Tired

Thanks to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person.
Thanks to those who loved me, you made my heart bigger.
Thanks to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow.
Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important.
Thanks to those who worried, you let me know that you cared.
Thanks to those who left, you made me aware that nothing is forever.
Thanks to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friendship.
Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who i am today

You call it Life...

One month and a few days at my this place. still doing some adjustment. Sometimes i feel like i dont know what i am doing. Sometimes i feel as if  im living few years behind as people and processes are considerably slower here than any other place i have been. The only thing that moves pretty fast here is the time. Any clock or watch at any class or office will always be 15 minutes earlier than the real time.  It sets me every time into panic mood. i go to the office at 730 hour in the morning and when i reached the office it's already 750.Goodness! and the drive is less than 5 minutes! i feel like Alice in the wonderland. Always confused. Always trying to figure out which is which or what or how. 

I am always busy. as usual.  It occupies my over thinking mind. It helps me to focus. It helps me to stay grounded. it's like a reality that cut into my day dreamer's world.  Nice. I like it. Strangely, usually i like positive people. Though there is one person whom so called positiveness is acidic to the point of annoyance. what i think: She is trying to appear positive with encouragement, positive words and pats on the shoulder. But at the end of the day, somewhat you realised that she is actually not positive. i still dont know what is the adjective to describe her. When i do find the adjective, i'll blog about the "word". ;)

I dont understand myself. i feel deeply troubled. i feel like someone is taking advantage of my feeling, to her own benefit. I can accept frankness, but i cant possibly accept someone who do it the underhand way. Senang ceritalah. Saya tak suka perasaan dikhianati. Saya tak suka orang berpura-pura Saya tak suka orang gunakan saya sebagai batu loncatan untuk mencapai apa yang dia mahu. Simply dont like it. Contohnya: Dia ni suka seseorang in my circle tapi sebab dia tahu saya berkawan dengan orang itu - and in order to get closer to that person - dia ni pun berkawan lah juga dengan saya. Normally she wont even bother. Ataupun, dia ni tau saya suka seseorang ini, dia pun menggeletis juga lebih sudu dari kuah approach that guy. Siapa yang suka siapa ni?I immediately turn off my feeling for this guy because of that.  Hey lady, don't abuse my friendship eh!

 I left from my Mukah group today. Simply because i feel i don't belong anymore. I felt disconnected when they talked about things i didn't know.  Maybe i should reconsider my plan of attending my good friend's wedding in Mukah this December? i should just cancel my plan. i should. Entah apa pa ntah me. 

Sempena Ramadhan yang ke 13 ini, mudah-mudahan keberkatan Allah sentiasa melimpahi, semoga diberikan oleh Allah petunjuk dan hidayah untuk memahami yang tersurat dan tersirat, Semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa-dosa yang telah lalu mahupun yang akan datang,