at lost

it started off with Miri.
all of a sudden, something bubbles up out of nowhere.suddenly many things come into perspective,i noticed something unthink of is happening and there's no stopping it..
something is definitely happening to my dear friend that i cant even begin to digest.
i suspected that she is playing with fire. i never imagined that she is capable of anything as heartwrenching as that.i feel a certain pain in my heart for the fact that the guy is not the kind of guy who would treat someone right..as you,my dear friend, by now..must have realised.
i feel sad because she chooses to do that when his better half is fighting for life and is conceiving the first one.
i dont hate you dear, for whatever it is that might have happened.Because there's going to be one time in our life that things happened and we cant control it. i am only disappointed because you lower down your standard for someone unworthy.
you said you say yes to my question, because no matter what you answered it wouldnt mean anything..as people will continue talking and they cant be stopped.That people naturally like to gossip.I wish you would, dearest.Because there's nothing funny about it.it is not funny anymore.it only opens doors to dissenssion. so if you generally dont want to generate gossips and talks,or if it were generally not true..why would you want to be in the limelight?
im so desperate for you to say that all's well,but days after days you only choose to show that you're in it-For Better or For Worst..what an irony..

it's up to you, dear.whatever you decide for yourself.For one must lies in the bed one's made..

im sad and regretful that it happened to you..but happy if it means happiness for you..

Take Care

a real pain in the ass

someone is playing shitty today. Probably she thinks that it is cool being such a childish poor thing..
just to let you know, stop being such a pain in the ass.Nobody like your bold-bitchy attitude.What i meant was to attack your so called good friend in front of your boss only shows your immaturity.Dont be such a bullheaded thing.
Stop trying to show your anger to everybody.At least not me.Once i begin to develop a bad idea about people it stays bad..
you have just started a forest fire, babe.

Question though:referring to your status-does your attitude is an exemplary of what you teach?ask that yourself..

Loner

Here i am.already 2 hours and a half away from home and a few hours away from my current address,sipping hot coffee and a double cheese.sleepy and alone.travelling back and forth has becomes my routine for last six years.it feels almost like a ritual.and i quite enjoy the solace.i enjoy the solitary moment.i see no familiar faces.travelling alone is boring,especially if it is a long journey ahead.the long wait,the mental exhaustion as well as the physical.i have at the most always travelled alone,and by now i dont mind the lonely feeling anymore..because travel is a beauty that can hardly be described by words.im alone and enjoying every passing second of it:-)

Better Today

somewhat the holiday has done wonder to my inner peace.i am fragile,im vulnerable and undeniably still hurting, but it has toned down a bit.I probably should change my statement.i am a survivor!:o)
Ne-yo upbeat song is a good reflection for me. Well,instead of focusing on something i couldnt change or dont really know anything about, how about i focus on myself?How about i moved on..Rather than being stucked in blurry situation.it doesnt matter anymore.it is not about other people,it's about me.i have tried to be a real friend to some people, and when they failed to appreciate that maybe it's about time i realise that i have to let them go on with their own lives. i wont force a lost cause.
it is such an unhappy thing that some of my relationship fell out of places, but it was also a blessing in disguise, so now i know which side i'll always be standing. It is My own side. somebody said: when we did not get what we want/need then God must have had a better plan for us.InsyaAllah. It depends on how you work it through.and of course with God's Willing.I just dont want to say all the cliche..i'll keep them in my mind and my heart for reminder.
i have gone through a very bad time last semester.i suffered and hurt in the worst way.Hopefully, it would help me to deal with my life maturely next time around. I dont need toxic people for decoration.This semester, i'll clean my closet and do some personal detox process.
"Kalau habis biar habis.Buat apa tinggalkan sisa-sisa".
Perhaps one part of it was my stupidity, but at least i have tried my best to be the best person i can be for everybody.

Everything whether it's good or bad, in time it will work out naturally.Insya Allah.
hello to the next semester,hello to new approaches,hello to life.:o)

hypocrite

somebody has started the hues about some other people being a hypocrite.my question is-do you know what is the meaning of hypocrite?do you consider yourself as a saint?
well,babe..life is like a mirror.if you smile at it,it smiles back at you..But if you are so preoccupied of making other people'life a living disaster..Why the hell are you so concern when people are giving you hell?
i dont really know what other people are doing when nobody's watching them,but dont drag everybody down with your lowly attitude.
some people just cant be help but caused you troubles..and when they are faced with troubles themselves they started to make it such a big deal.
Another question: do you seriously think that anything stupid or graves will happen to you if you dont initiate it in the first place?Everything happens in one way or another because of a reason.there must be a root cause..
so you question,you answer it yourself..i believe you are the most cleverest creature in the world..So what's the big deal,big brain???

Fever

World Cup fever is here.so far,i got good result for all my bets with my brothers over south africa,argentina and south korea..practically,one can tell which team is going to win by looking at its current achievement.nothing superstitious about it.much as i am excited playing the betting game with my bros,deep down i feel quite the opposite.world cup for me is a cruel reminder of love found and lost again.someone in my past is an avid fan of sport..and it is contagious..so here i am,thinking about him,after having heard nothing about him for the last three years.thinking that i wont know which teams to support other than Italy because it was his favourite among others.i dont really have the heart to actually watch wc this time around.maybe because you are no longer around... Im in kl feeling at home remembering that there were times that i just want to get away from it.and thought about you crossed my mind.how things have changed.i changed so much that i could never come back to how things were.the only thing that remain unchanged was your facebook profile picture..

Buli

one of my all time favourite local piece by Afdlin Shauki. He captured the culture well. Most people tend to look at things in a very close minded way-by always referring to the framework set by their own group. What i like about this movie was the way Afdlin portrayed the inability of our people to understand that there is a thing called psychology. They took it for granted the fact that people who talked about their problems are weak and loser. sometimes they called them crazy. They dont understand that every problem has a solution and treatable. And it is ok to talk about your problem.It is only not ok when you whine about it.

We are so confined to the culture and prejudice from our surrounding that we suffered a lot because of whatever prejudices the society throw at us to believe. In the hope that we will not be different from everyone else.i like the way the movie advised the viewer to open up rather than believe whatever it is that everybody else told them to believe. I like the way he highlighted the point that people will say many things that's hurtful, but it is up to you either to react or to respond. i like the way the movie elaborated the concept of self belief and self confidence,how to accept challenges that come your way and deal with it..rather than running away.

when it comes to movie, i am very selective.In Buli, i like the presentation. the content triggered thought although it was presented in a very subtle way.i still think that Buli is the best literature work from Afdlin Shauki..so far..in my opinion.well, the rest were good, but i guess they were only meant for fun.
i just dont like movies which portrayed girls who cant stand on her own feets who think that survival mean getting married, have boyfriends, being beautiful or being dumb.DUUH!

I particularly love one line from the movie :Saya Bodoh Kerana Membiarkan pemikiran Orang Menguasai Pemikiran saya..Good line is good line.though i can remember the rest.

True!

and one more thing. i still hate YOU forever..no matter what you do to compensate for your thoughtlessness...

Thinking mode.

seriously,someone has to put some kind of a badge spelled "thinker" to me.i think a lot.

i was at my cousin's majlis berzanji and berinai a few hours ago. Seeing her go through the routines before the day, which is today.All the exhaustion and preparation triggered my train of thought.as usual. we are of the same age. We went to the same kindergarden, and we were in the same school.Only i transferred to another school in standard 3.We were at the same secondary school, with different circle of friend. She is always with her sweet, cute friends. My friends are the center of attention in school. But we are very close, because my mum and her mum are related. and our family is those kinds who always stick together..monthly gathering and all.so, we never lost track of each other.
i enjoyed family gathering. the one reason why i love being at home. so many things to talk about. so many things to gossip.hehe
Both my cousins of the same age(father and mother's side)are getting married in this month of June.as expected the limelight is on me.The elders started to fire questions.When is yours?or You are next on the line..huh.i just dont want to answer questions.i seriously think it is not the right time to ask such question. to be honest, when i started working one year ago, i thought of ending my solo journey when i am 27 years old. But later on i feel that i enjoy working so much, i love the satisfaction i feel when im working. My commitment to what i do has built up so i decided to postpone the dateline.i dont think it is the right time.What's wrong with being single anyway?
Seeing her with all the exhaustion and adjustment she needs to do later on just made me shied away. Huh, i dont think i have the might to endure yet.There are many responsibility unfulfilled, many obligations, and many things to do before i can think of settling down. To say the least..For the time being, marriage life doesnt suit me yet.
Everybody bombarded me with the same question,but i am afraid if i answered truthfully, they wont understand.and what is the use of explaining something that they wont understand anyway?so, they can think and answer their own question. I have nothing to say about what they think.period
my cousin introduced me to a friend of her a few month ago. and he is going to be here. So, i guess all i have to do is show some courtesy.i dont expect her to go to that length for me. oh well,there is nothing wrong with friendship.;o)

All i can say is i will be ready when i am ready. When or how long is for me to know.

Pemberontak Cinta

The term Sunil Shetty used to refer to his character in Dhadkan.it described the character well, as the story moved, so did i.i was carried away by the emotion he translated into his acting. The same way i felt everytime i watched Shah Rukh acted in an emotionally laden piece. The way he translated his emotion to the actions in the film was so real that i think i like him better as a pemberontak cinta than in a movie where he acted as the villain who gunned down everybody he met..to exaggerate a bit.
It is kind of sad story for me. When it's time to let go of something you desire or love dearly, then you should. Because nothing you can do to change the damage.When it's the end,it's the end.What's the point in trying to maintain a status quo when it no longer makes you happy?What the point of pretending or even assuming that everything is still the same after you are sure as hell that you have already let it go? i guess not...i guess there is no point in it all.
i guess there is no point wasting time on something unattainable.so, i guess promises are just promises.I dont want to compromise myself for something that i couldnt trust.or someone who has no respect for me, discarded me in the present of a new girl who attract him in the slightest..Who dont even has the inclination to honour the friendship. Who feel it is alright to badmouth me infront of the other girl whom he liked. Then what's the point?Baby,if you want to leave, just go ahead and dont even turn back. you have someone else in mind, then concentrate on her.I couldnt put up with bullshit.Straight ahead, baby!Oh, i promise myself to be calm and here i am again..ranting,raving and raging.:o)it is just that, i am hurting in the worst way possible and people are having fun at my expenses.and i just dont need bullshitsssss.Thank you

after quite a number of years, i watched ever after:cinderella story...again.Well,you will wonder at how many new perspective you get when you watched a movie after awhile. Huh, the things that people do for love.things that people would say to hurt...
Other than that i watched many local movies but nothing interest me in particular.

What else can i do at home other than watching tons of movies, and stuff myself with mum's cooking?besides catching up with everybody at home. Anything is interesting..