I am just a very simple girl with simple mind who is a sucker for kindness.
I can't thanked enough those people who offers kindness in the least expected moment.WELL, call it innocent and naivety, but how can one be so cold hearted when others were showing kindness?Enough of of being a negative cynic who think anyone has an evil mission whenever they are kind..
what i am trying to say is: im so used to doing things alone, and im not used to being taken care of, or people who get out of their way for me. i feel seriously discomfort by it.and when they do, oh the guilt for being a burden to them..Though it feel nice, but i can't help the guilt of troubling them..this i believe is negative insecurity i need to learn how to overcome.it's just not my style anyway..huhu
Whatever it is, thank u Allah for surrounding me with people whom i can count on in time of needs.
May 29, 2011
May 25, 2011
Semalam
Semalam hari terakhir X-KJ berada di pejabat. Rasa sangat kehilangan dan kekosongan. seolah-olah sebahagian daripada kehidupan dan semangat sudah dibawa pergi. bagi mereka yang "dibesarkan" dengan tunjuk ajar beliau lagilah terasa sebaknya. Bagi mereka yang dididik dengan cara beliau, ah, perasaan sedih itu meruap-ruap. namun kepergian itu untuk kebaikan beliau. jadi kita yang tinggal harus merelakan dan tegar dengan kehidupan yang berada di hadapan mata.
Kita yang tinggal harus cuba menyambung sisa-sisa dedikasi dan semangat beliau.sepertimana yang sepatutnya.Insya allah
Kita yang tinggal harus cuba menyambung sisa-sisa dedikasi dan semangat beliau.sepertimana yang sepatutnya.Insya allah
May 23, 2011
Ketawa ketawa lagi
I can't believe myself today.
i was buying ticket for a vacation when i stumbled into my old diary-the one written sometime in April 2009..and at the end of my reading, i was laughing. harder than i ever did in this recent time..What a full blown sense of humour i had back then. No trace of this negative, sensitive, very tight-faced girl i've become...LOL!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
so, i wondered..what have i become?just another bitter individual who doesn't discriminate but hate everything?another round of LOL!!!!
As much as i was laughing hard at some of the stuffs i've written with high level of optimism and zest for life, i also stumbled on one piece of writing about resolution...there were 6 of them.
#Loan buat rumah-Done!
#Driving license-Done!
#Car-Almost!
#House-Done!
#Buy washing machine-Totally Done!
#Lupakan Dia-in progress...
i actually deleted number 6 because everytime i did, the person in question came back again and i couldn't resist the temptation. I wont explain myself on that.it was after all in the past. i did many explanation before.a lost cause anyway.
I can't express how grateful i am for everything that went well.Although i am a little regretful that i have been vain in my way previously. vain being the operative word because i was full of my needs-which was just a small part of the bigger picture, and i failed to look beyond that. Instead i chose to be melancholy and negative about certain events that occurred. i am deeply saddened by that inability. For the first time, i was crying because i'm deeply moved by my discovery. For the first time, im crying because i am happy. Lord, subhanallah Alhamdulliah..
Another piece was a short note written when i watched Igor-It's better to be a good nobody than an evil somebody.....another point to ponder. I hope i didn't lose my good values. simplistic it might be but simplistic is the name of my game.Insya allah.
Another piece was written when an unknown person was smsing me non stop. This person was asking my name which i answered with Ahmad Ahseng bin Abdullah..LOL!!!!!!!! i must be crazy at that time..pure innocence and creatively crazy.LOL!!!!again, where did i lost myself?i wondered...
But then again.What has lost cant never be retained. But it can get better;o)
It can get better!:o)LOL!!!!!!!!
i was buying ticket for a vacation when i stumbled into my old diary-the one written sometime in April 2009..and at the end of my reading, i was laughing. harder than i ever did in this recent time..What a full blown sense of humour i had back then. No trace of this negative, sensitive, very tight-faced girl i've become...LOL!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
so, i wondered..what have i become?just another bitter individual who doesn't discriminate but hate everything?another round of LOL!!!!
As much as i was laughing hard at some of the stuffs i've written with high level of optimism and zest for life, i also stumbled on one piece of writing about resolution...there were 6 of them.
#Loan buat rumah-Done!
#Driving license-Done!
#Car-Almost!
#House-Done!
#Buy washing machine-Totally Done!
#Lupakan Dia-in progress...
i actually deleted number 6 because everytime i did, the person in question came back again and i couldn't resist the temptation. I wont explain myself on that.it was after all in the past. i did many explanation before.a lost cause anyway.
I can't express how grateful i am for everything that went well.Although i am a little regretful that i have been vain in my way previously. vain being the operative word because i was full of my needs-which was just a small part of the bigger picture, and i failed to look beyond that. Instead i chose to be melancholy and negative about certain events that occurred. i am deeply saddened by that inability. For the first time, i was crying because i'm deeply moved by my discovery. For the first time, im crying because i am happy. Lord, subhanallah Alhamdulliah..
Another piece was a short note written when i watched Igor-It's better to be a good nobody than an evil somebody.....another point to ponder. I hope i didn't lose my good values. simplistic it might be but simplistic is the name of my game.Insya allah.
Another piece was written when an unknown person was smsing me non stop. This person was asking my name which i answered with Ahmad Ahseng bin Abdullah..LOL!!!!!!!! i must be crazy at that time..pure innocence and creatively crazy.LOL!!!!again, where did i lost myself?i wondered...
But then again.What has lost cant never be retained. But it can get better;o)
It can get better!:o)LOL!!!!!!!!
May 22, 2011
Poetic Mode
...Bukan aku tak pernah
Mengerti dirmu
ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku
Hilangkan rasa itu
Akhirkankan semua
Dan bila kau sedar
Aku hilang dari kewujudan...
bait daripada lagu Cinta Sempurna,Yuna
Mengerti dirmu
ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku
Hilangkan rasa itu
Akhirkankan semua
Dan bila kau sedar
Aku hilang dari kewujudan...
bait daripada lagu Cinta Sempurna,Yuna
May 21, 2011
Pada Ketentuan-Nya
Sesungguhnya setiap yang berlaku itu telahpun tertulis pada Luh Mahfuz. Sebab dan Akibat sesuatu kejadian itu hanyalah medium yang menjelaskan sesuatu kejadian tersebut.
Sebuah rumah anak yatim yang ranap dek tanah runtuh, kematian mahupun selamatnya sesuatu itu semuanya bergantung kepada kehendak dan izin tuhan yang Maha Esa jua.
Hikmah kejadian itu adalah rahsia yang hanya boleh diambil peringatan dan pengajaran oleh mereka yang melaluinya.
mengapakah kita perlu mempersoalkan apa yang telah tertulis di azali?mengapa kita harus berburuk sangka dengan kekuasaan Dia yang Maha Mengatur perjalanan hidup ini?
Kerana itu bila kita tertimpakan sesuatu yang tidak diduga, kesedihan, kesusahan ataupun perkara-perkara gembira sekalipun, sebaiknya kita bersederhana dalam menanggapinya. kerana segala sesuatu itu sudah ditakdirkal oleh Nya..ketentuan yang hanya di ketahui hikmahnya oleh yang maha kuasaa, dan pastinya sebagai renungan untuk mereka yang mahu berfikir.
Sebuah rumah anak yatim yang ranap dek tanah runtuh, kematian mahupun selamatnya sesuatu itu semuanya bergantung kepada kehendak dan izin tuhan yang Maha Esa jua.
Hikmah kejadian itu adalah rahsia yang hanya boleh diambil peringatan dan pengajaran oleh mereka yang melaluinya.
mengapakah kita perlu mempersoalkan apa yang telah tertulis di azali?mengapa kita harus berburuk sangka dengan kekuasaan Dia yang Maha Mengatur perjalanan hidup ini?
Kerana itu bila kita tertimpakan sesuatu yang tidak diduga, kesedihan, kesusahan ataupun perkara-perkara gembira sekalipun, sebaiknya kita bersederhana dalam menanggapinya. kerana segala sesuatu itu sudah ditakdirkal oleh Nya..ketentuan yang hanya di ketahui hikmahnya oleh yang maha kuasaa, dan pastinya sebagai renungan untuk mereka yang mahu berfikir.
May 19, 2011
Time
Everything is about timing. Time and Tide. Night and Day. Life and Death. Health and Sickness. all are governed by one principle-the principle of time.And when the time comes to its limit, it stops and over. Done.
Time sums up the entire meaning of our life. Time decides everything that goes with it. Time changes thing. Times heals thing. Time renew, regenerate or erase.all in one. Time changes with every beating of heart.
it is amazing what time can do with life, amazing what time can throw at your feet, amazing what it takes away from you.
It reminds me of how much i want to be in my time of innocence, when life was less complicated, when i was an excited person unmarred by perception and judgment. It reminds me of joy of freedom and simplicity.
But time is a reflection. How can we understand the beauty of life if we do not have a reflection? How can we value the journey made, if there's no trace of path?
As time changes, so does everything else.
Time sums up the entire meaning of our life. Time decides everything that goes with it. Time changes thing. Times heals thing. Time renew, regenerate or erase.all in one. Time changes with every beating of heart.
it is amazing what time can do with life, amazing what time can throw at your feet, amazing what it takes away from you.
It reminds me of how much i want to be in my time of innocence, when life was less complicated, when i was an excited person unmarred by perception and judgment. It reminds me of joy of freedom and simplicity.
But time is a reflection. How can we understand the beauty of life if we do not have a reflection? How can we value the journey made, if there's no trace of path?
As time changes, so does everything else.
May 18, 2011
Building a defense mechanism and calling it my own..
My good friend has been asking me about seemingly new "best friend" lately. naturally, people would because i was never close to this particular person before. BUT, it doesn't mean that just because i joined her for breakfast once in awhile, OR i commented a little too much on her FB or her on my FB, we are suddenly the best of friend. We were there sharing stories and thought..That's all there is to it.
I have no problem befriending anyone. But experience taught me to be extra careful. Experience said that, well while we are being nice to people, we have to be able to differentiate which nice is "personal" or "impersonal". So, i'm building a defense mechanism to protect my fragile self. I can't afford to get hurt again. To have my self-respect torn apart again. One time is all i need! So, my approach is not to give too much of myself, less they find an excuse to flung it against me, like always....What a queer way of seeing things. But human is a queer object, paradoxically predictable.Plus, i don't wanna get caught up in other people's mess. i decide what i want.Period.
we learn everyday from people around us. And i don't want to get close to people for my own selfish interest.Because i do realise that i have one or two. So i better play it coy before i regretted anything that might happened, or better still before i get into a complicated situation that i can't get out from.
But mostly, im afraid of my own ghost. I am afraid that i might find a reason to not be grateful for my life. I am afraid that the sweetness is a poison itself.
That should explain my coldness..and yes.i'm prejudice.
I have no problem befriending anyone. But experience taught me to be extra careful. Experience said that, well while we are being nice to people, we have to be able to differentiate which nice is "personal" or "impersonal". So, i'm building a defense mechanism to protect my fragile self. I can't afford to get hurt again. To have my self-respect torn apart again. One time is all i need! So, my approach is not to give too much of myself, less they find an excuse to flung it against me, like always....What a queer way of seeing things. But human is a queer object, paradoxically predictable.Plus, i don't wanna get caught up in other people's mess. i decide what i want.Period.
we learn everyday from people around us. And i don't want to get close to people for my own selfish interest.Because i do realise that i have one or two. So i better play it coy before i regretted anything that might happened, or better still before i get into a complicated situation that i can't get out from.
But mostly, im afraid of my own ghost. I am afraid that i might find a reason to not be grateful for my life. I am afraid that the sweetness is a poison itself.
That should explain my coldness..and yes.i'm prejudice.
May 14, 2011
Apa Sajalah
Tak Boleh tidur kerana telah spent almost sejam tidur asar tadi.
malam ni memang bosan. Buka TV, tiada yang menarik. Almaklum, orang tak suka dokumentari, tak suka drama , tak tengok berita...jadilah serba serbi membosankan.Tengahari hari ni menemankan teman baik, masak dan makan sama. Best lah. Selera lebih terbuka dan yang paling penting tengok lebih banyak Tv daripada biasa. Kekasih yang lagi satu ni, sedang bermasalah sejak hari yang lepas..mood down a bit sebab rasa tertekan dengan mood kekasih yang tak pandai OK sejak beberapa hari lalu..sakit hati, rasa macam nak baling dia. Tapi sabarlah..kan separuh dari iman.
Kepala a bit dizzy-kebelakangan ni memang banyak yang tak kena. Sejak kejadian pitam dalam kereta hari tu, lebih berhati-hati tentang makanan. Sedang berusaha mengurangkan kaffein-cuma kaffein ni memang necessary evil. WAJIB ada.nanti semacam craving pula. Demi menjaga diri, harus cuba meminimakan intakenya. Harus kurangkan teh, bahaya kepada refleks dan darah. Harus banyak makan yang ber energy merah untuk improve, harus ambil lebih protein dan macam-macam lagi. Seriously undernourished, almaklumlah seorang diri.Makan pun ala-ala. Macam manalah saya boleh membenarkan diri mengabaikan diri sendiri pun tidak pasti. Kerana itu, planningnya ialah memenuhkan peti sejuk dengan sayur-sayuran dan makanan sihat. baik juga saya sudahpun berhenti memakan mee segera sejak beberapa bulan yang lalu, tak minum carbonated drink dan junk food. But, still adalah intakenya sekali sekala.and i proudly announce i'm no longer a sweet-tooth. Terlampau manis menyakitkan kepala.
hehe..sebenarnya, pressurenya adalah berat badan yang bertambah sebanyak 3kg. walaupun masih di tahap OK tapi membimbangkan. kebulatan yang menakutkan.
Agak marah sedikit hari ni..Ada x gila yang tak faham bahasa. Agaknya ada tak perkataan "TIDAK" lain yang lebih extreme? Benci sikap bodoh dia.
Poking, Calling, praising, smsing tu memang perbuatan bodoh untuk orang yang sudah berkahwin tapi masih rasa boleh berfoya-foya dengan orang lain!tak available tu buatlah cara TIDAK AVAILABLE. Do not insist on a lost cause!malas beronline, malas layan handphone-biarlah dia ada di merata-rata. Terganggu!
Tiba-tiba, my little sister bergosip tentang sesuatu yang pelik. My mum cakap tentang kahwin. Tidak pernah berlaku ni my mum sentuh tentang kahwin. Jadilah mungkin sudah sampai masa untuk cari someone yang sesuai. Masalah saya ialah:saya mencari seseorang yang matang, yang baik, dan sesuai. tapi setakat ini belum ketemu yang berciri begitu. Adapun, by now mesti sudah tidak available.So, what to do? takkan lah kerana orang lain suruh kahwin bermaksud boleh tangkap muat sahaja. sedangkan memilih kawan pun ada guideline nya, ini kan pula orang yang kita akan spend the whole life dengan dia. Satu lagi, tak boleh percaya sangat dengan first impression. kadangkala first impression ni macam smoke screen-nampak saja macam baik, but try befriending the person-keluar semua tanduk..i have a close encounter. Nobody's perfect, yes. tapi harus ingat, dalam list i, tiada perkataan perfect atau handsome, TQ. So perfect is not the objective.Handsome is ordinary. semua orang mahu. i happened to be someone that like something different. Bukannya apa yang semua orang mahu...Hmm, boleh difikirkan ni. Menarik. Atau minta my mum saja uruskan.tak mahulah. i dont need an excuse to blame anybody for mistakes..Baik i cari sendiri:o)
Tidak banyak yang boleh diramble. Just attempting to write in malay, dan hasilnya begini. Lucu bunyinya..hehehe
Satu demi satu orang memesejkan ucapan hari guru.Terima kasih untuk anak itu. Saya rasa sangat dewasa dan perasaan untuk bertanggungjawab terhadap karier membuak-buak. tak pernah terdetik pun akan jadi pendidik, tapi berkat doa ibunda tersayang, jadilah saya antara orang yang di wish pada hari guru.Terima kasih pada mereka untuk ingatan dan peringatan untuk menambahkan kualiti pada kerjaya saya. Insya allah.
Apa jua pun yang berlaku sepanjang masa ini, new information, new realisation, new story atau apa-apalah yang berlaku sepanjang masa ni, sudah dituliskan oleh yang Maha Besar.Selain daripada bersyukur dengan semua itu-baik yang buruk atau yang baik- sebaik-baiknya biarlah kita ada rasa keinsafan kerana Dia yang maha tahu apa juga pun yang terbaik untuk kita.. manalah kita sebagai manusia yang terbatas akal ni boleh meneka bagaimana pula masa hadapan?Harusnya bersyukur sebab diberi kesempatan untuk belajar daripada kesilapan. dan lebih bersyukur kerana, walaubagaimanapun, tiada perkara lebih teruk berlaku. hanya kecalaran sedikit sahaja:O). tak lupa sujud syukur untuk itu.
Aidh al-Qarni:masa lalu itu takkan kembali, dan umpama pasir halus yang berterbangan. Masa hadapan akan tetap datang bila tiba saatnya, dan tak perlu kita pergi mencarinya, atau meminta supaya ia disegerakan. Masa kini adalah jelas, maka hiduplah hari ini dan manfaatkan ia sebaik mungkin.(dalam buku Jangan Bersedih)
malam ni memang bosan. Buka TV, tiada yang menarik. Almaklum, orang tak suka dokumentari, tak suka drama , tak tengok berita...jadilah serba serbi membosankan.Tengahari hari ni menemankan teman baik, masak dan makan sama. Best lah. Selera lebih terbuka dan yang paling penting tengok lebih banyak Tv daripada biasa. Kekasih yang lagi satu ni, sedang bermasalah sejak hari yang lepas..mood down a bit sebab rasa tertekan dengan mood kekasih yang tak pandai OK sejak beberapa hari lalu..sakit hati, rasa macam nak baling dia. Tapi sabarlah..kan separuh dari iman.
Kepala a bit dizzy-kebelakangan ni memang banyak yang tak kena. Sejak kejadian pitam dalam kereta hari tu, lebih berhati-hati tentang makanan. Sedang berusaha mengurangkan kaffein-cuma kaffein ni memang necessary evil. WAJIB ada.nanti semacam craving pula. Demi menjaga diri, harus cuba meminimakan intakenya. Harus kurangkan teh, bahaya kepada refleks dan darah. Harus banyak makan yang ber energy merah untuk improve, harus ambil lebih protein dan macam-macam lagi. Seriously undernourished, almaklumlah seorang diri.Makan pun ala-ala. Macam manalah saya boleh membenarkan diri mengabaikan diri sendiri pun tidak pasti. Kerana itu, planningnya ialah memenuhkan peti sejuk dengan sayur-sayuran dan makanan sihat. baik juga saya sudahpun berhenti memakan mee segera sejak beberapa bulan yang lalu, tak minum carbonated drink dan junk food. But, still adalah intakenya sekali sekala.and i proudly announce i'm no longer a sweet-tooth. Terlampau manis menyakitkan kepala.
hehe..sebenarnya, pressurenya adalah berat badan yang bertambah sebanyak 3kg. walaupun masih di tahap OK tapi membimbangkan. kebulatan yang menakutkan.
Agak marah sedikit hari ni..Ada x gila yang tak faham bahasa. Agaknya ada tak perkataan "TIDAK" lain yang lebih extreme? Benci sikap bodoh dia.
Poking, Calling, praising, smsing tu memang perbuatan bodoh untuk orang yang sudah berkahwin tapi masih rasa boleh berfoya-foya dengan orang lain!tak available tu buatlah cara TIDAK AVAILABLE. Do not insist on a lost cause!malas beronline, malas layan handphone-biarlah dia ada di merata-rata. Terganggu!
Tiba-tiba, my little sister bergosip tentang sesuatu yang pelik. My mum cakap tentang kahwin. Tidak pernah berlaku ni my mum sentuh tentang kahwin. Jadilah mungkin sudah sampai masa untuk cari someone yang sesuai. Masalah saya ialah:saya mencari seseorang yang matang, yang baik, dan sesuai. tapi setakat ini belum ketemu yang berciri begitu. Adapun, by now mesti sudah tidak available.So, what to do? takkan lah kerana orang lain suruh kahwin bermaksud boleh tangkap muat sahaja. sedangkan memilih kawan pun ada guideline nya, ini kan pula orang yang kita akan spend the whole life dengan dia. Satu lagi, tak boleh percaya sangat dengan first impression. kadangkala first impression ni macam smoke screen-nampak saja macam baik, but try befriending the person-keluar semua tanduk..i have a close encounter. Nobody's perfect, yes. tapi harus ingat, dalam list i, tiada perkataan perfect atau handsome, TQ. So perfect is not the objective.Handsome is ordinary. semua orang mahu. i happened to be someone that like something different. Bukannya apa yang semua orang mahu...Hmm, boleh difikirkan ni. Menarik. Atau minta my mum saja uruskan.tak mahulah. i dont need an excuse to blame anybody for mistakes..Baik i cari sendiri:o)
Tidak banyak yang boleh diramble. Just attempting to write in malay, dan hasilnya begini. Lucu bunyinya..hehehe
Satu demi satu orang memesejkan ucapan hari guru.Terima kasih untuk anak itu. Saya rasa sangat dewasa dan perasaan untuk bertanggungjawab terhadap karier membuak-buak. tak pernah terdetik pun akan jadi pendidik, tapi berkat doa ibunda tersayang, jadilah saya antara orang yang di wish pada hari guru.Terima kasih pada mereka untuk ingatan dan peringatan untuk menambahkan kualiti pada kerjaya saya. Insya allah.
Apa jua pun yang berlaku sepanjang masa ini, new information, new realisation, new story atau apa-apalah yang berlaku sepanjang masa ni, sudah dituliskan oleh yang Maha Besar.Selain daripada bersyukur dengan semua itu-baik yang buruk atau yang baik- sebaik-baiknya biarlah kita ada rasa keinsafan kerana Dia yang maha tahu apa juga pun yang terbaik untuk kita.. manalah kita sebagai manusia yang terbatas akal ni boleh meneka bagaimana pula masa hadapan?Harusnya bersyukur sebab diberi kesempatan untuk belajar daripada kesilapan. dan lebih bersyukur kerana, walaubagaimanapun, tiada perkara lebih teruk berlaku. hanya kecalaran sedikit sahaja:O). tak lupa sujud syukur untuk itu.
Aidh al-Qarni:masa lalu itu takkan kembali, dan umpama pasir halus yang berterbangan. Masa hadapan akan tetap datang bila tiba saatnya, dan tak perlu kita pergi mencarinya, atau meminta supaya ia disegerakan. Masa kini adalah jelas, maka hiduplah hari ini dan manfaatkan ia sebaik mungkin.(dalam buku Jangan Bersedih)
May 11, 2011
Time flies
Wow! Just notice that months are missing out from my memory.
My friend remarked that she is going to come back soon(maternity leave) and i wondered why she is coming back so early. March is like yesterday.i was taken by surprise when i realised that, it is May already! That's why i didn't plan for holiday because i thought it is far away in the future.then when i opened my eyes-there u go-the charming May is at the doorstep and leaving soon.. I simply lost track of times.
Damned it. but i am so hung up on the past. Konon tak kisah, but hell yeah, the time did stop for me! For whatever reason. at first i thought.
Is this the case of Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? in the movie, they erased their memory of the past. In my case, i have no memory for the present time and it past without me realising..so much for spotless mind..
But to be fair, there were lots going on actually.I was busy for MUET, i was busy for my baby Quality, i was busy with my driving class and passed, i was busy with my new strengthen friendship, i was busy with handling and adapting to changes, and in general i was busy living a more healthy life..Who in their right mind would remember trivial?
so, fair and square.
i don't have to remember everything unimportant. I don't have to give excuses for they way i live my life.
the past?let it past. Why insisted on what has happened when today is a brighter day?
My friend remarked that she is going to come back soon(maternity leave) and i wondered why she is coming back so early. March is like yesterday.i was taken by surprise when i realised that, it is May already! That's why i didn't plan for holiday because i thought it is far away in the future.then when i opened my eyes-there u go-the charming May is at the doorstep and leaving soon.. I simply lost track of times.
Damned it. but i am so hung up on the past. Konon tak kisah, but hell yeah, the time did stop for me! For whatever reason. at first i thought.
Is this the case of Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? in the movie, they erased their memory of the past. In my case, i have no memory for the present time and it past without me realising..so much for spotless mind..
But to be fair, there were lots going on actually.I was busy for MUET, i was busy for my baby Quality, i was busy with my driving class and passed, i was busy with my new strengthen friendship, i was busy with handling and adapting to changes, and in general i was busy living a more healthy life..Who in their right mind would remember trivial?
so, fair and square.
i don't have to remember everything unimportant. I don't have to give excuses for they way i live my life.
the past?let it past. Why insisted on what has happened when today is a brighter day?
May 9, 2011
Rambler's notes
The sun and its scorching heat! dysfunctional air condition!i was bathing and basking at the same time. As long as we are on the complaining ground..But that's all that can be said.It is not as if complaining can solve matters. One has to take it all in strides..Period.Enough complaining.
some thoughts.
First of all, i was quite surprise by my reaction. Someone has been treating me unfairly rude these lately. I was thinking of returning it right to the person's face. Now im glad i didnt. Suddenly this person was acting nice again, and as usual trying to strike conversation about her problems, why she was this and that.
My reaction that surprised me:usually i will almost always on the dot forget whatever that had happened. Today, i sense some coldness in me. i didn't fall for the tricks to get attention. i must have hardened up or i must have been growing wiser?..hahaha.Must be both.
Before this, we were on a task together, and i am a pretty cheerful person. the first thing i always do in the morning, is smile and talk to her. That day, she dismissed me and ignored me all days. One thing i hate is childish rudeness. So, i practically was acting similar. By the end of the day, she came to me complaining about a bad night with the boyfriend, and claiming all sorts of excuses. i knew that she was trying to give excuses to her behaviour, and i played along to her game then.
Nowadays, i dont have the energy to entertain other's whim and fancy. Suit yourself if you want to be the Kera sumbang, shut yourself from the whole world, mistreated others, whatever.. It's all fine by me. Torture yourself with idiocy or childishness if that's what you so badly want. By any measure, it's fine with me!
Another one was making up stories about what other people did not say. If you think i messed up, just say it directly. i dont need a third person point of view to convince me of incompetency. But she chose, anyway, to point the statement to someone else, which really get on me pretty badly at first. But lies, if you keep repeating it, lost its appeal. So one fine day, as she was about to throw another damned lie at my face, naturally i gave her a piece of my mind. i was bored and angry because she kept on bringing up the subject. That was what happened when you poked in the wrong place. I wasn't that angry actually. But i was bored with all the complaining and so called plain speaking.And what did i get: you are emotional, you shouldn't be angry when people say things to you..yeah, right. i shouldn't be angry, but you would, wouldn't you?
How many times did people say things to my face, and they owned it. i was hurt by my incompetency but i appreciated the thought. I just don't like being treated like i'm a no brainer. That's all. i don't care if people commented me in front of my face.But owned it Up!
i can read her like a book by now. and i dont want to push something trivial. let her be.
Just because i am not the kind who speaks my mind, doesn't mean i can't think on my own as well. She might just get it confused.
Ah-ha.the heat does get on me..:o)
some thoughts.
First of all, i was quite surprise by my reaction. Someone has been treating me unfairly rude these lately. I was thinking of returning it right to the person's face. Now im glad i didnt. Suddenly this person was acting nice again, and as usual trying to strike conversation about her problems, why she was this and that.
My reaction that surprised me:usually i will almost always on the dot forget whatever that had happened. Today, i sense some coldness in me. i didn't fall for the tricks to get attention. i must have hardened up or i must have been growing wiser?..hahaha.Must be both.
Before this, we were on a task together, and i am a pretty cheerful person. the first thing i always do in the morning, is smile and talk to her. That day, she dismissed me and ignored me all days. One thing i hate is childish rudeness. So, i practically was acting similar. By the end of the day, she came to me complaining about a bad night with the boyfriend, and claiming all sorts of excuses. i knew that she was trying to give excuses to her behaviour, and i played along to her game then.
Nowadays, i dont have the energy to entertain other's whim and fancy. Suit yourself if you want to be the Kera sumbang, shut yourself from the whole world, mistreated others, whatever.. It's all fine by me. Torture yourself with idiocy or childishness if that's what you so badly want. By any measure, it's fine with me!
Another one was making up stories about what other people did not say. If you think i messed up, just say it directly. i dont need a third person point of view to convince me of incompetency. But she chose, anyway, to point the statement to someone else, which really get on me pretty badly at first. But lies, if you keep repeating it, lost its appeal. So one fine day, as she was about to throw another damned lie at my face, naturally i gave her a piece of my mind. i was bored and angry because she kept on bringing up the subject. That was what happened when you poked in the wrong place. I wasn't that angry actually. But i was bored with all the complaining and so called plain speaking.And what did i get: you are emotional, you shouldn't be angry when people say things to you..yeah, right. i shouldn't be angry, but you would, wouldn't you?
How many times did people say things to my face, and they owned it. i was hurt by my incompetency but i appreciated the thought. I just don't like being treated like i'm a no brainer. That's all. i don't care if people commented me in front of my face.But owned it Up!
i can read her like a book by now. and i dont want to push something trivial. let her be.
Just because i am not the kind who speaks my mind, doesn't mean i can't think on my own as well. She might just get it confused.
Ah-ha.the heat does get on me..:o)
May 7, 2011
Keith Urban - You'll Think of Me (Best Live Performance)
I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cap and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life
So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cap and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah
And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday
I love keith Urban,i had always wonder whether it is a coincidence that his hairstyle resembled Cruise's hairstyle in one of his movies..hmmm. Or probably it was Nicole's preference?
Nicole or no Nicole, he is a good musician:o)
May 6, 2011
Direction
i was planning to write this entry in Malay, but after a few attempt, i decided to write it according to the language in my mind. In hope that my ideas would crystallized without me grasping for words.
i have been reading a lot of books these lately. over-dependence to tech is never my style. So, as a means to while away the time, i bring at least one book in my bag and settled in my station with it. also as a means to shut noises and nuisance in my surrounding in the office. i love the quiet life i am leading. No question about that.
Direction. where could my life possibly heading at the moment? the answer is:Everywhere-all in the right directions, i pray.
Somehow, my good friend inspired a sense of direction for me.
He fell in love with an unlikely person. Unlikely being the operative word because, previously he was all around chasing a hot shot girl. But something about this hot shot girl turned him off. he was down for an entire month, i could tell that he liked this hot shot pretty much. However, things move around for him in a good way. he got new responsibility,and he was able to come to term with his disappointment. To simplify the story,in the least expected moment, he met with this rather ordinary girl, started to befriend her, and the rest was history.He fell head over heal for her!
This girl was way older than him, and according to my good friend too old fashioned for his liking. But, there's something about her that he like:her maturity, her approach to relationship and also because she is a very warmth and loving person.
At first in many of our conversations about her, he felt disappointed because she seemed insistence on bringing up the age difference. She seemed to ignore him most of the time. And again, he felt rejected. But as sisterly as i could, i told him that girl at our age(our age referring to those people 27 and above)are not looking for fancy relationship. We want serious one, something that meant to last. he shouldn't be discouraged by that. At this level, he must prove that he is honest. After all, relationship is a question of trust.He should work on building that trust.
In our second conversation, he told me that thing is going steady. I can't help but feel happy for him. i like his expression when he started talking about his dreams, his wants and needs with this particular girl.i envy this girl for getting one of the good men i knew. i was thinking:can i get one too?: a guy who feel strong admiration for me, a guy who notice everything about me:good and bad-and still think that i am worth the effort, a guy who always wanted to be with me, and feel nervous every time he meet me?A guy who think that i am the direction he needs? Probably, it is too far-fetched for me.
before he met her, he was the kind of guy who didn't have much thinking about his life. Afterward, he talked to me about financial planning, about career etc. he is much more grounded, serious and mature. She taught him to be mature and organized. i like the new aspect of his personality. i like it very much. To tell the truth, previously i had always think of him as a young, immature, and fancy-ful guy who would probably skipped responsibility, having fun all the times. But now, his new personality is very appealing.
Sometimes, guys are weird. they are easily discouraged, they think that just because the girls didn't treat them they way they wanted, they thought it was rejection. It was also funny whenever a girl make an attempts to talk to a guy, he would see it as a come-on sign. but we women are complicated creatures. We would stay away from the things we want the most, and stay with those that we have no feelings for. We are very shy in nature :o). And because we are vulnerable creatures and we avoid anything that might break our heart in two.. But then again, to say "we" would be an over generalization. some girls are undeniably bolder. All of the above are my sentiments.
We have a long heart to heart chat now and then. And i pray for their happy ending.
the last time we talked, i asked him: Doesn't it feel good to have a direction in life?
It was not a question actually. It was a reflection for both of us.
i was glad he shared his story:it poured positive energy into my life.
Which reminds me of a quote in Malay(more or less,can't remember the exact one)
"Kadang-kadang kita memandang terlalu lama pada pintu yang tertutup, dan terlepas pandang pada pintu lain yang terbuka luas untuk kita"
i have been reading a lot of books these lately. over-dependence to tech is never my style. So, as a means to while away the time, i bring at least one book in my bag and settled in my station with it. also as a means to shut noises and nuisance in my surrounding in the office. i love the quiet life i am leading. No question about that.
Direction. where could my life possibly heading at the moment? the answer is:Everywhere-all in the right directions, i pray.
Somehow, my good friend inspired a sense of direction for me.
He fell in love with an unlikely person. Unlikely being the operative word because, previously he was all around chasing a hot shot girl. But something about this hot shot girl turned him off. he was down for an entire month, i could tell that he liked this hot shot pretty much. However, things move around for him in a good way. he got new responsibility,and he was able to come to term with his disappointment. To simplify the story,in the least expected moment, he met with this rather ordinary girl, started to befriend her, and the rest was history.He fell head over heal for her!
This girl was way older than him, and according to my good friend too old fashioned for his liking. But, there's something about her that he like:her maturity, her approach to relationship and also because she is a very warmth and loving person.
At first in many of our conversations about her, he felt disappointed because she seemed insistence on bringing up the age difference. She seemed to ignore him most of the time. And again, he felt rejected. But as sisterly as i could, i told him that girl at our age(our age referring to those people 27 and above)are not looking for fancy relationship. We want serious one, something that meant to last. he shouldn't be discouraged by that. At this level, he must prove that he is honest. After all, relationship is a question of trust.He should work on building that trust.
In our second conversation, he told me that thing is going steady. I can't help but feel happy for him. i like his expression when he started talking about his dreams, his wants and needs with this particular girl.i envy this girl for getting one of the good men i knew. i was thinking:can i get one too?: a guy who feel strong admiration for me, a guy who notice everything about me:good and bad-and still think that i am worth the effort, a guy who always wanted to be with me, and feel nervous every time he meet me?A guy who think that i am the direction he needs? Probably, it is too far-fetched for me.
before he met her, he was the kind of guy who didn't have much thinking about his life. Afterward, he talked to me about financial planning, about career etc. he is much more grounded, serious and mature. She taught him to be mature and organized. i like the new aspect of his personality. i like it very much. To tell the truth, previously i had always think of him as a young, immature, and fancy-ful guy who would probably skipped responsibility, having fun all the times. But now, his new personality is very appealing.
Sometimes, guys are weird. they are easily discouraged, they think that just because the girls didn't treat them they way they wanted, they thought it was rejection. It was also funny whenever a girl make an attempts to talk to a guy, he would see it as a come-on sign. but we women are complicated creatures. We would stay away from the things we want the most, and stay with those that we have no feelings for. We are very shy in nature :o). And because we are vulnerable creatures and we avoid anything that might break our heart in two.. But then again, to say "we" would be an over generalization. some girls are undeniably bolder. All of the above are my sentiments.
We have a long heart to heart chat now and then. And i pray for their happy ending.
the last time we talked, i asked him: Doesn't it feel good to have a direction in life?
It was not a question actually. It was a reflection for both of us.
i was glad he shared his story:it poured positive energy into my life.
Which reminds me of a quote in Malay(more or less,can't remember the exact one)
"Kadang-kadang kita memandang terlalu lama pada pintu yang tertutup, dan terlepas pandang pada pintu lain yang terbuka luas untuk kita"
May 5, 2011
Forgiveness
....guilt is something that I grasp on to easily. Too easily sometimes. Forgiveness may come to me however it comes in short spurts and I tend to not forget things. I also tend to feel like I somehow deserve every situation that I find myself in. Even if that means allowing people to treat me like crap.
I have in the past allowed others to convince me how I am supposed to feel about things. How I should react to things. More importantly, how I have felt about myself. I say up until recently because I have finally grown my own balls and have started standing up for myself. Finally. For the first time in a very long time, I am realizing that I don't deserve to be treated like crap. I am worthy of a bit of respect. I have a brain and my thoughts are pretty decent. I am loyal and I am loving. I don't need people in my life that are not going to treat me with the same respect that I treat them with. I don't NEED it. NEED. Today, I forgive myself for my so called needs.
I am also forgiving myself for feeling weak. I am tossing aside feelings that I have been carrying around with me FOREVER that pin me as somehow inadequate. Because, I am not. I have just sacrificed so much of myself for other people that I have forgotten that I am pretty darn amazing. I have gotten lost among the people whom I thought meant me well. I have let their problems become mine. I have felt their emotions and spread their unhappiness as my own. I have put my family on my back burner in order to help and fix and sometimes carry others. Today, I am forgiving myself for putting the rest of the world ahead of myself.
Others' burdens are not my own. Although I may want to lift someone's pain from them because I am compassionate, that doesn't mean that I have to add that pain to my load. It is ok for me to lift it from them and to toss it aside. I don't need to FIX everyone. I had to learn on my own and others need to as well. I can not take their lessons from them and blame myself for their mistakes. All this does is keep them from learning. I also can not allow them to blame me for situations that are indeed not mine. Today I forgive myself for my delusions...
(taken from Queenie's place)
This summed up my sentiment for the time being. While having lunch today, i was thinking that it would be easier to let go of things. But when reading this, i think i seriously need to do a rain check of my mindset, forgive myself and maybe then i would have the gut to really let go of any complication that bugged me...
Insyaallah Bi iznillah:o)
I have in the past allowed others to convince me how I am supposed to feel about things. How I should react to things. More importantly, how I have felt about myself. I say up until recently because I have finally grown my own balls and have started standing up for myself. Finally. For the first time in a very long time, I am realizing that I don't deserve to be treated like crap. I am worthy of a bit of respect. I have a brain and my thoughts are pretty decent. I am loyal and I am loving. I don't need people in my life that are not going to treat me with the same respect that I treat them with. I don't NEED it. NEED. Today, I forgive myself for my so called needs.
I am also forgiving myself for feeling weak. I am tossing aside feelings that I have been carrying around with me FOREVER that pin me as somehow inadequate. Because, I am not. I have just sacrificed so much of myself for other people that I have forgotten that I am pretty darn amazing. I have gotten lost among the people whom I thought meant me well. I have let their problems become mine. I have felt their emotions and spread their unhappiness as my own. I have put my family on my back burner in order to help and fix and sometimes carry others. Today, I am forgiving myself for putting the rest of the world ahead of myself.
Others' burdens are not my own. Although I may want to lift someone's pain from them because I am compassionate, that doesn't mean that I have to add that pain to my load. It is ok for me to lift it from them and to toss it aside. I don't need to FIX everyone. I had to learn on my own and others need to as well. I can not take their lessons from them and blame myself for their mistakes. All this does is keep them from learning. I also can not allow them to blame me for situations that are indeed not mine. Today I forgive myself for my delusions...
(taken from Queenie's place)
This summed up my sentiment for the time being. While having lunch today, i was thinking that it would be easier to let go of things. But when reading this, i think i seriously need to do a rain check of my mindset, forgive myself and maybe then i would have the gut to really let go of any complication that bugged me...
Insyaallah Bi iznillah:o)
May 4, 2011
Pantun-ville
Very interesting, challenging and mentally stimulating. Thank you, my good friend Nurul Jiha Bt Jayosman for the pleasure of your company. You are indeed a tough opponent...hahahaha
Duduk termenung hanya bingung kerinduan,
merindu dia hilang di pandangan,
Duduk termenung hilang arah tujuan,
Mengintai anganan dengan si pujaan.
menyapu angin dengan kenangan,
harapkan rembulan sampaikan pesan,
hendak kugapai tak tercapai tangan,
hanya berteman rindu bayangan
Hendak kugapai tak tercapai tangan,
hanya berteman rindu bayangan,
rindu-rinduan jadi kenangan
biar tersimpan dalam ingatan.
tersemat utuh di mata kalbu,
kendati rupanya tidak terlihat,
sering ditewas amukan rindu,
meski hadirnya nyata tersurat.
meski hadirnya nyata tersurat,
pungguk merindu bulan nan jauh,
meski rindu belum terikat,
harapnya kasih usah menjauh.
mengulit pujangga mengganti diri,
bersanding kalimah dan doa terpatri,
merafak sembah rabbul 'izzati,
mengharap tersingkapnya hijab di hati.
Bunga selasih tumbuh di halaman ,
berbau harum berbunga kembar,
andai kasih bagai suratan,
takkan lari gunung dikejar.
impian ditilik dalam lamunan,
menunggu bintang membentuk erti,
diulang lafaz mantera kesaktian,
"duhai hati tabahlah menanti".
memancing ikan di tepi paya,
tali putus ikan terlepas,
bersabarlah hati selagi terdaya,
perkara yang lalu biarlah lepas...
mekar berkembang si taman hati,
bila arjuna melirik pandang,
terkadang ragu mencemburui diri,
adakah melukut di tepi gantang?
Biar melukut ditepi bendang ,
padi hijau boleh dirasa ,
bukan melukut di tepi gantang,
hanya hati bermain rasa
telah tertulis sejak azali,
cinta ditatang di atas pundak,
hati punya sifat alami,
gemar bermain,menipu tidak
Sungguh manis dara bersimpuh,
kain sutera dibuat selendang,
andai kasih kian merapuh,
apalah guna bermadah sayang?
mudik ke hulu menongkah bayang,
di waktu suria semakin kelam,
tiada niat meraih sayang,
sekadar meluah cinta terpendam.
Dalam tidak,luar pun tidak,
cincin suasa di jual orang.
meraih tidak meluah pun tidak,
bimbang luka lama berulang
ditusuk sembilu tidak terluka,
disiat belati tidak berdarah,
tak terzahir pada rupanya,
namun luka hati sendiri yang parah.
Bunga kemboja warnanya putih,
mari dipetik pahlawan gagah,
bila kasih mula beralih,
biarlah kaki memulai langkah
bersulam cinta melamar rindu,
di bawah angin awan bertingkah,
kasih tertumpah pada yang satu,
setia tersemat enggan melangkah.
biar berdentum guruh di langit,
bumi tak hancur sebelum kiamat,
selagi tak terungkap kata keramat,
kasih kubiar hilang tak terlihat
Mendamba pujaan sepenuh hati,
hingga luput dunia nanti,
andai waktu tak punya simpati,
cinta di hati kan ku bawa mati.
Pagi hari hilang serinya,
bersama hujan turun seharian
apakan daya jodoh tak punya,
biarlah ia menjadi kenangan
Waktu bergulir tiada berganti,
namun tak mampu mencemar rindu,
biarkan ia memahat sanubari,
tersisip jauh di penjuru kalbu.
Waktu bergulir tiada berganti,
hilang kenangan diganti sepi,
diri nan hilang bukan membenci,
sekadar melindung tangis dipipi
Renangi lautan yang tak bertepi,
lelahnya sukma tidak terperi,
kalaulah sungguh jodoh menyepi,
biarlah ku pergi membawa diri.
Tuai padi antara masak,
tuan rumah menuai lalang,
tuai kami tak nampak-nampak,
esok lusa terus menghilang
coolness:o)
Duduk termenung hanya bingung kerinduan,
merindu dia hilang di pandangan,
Duduk termenung hilang arah tujuan,
Mengintai anganan dengan si pujaan.
menyapu angin dengan kenangan,
harapkan rembulan sampaikan pesan,
hendak kugapai tak tercapai tangan,
hanya berteman rindu bayangan
Hendak kugapai tak tercapai tangan,
hanya berteman rindu bayangan,
rindu-rinduan jadi kenangan
biar tersimpan dalam ingatan.
tersemat utuh di mata kalbu,
kendati rupanya tidak terlihat,
sering ditewas amukan rindu,
meski hadirnya nyata tersurat.
meski hadirnya nyata tersurat,
pungguk merindu bulan nan jauh,
meski rindu belum terikat,
harapnya kasih usah menjauh.
mengulit pujangga mengganti diri,
bersanding kalimah dan doa terpatri,
merafak sembah rabbul 'izzati,
mengharap tersingkapnya hijab di hati.
Bunga selasih tumbuh di halaman ,
berbau harum berbunga kembar,
andai kasih bagai suratan,
takkan lari gunung dikejar.
impian ditilik dalam lamunan,
menunggu bintang membentuk erti,
diulang lafaz mantera kesaktian,
"duhai hati tabahlah menanti".
memancing ikan di tepi paya,
tali putus ikan terlepas,
bersabarlah hati selagi terdaya,
perkara yang lalu biarlah lepas...
mekar berkembang si taman hati,
bila arjuna melirik pandang,
terkadang ragu mencemburui diri,
adakah melukut di tepi gantang?
Biar melukut ditepi bendang ,
padi hijau boleh dirasa ,
bukan melukut di tepi gantang,
hanya hati bermain rasa
telah tertulis sejak azali,
cinta ditatang di atas pundak,
hati punya sifat alami,
gemar bermain,menipu tidak
Sungguh manis dara bersimpuh,
kain sutera dibuat selendang,
andai kasih kian merapuh,
apalah guna bermadah sayang?
mudik ke hulu menongkah bayang,
di waktu suria semakin kelam,
tiada niat meraih sayang,
sekadar meluah cinta terpendam.
Dalam tidak,luar pun tidak,
cincin suasa di jual orang.
meraih tidak meluah pun tidak,
bimbang luka lama berulang
ditusuk sembilu tidak terluka,
disiat belati tidak berdarah,
tak terzahir pada rupanya,
namun luka hati sendiri yang parah.
Bunga kemboja warnanya putih,
mari dipetik pahlawan gagah,
bila kasih mula beralih,
biarlah kaki memulai langkah
bersulam cinta melamar rindu,
di bawah angin awan bertingkah,
kasih tertumpah pada yang satu,
setia tersemat enggan melangkah.
biar berdentum guruh di langit,
bumi tak hancur sebelum kiamat,
selagi tak terungkap kata keramat,
kasih kubiar hilang tak terlihat
Mendamba pujaan sepenuh hati,
hingga luput dunia nanti,
andai waktu tak punya simpati,
cinta di hati kan ku bawa mati.
Pagi hari hilang serinya,
bersama hujan turun seharian
apakan daya jodoh tak punya,
biarlah ia menjadi kenangan
Waktu bergulir tiada berganti,
namun tak mampu mencemar rindu,
biarkan ia memahat sanubari,
tersisip jauh di penjuru kalbu.
Waktu bergulir tiada berganti,
hilang kenangan diganti sepi,
diri nan hilang bukan membenci,
sekadar melindung tangis dipipi
Renangi lautan yang tak bertepi,
lelahnya sukma tidak terperi,
kalaulah sungguh jodoh menyepi,
biarlah ku pergi membawa diri.
Tuai padi antara masak,
tuan rumah menuai lalang,
tuai kami tak nampak-nampak,
esok lusa terus menghilang
coolness:o)
May 3, 2011
A Knight's Tale
how i missed the smile. i first laid eyes on him in 10 things.. and i was forever under his spell afterward. he was such a true spirit of an artist.died young, different and memorable.
I am such a restless soul,
searching for a cause to win
my empty heart
searching for a reason
to rhyme
and yet every now and then
it goes by.
still the smile you give
the words of encouragement
like steel
that hold my heart in peace.
My heart is beating to the rhythm
that only i understand
Everytime.
sharp needles caused it to bleed again
but it wont stop.
i am not looking for a place to stop
i am looking for the direction to go,
but without you
would i be able to find the path again?
i am already above the star
and finding that the black hole
is oh so real.
i will always be the knight that save me.
It is..
None other than me
the knight who has but one sword
that save
or destruct.
I am, and always will be.
May 2, 2011
NurNilam Sari
Pinjamkan sinarmu Nur Nilam Sari
Buatku merempuhi malam
Kabus berlabuh bagaikan awan
Mengaburi penglihatan
Menyekat maksud di sempadan
Redup yang ku pasangkan angan
Sekadar berhasrat
Berlindung dalam lena
Pejamkan mata untuk
Ku lupakan sengsara
Berapi kerdipan
Melaraskan jiwa
Menyusuk ke arah asalku
Senyumanmu satu azimat
Buat diriku yang hina
Manusia terpinggir hidup melara
Tak pernah kenal erti bahagia
Namun ku masih gembira
Bagiku rahmat semuanya
Oh mungkin kalau nasib ku berbeza
Aku tak mampu
Menilaikan dikau
Aku berani
Berani aku
Katakan dirimu itu
Dewi kayangan
peperangan yang melanda diriku kini sudah berakhir
kepahitan dulu bertukar menjadi sejarah dan kenangan manis...
Buatku merempuhi malam
Kabus berlabuh bagaikan awan
Mengaburi penglihatan
Menyekat maksud di sempadan
Redup yang ku pasangkan angan
Sekadar berhasrat
Berlindung dalam lena
Pejamkan mata untuk
Ku lupakan sengsara
Berapi kerdipan
Melaraskan jiwa
Menyusuk ke arah asalku
Senyumanmu satu azimat
Buat diriku yang hina
Manusia terpinggir hidup melara
Tak pernah kenal erti bahagia
Namun ku masih gembira
Bagiku rahmat semuanya
Oh mungkin kalau nasib ku berbeza
Aku tak mampu
Menilaikan dikau
Aku berani
Berani aku
Katakan dirimu itu
Dewi kayangan
peperangan yang melanda diriku kini sudah berakhir
kepahitan dulu bertukar menjadi sejarah dan kenangan manis...
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