someone is staring at my back while i was sitting here.At This Very Moment!!!
but the smell,and the goosebumps-Totally Paranormal.
or probably that is my emotion playing havoc...
pernah rasa?Seram sejuk tiba2 sebab ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan kita pada seseorang, dan kita rasakan orang tu ada disana...bila sebenarnya tiada?
suddenly there's whiff of familiar smell enveloping my senses.
suddenly i got goosebumps all over.
it made me feel as if someone is staring at my back while i was sitting here.At This Very Moment!!!
but the smell,and the goosebumps-Totally Paranormal.
or probably that is my emotion playing havoc...
pernah rasa?Seram sejuk tiba2 sebab ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan kita pada seseorang, dan kita rasakan orang tu ada disana...bila sebenarnya tiada?
Sep 15, 2009
Crime of Passion
A crime of passion, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault or murder, against a spouse or other loved one because of sudden strong impulse such as a jealous rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime. A typical crime of passion, for example, might involve a husband who discovers his wife has made him a cuckold and proceeds to brutally batter or even kill his wife or the man with whom she was involved. Women (e.g. Ruth Ellis or Lorena Bobbitt), as well as men, can commit crimes of passion.
In the United States civil courts, a crime of passion is referred to as temporary insanity. This defense was first used by U.S. Congressman Daniel Sickles of New York in 1859 after he had killed his wife's lover, Philip Barton Key, but was most used during the 1940s and 1950s.
In some countries, notably France, crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense during murder cases; during the 19th century, some cases could be a custodial sentence for two years for the murderer, while the spouse was dead; this ended in France as the Napoleonic code was updated in the 1970s so that a specific father's authority upon his whole family was over.
(taken from:wikipedia)
i was reading something about the widespread rape cases among the Penan teenage girls yesterday when i came across this term.indeed it was!it sounds justifiable because u can put a name to it, but it horrifying as well.Just imagine, when you are really geared up with emotions, and imagine also if u r experiencing intense feeling of rage or fondness over something...maddening sensation,right?
So is the Crime of Passion-where you feel maddening sensation to do something be it as a punishment or possession.
In the United States civil courts, a crime of passion is referred to as temporary insanity. This defense was first used by U.S. Congressman Daniel Sickles of New York in 1859 after he had killed his wife's lover, Philip Barton Key, but was most used during the 1940s and 1950s.
In some countries, notably France, crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense during murder cases; during the 19th century, some cases could be a custodial sentence for two years for the murderer, while the spouse was dead; this ended in France as the Napoleonic code was updated in the 1970s so that a specific father's authority upon his whole family was over.
(taken from:wikipedia)
i was reading something about the widespread rape cases among the Penan teenage girls yesterday when i came across this term.indeed it was!it sounds justifiable because u can put a name to it, but it horrifying as well.Just imagine, when you are really geared up with emotions, and imagine also if u r experiencing intense feeling of rage or fondness over something...maddening sensation,right?
So is the Crime of Passion-where you feel maddening sensation to do something be it as a punishment or possession.
Sep 13, 2009
curioser,curioser...
Conversation between Alice and The Cheshire Cat.(from Lewis Caroll,Alice's Adventure...)
A: Cheshire Puss.Would you tell me, please,which way i ought to go from here?
C: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
A: I dont much care where-
C: Then it doesnt matter which way you go
A: -so long as i get somewhere
C: Oh,you are sure to do that,if you only walk long enough
A: What sort of people live about here?
C: In that direction,lives a Hater. And in that direction lives a March Hare.Visit either you like:they're both mad.
A: But i dont want to go among mad people
C: Oh, you can help that.We're all mad here.Im mad.you're mad.
A: How do you know im mad?
C: You must be. Or you wouldnt have come here.
A: And how do you know you're mad?
C: To begin with,a dog's not mad.you grant that?
A: I suppose so.
C: Well, then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.Now i growl when im pleased and wag my tail when im angry.Therefore,im mad.
A: i call it purring, not growling.
C: call it what you like.
-this is a very intriguing piece.you say it the way you like it, regardless of whether it's the truth or not.that's the best thing with language.you can play around-and no linguist in their right mind would object.as long as u know what's the point.
so maybe it's acceptable to answer "happy Birthday" with "Take Care"...;o)
hahaha
A: Cheshire Puss.Would you tell me, please,which way i ought to go from here?
C: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
A: I dont much care where-
C: Then it doesnt matter which way you go
A: -so long as i get somewhere
C: Oh,you are sure to do that,if you only walk long enough
A: What sort of people live about here?
C: In that direction,lives a Hater. And in that direction lives a March Hare.Visit either you like:they're both mad.
A: But i dont want to go among mad people
C: Oh, you can help that.We're all mad here.Im mad.you're mad.
A: How do you know im mad?
C: You must be. Or you wouldnt have come here.
A: And how do you know you're mad?
C: To begin with,a dog's not mad.you grant that?
A: I suppose so.
C: Well, then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.Now i growl when im pleased and wag my tail when im angry.Therefore,im mad.
A: i call it purring, not growling.
C: call it what you like.
-this is a very intriguing piece.you say it the way you like it, regardless of whether it's the truth or not.that's the best thing with language.you can play around-and no linguist in their right mind would object.as long as u know what's the point.
so maybe it's acceptable to answer "happy Birthday" with "Take Care"...;o)
hahaha
Sep 11, 2009
midnight rambling
seminggu sebelum raya.
many things left to do.zillions.i havent get the festive bugs yet.
works are piling up,many tasks to do,quizzes unmarked, assignments and bills unpaid.or so i thought.i remembered paying it only weeks before.and then suddenly it pay-day again.so,im a little disoriented.i didnt start marking all the assignment before.i just got started-really started yesterday.thank god friday i dont have any class.so i can concentrate on un-piling the things on my desk.Thank god.i am trying to complete marking it before Thursday-so i will have a stress-free hari raya.
On Wed, my CC went and cerap my class.i was sure that she was going to cerap my DKA class.Instead, she chose the DSK class.what happened was, the class was so noisy, and some of the lucky students were even singing at the back while i was sweating blood infront teaching them.and of course it leaves bad impression on my CC.She went ahead condemning the students for being noisy.and actually i also got the blast...on class control.Huh, it was real hell.one thing is to actually go through such observation and not coming out good, and the other for coming across as a weakling because my CC hadnt bother to make it a confidential thing with the other colleagues.so,im embarras and feel out of control.im trying to look at it from a positive angle,but i couldnt because i knew everyone in the office know about it.i feel like whatever i did was wrong.and i dont like the feeling.Maybe, in one aspect it was impractical and shallow for me to think that we can control the students by a reverse method-but i feel like killing the students for being so-not-cooperative at that time.so i guess, next time i need to show them who's the boss!
so yeah, in a reconciliatory stage with my best mate..after a long week of silence.though in the first day, i couldnt really be normal-as normal can be-i dont know what to say to him.just good mornig-takde kelas ke-etc-i really dont know how to start being normal. besides, i hate talking to someone who just not interested, so for a day after the reconciliation, i kept my distance. the next day, the pace began to pick up, so i followed suit.actually it feels nice talking to him again.it feels nice because finally it's over.not talking to him,basically was hell.because we are sitting next to one another, but couldnt or wouldnt say anything..at all.just silence.in one office but couldnt or wouldnt do anything we used to do.He to his space and im to mine.i dont want to have any reservation when i want to do something..just because he was there.now, it's much more better.though, i dont really like being called a bestmate-because i dont know what it means.i prefer to term it as friend-or if needed be-just simply bestfriend-easier to understand.lagipun, bestmate makes me feel as if im a guy.which obviously, im not.
strange-i begin to develop a feeling of possessiveness over something.i get emotional and jealous-but i dont want to spell it out openly just yet.i thought i am the most undemanding person.and im not sure what triggers my irrational feeling towards this something.im not confused..it so happened that im a very private person when it comes to emotion.i dont usually say what's on my mind.and i dont usually ask anything from other people.i let people have their way most of the times.just dont think that i dont care.it's because, i dont want to be too personal..all these privacy thingy.so usually i suffered from lost,stupidity and sakit hati.hmm.
i've been busy learning how to cook lately.i called my mum about pajeri nanas the other day, and i asked my friend how to cook nasi ayam, mee kolok etc.hey..im not that terrible when it comes to cooking, my only problem is cooking complicated recipe.it's never too late for anything i guess.
im planning a getaway the week after hari raya-when the festive mood must have died down a bit.not sure where.the hotspring, or the mountain, somewhere relaxing.before classes resume again.yeah,something to look forward to.
many things left to do.zillions.i havent get the festive bugs yet.
works are piling up,many tasks to do,quizzes unmarked, assignments and bills unpaid.or so i thought.i remembered paying it only weeks before.and then suddenly it pay-day again.so,im a little disoriented.i didnt start marking all the assignment before.i just got started-really started yesterday.thank god friday i dont have any class.so i can concentrate on un-piling the things on my desk.Thank god.i am trying to complete marking it before Thursday-so i will have a stress-free hari raya.
On Wed, my CC went and cerap my class.i was sure that she was going to cerap my DKA class.Instead, she chose the DSK class.what happened was, the class was so noisy, and some of the lucky students were even singing at the back while i was sweating blood infront teaching them.and of course it leaves bad impression on my CC.She went ahead condemning the students for being noisy.and actually i also got the blast...on class control.Huh, it was real hell.one thing is to actually go through such observation and not coming out good, and the other for coming across as a weakling because my CC hadnt bother to make it a confidential thing with the other colleagues.so,im embarras and feel out of control.im trying to look at it from a positive angle,but i couldnt because i knew everyone in the office know about it.i feel like whatever i did was wrong.and i dont like the feeling.Maybe, in one aspect it was impractical and shallow for me to think that we can control the students by a reverse method-but i feel like killing the students for being so-not-cooperative at that time.so i guess, next time i need to show them who's the boss!
so yeah, in a reconciliatory stage with my best mate..after a long week of silence.though in the first day, i couldnt really be normal-as normal can be-i dont know what to say to him.just good mornig-takde kelas ke-etc-i really dont know how to start being normal. besides, i hate talking to someone who just not interested, so for a day after the reconciliation, i kept my distance. the next day, the pace began to pick up, so i followed suit.actually it feels nice talking to him again.it feels nice because finally it's over.not talking to him,basically was hell.because we are sitting next to one another, but couldnt or wouldnt say anything..at all.just silence.in one office but couldnt or wouldnt do anything we used to do.He to his space and im to mine.i dont want to have any reservation when i want to do something..just because he was there.now, it's much more better.though, i dont really like being called a bestmate-because i dont know what it means.i prefer to term it as friend-or if needed be-just simply bestfriend-easier to understand.lagipun, bestmate makes me feel as if im a guy.which obviously, im not.
strange-i begin to develop a feeling of possessiveness over something.i get emotional and jealous-but i dont want to spell it out openly just yet.i thought i am the most undemanding person.and im not sure what triggers my irrational feeling towards this something.im not confused..it so happened that im a very private person when it comes to emotion.i dont usually say what's on my mind.and i dont usually ask anything from other people.i let people have their way most of the times.just dont think that i dont care.it's because, i dont want to be too personal..all these privacy thingy.so usually i suffered from lost,stupidity and sakit hati.hmm.
i've been busy learning how to cook lately.i called my mum about pajeri nanas the other day, and i asked my friend how to cook nasi ayam, mee kolok etc.hey..im not that terrible when it comes to cooking, my only problem is cooking complicated recipe.it's never too late for anything i guess.
im planning a getaway the week after hari raya-when the festive mood must have died down a bit.not sure where.the hotspring, or the mountain, somewhere relaxing.before classes resume again.yeah,something to look forward to.
Sep 8, 2009
Yes, hold my hands please...
Taken from eat.pray.love.
"Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference', replied the little girl. 'If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.'
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in it's bind, but in it's bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."
"Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference', replied the little girl. 'If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.'
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in it's bind, but in it's bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."
Sep 7, 2009
the maths of communication
The Mathematics of Persuasive Communication
by Philip Yaffe
At first glance mathematics and persuasive communication - writing, and particularly public speaking - would seem to have little in common. After all, mathematics is an objective science, whilst speaking involves voice quality, inflection, eye contact, personality, body language, and other subjective components.
However, under the surface they are very similar.
Above anything else, the success of an oral presentation depends on the precision of its structure. Mathematics is all about precision. It is therefore not so odd to think that applying some of the concepts of mathematics to oral presentations could make them substantially more effective.
As they say in the film industry, three key factors go into making a successful movie: the script, the script, and the script. Likewise, three key factors go into making a successful speech: the structure, the structure, and the structure.
Not convinced? Then let's start with something less radical.
I think we can all agree that good speaking is related to good writing. If you can write a good text, then you are well on your way to preparing a good oral presentation. Therefore, if you improve your writing, you will also improve your speaking.
To simplify matters, from now on we will talk mainly about good writing, because is most cases the same ideas apply directly to good speaking.
Know what you are doing
Many commercial companies do not live up to their potential - and sometimes even go bankrupt - because they fail to correctly define the business they are in.
Perfume companies, for example, do not sell fragrant liquids, but rather love, romance, seductiveness, self-esteem, etc. Bio-food companies do not sell organic produce, but rather honesty, purity, nature, etc. Automobile manufacturers do not sell transportation, but rather freedom, adventure, spontaneity, prestige, etc. The fact is, each industry, even each individual product, may have to determine what it is truly all about - and there are thousands of them!
Writers are lucky. There are numerous variations to what we do, but there are really only two fundamental types of writing. It is important to recognise this, because not only are they quite different, in some respects they are exactly opposite. So unless we clearly recognise which type of writing we are doing - and how it differs from the other one - we will almost certainly commit serious errors.
Philip currently teaches a course in good writing and public speaking in Bruseels Belgium. His book In the 'I' of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing and Speaking (Almost) like a Professional
(http://www.hodu.com/maths.shtml)
interesting...im going to ask my commerce students to do an oral presentation based on this.
by Philip Yaffe
At first glance mathematics and persuasive communication - writing, and particularly public speaking - would seem to have little in common. After all, mathematics is an objective science, whilst speaking involves voice quality, inflection, eye contact, personality, body language, and other subjective components.
However, under the surface they are very similar.
Above anything else, the success of an oral presentation depends on the precision of its structure. Mathematics is all about precision. It is therefore not so odd to think that applying some of the concepts of mathematics to oral presentations could make them substantially more effective.
As they say in the film industry, three key factors go into making a successful movie: the script, the script, and the script. Likewise, three key factors go into making a successful speech: the structure, the structure, and the structure.
Not convinced? Then let's start with something less radical.
I think we can all agree that good speaking is related to good writing. If you can write a good text, then you are well on your way to preparing a good oral presentation. Therefore, if you improve your writing, you will also improve your speaking.
To simplify matters, from now on we will talk mainly about good writing, because is most cases the same ideas apply directly to good speaking.
Know what you are doing
Many commercial companies do not live up to their potential - and sometimes even go bankrupt - because they fail to correctly define the business they are in.
Perfume companies, for example, do not sell fragrant liquids, but rather love, romance, seductiveness, self-esteem, etc. Bio-food companies do not sell organic produce, but rather honesty, purity, nature, etc. Automobile manufacturers do not sell transportation, but rather freedom, adventure, spontaneity, prestige, etc. The fact is, each industry, even each individual product, may have to determine what it is truly all about - and there are thousands of them!
Writers are lucky. There are numerous variations to what we do, but there are really only two fundamental types of writing. It is important to recognise this, because not only are they quite different, in some respects they are exactly opposite. So unless we clearly recognise which type of writing we are doing - and how it differs from the other one - we will almost certainly commit serious errors.
Philip currently teaches a course in good writing and public speaking in Bruseels Belgium. His book In the 'I' of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing and Speaking (Almost) like a Professional
(http://www.hodu.com/maths.shtml)
interesting...im going to ask my commerce students to do an oral presentation based on this.
Sep 6, 2009
beyond description
i dont know how to best lament about this.
i was strucked by a realisation.magically, i didnt feel any disappointment.only a clear understanding of the matter at hand.
i mentioned about my Gentleman.and how i was excited by that.i thought that this time it would turn out good.and yes it did at first.but after engaging with him for quite a few days now, i feel that maybe i have mistaken my own sentiment.i actually feel that he is a lost cause.
i thought that by being close will erase the gaps. but then it widen.
suddenly i feel that he was not the person i met and liked.he is so different.i cant remember why i was smitten at the first place.i cant remember why i liked him.i dont even know why i ever feel the way i feel.he is so different and i dont know him all that much anymore.
but then again, probably he has been that way all this time.and again, people change.why should i expected that they be the same anyway. i changed-everybody changed, so why should i make an exception when it concerns him?actually.i can live with that.
so i guess, it is easier for me to walk away for good.knowing that now i can call him a friend.a real friend.no more no less.
that's the end of this chapter.period.
i was strucked by a realisation.magically, i didnt feel any disappointment.only a clear understanding of the matter at hand.
i mentioned about my Gentleman.and how i was excited by that.i thought that this time it would turn out good.and yes it did at first.but after engaging with him for quite a few days now, i feel that maybe i have mistaken my own sentiment.i actually feel that he is a lost cause.
i thought that by being close will erase the gaps. but then it widen.
suddenly i feel that he was not the person i met and liked.he is so different.i cant remember why i was smitten at the first place.i cant remember why i liked him.i dont even know why i ever feel the way i feel.he is so different and i dont know him all that much anymore.
but then again, probably he has been that way all this time.and again, people change.why should i expected that they be the same anyway. i changed-everybody changed, so why should i make an exception when it concerns him?actually.i can live with that.
so i guess, it is easier for me to walk away for good.knowing that now i can call him a friend.a real friend.no more no less.
that's the end of this chapter.period.
Sep 5, 2009
Kekurangan, Pilihan dan Kos Lepas
now what are these?
these are economics terms used to explain how sources are use in economy.
Kekurangan is a condition where you have several choices,however because of the deficiency, you are only allowed to choose one thing.The one you choose must be that-which maximises profit and beneficial to others-depends which system u are following. Pilihan is the choice you made. Kos Lepas is the thing you have to let go after the choosing process.Simple terms,basic economics.
well,actually that's also the basic principle in life.where you have to choose from the options available and have to let go of something in the process. Because we cant have too many things at one go.it must be one at a time or not at all.we have to make smart decision at all times in order to minimise dissatisfaction, discontentment or worst-heartbreak.
now who said economics has nothing to do with philosophy?we actually learn a lot from things we do and see. even, we can apply it to everyday life.Like this one.a very thought provoking concept-so to speak.
and why i blogged it down?because-when i took the subject years before, i fell head over heel in love with it.i got some of my personality traits from economics as well.though, for all the wrong reason.im a language teacher for heaven sake.;o).i find economics very philosophical and practical at the same time.Something uncomplicated.something i can relate.
im writing about it because i was thinking about something, and all of a sudden it popped in my head.it practically soothes me off my not so comforting thought.which iam very grateful.
so the moral is: whenever you decide on something, dont regret.try to make it works.Because what you choose to do is probably the best option for you and eveyone else..at the time.
these are economics terms used to explain how sources are use in economy.
Kekurangan is a condition where you have several choices,however because of the deficiency, you are only allowed to choose one thing.The one you choose must be that-which maximises profit and beneficial to others-depends which system u are following. Pilihan is the choice you made. Kos Lepas is the thing you have to let go after the choosing process.Simple terms,basic economics.
well,actually that's also the basic principle in life.where you have to choose from the options available and have to let go of something in the process. Because we cant have too many things at one go.it must be one at a time or not at all.we have to make smart decision at all times in order to minimise dissatisfaction, discontentment or worst-heartbreak.
now who said economics has nothing to do with philosophy?we actually learn a lot from things we do and see. even, we can apply it to everyday life.Like this one.a very thought provoking concept-so to speak.
and why i blogged it down?because-when i took the subject years before, i fell head over heel in love with it.i got some of my personality traits from economics as well.though, for all the wrong reason.im a language teacher for heaven sake.;o).i find economics very philosophical and practical at the same time.Something uncomplicated.something i can relate.
im writing about it because i was thinking about something, and all of a sudden it popped in my head.it practically soothes me off my not so comforting thought.which iam very grateful.
so the moral is: whenever you decide on something, dont regret.try to make it works.Because what you choose to do is probably the best option for you and eveyone else..at the time.
Sep 3, 2009
he is just not that into you
i read the book.it was loaded with the dos and donts of relationship.
first, i was excited to finish it.but halfway through, i begin to get bored.it doesnt excite me all that much anymore.
relationship should be learn through trial and error.there's no wrong or right.it's right when it's right and wrong when you think that it's wrong.
Human nature is not something fix.it changes over time.the best way is to try and learn, unlearn and re-learn again.there is not a signpost that you can say something for sure.
but some part of it is a real insight. like the usual excuses the guys always use to avoid being in a relationship with one person.But knowing that, i become more of a sceptic.judging everything i actually see in daily life.
and one part of the book discuss about how does a shitty relationship looks like.which i guess common occurence.sometime we want to be in a relationship so much that we ignore what is staring us in the eyes.we keep on giving excuses because we are not confident to let the relationship go.we keep on holding on because we think we ought to give it a chance.That's when it comes to unfulfilling relationship.you didnt get any satisfaction from it, and it makes you less productive in daily dwelling.Sometime, we want to be in a shitty relationship just to be in with the crowd.sometimes, because we're too self conscious of what other people will say, and we do not want to be in the limelight for all the wrong reason..i.e:being dumped for tons of reason imaginable.so, it's better to suffer than being the object of scrutiny.
That's why for me, being single is the best option.though im not saying that it's not ok to be in a relationship.but you must understand the terms and conditions first.you can not just be in one just because everybody is in it. you can not just simply assume that relationship is as easy as what you see in TV or read in a novel.When you do that, it means that you are hoping too much and will let yourself go through supossed hardship because you think it's normal to do that.
there are tons of dirty works to be done to make it work.and mind you, relationship is no soap opera.because its main core is emotion.and it can get real complicated.
that's why i rather not play the part.because i can stand the emotional mess.i've seen people going through a very bad one..it gets ugly everytime.
for me if a person couldnt be bother to treat you with all due respect, what's the point of pursuing it?is it normal thing to be in an abusive relationship?or in a relationship where you are the only one pulling all the strings?or you are the only one who is willing to sacrifice?
let's not be philosophical about it.let just be practical.the most important thing is, when the relationship gives you certain degrees of personal meaning, which you can relate, and it benefits everyone involves, then what the heck?just dive in head first.
but if not, then maybe he is just not that into you.which is just probably the best time to bid him adieu.
first, i was excited to finish it.but halfway through, i begin to get bored.it doesnt excite me all that much anymore.
relationship should be learn through trial and error.there's no wrong or right.it's right when it's right and wrong when you think that it's wrong.
Human nature is not something fix.it changes over time.the best way is to try and learn, unlearn and re-learn again.there is not a signpost that you can say something for sure.
but some part of it is a real insight. like the usual excuses the guys always use to avoid being in a relationship with one person.But knowing that, i become more of a sceptic.judging everything i actually see in daily life.
and one part of the book discuss about how does a shitty relationship looks like.which i guess common occurence.sometime we want to be in a relationship so much that we ignore what is staring us in the eyes.we keep on giving excuses because we are not confident to let the relationship go.we keep on holding on because we think we ought to give it a chance.That's when it comes to unfulfilling relationship.you didnt get any satisfaction from it, and it makes you less productive in daily dwelling.Sometime, we want to be in a shitty relationship just to be in with the crowd.sometimes, because we're too self conscious of what other people will say, and we do not want to be in the limelight for all the wrong reason..i.e:being dumped for tons of reason imaginable.so, it's better to suffer than being the object of scrutiny.
That's why for me, being single is the best option.though im not saying that it's not ok to be in a relationship.but you must understand the terms and conditions first.you can not just be in one just because everybody is in it. you can not just simply assume that relationship is as easy as what you see in TV or read in a novel.When you do that, it means that you are hoping too much and will let yourself go through supossed hardship because you think it's normal to do that.
there are tons of dirty works to be done to make it work.and mind you, relationship is no soap opera.because its main core is emotion.and it can get real complicated.
that's why i rather not play the part.because i can stand the emotional mess.i've seen people going through a very bad one..it gets ugly everytime.
for me if a person couldnt be bother to treat you with all due respect, what's the point of pursuing it?is it normal thing to be in an abusive relationship?or in a relationship where you are the only one pulling all the strings?or you are the only one who is willing to sacrifice?
let's not be philosophical about it.let just be practical.the most important thing is, when the relationship gives you certain degrees of personal meaning, which you can relate, and it benefits everyone involves, then what the heck?just dive in head first.
but if not, then maybe he is just not that into you.which is just probably the best time to bid him adieu.
ramadhan kareem
the blessed month is here.
time to improve oneself, and improve one's ibadah.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me.simply for the fact that, usually i spent Ramadhan some place away from home.and when it comes to iftar in the evening, i feel real sad listening to the Azan.not really sad, but it touched me profoundly.and yet now, when i hear the Calling during Maghrib, it is not as touching as i used to remember. Maybe, we should give training to the muazzin so they can inject some more beauty in it.
Usually i dont eat much.I eat what is there. Ramadhan is really a great time to jimat.Dont have to cook many things, dont have to eat like three times a day.Just suffice eating during the berbuka only.im not the kind of person who eats the whole night, so..yeah, it's good month.
But the most important thing is, Ramadhan helps to improve many things, especially in relation to spiritual aspect.not only for the physical well being, but the emotional well being as well.strengthening beliefs and internalising good acts.i really hope im able to do something meaningful, for me and for everyone around.Insyaallah
time to improve oneself, and improve one's ibadah.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me.simply for the fact that, usually i spent Ramadhan some place away from home.and when it comes to iftar in the evening, i feel real sad listening to the Azan.not really sad, but it touched me profoundly.and yet now, when i hear the Calling during Maghrib, it is not as touching as i used to remember. Maybe, we should give training to the muazzin so they can inject some more beauty in it.
Usually i dont eat much.I eat what is there. Ramadhan is really a great time to jimat.Dont have to cook many things, dont have to eat like three times a day.Just suffice eating during the berbuka only.im not the kind of person who eats the whole night, so..yeah, it's good month.
But the most important thing is, Ramadhan helps to improve many things, especially in relation to spiritual aspect.not only for the physical well being, but the emotional well being as well.strengthening beliefs and internalising good acts.i really hope im able to do something meaningful, for me and for everyone around.Insyaallah
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