i am in the land of wonderland.Here at home, it is really windy.it rains sometimes.so,it gets real cold.i almost lost track of time.i was thinking of school time,where it was usually windy,warmth weather.it reminds me of going to school again.oh yeah, school starts on Monday.maybe that's triggered my thought of school.
today,i went to Papar with my family-my uncle's engagement.we went as early as 7.30am,and stopped for breakfast at my uncle's house in Menggatal.So far out, but it's ok.i enjoyed the trip.it so happened that, my mum's elder brother was having an open house today.And usually i wont want to miss that.He is a real nice uncle-very helpful and kind-besides,it was a long time since i last saw him-but my father insisted on tagging along with his side of the family for the engagement-so,my brother and i just went with my father.My mum and my two other brothers went to the open house.
Yesterday, i went to the Hotspring with my brothers and one of my uncles.i just sit quietly, soaking my feet in warm water while they went swimming.i enjoy swimming.It's just that i dont feel it's ok for me to do that.With all the things i need to do before i could swim,i guess i can do without it. At night, my cousin asked me whether i would like to join his kinda-sort of-MLM business.so i went, listened.but that's it.im not interested.at least not this kind of business.the sum is blinding but..no thanks ;o).
Next week will be a quiet week.everything will resume once again.i have another one week,then the break will be over.
Sep 27, 2009
Sep 23, 2009
Question of Trust
The fourth day of hari raya.we were having an open house yesterday.People coming in and out of the house,until after Isyak.It was ok,not as tiring as last year's hari raya.Catering-save time and budget.Some of my friends and long lost friends came.I felt glad to see them after years of absence. Though i dont have many friends here now.Just because of times and commitment.so along the way, we drifted.some of them moved out.some were simply M.I.A.
But,the hari raya was marred by inconsiderate people who just dont know where to draw the line. it's one thing to cheat on somebody, and another to actually bring home the culprit. This is after all a family gathering.there's no point bringing home the home wrecker. and even worst when there were people who dont understand this.and still have the guts to ask/order other people to simply be nice and accept 'it' as normal.come on man, it's a question of trust.once broken, that's the point of no return.at least try to understand the concept, can you?i think not.oh the stress, all the bickering, the blaming game,the emotional blackmail..i cant begin to describe how upset i am by that.
i dont want to keep finding things to be at fault.it's becomes really tiring and boring after some time.i dont want to keep on talking about negative feeling.But what am i suppose to do,when it was right in front of my eyes?How can i remain unmoved by that?i dont want to be hating anyone for a lifetime.But still, it happened.again and again.
I learned something though.once you fail to honour the trust nothing would be the same again. Never would anything be the same again.you will always be on the watch out for signs of corruption.Dont ever mention the words trust, or respect, if you dont know the meaning. Dont!!if you dont mean it.Dont ever try to use that against somebody just to blackmail them.
i am looking for somebody who wouldnt use emotional blackmail against me, just so that i feel inadequate about who i am,or what i stand for.i wouldnt want somebody who makes me feel so wrong about myself just so that he will feel better about himself.i want somebody who helps me to realise my full potential as a friend and as someone who matters.Not just a helping hand during vulnerable moments.i want everything he can offer in whatever times.i want the real deal.solid and sound.i dont want half measure.
I know it's hari raya.Not exactly the right time to nag senseless.But i wonder when is the right time?
But,the hari raya was marred by inconsiderate people who just dont know where to draw the line. it's one thing to cheat on somebody, and another to actually bring home the culprit. This is after all a family gathering.there's no point bringing home the home wrecker. and even worst when there were people who dont understand this.and still have the guts to ask/order other people to simply be nice and accept 'it' as normal.come on man, it's a question of trust.once broken, that's the point of no return.at least try to understand the concept, can you?i think not.oh the stress, all the bickering, the blaming game,the emotional blackmail..i cant begin to describe how upset i am by that.
i dont want to keep finding things to be at fault.it's becomes really tiring and boring after some time.i dont want to keep on talking about negative feeling.But what am i suppose to do,when it was right in front of my eyes?How can i remain unmoved by that?i dont want to be hating anyone for a lifetime.But still, it happened.again and again.
I learned something though.once you fail to honour the trust nothing would be the same again. Never would anything be the same again.you will always be on the watch out for signs of corruption.Dont ever mention the words trust, or respect, if you dont know the meaning. Dont!!if you dont mean it.Dont ever try to use that against somebody just to blackmail them.
i am looking for somebody who wouldnt use emotional blackmail against me, just so that i feel inadequate about who i am,or what i stand for.i wouldnt want somebody who makes me feel so wrong about myself just so that he will feel better about himself.i want somebody who helps me to realise my full potential as a friend and as someone who matters.Not just a helping hand during vulnerable moments.i want everything he can offer in whatever times.i want the real deal.solid and sound.i dont want half measure.
I know it's hari raya.Not exactly the right time to nag senseless.But i wonder when is the right time?
Sep 21, 2009
mad world
All around are me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
-when adam sang this in AI, i was shaken by his powerful voice.and when i actually read the lines, i felt certain degree of emotional turmoil-mixture of hopelessness,helplessness,regret,alone, lost-and several other emotions i couldnt name.I feel disturbed.it reminds me of what i feel when i heard that Chris Benoit has died(given the nature of his death)-because i was a fan.and the feeling i had when Heath Ledger died.disturbed and overwhelmed.
and mostly, to the fact that there are some things, u just have no control over...huh
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world, Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
-when adam sang this in AI, i was shaken by his powerful voice.and when i actually read the lines, i felt certain degree of emotional turmoil-mixture of hopelessness,helplessness,regret,alone, lost-and several other emotions i couldnt name.I feel disturbed.it reminds me of what i feel when i heard that Chris Benoit has died(given the nature of his death)-because i was a fan.and the feeling i had when Heath Ledger died.disturbed and overwhelmed.
and mostly, to the fact that there are some things, u just have no control over...huh
Sep 20, 2009
points to ponder
I met with a friend while shopping with my brothers on Saturday.He was my friend from school,the only friend i have after all those years.we keep on contacting each other even after smk..we were quite close at school, but we were even closer now.When i was in KK for the Young Lecturers's course, we went out and talked almost about everything.
Except for some private things about his previous relationship-i dont want to pry,so i didnt really ask about that.
i like him-his attitude,his sense of humor,determination,responsible,rajin and simplicity-i never really gotten over my awe for him.i really respect him for all the things he did.we used to study math together, and in some vulnerable time, he let slipped some of his trouble.and i would start feeling sorry for him,but i dont know how i can help.so, i just kept quiet. The way he was so calm and relax about everything, was really something to learn from.he never complain about it,he mentioned it as if it was no big deal.After school, he helped out in a shop,which mean,he did not have too much times for other things.that's why i humoured him,when he stole one of my graphs for economics-knowing that he stayed up pretty late at night, slept 2-4 hours before school in the morning.Some people couldnt and wouldnt accept sympathy, so i helped the best way i know how. still, i have so much respect for his will to make life better.
he inspires deep feeling of gratitude for whatever i have in my life.although everything has been like a roller coaster,but somehow something is worth smiling over.
Steve Chandler says in his book-that life is a commitment-face it with commitment-look at it with commitment...
Except for some private things about his previous relationship-i dont want to pry,so i didnt really ask about that.
i like him-his attitude,his sense of humor,determination,responsible,rajin and simplicity-i never really gotten over my awe for him.i really respect him for all the things he did.we used to study math together, and in some vulnerable time, he let slipped some of his trouble.and i would start feeling sorry for him,but i dont know how i can help.so, i just kept quiet. The way he was so calm and relax about everything, was really something to learn from.he never complain about it,he mentioned it as if it was no big deal.After school, he helped out in a shop,which mean,he did not have too much times for other things.that's why i humoured him,when he stole one of my graphs for economics-knowing that he stayed up pretty late at night, slept 2-4 hours before school in the morning.Some people couldnt and wouldnt accept sympathy, so i helped the best way i know how. still, i have so much respect for his will to make life better.
he inspires deep feeling of gratitude for whatever i have in my life.although everything has been like a roller coaster,but somehow something is worth smiling over.
Steve Chandler says in his book-that life is a commitment-face it with commitment-look at it with commitment...
Sep 18, 2009
Apalah erti hari raya tanpa...
hehe.tajuk konon gempaklah.
sebenarnya,tidak ada apa yang perlu dikhabarkan tentang hal diatas.cuma sekadar title.hype saja.
semalam agak lewat sampai ke rumah.sebab banyak sangat singgah ke sana ke mari, tidak sedar hari makin lewat.sampai agak pagi hari jugalah.terus tunggu sampai sahur.maklum saja, sahur disini kan kira-kira pukul 3 macam tu.masa yang ada habiskan dengan borak-borak sambil makan dan discuss planning seterusnya.Bangun awal..sebab ada baby kecil yg macam ayam.pagi hari lagi sudah kecoh-kecoh.wouldnt want to miss the fun..;o)
awal pagi lagi sudah hujan.so, hari yang berbaki panjang tu di habiskan dengan aktiviti mengemas rumah..dan main bunga api dengan baby kecil yang cute and keletah.sure to miss him later.my sister kata kenapalah kami berdua main bunga api siang hari?whateverlah.yg penting baby gembira, and i shared the feeling with him.after maghrib sambung main.kali ni main bunga api yang agak besar pula.15 kali.all sounds and colours.up in the air.memang meriah.my brother pasang pelita.Kali ni, tinggal rumah kami saja yang ada pelita.jiran sebelah sudah balik kampung.jadi, pelita yang ada di lorong tu hanya pelita dari rumah kami. It looks so beautiful.it is like Fire burning.cantik.
Terasa suasana raya tu.setiap tahun memang tidak sempat rasa suasana begini.Balik pun pada akhir-akhir ramadhan. Kami tidak pernah terfikir pula untuk beli firecrackers.tahun ni lain sikit.kesempatan dan masa.Baby kecil yang first time sambut raya.semua tulah yang mendorong untuk sambut raya dengan lebih meriah.More feelings no doubt. My brothers simpan lagi satu surprise untuk malam raya.Bigger firecrackers.hehe.memang diorang ni bersungguh betul.Walaupun tahun ni, kad raya tidaklah banyak sangat.banyak yang di hantar secara online, tapi tidak menjejaskan perasaan untuk raya.
apalah erti hari raya tanpa kegembiraan begini.berkumpul.bergembira.merayakan dengan rasa syukur.dan bunga api.;o)
Semua ini sangat bermakna kerana adanya orang-orang yang kita sayang dan sentiasa membuatkan kita gembira.walaupun bukannya dapat diukur dengan harta benda yang banyak.
sebenarnya,tidak ada apa yang perlu dikhabarkan tentang hal diatas.cuma sekadar title.hype saja.
semalam agak lewat sampai ke rumah.sebab banyak sangat singgah ke sana ke mari, tidak sedar hari makin lewat.sampai agak pagi hari jugalah.terus tunggu sampai sahur.maklum saja, sahur disini kan kira-kira pukul 3 macam tu.masa yang ada habiskan dengan borak-borak sambil makan dan discuss planning seterusnya.Bangun awal..sebab ada baby kecil yg macam ayam.pagi hari lagi sudah kecoh-kecoh.wouldnt want to miss the fun..;o)
awal pagi lagi sudah hujan.so, hari yang berbaki panjang tu di habiskan dengan aktiviti mengemas rumah..dan main bunga api dengan baby kecil yang cute and keletah.sure to miss him later.my sister kata kenapalah kami berdua main bunga api siang hari?whateverlah.yg penting baby gembira, and i shared the feeling with him.after maghrib sambung main.kali ni main bunga api yang agak besar pula.15 kali.all sounds and colours.up in the air.memang meriah.my brother pasang pelita.Kali ni, tinggal rumah kami saja yang ada pelita.jiran sebelah sudah balik kampung.jadi, pelita yang ada di lorong tu hanya pelita dari rumah kami. It looks so beautiful.it is like Fire burning.cantik.
Terasa suasana raya tu.setiap tahun memang tidak sempat rasa suasana begini.Balik pun pada akhir-akhir ramadhan. Kami tidak pernah terfikir pula untuk beli firecrackers.tahun ni lain sikit.kesempatan dan masa.Baby kecil yang first time sambut raya.semua tulah yang mendorong untuk sambut raya dengan lebih meriah.More feelings no doubt. My brothers simpan lagi satu surprise untuk malam raya.Bigger firecrackers.hehe.memang diorang ni bersungguh betul.Walaupun tahun ni, kad raya tidaklah banyak sangat.banyak yang di hantar secara online, tapi tidak menjejaskan perasaan untuk raya.
apalah erti hari raya tanpa kegembiraan begini.berkumpul.bergembira.merayakan dengan rasa syukur.dan bunga api.;o)
Semua ini sangat bermakna kerana adanya orang-orang yang kita sayang dan sentiasa membuatkan kita gembira.walaupun bukannya dapat diukur dengan harta benda yang banyak.
Sep 16, 2009
Raya, si Jahat Mulut dan Keliru
Esok balik kampung.minggu lepas lagi I dah kemas barang siap-siap. Bukan apa..supaya memudahkan kerja.hari ni hanya perlu kemas rumah saja.tidak perlu fikir baju mana atau barang apa yang kena bawa.sebab semua sudah settle.tu namanya planning ahead.bagus jugalah.incase ada last minute planning kan.so,focus.hehe.atau sebenarnya mengada-ngada.tapi cakaplah apa saja yang penting kita ada cara masing-masing untuk make life easier kan.
Apa ceritanya si jahat mulut ni?actually ni memang sesuatu yang biasa berlaku.satu insiden berlaku baru-baru ni yang telah menyebabkan orang-orang gaduh.di bulan-bulan puasa pula lagi.hampir-hampir hari raya.mungkin ada orang yang memang dilahirkan suka cari masalah dengan orang lain. Suka cakap yang memecah belahkan sesama sendiri.cakap ikut sedap mulut lepas tu tidak mau pula bertanggungjawab kepada kerosakan-kerosakan yang terjadi.apa lagi..salahkan lah orang lain.sungguh mudah.yang si jahat mulut ni tidak sedar, tuhan tu mengira apa yang kita buat di dunia.baik atau buruk.jangan suka hati saja beb!Dia Maha Dengar dan Maha Tahu apa yang u buat.walaupun orang tidak nampak. U tuduh sana tuduh sini, mentang-mentang orang lain ni jenis tidak suka cakap banyak. Herannya kenapa u tidak belajar dari pengalaman yang lepas?u tau ada certain individual ni cakap dia memang tidak guna satu sen pun,u percaya buat apa?u dengar saja tidak bolehkah?siap tambah perasa pula lagi tu.susah betul kalau suka menokok tambah cerita.lagi teruk kalau jadi batu asah..Tau orang ni cepat panas u pegi sibuk-sibuk kasi panas dia lagi buat apa?apa Faedah dia?u cakap u belajar tinggi.. Siap main geng-geng lagi..hai,kita ni semua sudah besar.try acting like one!nasib baik, my side ni jenis cool gitu. Satu yang ada problem, kita dengar..TAPI tidaklah sepandai you all yang suka merumitkan lagi keadaan. And kita tidak cakap apa-apa, bukan maksudnya kita bodoh.Kita Cuma tidak mau join jadi bodoh saja.
tapi yalah.nama pun hari raya.hari yang sepatutnya kita berusaha meneutralkan apa yang keruh. ambil apa yang baik.yang tidak baik tu buang saja.tak rugi kan.Buat apa memanjangkan cerita yang boleh di pendekkan?A true muslim is willing to forget and forgive.That's the spirit. As Andrew Matthews says, u forgive other people for your benefits.and in this case, why not?
Apa ceritanya si jahat mulut ni?actually ni memang sesuatu yang biasa berlaku.satu insiden berlaku baru-baru ni yang telah menyebabkan orang-orang gaduh.di bulan-bulan puasa pula lagi.hampir-hampir hari raya.mungkin ada orang yang memang dilahirkan suka cari masalah dengan orang lain. Suka cakap yang memecah belahkan sesama sendiri.cakap ikut sedap mulut lepas tu tidak mau pula bertanggungjawab kepada kerosakan-kerosakan yang terjadi.apa lagi..salahkan lah orang lain.sungguh mudah.yang si jahat mulut ni tidak sedar, tuhan tu mengira apa yang kita buat di dunia.baik atau buruk.jangan suka hati saja beb!Dia Maha Dengar dan Maha Tahu apa yang u buat.walaupun orang tidak nampak. U tuduh sana tuduh sini, mentang-mentang orang lain ni jenis tidak suka cakap banyak. Herannya kenapa u tidak belajar dari pengalaman yang lepas?u tau ada certain individual ni cakap dia memang tidak guna satu sen pun,u percaya buat apa?u dengar saja tidak bolehkah?siap tambah perasa pula lagi tu.susah betul kalau suka menokok tambah cerita.lagi teruk kalau jadi batu asah..Tau orang ni cepat panas u pegi sibuk-sibuk kasi panas dia lagi buat apa?apa Faedah dia?u cakap u belajar tinggi.. Siap main geng-geng lagi..hai,kita ni semua sudah besar.try acting like one!nasib baik, my side ni jenis cool gitu. Satu yang ada problem, kita dengar..TAPI tidaklah sepandai you all yang suka merumitkan lagi keadaan. And kita tidak cakap apa-apa, bukan maksudnya kita bodoh.Kita Cuma tidak mau join jadi bodoh saja.
tapi yalah.nama pun hari raya.hari yang sepatutnya kita berusaha meneutralkan apa yang keruh. ambil apa yang baik.yang tidak baik tu buang saja.tak rugi kan.Buat apa memanjangkan cerita yang boleh di pendekkan?A true muslim is willing to forget and forgive.That's the spirit. As Andrew Matthews says, u forgive other people for your benefits.and in this case, why not?
Goosebumps
Funny.crazy.call it whatever.
suddenly there's whiff of familiar smell enveloping my senses.
suddenly i got goosebumps all over.
it made me feel as if someone is staring at my back while i was sitting here.At This Very Moment!!!
but the smell,and the goosebumps-Totally Paranormal.
or probably that is my emotion playing havoc...
pernah rasa?Seram sejuk tiba2 sebab ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan kita pada seseorang, dan kita rasakan orang tu ada disana...bila sebenarnya tiada?
suddenly there's whiff of familiar smell enveloping my senses.
suddenly i got goosebumps all over.
it made me feel as if someone is staring at my back while i was sitting here.At This Very Moment!!!
but the smell,and the goosebumps-Totally Paranormal.
or probably that is my emotion playing havoc...
pernah rasa?Seram sejuk tiba2 sebab ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan kita pada seseorang, dan kita rasakan orang tu ada disana...bila sebenarnya tiada?
Sep 15, 2009
Crime of Passion
A crime of passion, in popular usage, refers to a crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault or murder, against a spouse or other loved one because of sudden strong impulse such as a jealous rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime. A typical crime of passion, for example, might involve a husband who discovers his wife has made him a cuckold and proceeds to brutally batter or even kill his wife or the man with whom she was involved. Women (e.g. Ruth Ellis or Lorena Bobbitt), as well as men, can commit crimes of passion.
In the United States civil courts, a crime of passion is referred to as temporary insanity. This defense was first used by U.S. Congressman Daniel Sickles of New York in 1859 after he had killed his wife's lover, Philip Barton Key, but was most used during the 1940s and 1950s.
In some countries, notably France, crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense during murder cases; during the 19th century, some cases could be a custodial sentence for two years for the murderer, while the spouse was dead; this ended in France as the Napoleonic code was updated in the 1970s so that a specific father's authority upon his whole family was over.
(taken from:wikipedia)
i was reading something about the widespread rape cases among the Penan teenage girls yesterday when i came across this term.indeed it was!it sounds justifiable because u can put a name to it, but it horrifying as well.Just imagine, when you are really geared up with emotions, and imagine also if u r experiencing intense feeling of rage or fondness over something...maddening sensation,right?
So is the Crime of Passion-where you feel maddening sensation to do something be it as a punishment or possession.
In the United States civil courts, a crime of passion is referred to as temporary insanity. This defense was first used by U.S. Congressman Daniel Sickles of New York in 1859 after he had killed his wife's lover, Philip Barton Key, but was most used during the 1940s and 1950s.
In some countries, notably France, crime passionnel (or crime of passion) was a valid defense during murder cases; during the 19th century, some cases could be a custodial sentence for two years for the murderer, while the spouse was dead; this ended in France as the Napoleonic code was updated in the 1970s so that a specific father's authority upon his whole family was over.
(taken from:wikipedia)
i was reading something about the widespread rape cases among the Penan teenage girls yesterday when i came across this term.indeed it was!it sounds justifiable because u can put a name to it, but it horrifying as well.Just imagine, when you are really geared up with emotions, and imagine also if u r experiencing intense feeling of rage or fondness over something...maddening sensation,right?
So is the Crime of Passion-where you feel maddening sensation to do something be it as a punishment or possession.
Sep 13, 2009
curioser,curioser...
Conversation between Alice and The Cheshire Cat.(from Lewis Caroll,Alice's Adventure...)
A: Cheshire Puss.Would you tell me, please,which way i ought to go from here?
C: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
A: I dont much care where-
C: Then it doesnt matter which way you go
A: -so long as i get somewhere
C: Oh,you are sure to do that,if you only walk long enough
A: What sort of people live about here?
C: In that direction,lives a Hater. And in that direction lives a March Hare.Visit either you like:they're both mad.
A: But i dont want to go among mad people
C: Oh, you can help that.We're all mad here.Im mad.you're mad.
A: How do you know im mad?
C: You must be. Or you wouldnt have come here.
A: And how do you know you're mad?
C: To begin with,a dog's not mad.you grant that?
A: I suppose so.
C: Well, then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.Now i growl when im pleased and wag my tail when im angry.Therefore,im mad.
A: i call it purring, not growling.
C: call it what you like.
-this is a very intriguing piece.you say it the way you like it, regardless of whether it's the truth or not.that's the best thing with language.you can play around-and no linguist in their right mind would object.as long as u know what's the point.
so maybe it's acceptable to answer "happy Birthday" with "Take Care"...;o)
hahaha
A: Cheshire Puss.Would you tell me, please,which way i ought to go from here?
C: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
A: I dont much care where-
C: Then it doesnt matter which way you go
A: -so long as i get somewhere
C: Oh,you are sure to do that,if you only walk long enough
A: What sort of people live about here?
C: In that direction,lives a Hater. And in that direction lives a March Hare.Visit either you like:they're both mad.
A: But i dont want to go among mad people
C: Oh, you can help that.We're all mad here.Im mad.you're mad.
A: How do you know im mad?
C: You must be. Or you wouldnt have come here.
A: And how do you know you're mad?
C: To begin with,a dog's not mad.you grant that?
A: I suppose so.
C: Well, then, you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.Now i growl when im pleased and wag my tail when im angry.Therefore,im mad.
A: i call it purring, not growling.
C: call it what you like.
-this is a very intriguing piece.you say it the way you like it, regardless of whether it's the truth or not.that's the best thing with language.you can play around-and no linguist in their right mind would object.as long as u know what's the point.
so maybe it's acceptable to answer "happy Birthday" with "Take Care"...;o)
hahaha
Sep 11, 2009
midnight rambling
seminggu sebelum raya.
many things left to do.zillions.i havent get the festive bugs yet.
works are piling up,many tasks to do,quizzes unmarked, assignments and bills unpaid.or so i thought.i remembered paying it only weeks before.and then suddenly it pay-day again.so,im a little disoriented.i didnt start marking all the assignment before.i just got started-really started yesterday.thank god friday i dont have any class.so i can concentrate on un-piling the things on my desk.Thank god.i am trying to complete marking it before Thursday-so i will have a stress-free hari raya.
On Wed, my CC went and cerap my class.i was sure that she was going to cerap my DKA class.Instead, she chose the DSK class.what happened was, the class was so noisy, and some of the lucky students were even singing at the back while i was sweating blood infront teaching them.and of course it leaves bad impression on my CC.She went ahead condemning the students for being noisy.and actually i also got the blast...on class control.Huh, it was real hell.one thing is to actually go through such observation and not coming out good, and the other for coming across as a weakling because my CC hadnt bother to make it a confidential thing with the other colleagues.so,im embarras and feel out of control.im trying to look at it from a positive angle,but i couldnt because i knew everyone in the office know about it.i feel like whatever i did was wrong.and i dont like the feeling.Maybe, in one aspect it was impractical and shallow for me to think that we can control the students by a reverse method-but i feel like killing the students for being so-not-cooperative at that time.so i guess, next time i need to show them who's the boss!
so yeah, in a reconciliatory stage with my best mate..after a long week of silence.though in the first day, i couldnt really be normal-as normal can be-i dont know what to say to him.just good mornig-takde kelas ke-etc-i really dont know how to start being normal. besides, i hate talking to someone who just not interested, so for a day after the reconciliation, i kept my distance. the next day, the pace began to pick up, so i followed suit.actually it feels nice talking to him again.it feels nice because finally it's over.not talking to him,basically was hell.because we are sitting next to one another, but couldnt or wouldnt say anything..at all.just silence.in one office but couldnt or wouldnt do anything we used to do.He to his space and im to mine.i dont want to have any reservation when i want to do something..just because he was there.now, it's much more better.though, i dont really like being called a bestmate-because i dont know what it means.i prefer to term it as friend-or if needed be-just simply bestfriend-easier to understand.lagipun, bestmate makes me feel as if im a guy.which obviously, im not.
strange-i begin to develop a feeling of possessiveness over something.i get emotional and jealous-but i dont want to spell it out openly just yet.i thought i am the most undemanding person.and im not sure what triggers my irrational feeling towards this something.im not confused..it so happened that im a very private person when it comes to emotion.i dont usually say what's on my mind.and i dont usually ask anything from other people.i let people have their way most of the times.just dont think that i dont care.it's because, i dont want to be too personal..all these privacy thingy.so usually i suffered from lost,stupidity and sakit hati.hmm.
i've been busy learning how to cook lately.i called my mum about pajeri nanas the other day, and i asked my friend how to cook nasi ayam, mee kolok etc.hey..im not that terrible when it comes to cooking, my only problem is cooking complicated recipe.it's never too late for anything i guess.
im planning a getaway the week after hari raya-when the festive mood must have died down a bit.not sure where.the hotspring, or the mountain, somewhere relaxing.before classes resume again.yeah,something to look forward to.
many things left to do.zillions.i havent get the festive bugs yet.
works are piling up,many tasks to do,quizzes unmarked, assignments and bills unpaid.or so i thought.i remembered paying it only weeks before.and then suddenly it pay-day again.so,im a little disoriented.i didnt start marking all the assignment before.i just got started-really started yesterday.thank god friday i dont have any class.so i can concentrate on un-piling the things on my desk.Thank god.i am trying to complete marking it before Thursday-so i will have a stress-free hari raya.
On Wed, my CC went and cerap my class.i was sure that she was going to cerap my DKA class.Instead, she chose the DSK class.what happened was, the class was so noisy, and some of the lucky students were even singing at the back while i was sweating blood infront teaching them.and of course it leaves bad impression on my CC.She went ahead condemning the students for being noisy.and actually i also got the blast...on class control.Huh, it was real hell.one thing is to actually go through such observation and not coming out good, and the other for coming across as a weakling because my CC hadnt bother to make it a confidential thing with the other colleagues.so,im embarras and feel out of control.im trying to look at it from a positive angle,but i couldnt because i knew everyone in the office know about it.i feel like whatever i did was wrong.and i dont like the feeling.Maybe, in one aspect it was impractical and shallow for me to think that we can control the students by a reverse method-but i feel like killing the students for being so-not-cooperative at that time.so i guess, next time i need to show them who's the boss!
so yeah, in a reconciliatory stage with my best mate..after a long week of silence.though in the first day, i couldnt really be normal-as normal can be-i dont know what to say to him.just good mornig-takde kelas ke-etc-i really dont know how to start being normal. besides, i hate talking to someone who just not interested, so for a day after the reconciliation, i kept my distance. the next day, the pace began to pick up, so i followed suit.actually it feels nice talking to him again.it feels nice because finally it's over.not talking to him,basically was hell.because we are sitting next to one another, but couldnt or wouldnt say anything..at all.just silence.in one office but couldnt or wouldnt do anything we used to do.He to his space and im to mine.i dont want to have any reservation when i want to do something..just because he was there.now, it's much more better.though, i dont really like being called a bestmate-because i dont know what it means.i prefer to term it as friend-or if needed be-just simply bestfriend-easier to understand.lagipun, bestmate makes me feel as if im a guy.which obviously, im not.
strange-i begin to develop a feeling of possessiveness over something.i get emotional and jealous-but i dont want to spell it out openly just yet.i thought i am the most undemanding person.and im not sure what triggers my irrational feeling towards this something.im not confused..it so happened that im a very private person when it comes to emotion.i dont usually say what's on my mind.and i dont usually ask anything from other people.i let people have their way most of the times.just dont think that i dont care.it's because, i dont want to be too personal..all these privacy thingy.so usually i suffered from lost,stupidity and sakit hati.hmm.
i've been busy learning how to cook lately.i called my mum about pajeri nanas the other day, and i asked my friend how to cook nasi ayam, mee kolok etc.hey..im not that terrible when it comes to cooking, my only problem is cooking complicated recipe.it's never too late for anything i guess.
im planning a getaway the week after hari raya-when the festive mood must have died down a bit.not sure where.the hotspring, or the mountain, somewhere relaxing.before classes resume again.yeah,something to look forward to.
Sep 8, 2009
Yes, hold my hands please...
Taken from eat.pray.love.
"Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference', replied the little girl. 'If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.'
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in it's bind, but in it's bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."
"Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river.'
The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'
'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.
'There's a big difference', replied the little girl. 'If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.'
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in it's bind, but in it's bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."
Sep 7, 2009
the maths of communication
The Mathematics of Persuasive Communication
by Philip Yaffe
At first glance mathematics and persuasive communication - writing, and particularly public speaking - would seem to have little in common. After all, mathematics is an objective science, whilst speaking involves voice quality, inflection, eye contact, personality, body language, and other subjective components.
However, under the surface they are very similar.
Above anything else, the success of an oral presentation depends on the precision of its structure. Mathematics is all about precision. It is therefore not so odd to think that applying some of the concepts of mathematics to oral presentations could make them substantially more effective.
As they say in the film industry, three key factors go into making a successful movie: the script, the script, and the script. Likewise, three key factors go into making a successful speech: the structure, the structure, and the structure.
Not convinced? Then let's start with something less radical.
I think we can all agree that good speaking is related to good writing. If you can write a good text, then you are well on your way to preparing a good oral presentation. Therefore, if you improve your writing, you will also improve your speaking.
To simplify matters, from now on we will talk mainly about good writing, because is most cases the same ideas apply directly to good speaking.
Know what you are doing
Many commercial companies do not live up to their potential - and sometimes even go bankrupt - because they fail to correctly define the business they are in.
Perfume companies, for example, do not sell fragrant liquids, but rather love, romance, seductiveness, self-esteem, etc. Bio-food companies do not sell organic produce, but rather honesty, purity, nature, etc. Automobile manufacturers do not sell transportation, but rather freedom, adventure, spontaneity, prestige, etc. The fact is, each industry, even each individual product, may have to determine what it is truly all about - and there are thousands of them!
Writers are lucky. There are numerous variations to what we do, but there are really only two fundamental types of writing. It is important to recognise this, because not only are they quite different, in some respects they are exactly opposite. So unless we clearly recognise which type of writing we are doing - and how it differs from the other one - we will almost certainly commit serious errors.
Philip currently teaches a course in good writing and public speaking in Bruseels Belgium. His book In the 'I' of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing and Speaking (Almost) like a Professional
(http://www.hodu.com/maths.shtml)
interesting...im going to ask my commerce students to do an oral presentation based on this.
by Philip Yaffe
At first glance mathematics and persuasive communication - writing, and particularly public speaking - would seem to have little in common. After all, mathematics is an objective science, whilst speaking involves voice quality, inflection, eye contact, personality, body language, and other subjective components.
However, under the surface they are very similar.
Above anything else, the success of an oral presentation depends on the precision of its structure. Mathematics is all about precision. It is therefore not so odd to think that applying some of the concepts of mathematics to oral presentations could make them substantially more effective.
As they say in the film industry, three key factors go into making a successful movie: the script, the script, and the script. Likewise, three key factors go into making a successful speech: the structure, the structure, and the structure.
Not convinced? Then let's start with something less radical.
I think we can all agree that good speaking is related to good writing. If you can write a good text, then you are well on your way to preparing a good oral presentation. Therefore, if you improve your writing, you will also improve your speaking.
To simplify matters, from now on we will talk mainly about good writing, because is most cases the same ideas apply directly to good speaking.
Know what you are doing
Many commercial companies do not live up to their potential - and sometimes even go bankrupt - because they fail to correctly define the business they are in.
Perfume companies, for example, do not sell fragrant liquids, but rather love, romance, seductiveness, self-esteem, etc. Bio-food companies do not sell organic produce, but rather honesty, purity, nature, etc. Automobile manufacturers do not sell transportation, but rather freedom, adventure, spontaneity, prestige, etc. The fact is, each industry, even each individual product, may have to determine what it is truly all about - and there are thousands of them!
Writers are lucky. There are numerous variations to what we do, but there are really only two fundamental types of writing. It is important to recognise this, because not only are they quite different, in some respects they are exactly opposite. So unless we clearly recognise which type of writing we are doing - and how it differs from the other one - we will almost certainly commit serious errors.
Philip currently teaches a course in good writing and public speaking in Bruseels Belgium. His book In the 'I' of the Storm: the Simple Secrets of Writing and Speaking (Almost) like a Professional
(http://www.hodu.com/maths.shtml)
interesting...im going to ask my commerce students to do an oral presentation based on this.
Sep 6, 2009
beyond description
i dont know how to best lament about this.
i was strucked by a realisation.magically, i didnt feel any disappointment.only a clear understanding of the matter at hand.
i mentioned about my Gentleman.and how i was excited by that.i thought that this time it would turn out good.and yes it did at first.but after engaging with him for quite a few days now, i feel that maybe i have mistaken my own sentiment.i actually feel that he is a lost cause.
i thought that by being close will erase the gaps. but then it widen.
suddenly i feel that he was not the person i met and liked.he is so different.i cant remember why i was smitten at the first place.i cant remember why i liked him.i dont even know why i ever feel the way i feel.he is so different and i dont know him all that much anymore.
but then again, probably he has been that way all this time.and again, people change.why should i expected that they be the same anyway. i changed-everybody changed, so why should i make an exception when it concerns him?actually.i can live with that.
so i guess, it is easier for me to walk away for good.knowing that now i can call him a friend.a real friend.no more no less.
that's the end of this chapter.period.
i was strucked by a realisation.magically, i didnt feel any disappointment.only a clear understanding of the matter at hand.
i mentioned about my Gentleman.and how i was excited by that.i thought that this time it would turn out good.and yes it did at first.but after engaging with him for quite a few days now, i feel that maybe i have mistaken my own sentiment.i actually feel that he is a lost cause.
i thought that by being close will erase the gaps. but then it widen.
suddenly i feel that he was not the person i met and liked.he is so different.i cant remember why i was smitten at the first place.i cant remember why i liked him.i dont even know why i ever feel the way i feel.he is so different and i dont know him all that much anymore.
but then again, probably he has been that way all this time.and again, people change.why should i expected that they be the same anyway. i changed-everybody changed, so why should i make an exception when it concerns him?actually.i can live with that.
so i guess, it is easier for me to walk away for good.knowing that now i can call him a friend.a real friend.no more no less.
that's the end of this chapter.period.
Sep 5, 2009
Kekurangan, Pilihan dan Kos Lepas
now what are these?
these are economics terms used to explain how sources are use in economy.
Kekurangan is a condition where you have several choices,however because of the deficiency, you are only allowed to choose one thing.The one you choose must be that-which maximises profit and beneficial to others-depends which system u are following. Pilihan is the choice you made. Kos Lepas is the thing you have to let go after the choosing process.Simple terms,basic economics.
well,actually that's also the basic principle in life.where you have to choose from the options available and have to let go of something in the process. Because we cant have too many things at one go.it must be one at a time or not at all.we have to make smart decision at all times in order to minimise dissatisfaction, discontentment or worst-heartbreak.
now who said economics has nothing to do with philosophy?we actually learn a lot from things we do and see. even, we can apply it to everyday life.Like this one.a very thought provoking concept-so to speak.
and why i blogged it down?because-when i took the subject years before, i fell head over heel in love with it.i got some of my personality traits from economics as well.though, for all the wrong reason.im a language teacher for heaven sake.;o).i find economics very philosophical and practical at the same time.Something uncomplicated.something i can relate.
im writing about it because i was thinking about something, and all of a sudden it popped in my head.it practically soothes me off my not so comforting thought.which iam very grateful.
so the moral is: whenever you decide on something, dont regret.try to make it works.Because what you choose to do is probably the best option for you and eveyone else..at the time.
these are economics terms used to explain how sources are use in economy.
Kekurangan is a condition where you have several choices,however because of the deficiency, you are only allowed to choose one thing.The one you choose must be that-which maximises profit and beneficial to others-depends which system u are following. Pilihan is the choice you made. Kos Lepas is the thing you have to let go after the choosing process.Simple terms,basic economics.
well,actually that's also the basic principle in life.where you have to choose from the options available and have to let go of something in the process. Because we cant have too many things at one go.it must be one at a time or not at all.we have to make smart decision at all times in order to minimise dissatisfaction, discontentment or worst-heartbreak.
now who said economics has nothing to do with philosophy?we actually learn a lot from things we do and see. even, we can apply it to everyday life.Like this one.a very thought provoking concept-so to speak.
and why i blogged it down?because-when i took the subject years before, i fell head over heel in love with it.i got some of my personality traits from economics as well.though, for all the wrong reason.im a language teacher for heaven sake.;o).i find economics very philosophical and practical at the same time.Something uncomplicated.something i can relate.
im writing about it because i was thinking about something, and all of a sudden it popped in my head.it practically soothes me off my not so comforting thought.which iam very grateful.
so the moral is: whenever you decide on something, dont regret.try to make it works.Because what you choose to do is probably the best option for you and eveyone else..at the time.
Sep 3, 2009
he is just not that into you
i read the book.it was loaded with the dos and donts of relationship.
first, i was excited to finish it.but halfway through, i begin to get bored.it doesnt excite me all that much anymore.
relationship should be learn through trial and error.there's no wrong or right.it's right when it's right and wrong when you think that it's wrong.
Human nature is not something fix.it changes over time.the best way is to try and learn, unlearn and re-learn again.there is not a signpost that you can say something for sure.
but some part of it is a real insight. like the usual excuses the guys always use to avoid being in a relationship with one person.But knowing that, i become more of a sceptic.judging everything i actually see in daily life.
and one part of the book discuss about how does a shitty relationship looks like.which i guess common occurence.sometime we want to be in a relationship so much that we ignore what is staring us in the eyes.we keep on giving excuses because we are not confident to let the relationship go.we keep on holding on because we think we ought to give it a chance.That's when it comes to unfulfilling relationship.you didnt get any satisfaction from it, and it makes you less productive in daily dwelling.Sometime, we want to be in a shitty relationship just to be in with the crowd.sometimes, because we're too self conscious of what other people will say, and we do not want to be in the limelight for all the wrong reason..i.e:being dumped for tons of reason imaginable.so, it's better to suffer than being the object of scrutiny.
That's why for me, being single is the best option.though im not saying that it's not ok to be in a relationship.but you must understand the terms and conditions first.you can not just be in one just because everybody is in it. you can not just simply assume that relationship is as easy as what you see in TV or read in a novel.When you do that, it means that you are hoping too much and will let yourself go through supossed hardship because you think it's normal to do that.
there are tons of dirty works to be done to make it work.and mind you, relationship is no soap opera.because its main core is emotion.and it can get real complicated.
that's why i rather not play the part.because i can stand the emotional mess.i've seen people going through a very bad one..it gets ugly everytime.
for me if a person couldnt be bother to treat you with all due respect, what's the point of pursuing it?is it normal thing to be in an abusive relationship?or in a relationship where you are the only one pulling all the strings?or you are the only one who is willing to sacrifice?
let's not be philosophical about it.let just be practical.the most important thing is, when the relationship gives you certain degrees of personal meaning, which you can relate, and it benefits everyone involves, then what the heck?just dive in head first.
but if not, then maybe he is just not that into you.which is just probably the best time to bid him adieu.
first, i was excited to finish it.but halfway through, i begin to get bored.it doesnt excite me all that much anymore.
relationship should be learn through trial and error.there's no wrong or right.it's right when it's right and wrong when you think that it's wrong.
Human nature is not something fix.it changes over time.the best way is to try and learn, unlearn and re-learn again.there is not a signpost that you can say something for sure.
but some part of it is a real insight. like the usual excuses the guys always use to avoid being in a relationship with one person.But knowing that, i become more of a sceptic.judging everything i actually see in daily life.
and one part of the book discuss about how does a shitty relationship looks like.which i guess common occurence.sometime we want to be in a relationship so much that we ignore what is staring us in the eyes.we keep on giving excuses because we are not confident to let the relationship go.we keep on holding on because we think we ought to give it a chance.That's when it comes to unfulfilling relationship.you didnt get any satisfaction from it, and it makes you less productive in daily dwelling.Sometime, we want to be in a shitty relationship just to be in with the crowd.sometimes, because we're too self conscious of what other people will say, and we do not want to be in the limelight for all the wrong reason..i.e:being dumped for tons of reason imaginable.so, it's better to suffer than being the object of scrutiny.
That's why for me, being single is the best option.though im not saying that it's not ok to be in a relationship.but you must understand the terms and conditions first.you can not just be in one just because everybody is in it. you can not just simply assume that relationship is as easy as what you see in TV or read in a novel.When you do that, it means that you are hoping too much and will let yourself go through supossed hardship because you think it's normal to do that.
there are tons of dirty works to be done to make it work.and mind you, relationship is no soap opera.because its main core is emotion.and it can get real complicated.
that's why i rather not play the part.because i can stand the emotional mess.i've seen people going through a very bad one..it gets ugly everytime.
for me if a person couldnt be bother to treat you with all due respect, what's the point of pursuing it?is it normal thing to be in an abusive relationship?or in a relationship where you are the only one pulling all the strings?or you are the only one who is willing to sacrifice?
let's not be philosophical about it.let just be practical.the most important thing is, when the relationship gives you certain degrees of personal meaning, which you can relate, and it benefits everyone involves, then what the heck?just dive in head first.
but if not, then maybe he is just not that into you.which is just probably the best time to bid him adieu.
ramadhan kareem
the blessed month is here.
time to improve oneself, and improve one's ibadah.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me.simply for the fact that, usually i spent Ramadhan some place away from home.and when it comes to iftar in the evening, i feel real sad listening to the Azan.not really sad, but it touched me profoundly.and yet now, when i hear the Calling during Maghrib, it is not as touching as i used to remember. Maybe, we should give training to the muazzin so they can inject some more beauty in it.
Usually i dont eat much.I eat what is there. Ramadhan is really a great time to jimat.Dont have to cook many things, dont have to eat like three times a day.Just suffice eating during the berbuka only.im not the kind of person who eats the whole night, so..yeah, it's good month.
But the most important thing is, Ramadhan helps to improve many things, especially in relation to spiritual aspect.not only for the physical well being, but the emotional well being as well.strengthening beliefs and internalising good acts.i really hope im able to do something meaningful, for me and for everyone around.Insyaallah
time to improve oneself, and improve one's ibadah.
Ramadhan has always been a sentimental time for me.simply for the fact that, usually i spent Ramadhan some place away from home.and when it comes to iftar in the evening, i feel real sad listening to the Azan.not really sad, but it touched me profoundly.and yet now, when i hear the Calling during Maghrib, it is not as touching as i used to remember. Maybe, we should give training to the muazzin so they can inject some more beauty in it.
Usually i dont eat much.I eat what is there. Ramadhan is really a great time to jimat.Dont have to cook many things, dont have to eat like three times a day.Just suffice eating during the berbuka only.im not the kind of person who eats the whole night, so..yeah, it's good month.
But the most important thing is, Ramadhan helps to improve many things, especially in relation to spiritual aspect.not only for the physical well being, but the emotional well being as well.strengthening beliefs and internalising good acts.i really hope im able to do something meaningful, for me and for everyone around.Insyaallah
Sep 2, 2009
the course, my vision and my Gentleman
yeah, well.
finished the course with mixed feeling.berani-berani takutlah. takut fail.even if everybody seems to have the opinion that they feel the same about the course, but still.i still feel the tremor bubbling up inside.im not sure about it at all.and it's not a good feeling.unsure.unsettled.i can think of many words to describe it. but then again, there is nothing i can do about it now.the worst part is having to wait for the result to come out.
My vision?hehe.nothing fancy.finally i am persuaded to do something about my blindness.got myself a new eyes.the world is certainly a better place to live.brighter and crystal clear.i can see like miles ahead.Great!!!funny as well.yesterday i was looking at my colleague and suddenly i can see his expression from far.This person has a very good smiling expression although he is not smiling. so for the first time i feel shy because for the first time i saw him looking at me with that expression.i dont know what to do. i blushed(for heaven sake!)before this i cant see all that, but now..hmm, it crystal.haha.gilalah.and i feel more power when i stand lecturing in the class.i can see everybody and its size seems to shrink.im certainly a superhuman..;o)
My Gentleman?what about him..it's a long story to tell.during the course, i met somebody who reminds me of him. The way he laugh, his face,basically everything about him is a cruel reminder of my Gentleman.and it only makes me longed to see him again. So, on saturday, i was hanging out with my friend in Alamanda, when i suddenly caught a glimpse of him.Happy and excited. i do all the crazy things a girl would do for the person she really like.i even bought the magazine which he said he was working with. Now he is working in some other magazine, which im thinking of buying as well..crazy is what crazy do..;o)i dont know why i do it.i just know that i really like this person.really do.my only regret is why we didnt met again sooner than this?and we didnt even cross path when he was working in here.he even went to my hometown.and i missed him.the funny thing is im such a nervous wreck when he is around. i couldnt stand properly, couldnt say anything, couldnt do anything, feeling like vomitting and feeling out of place.such is the condition i am when i really like the person. but i still want to be around him.he is my ghost.a very attractive ghost at that;o)
oh what the heck.
i dont know.
i know im a little bit crazy right now.
just for a note: i named him my Gentleman because there is a poem by Colleridge which mention about the existence of a Gentleman from Porlock-it refers to a gentleman who come to Mr Colleridge's house while he was writing a poem. When the gentleman appeared it had made him forget all the lines he wanted to write for his poem.In my term Gentleman from Porlock refers to someone who robbed me of my sanity, distrupted the rational side of me and made everything seems blurry.Made me forget about everything but him.Only him.That's my Gentleman.
come to think of it, all the occurences had injected good spirit back into my life.it added more colours.;o)
finished the course with mixed feeling.berani-berani takutlah. takut fail.even if everybody seems to have the opinion that they feel the same about the course, but still.i still feel the tremor bubbling up inside.im not sure about it at all.and it's not a good feeling.unsure.unsettled.i can think of many words to describe it. but then again, there is nothing i can do about it now.the worst part is having to wait for the result to come out.
My vision?hehe.nothing fancy.finally i am persuaded to do something about my blindness.got myself a new eyes.the world is certainly a better place to live.brighter and crystal clear.i can see like miles ahead.Great!!!funny as well.yesterday i was looking at my colleague and suddenly i can see his expression from far.This person has a very good smiling expression although he is not smiling. so for the first time i feel shy because for the first time i saw him looking at me with that expression.i dont know what to do. i blushed(for heaven sake!)before this i cant see all that, but now..hmm, it crystal.haha.gilalah.and i feel more power when i stand lecturing in the class.i can see everybody and its size seems to shrink.im certainly a superhuman..;o)
My Gentleman?what about him..it's a long story to tell.during the course, i met somebody who reminds me of him. The way he laugh, his face,basically everything about him is a cruel reminder of my Gentleman.and it only makes me longed to see him again. So, on saturday, i was hanging out with my friend in Alamanda, when i suddenly caught a glimpse of him.Happy and excited. i do all the crazy things a girl would do for the person she really like.i even bought the magazine which he said he was working with. Now he is working in some other magazine, which im thinking of buying as well..crazy is what crazy do..;o)i dont know why i do it.i just know that i really like this person.really do.my only regret is why we didnt met again sooner than this?and we didnt even cross path when he was working in here.he even went to my hometown.and i missed him.the funny thing is im such a nervous wreck when he is around. i couldnt stand properly, couldnt say anything, couldnt do anything, feeling like vomitting and feeling out of place.such is the condition i am when i really like the person. but i still want to be around him.he is my ghost.a very attractive ghost at that;o)
oh what the heck.
i dont know.
i know im a little bit crazy right now.
just for a note: i named him my Gentleman because there is a poem by Colleridge which mention about the existence of a Gentleman from Porlock-it refers to a gentleman who come to Mr Colleridge's house while he was writing a poem. When the gentleman appeared it had made him forget all the lines he wanted to write for his poem.In my term Gentleman from Porlock refers to someone who robbed me of my sanity, distrupted the rational side of me and made everything seems blurry.Made me forget about everything but him.Only him.That's my Gentleman.
come to think of it, all the occurences had injected good spirit back into my life.it added more colours.;o)
Sep 1, 2009
Mind over matters
well, actually it is a variation of positive thinking.The idea of positive thinking is you actually verbalise what you want your body and mind to do, so it becomes. The same with mind over matters, where you control what you are doing or the things around you by giving some sort instruction.This instruction will be internalised in your brain and you will do the things you think subconciously.
why i suddenly mention this?because during the course, i can sense that most people are talking about how to use the positive energy to get positive aura for yourself.some even demonstrate the concept of mind over matters.everybody was excited by that.havent they heard about it before?i guess not.though it is hardly a magic.it's a way of thinking.
all i can say is-i have been a fan of the concept for quite some time now, and have no trouble understanding the concept.It's just that when so many people talked about it in one time it becomes less attractive.now that i have rediscover the concept again, the urge to find some books related to it is immense.
so i guess i have to start looking for one.
for more info:http://www.williamjames.com/Folklore/MINDOVER.htm
why i suddenly mention this?because during the course, i can sense that most people are talking about how to use the positive energy to get positive aura for yourself.some even demonstrate the concept of mind over matters.everybody was excited by that.havent they heard about it before?i guess not.though it is hardly a magic.it's a way of thinking.
all i can say is-i have been a fan of the concept for quite some time now, and have no trouble understanding the concept.It's just that when so many people talked about it in one time it becomes less attractive.now that i have rediscover the concept again, the urge to find some books related to it is immense.
so i guess i have to start looking for one.
for more info:http://www.williamjames.com/Folklore/MINDOVER.htm
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)