Today is one of those "feel good" days.
i went to my driving class today, which i was complimented on my improved driving skills. I am more "sure-footed" about it, and i found that everything was gliding smoothly. i felt surges of confidence as i handled the steering wheel and watched every detail and every movement of the car. it was liberating!
I met my friend and her husband during my shopping session after the driving class.They invited me to join them for an early dinner so that later i can go back home to Poli with them. Convenient. I agreed and joined them after i had bought quite a number of items for my house.
i felt something or some strange feeling. it happened when we were about to leave the outlet. while i was trying to pick up my things from under the table,(i had three plastic bags of thing), the husband took all of my things and brought it to the car..Me?i was so not used to people being kind or helpful. And i didnt expect people to go out of their way for me..But he did. It made me feel so out of place and segan..OMG, i was taken aback by what i felt.
I like the feeling of being taken care of..
(Long Pause)
Whatever it may mean..
Feb 28, 2011
Feb 27, 2011
Something in my mind
The smell of Eucalyptus evaporated into the air.
pieces of glass are all over the place.
Big and small.
scattered.sharp.
As i watched the body plunged further away from the head,
as a faint reminiscent of it fell from the table to the ground
in slow motion
i have to sigh my disappointment,
that something is meant to break to pieces
something is meant to evaporate in the air
something is meant to be lost forever.
pieces of glass are all over the place.
Big and small.
scattered.sharp.
As i watched the body plunged further away from the head,
as a faint reminiscent of it fell from the table to the ground
in slow motion
i have to sigh my disappointment,
that something is meant to break to pieces
something is meant to evaporate in the air
something is meant to be lost forever.
Feb 26, 2011
Feb 24, 2011
Frankly My Dear...
Moody
Blunt
Well, those are news.
It seems that I don’t know myself enough. They said im moody and blunt. But, they can’t really pinpoint the time of occurrence.
They said: she is always in bad mood now. Takkan dah ada boyfriend tak gembira kot? My question:why they need to point to the fact that I HAVE A BOYFRIEND as the root cause specifically? On second thought, are they thinking enviously about my having a boyfriend? Now that’s curious for someone who said that I AM one of her friend. And as one of my friend, why she didn’t ask directly to me? Why is the need to go around trying to yank answers from other people? I supposed you would be happy for my happiness…
They said: maybe you rasa cara you cakap tu berterus terang, tapi orang lain tersinggung.Kadang-kadang cara you cakap tu.. And then I asked: in what situation specifically? The answer is:…sometimes…I want to know when.and they cant answer.
I am not a blunt person, and that’s why in the first place people take me for granted, bully me and even want to be friend with me because I am not a blunt person. I am not the type of person who plainly speaks what’s on her mind…So I am wondering why they would say that I am a blunt person.
First thing first, I am wondering about the root cause of all this childishness. Why some people stop talking but, rather conveniently pointing fault at another person? When you are in a bad mood, I am supposed to understand. When I ignore your childishness, then I am the one at fault?!When you stop talking, ignore me at all goings and pretend that I’m an inanimate object, I am supposed to understand and think positively about you. So when I ignore you because you ignored me in the first place, you come out loud and said I am at fault for ignoring you/for bermasam muka and what not?What is the point actually? What are you angry about? You keep on raising the hues that “some people are not satisfied with you..”My question is am I that “some people”? what, may i know is the thing that I am NOT “satisfied” about you?!
For the record, just a friendly thought…the world is your mirror. Mirror=reflection.
So while you are busy pointing fault, maybe you can look at your reflection in the mirror…
By and by, I’m getting bored with these entire perfect and no fault attitude. I’m bored with people who know too much about other people for their own good. I am bored having to deal with people who think they know it all, and think that what’s good for them are as good for anyone else. Bored with high and mighty-ness.i am bored with stupid self-centered, seeking attention bitchy attitude. I am bored with plastic attitude.
I was advised to go and talk to you, chat you up whenever I see you.. If you realize at all, I did try, but I was treated like dirt. So now what do you expect me to do?
Lower myself further down to the ground for you? I do have "ego" my friend… YOU are not the only one with "face" to save.. Apparently YOU think the world revolves around BECAUSE OF YOU.Believe me, it's not!
You act as if you are THE victim..well, FOR GOD'S SAKE, who victimize you?! Classic case for the negative minded people.
What more can i say?Anything i said would be taken as a point to be said against me.So i better keep to myself..
or rather i better keep myself away from you. Maybe finally you will feel good about yourself.
Blunt
Well, those are news.
It seems that I don’t know myself enough. They said im moody and blunt. But, they can’t really pinpoint the time of occurrence.
They said: she is always in bad mood now. Takkan dah ada boyfriend tak gembira kot? My question:why they need to point to the fact that I HAVE A BOYFRIEND as the root cause specifically? On second thought, are they thinking enviously about my having a boyfriend? Now that’s curious for someone who said that I AM one of her friend. And as one of my friend, why she didn’t ask directly to me? Why is the need to go around trying to yank answers from other people? I supposed you would be happy for my happiness…
They said: maybe you rasa cara you cakap tu berterus terang, tapi orang lain tersinggung.Kadang-kadang cara you cakap tu.. And then I asked: in what situation specifically? The answer is:…sometimes…I want to know when.and they cant answer.
I am not a blunt person, and that’s why in the first place people take me for granted, bully me and even want to be friend with me because I am not a blunt person. I am not the type of person who plainly speaks what’s on her mind…So I am wondering why they would say that I am a blunt person.
First thing first, I am wondering about the root cause of all this childishness. Why some people stop talking but, rather conveniently pointing fault at another person? When you are in a bad mood, I am supposed to understand. When I ignore your childishness, then I am the one at fault?!When you stop talking, ignore me at all goings and pretend that I’m an inanimate object, I am supposed to understand and think positively about you. So when I ignore you because you ignored me in the first place, you come out loud and said I am at fault for ignoring you/for bermasam muka and what not?What is the point actually? What are you angry about? You keep on raising the hues that “some people are not satisfied with you..”My question is am I that “some people”? what, may i know is the thing that I am NOT “satisfied” about you?!
For the record, just a friendly thought…the world is your mirror. Mirror=reflection.
So while you are busy pointing fault, maybe you can look at your reflection in the mirror…
By and by, I’m getting bored with these entire perfect and no fault attitude. I’m bored with people who know too much about other people for their own good. I am bored having to deal with people who think they know it all, and think that what’s good for them are as good for anyone else. Bored with high and mighty-ness.i am bored with stupid self-centered, seeking attention bitchy attitude. I am bored with plastic attitude.
I was advised to go and talk to you, chat you up whenever I see you.. If you realize at all, I did try, but I was treated like dirt. So now what do you expect me to do?
Lower myself further down to the ground for you? I do have "ego" my friend… YOU are not the only one with "face" to save.. Apparently YOU think the world revolves around BECAUSE OF YOU.Believe me, it's not!
You act as if you are THE victim..well, FOR GOD'S SAKE, who victimize you?! Classic case for the negative minded people.
What more can i say?Anything i said would be taken as a point to be said against me.So i better keep to myself..
or rather i better keep myself away from you. Maybe finally you will feel good about yourself.
Feb 15, 2011
Sebelum waktu membataskan
Entahlah.
waktu senggang ini menyeksa
hatiku mendung tak berpunca
tangisku sedu yang tak terhentikan
sakit.
sesak.
terhimpit.
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
mungkin kau rasa kau lebih baik dan lebih sempurna..
kau merasakan semua orang tidak patut berasa gembira?
Setiap kali kau berasa marah, orang lain harus merasa apa yang kau rasa?
Dan bila orang lain gembira, kau harus bunuh kegembiraan itu...
atau...
terseksa kah kau kerana orang lain sudah berusaha meneruskan hidup?
Sekejap kau begini,
sekejap kau begitu..
mungkin kau suka lihat aku terseksa....
tak pastilah bagaimana..
kau sudah membuat hatiku kacau
atas keikhlasan kau menyebut tentang masa lalu
yang sudah berusaha kulupakan....
atas nasihat kau..
Masa lalu yang tertinggal
dan kau heret semula dalam perbualan
tanpa sebab..
jadi, kau gembira kan?
Kerana Aku bersedih tentang masa lalu itu.
waktu senggang ini menyeksa
hatiku mendung tak berpunca
tangisku sedu yang tak terhentikan
sakit.
sesak.
terhimpit.
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
apa ertinya sahabat padamu?
mungkin kau rasa kau lebih baik dan lebih sempurna..
kau merasakan semua orang tidak patut berasa gembira?
Setiap kali kau berasa marah, orang lain harus merasa apa yang kau rasa?
Dan bila orang lain gembira, kau harus bunuh kegembiraan itu...
atau...
terseksa kah kau kerana orang lain sudah berusaha meneruskan hidup?
Sekejap kau begini,
sekejap kau begitu..
mungkin kau suka lihat aku terseksa....
tak pastilah bagaimana..
kau sudah membuat hatiku kacau
atas keikhlasan kau menyebut tentang masa lalu
yang sudah berusaha kulupakan....
atas nasihat kau..
Masa lalu yang tertinggal
dan kau heret semula dalam perbualan
tanpa sebab..
jadi, kau gembira kan?
Kerana Aku bersedih tentang masa lalu itu.
Feb 13, 2011
Heart
It's the time again
when tears run down uncontrollably,
when heart is beating with unfamiliar beats,
where thoughts wander to a dangerous ground,
where friends are a faint murmur away.
The clamours in my mind,
coming and going
and i couldnt even shut the door
i couldnt even lock my heart.
and it remains ajar.
and its bleeding - my heart!
and its bleeding.
when tears run down uncontrollably,
when heart is beating with unfamiliar beats,
where thoughts wander to a dangerous ground,
where friends are a faint murmur away.
The clamours in my mind,
coming and going
and i couldnt even shut the door
i couldnt even lock my heart.
and it remains ajar.
and its bleeding - my heart!
and its bleeding.
Feb 1, 2011
Seribu Bayangan
Kau masih menduga sehingga kini
Andai ku bersenda dengan teka teki
Seribu bayangan aku gambarkan
Masih lagi kau tak mengerti
Sedalamnya lautan tingginya bulan
Bisa disentuh dengan pengetahuan
Sepahitnya henpedu bisa ditelan
Jika itulah penawarnya
Inikan pula perasaan
Yang lahir dari jiwa
Dan kita sama sama merasa
Denyut kasihnya
Bukan sengaja aku merahsiakan cinta
Tapi curiga kau kan tersalah sangka
Kerana kita rasa bangga bila dipuja
Dan rasa keji bila dihina
Kerna kita menolak segala bencana
Dan asyik bergembira dengan nikmatnya
Sedangkan semua ini adalah takdirNya
Dan kita harus bersyukur sentiasa
Bukannya teka teki gurauan hati
Sekadar melindung kasih yang tersembunyi
Bukan mudah mencari kasih abadi
Dalam terang ia sembunyi
-Damasutra-
Andai ku bersenda dengan teka teki
Seribu bayangan aku gambarkan
Masih lagi kau tak mengerti
Sedalamnya lautan tingginya bulan
Bisa disentuh dengan pengetahuan
Sepahitnya henpedu bisa ditelan
Jika itulah penawarnya
Inikan pula perasaan
Yang lahir dari jiwa
Dan kita sama sama merasa
Denyut kasihnya
Bukan sengaja aku merahsiakan cinta
Tapi curiga kau kan tersalah sangka
Kerana kita rasa bangga bila dipuja
Dan rasa keji bila dihina
Kerna kita menolak segala bencana
Dan asyik bergembira dengan nikmatnya
Sedangkan semua ini adalah takdirNya
Dan kita harus bersyukur sentiasa
Bukannya teka teki gurauan hati
Sekadar melindung kasih yang tersembunyi
Bukan mudah mencari kasih abadi
Dalam terang ia sembunyi
-Damasutra-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)