my heart burst out in pain,
as tears rolled down my face.
wet,wet,wet and wet again
as i tried to stop it.
oh heart please dont failed me,
please be strong,
courage dont desert me,
as i bend down to pick the pieces.
how can you understand the sharp twist in my heart,
you cant even see?
how can you see
if you dont even care?
misery and sorrow,
please dont keep me company.
i beg you to leave me.
i beg for mercy.
though my heart bursts a million time,
i want to keep my smile.
though a beaten one,
but bravely
Sep 30, 2010
tired
the last time i remembered being physically tired was during my year 3 in university..where i joined lots of program..and i couldnt even remember falling asleep at night.where i cant remember any dream while sleeping. Tired that is beyond description. My house is almost Not Live-able:o).Next week is a one week short break for me before i continued my busy-ness with 2 more programs..one program ends in the afternoon, and one program starts immediately afterwards.
But i guess, i can go through anything as long as i keep my focus, not lazy, and stay positive
But, i remembered at one point, thinking that i wanted a job that keep me busy.I get just what i had wished for.
But i guess, i can go through anything as long as i keep my focus, not lazy, and stay positive
But, i remembered at one point, thinking that i wanted a job that keep me busy.I get just what i had wished for.
Sep 27, 2010
masa
Rajinnya saya..
saya cuba untuk buat apa yang saya mampu..setiap hari..buat apa yang saya dapat buat..
bimbang masa takkan mengizinkan saya untuk buat apa yang saya buat hari ni..
masa yang berlalu takkan boleh diundurkan balik..
bimbang bila tiba masa yang sempit itu...
saya akan rasa rindu untuk buat semua ini..
saya cuba untuk buat apa yang saya mampu..setiap hari..buat apa yang saya dapat buat..
bimbang masa takkan mengizinkan saya untuk buat apa yang saya buat hari ni..
masa yang berlalu takkan boleh diundurkan balik..
bimbang bila tiba masa yang sempit itu...
saya akan rasa rindu untuk buat semua ini..
Sep 17, 2010
Yang Terbaik
Aku hanya mampu berdoa,
mengharapkan yang baik-baik saja bakal terjadi,
mengharapkan yang terbaik untuk semua orang..
Aku meminta
kekuatan yang bukan sedikit
untuk ku bisa bangun
dan menerima seadanya
apa adanya yang bakal terjadi
yang telah terjadi
dan yang bisa terjadi
dari semua apapun..
semoga usaha yang setakat ini,
akan ada hasil yang lebih baik,
aku tidak mampu lagi
berlari mengejar yang tak pasti
mimpi-mimpi kosong
dan bual-bual
sekadar mengisi waktu terluang.
Jasad yang merasa
di hati yang sengsara dan kecewa.
keluh kesah yang tak bererti.
sendiri
sepi
luka
kelabu.
Mana dan siapa
lebih baik usah ditanyakan
Kerana Dia lebih tahu Urusan'Nya.
Saat Dia mengatakan Jadi-maka ia pun terjadi.
Aku hanya mampu mengharapkan yang baik-baik saja
terjadi kali ini.
tak mahu ada yang lebih terluka
dan tak mahu hati sendiri kecewa.
segala sesuatu apapun..
Ku balikkan kepada Mu.
kerana Kau lebih Mengerti
Apa yang tersirat di hati, Ya Rabbi
mengharapkan yang baik-baik saja bakal terjadi,
mengharapkan yang terbaik untuk semua orang..
Aku meminta
kekuatan yang bukan sedikit
untuk ku bisa bangun
dan menerima seadanya
apa adanya yang bakal terjadi
yang telah terjadi
dan yang bisa terjadi
dari semua apapun..
semoga usaha yang setakat ini,
akan ada hasil yang lebih baik,
aku tidak mampu lagi
berlari mengejar yang tak pasti
mimpi-mimpi kosong
dan bual-bual
sekadar mengisi waktu terluang.
Jasad yang merasa
di hati yang sengsara dan kecewa.
keluh kesah yang tak bererti.
sendiri
sepi
luka
kelabu.
Mana dan siapa
lebih baik usah ditanyakan
Kerana Dia lebih tahu Urusan'Nya.
Saat Dia mengatakan Jadi-maka ia pun terjadi.
Aku hanya mampu mengharapkan yang baik-baik saja
terjadi kali ini.
tak mahu ada yang lebih terluka
dan tak mahu hati sendiri kecewa.
segala sesuatu apapun..
Ku balikkan kepada Mu.
kerana Kau lebih Mengerti
Apa yang tersirat di hati, Ya Rabbi
Sep 14, 2010
I never..
Im a very simple person..or so i thought.
I never ask anything from anyone.
Im not a control freak.
im flexible with anything.
im not easily angered.
i dont busybodied about other people's business
i dont care even if people being unkind to me-because they dont matter to me.
-i dont care about many things because i realize that people's values are different.
i stopped trying to change others because it never worked,and in the past it made me depressed.
i know that what i think is the best for me is not the best for others.
i never pushed people around.
i never say the first thing that comes into my mind about other people.
i always try to avoid being judgmental.
im so not prejudice.
im never selfish-i always try to be in my best behaviour-even if i feel hurt.
i always believe in what i believe-and i always reserved my opinion for myself.
In short, i am very much neutral on most subjects.
people are in their worst behaviour,and all are eating up on me. They dont have consideration for my feeling. They avoid responsibility, they play the blaming game, they blackmailed, and they get mad over the truth. They speak of about what i didnt do, or what i do..without thinking about what i have been doing. They are speaking as if i am always at fault without thinking.
i never have any regret for what i do in my life-what i do for other people.I never ask for anything in return.im not asking for compensation for anything i do, or anything that i didnt get in this lifetime.i take it all in a stride.
for all my optimism,after all..people are just people. They dont give a damned...
I never ask anything from anyone.
Im not a control freak.
im flexible with anything.
im not easily angered.
i dont busybodied about other people's business
i dont care even if people being unkind to me-because they dont matter to me.
-i dont care about many things because i realize that people's values are different.
i stopped trying to change others because it never worked,and in the past it made me depressed.
i know that what i think is the best for me is not the best for others.
i never pushed people around.
i never say the first thing that comes into my mind about other people.
i always try to avoid being judgmental.
im so not prejudice.
im never selfish-i always try to be in my best behaviour-even if i feel hurt.
i always believe in what i believe-and i always reserved my opinion for myself.
In short, i am very much neutral on most subjects.
people are in their worst behaviour,and all are eating up on me. They dont have consideration for my feeling. They avoid responsibility, they play the blaming game, they blackmailed, and they get mad over the truth. They speak of about what i didnt do, or what i do..without thinking about what i have been doing. They are speaking as if i am always at fault without thinking.
i never have any regret for what i do in my life-what i do for other people.I never ask for anything in return.im not asking for compensation for anything i do, or anything that i didnt get in this lifetime.i take it all in a stride.
for all my optimism,after all..people are just people. They dont give a damned...
Sep 13, 2010
Bittersweet
The fourth day of raya.
Not much to talk about. Went here and there for open house. This year i managed to find kuah kacang and sambal terung..my favourite among all. Very delicious. above all, hari raya was celebrated in moderation. What with project A ongoing, and some other things that do not permit us to spend money on a large scale. so basically,in moderation..
my mind is thinking about some unfinished business. i was wondering about EEP and EAPc-which to say the least-nobody informed me anything about where or when i would be for my first course.while my other friends had already been notified.So what am i supposed to think?I was given a leeway for hari raya? but my other muslim friends had already been notified.so i dont know what to think..
on another note...
everybody at home's favourite question for hari raya this year was..bila lagi?(get married), which really was beyond answer. My answer:No and Not yet.They said, im choosy..yes, i am. after all this is a big decision. this is a commitment for the whole life time..Is it asking too much to need a time to think it through?to make a good decision? This is like an investment. cant possibly be rash and impatience. Cant possibly be unemotional and just go through with the marriage without any ounce of responsibility or respect at all. Just because you think that, it is going to be good because everyone else approved,and you are happy because you are with the crowd, then where is the satisfaction? what's the point of being in a relationship where you think that you love the person, but cant really honour the it? you cant really be happy with him?cant really say that you are happy and not having any regret afterward? you are with this person, but think about other possibilities? I have many question which nobody wants to answer, or do not have the answer. and i cant really ask the questions because they will think that i think too much, too serious or plain freak..but heck, why wouldnt i? this is not as if we are playing games..this is for real!
Enough on that.. But still i dont mind they poking their nose on my life..i found it amusing. I just follow through with their planning on setting me up with someone. In the end im the one who is going to make the decision. i just smiled a sweet smile and agreed.
the time is really flying!so fast that i almost couldnt catch up..
Not much to talk about. Went here and there for open house. This year i managed to find kuah kacang and sambal terung..my favourite among all. Very delicious. above all, hari raya was celebrated in moderation. What with project A ongoing, and some other things that do not permit us to spend money on a large scale. so basically,in moderation..
my mind is thinking about some unfinished business. i was wondering about EEP and EAPc-which to say the least-nobody informed me anything about where or when i would be for my first course.while my other friends had already been notified.So what am i supposed to think?I was given a leeway for hari raya? but my other muslim friends had already been notified.so i dont know what to think..
on another note...
everybody at home's favourite question for hari raya this year was..bila lagi?(get married), which really was beyond answer. My answer:No and Not yet.They said, im choosy..yes, i am. after all this is a big decision. this is a commitment for the whole life time..Is it asking too much to need a time to think it through?to make a good decision? This is like an investment. cant possibly be rash and impatience. Cant possibly be unemotional and just go through with the marriage without any ounce of responsibility or respect at all. Just because you think that, it is going to be good because everyone else approved,and you are happy because you are with the crowd, then where is the satisfaction? what's the point of being in a relationship where you think that you love the person, but cant really honour the it? you cant really be happy with him?cant really say that you are happy and not having any regret afterward? you are with this person, but think about other possibilities? I have many question which nobody wants to answer, or do not have the answer. and i cant really ask the questions because they will think that i think too much, too serious or plain freak..but heck, why wouldnt i? this is not as if we are playing games..this is for real!
Enough on that.. But still i dont mind they poking their nose on my life..i found it amusing. I just follow through with their planning on setting me up with someone. In the end im the one who is going to make the decision. i just smiled a sweet smile and agreed.
the time is really flying!so fast that i almost couldnt catch up..
Sep 11, 2010
Ruang Rindu
Di daun yang ikut mengalir lembut
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu
Sep 6, 2010
Being a good Muslim
i watched Travel and Living Channel on Sunday:a special episode about the Badshah of Bollywood-none other than the Great SRK.I was awestruck and for the first time i am thinking that, Shah Rukh, despite all the rumours and controversial things he might have done related to his field of work, he is truly a good Muslim.
It triggered fresh thought in my head.
Being a good Muslim is not only a matter of appearance or label. A good Muslim is one who is able to internalize the teachings, the values and ethics his/her way of life, in action, in words, and every other little things that mattered. Ibadah is the fundamental thing to be a good muslim but more than that, at the end of the day, it is how you live your life.
He talked about his passion for acting, his passion for life itself.and in the end, which really caught me by surprise was, the way he talked about sin and reward, heaven and hell, the life after death-in a very islamic way. suddenly my mind was directed to the concept of "work as if you are going to die tomorrow". in simpler term, it is a form of jihad-where you have to perform your duty or responsibility with the best of your ability. Shah Rukh was an embodiment of zest and passion, doing the best in his ability, because he believes that it is his calling to do what he do to the best of his ability.This, in my opinion is the symbol of faith.This, in my opinion again is a sign of a good muslim-by internalizing good values and ethics in daily dwelling.
A good Muslim has direction in his life. He knows his responsibility, and performs his duty to the best of his capability. A good Muslim knows that life is for living but what we do in this world will guarantee what we get in the hereafter. That by doing justice to oneself-putting things into its rightful places, we are doing the best for ourselves. And when the going gets tough, we move along and face it accordingly, knowing that, Allah helps those who help themselves.We believe that there is a Greater Power who Know All and is the Best Judge of All.
Sometimes, we tend to limit the perspective-Being Muslim by just performing ibadah -but we forget that Islam is an all encompassing religion-where the teachings focus on each and every aspect of life. Probably, that's why other people only know Islam based on the hijab/tudung we wear and because we perform prayers after adzan..hmm. Sometimes, it is only the label after all..
it was somewhat an eye opener for me. I feel more directed, focus and more zest for life. I feel that my obligation is in performing my responsibility to the best of my ability.Insya-Allah.
Thank You Allah, for giving me the wisdom to see things differently..There are lot more to learn, and everyday is certainly a journey towards perfection. Insya Allah
It triggered fresh thought in my head.
Being a good Muslim is not only a matter of appearance or label. A good Muslim is one who is able to internalize the teachings, the values and ethics his/her way of life, in action, in words, and every other little things that mattered. Ibadah is the fundamental thing to be a good muslim but more than that, at the end of the day, it is how you live your life.
He talked about his passion for acting, his passion for life itself.and in the end, which really caught me by surprise was, the way he talked about sin and reward, heaven and hell, the life after death-in a very islamic way. suddenly my mind was directed to the concept of "work as if you are going to die tomorrow". in simpler term, it is a form of jihad-where you have to perform your duty or responsibility with the best of your ability. Shah Rukh was an embodiment of zest and passion, doing the best in his ability, because he believes that it is his calling to do what he do to the best of his ability.This, in my opinion is the symbol of faith.This, in my opinion again is a sign of a good muslim-by internalizing good values and ethics in daily dwelling.
A good Muslim has direction in his life. He knows his responsibility, and performs his duty to the best of his capability. A good Muslim knows that life is for living but what we do in this world will guarantee what we get in the hereafter. That by doing justice to oneself-putting things into its rightful places, we are doing the best for ourselves. And when the going gets tough, we move along and face it accordingly, knowing that, Allah helps those who help themselves.We believe that there is a Greater Power who Know All and is the Best Judge of All.
Sometimes, we tend to limit the perspective-Being Muslim by just performing ibadah -but we forget that Islam is an all encompassing religion-where the teachings focus on each and every aspect of life. Probably, that's why other people only know Islam based on the hijab/tudung we wear and because we perform prayers after adzan..hmm. Sometimes, it is only the label after all..
it was somewhat an eye opener for me. I feel more directed, focus and more zest for life. I feel that my obligation is in performing my responsibility to the best of my ability.Insya-Allah.
Thank You Allah, for giving me the wisdom to see things differently..There are lot more to learn, and everyday is certainly a journey towards perfection. Insya Allah
Sep 2, 2010
Hari Raya Hari yang Mulia
Ramadhan hampir ke penghujung. Terasa ringan sungguh ramadhan kali ni..mungkin lantaran dosa yang sedar dan tak sedar..kemaksiatan yang terlanjur atau tersengaja atau tak terkontrol..Dan lantaran amalan yang tak seberapa. Ahh! Demi Masa, Sesungguhnya manusia kerugian..
Beberapa hari yang tinggal ini, harapan agar ibadah yang sedikit ni dapat di maintainkan..Self-control yang kadang boleh pakai, dan kadang-kadang tak boleh ni, harapnya boleh di harapkan sepenuhnya. Ya Allah, tiadalah kekuatan melainkan Engkau.
Terjumpa sesuatu yang ditulis oleh seseorang..secara peribadinya...saya suka dan rasa tertampar sedikit. Mungkin kerana ada terbuat keatas orang lain, atau ada yang terkena kepada diri sendiri..
Sementalah rasional akal masih bersisa, disini, saya ingin melahirkan kemaafan kepada mereka-mereka yang mencalarkan hati saya, membuatkan saya membazir airmata tak pasal-pasal dan melukakan saya secara fizikal ataupun emosi..saya memaafkan anda-anda semua..dengan harapan anda-anda semua memaafkan kesilapan dan kekhilafan saya, yang sengaja, tak sengaja, yang teremosi dan sebagainya lagi.. saya hanya manusia, dengan kelemahan saya sebagai manusia..
berikut ini, adalah coretan maaf yang saya cilok dari kawan saya kerana saya suka akn teksturnya:o)
1.mengeluarkan bahasa kasar & kesat
2.memakan makanan anda dengan sengaja & xsengaja(mintak halal)
3.MENGUMPAT anda
4.menyampaikan UMPATAN MENGENAI ANDA kepada org lain
5.berhutang(sila tuntut..kontek no. enset)
6.mengeluarkan kata2 sindiran kpd anda
7.mengambil barang, kawan-kawan,kekasih anda dgn sengaja & xsengaja(mintak halal)
8.menjeling,menjuihkan bibir,ignore serta perilaku yang menyakitkan hati
9.dengan SENGAJA IGNORE kehadiran, sms,mms,email,pertanyaan,panggilan anda
10.dan segala-gala yang pernah menyakitkan hati
Salam Ramadhan al Mubarak, eid Mubarak..
Beberapa hari yang tinggal ini, harapan agar ibadah yang sedikit ni dapat di maintainkan..Self-control yang kadang boleh pakai, dan kadang-kadang tak boleh ni, harapnya boleh di harapkan sepenuhnya. Ya Allah, tiadalah kekuatan melainkan Engkau.
Terjumpa sesuatu yang ditulis oleh seseorang..secara peribadinya...saya suka dan rasa tertampar sedikit. Mungkin kerana ada terbuat keatas orang lain, atau ada yang terkena kepada diri sendiri..
Sementalah rasional akal masih bersisa, disini, saya ingin melahirkan kemaafan kepada mereka-mereka yang mencalarkan hati saya, membuatkan saya membazir airmata tak pasal-pasal dan melukakan saya secara fizikal ataupun emosi..saya memaafkan anda-anda semua..dengan harapan anda-anda semua memaafkan kesilapan dan kekhilafan saya, yang sengaja, tak sengaja, yang teremosi dan sebagainya lagi.. saya hanya manusia, dengan kelemahan saya sebagai manusia..
berikut ini, adalah coretan maaf yang saya cilok dari kawan saya kerana saya suka akn teksturnya:o)
1.mengeluarkan bahasa kasar & kesat
2.memakan makanan anda dengan sengaja & xsengaja(mintak halal)
3.MENGUMPAT anda
4.menyampaikan UMPATAN MENGENAI ANDA kepada org lain
5.berhutang(sila tuntut..kontek no. enset)
6.mengeluarkan kata2 sindiran kpd anda
7.mengambil barang, kawan-kawan,kekasih anda dgn sengaja & xsengaja(mintak halal)
8.menjeling,menjuihkan bibir,ignore serta perilaku yang menyakitkan hati
9.dengan SENGAJA IGNORE kehadiran, sms,mms,email,pertanyaan,panggilan anda
10.dan segala-gala yang pernah menyakitkan hati
Salam Ramadhan al Mubarak, eid Mubarak..
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