saya hilang dalam tafsiran-yang salah, yang tergesa-gesa dan dipengaruhi oleh emosi.
saya hilang inspirasi-untuk menyatakan apa yang tersurat,mahupun yang tersirat.
saya hilang diri saya yang lama-kerana saya cuba menukarnya dengan keyakinan yang baru-akhirnya saya hilang sendiri
saya manusia.dengan kelemahan manusia-walaupun itu bukan alasan untuk melakukan semua kesilapan yang ada.
saya tersedar diri-saya seorang yang baru-berfikir dengan pengalaman yang baru-mentafsir dengan fikiran yang baru-tetap dengan keyakinan yang satu-kepada Yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Mendengar
saya tercalar di hati-kerana salah mengertikan rasa percaya-
dan-
saya kehilangan kesayangan-kerana saya mengikut hati dan tidak berfikir panjang
tiada apa yang tinggal-kerana-salah tafsiran itu harganya adalah persahabatan.
saya adalah saya-
yang individualistik-impulsive-dan-naive
tapi selalu bertanggungjawab untuk perasaan saya-dan-apa juga yang berlaku di dalam hidup saya.
saya.hilang.dalam.tafsiran.
Nov 25, 2009
Nov 22, 2009
sang pelengah masa
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang melengahkan kerja.
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang tidak boleh bergerak
selaju mungkin
kerana saya dilengahkan oleh
kerja-kerja yang dilengahkan.
saya
terlengah
melengah-lengahkan
dilengahkan
oleh masa-masa
yang terlengah.
saya hanya ada masa
untuk lengahkan lagi
apa yang sudah terlengahkan.
saya sang pelengah masa
yang terlengah kerana yang melengahkan
p/s-tapi marking dah settle,dan minggu depan saya harus mulakan dengan kerja-kerja key in markah,dan buat SKT untuk semester ini.semoga saya berjaya untuk tidak melengah-lengahkan lagi apa yang sudah terlengah.semoga yang terbaik untuk saya..:O)
sang pelengah masa
yang melengahkan kerja.
saya
sang pelengah masa
yang tidak boleh bergerak
selaju mungkin
kerana saya dilengahkan oleh
kerja-kerja yang dilengahkan.
saya
terlengah
melengah-lengahkan
dilengahkan
oleh masa-masa
yang terlengah.
saya hanya ada masa
untuk lengahkan lagi
apa yang sudah terlengahkan.
saya sang pelengah masa
yang terlengah kerana yang melengahkan
p/s-tapi marking dah settle,dan minggu depan saya harus mulakan dengan kerja-kerja key in markah,dan buat SKT untuk semester ini.semoga saya berjaya untuk tidak melengah-lengahkan lagi apa yang sudah terlengah.semoga yang terbaik untuk saya..:O)
Nov 20, 2009
the fast lane
again and again.Busy with keying in mark,busy with students who wanted to take exam or test, busy with SKT, busy with everything.my head is buzzing and pounding from tiredness and excitement..to finish up everything on time.
Today had been very progressive.in the morning, i spent about 45 minutes keying in marks when suddenly the system went down.but dont want to stress myself, so i went and check the exam papers-putting the marks in the PB form.and when i reached to the last paper, i went around walking and talking to my everybody in the office..taking a deep breath and feeling all the rush in the office..heavenly.
about 9.30am, i followed my friends-breakfast at one of our favourite lepak port.usually on friday.i ordered a roti kosong and teh tarik,which i hadnt eat for a long long time. and it tasted wonderful.it made me think about my lepak times with my brothers.we loved to have a nite out in my hometown, which afterwards we usually went for roti canai and teh tarik at our regular port before heading home..and helped to tapau for everyone at home.hehe
when we came back from our little rendezvous, there were students waiting.for listening test..and one student wanted to take the final test.I went to fax a document to my sis-on the way, i met with Pn A(i dont know her name actually), and suddenly we were talking about flowers-all the petunia,and some of it whose names i have forgotten-but really.i saw her house and it is full of flowers.i genuinely interested.a nice hobby but not for a lazy person like me..hehe. when i came back, my colleagues let a good news out.that we're going for BTN in December.ohhh,it dampened my spirit. i expected it to be next year.but well.beggars cant be chooser.if it's this year,then iam going anyway..still dont want to be stress about unnecessary thingy..
in the afternoon, i went to the exam unit and helped someone from JP to translate their exam question.it was a tough job-terms etc.but with the help from one of the staffs,i manage to pull through. and guess what-i was given a declaration memo that said-i helped with the translation-and more importantly-it can be put in the SKT.Praise be to Allah.another reason to be thankful for a wonderful blessing.:o)
Tomorrow morning i have MUET tuition at 8am.i planned on doing something, but i forgot that in order to do what i planned, i have to photocopy some article-which i conveniently forgot..oh well, we'll see what we can do tomorrow. and on Sunday, there's a Seminar Pemantapan Aqidah by organised by Pusat Islam.apparently i am in one of the committees.and my committee happened to be my colleague.i really feel guilty for not being a helping hand, or when im not being readily available.and he didnt say anything at all to me.so,i just got carried away with all the things i have to do everyday-or simply being busy thinking about the unattainable...hehehe.but im coming anyway on Sunday.that's my commitment.Insyaallah.so no saturday-sunday this week.but it's ok.;o)
Next week, my goal is to try to finish up keying in marks into the system, so i can proceed with my SKT.im going home on Friday for my aunt's wedding. and im going to have a blast. i even agreed to be my aunt's pengapit.my first planning is to shop in Miri while waiting for my flight later that night..but with BTN coming around, and knowing how shopping could end up..hehe,i'l have to do some serious budgeting..i seriously am thinking of buying something pink for the wedding.hmm,weird.
oh yeah, and it kinda weird but i wonder about a mysterious Hang Kebun, who has the habit of visiting my Friendster every once in a while-and keeps himself in the dark-who he is or why,i would never know.i tried sending him message once and the next thing is he turn off his messaging function.
so, today im having a quite heavy dinner-because my bestfriend is here.and i need an energy booster.
i was listening to my playlist earlier today and i suddenly caught some words from Celine Dion's song that said:
What do you say of taking chances?
What do you say of jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's a solid ground below
or hands to hold
or hell to pay...?
let just start again..
i agree to start again.i am.i will.
Today had been very progressive.in the morning, i spent about 45 minutes keying in marks when suddenly the system went down.but dont want to stress myself, so i went and check the exam papers-putting the marks in the PB form.and when i reached to the last paper, i went around walking and talking to my everybody in the office..taking a deep breath and feeling all the rush in the office..heavenly.
about 9.30am, i followed my friends-breakfast at one of our favourite lepak port.usually on friday.i ordered a roti kosong and teh tarik,which i hadnt eat for a long long time. and it tasted wonderful.it made me think about my lepak times with my brothers.we loved to have a nite out in my hometown, which afterwards we usually went for roti canai and teh tarik at our regular port before heading home..and helped to tapau for everyone at home.hehe
when we came back from our little rendezvous, there were students waiting.for listening test..and one student wanted to take the final test.I went to fax a document to my sis-on the way, i met with Pn A(i dont know her name actually), and suddenly we were talking about flowers-all the petunia,and some of it whose names i have forgotten-but really.i saw her house and it is full of flowers.i genuinely interested.a nice hobby but not for a lazy person like me..hehe. when i came back, my colleagues let a good news out.that we're going for BTN in December.ohhh,it dampened my spirit. i expected it to be next year.but well.beggars cant be chooser.if it's this year,then iam going anyway..still dont want to be stress about unnecessary thingy..
in the afternoon, i went to the exam unit and helped someone from JP to translate their exam question.it was a tough job-terms etc.but with the help from one of the staffs,i manage to pull through. and guess what-i was given a declaration memo that said-i helped with the translation-and more importantly-it can be put in the SKT.Praise be to Allah.another reason to be thankful for a wonderful blessing.:o)
Tomorrow morning i have MUET tuition at 8am.i planned on doing something, but i forgot that in order to do what i planned, i have to photocopy some article-which i conveniently forgot..oh well, we'll see what we can do tomorrow. and on Sunday, there's a Seminar Pemantapan Aqidah by organised by Pusat Islam.apparently i am in one of the committees.and my committee happened to be my colleague.i really feel guilty for not being a helping hand, or when im not being readily available.and he didnt say anything at all to me.so,i just got carried away with all the things i have to do everyday-or simply being busy thinking about the unattainable...hehehe.but im coming anyway on Sunday.that's my commitment.Insyaallah.so no saturday-sunday this week.but it's ok.;o)
Next week, my goal is to try to finish up keying in marks into the system, so i can proceed with my SKT.im going home on Friday for my aunt's wedding. and im going to have a blast. i even agreed to be my aunt's pengapit.my first planning is to shop in Miri while waiting for my flight later that night..but with BTN coming around, and knowing how shopping could end up..hehe,i'l have to do some serious budgeting..i seriously am thinking of buying something pink for the wedding.hmm,weird.
oh yeah, and it kinda weird but i wonder about a mysterious Hang Kebun, who has the habit of visiting my Friendster every once in a while-and keeps himself in the dark-who he is or why,i would never know.i tried sending him message once and the next thing is he turn off his messaging function.
so, today im having a quite heavy dinner-because my bestfriend is here.and i need an energy booster.
i was listening to my playlist earlier today and i suddenly caught some words from Celine Dion's song that said:
What do you say of taking chances?
What do you say of jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's a solid ground below
or hands to hold
or hell to pay...?
let just start again..
i agree to start again.i am.i will.
Nov 17, 2009
sense of humor
how important that is in our daily dwelling-without which life would be a terrible, unbearable and distressful journey.
Sense of humor is an essential ingredient of life.you cant possibly go through everything without having some semblance of humor in your mind.
and when i said humor, it is not necessarily means laughing like mad.it is a way of perceiving things.How you look at things without being overly obsessed by it,or overly serious about it, or negative etc.it helps you see the other side of the coin, and to always believe that there are always options available for everything. To think that there is something worthwhile about everything. To think that sadness is not just sadness but probably a blessing in disguise.It helps lighten the burden of mind.Many people think that sense of humor is making fun of something.
but we should not confused sense of humour with being humorous.it's different thing altogether.
when it is humorous, we laugh.But when we have sense of humor, when we think life is suck, we thank God that we'r living at all.Or when it is raining and we forgot to bring the umbrella, instead of cursing God and the rain, we simply enjoyed it.
Or when your bestmate said that you are his closest friend, and the next minutes he was acting as if you are a stranger he met somewhere around and forgot..instead of regretting everything, you simply moved on and think that probably it is for the better.and he might not be the friend/companion you are looking for.
Sense of humor is being able to realise all the good things in your life-noticing that people are helpful at the least expected time, noticing that when you feel out of place there are people who come to your side, saying nice things, and offering support.
Sense of humor is being able to appreciate the difference in people and being able to accept the difference.
Sense of humor is being able to smile at the mistake you made, and not killing yourself with self-degrading talks.
Sense of humor is believing that the source of all good is God-and that nothing is mightier than HIM.
Sense of humor is believing in yourself-that no matter what, you are who you are-worthy of yourself and those people who matter.
Sense of humor is being able to forgive yourself for whatever that happens in your life-be it in the past or present.
Sense of humor is being thankful for everything that has happened, for it made you who you are. and everyone for they help you to push your own limits,to be better next time around.
Sense of humor is an essential ingredient of life.you cant possibly go through everything without having some semblance of humor in your mind.
and when i said humor, it is not necessarily means laughing like mad.it is a way of perceiving things.How you look at things without being overly obsessed by it,or overly serious about it, or negative etc.it helps you see the other side of the coin, and to always believe that there are always options available for everything. To think that there is something worthwhile about everything. To think that sadness is not just sadness but probably a blessing in disguise.It helps lighten the burden of mind.Many people think that sense of humor is making fun of something.
but we should not confused sense of humour with being humorous.it's different thing altogether.
when it is humorous, we laugh.But when we have sense of humor, when we think life is suck, we thank God that we'r living at all.Or when it is raining and we forgot to bring the umbrella, instead of cursing God and the rain, we simply enjoyed it.
Or when your bestmate said that you are his closest friend, and the next minutes he was acting as if you are a stranger he met somewhere around and forgot..instead of regretting everything, you simply moved on and think that probably it is for the better.and he might not be the friend/companion you are looking for.
Sense of humor is being able to realise all the good things in your life-noticing that people are helpful at the least expected time, noticing that when you feel out of place there are people who come to your side, saying nice things, and offering support.
Sense of humor is being able to appreciate the difference in people and being able to accept the difference.
Sense of humor is being able to smile at the mistake you made, and not killing yourself with self-degrading talks.
Sense of humor is believing that the source of all good is God-and that nothing is mightier than HIM.
Sense of humor is believing in yourself-that no matter what, you are who you are-worthy of yourself and those people who matter.
Sense of humor is being able to forgive yourself for whatever that happens in your life-be it in the past or present.
Sense of humor is being thankful for everything that has happened, for it made you who you are. and everyone for they help you to push your own limits,to be better next time around.
Nov 15, 2009
Careless Remark
Carelessness causes death.
it all happened on Thurday evening. this was not the first time it happened.Infact it can be considered as a norm.i dont know what people in their right mind would tolerate such stupidity and dragged everybody along too.Still i am raging mad.i feel such a suffocating emotion in my heart.
He did it again. This time he took advantage on someone, and when people started asking question he started using what he knew best-the emotional blackmail, the physical threatening, shouting, and blame everyone for everything that he did wrong-instead of answering the question. This time he asked everybody to move out from the house!Damn him for thinking that he has the power to control everybody.Damn her for staying. After all of these years, why cant he change for the better? Her sacrifices have no meaning at all to him?ungrateful,insensitive and downright selfish.
He thinks it's ok to go about menacing other people?He thinks that just he is an elderly, we the younger one do not have the right to say a thing?He go about saying thing without regards to people's feeling, and claimed how righteous he is and how bad other people are..Dear God, fortunately we are not the type who love to say things without thinking, only to regret anything that comes out from our mouth later on..If not then they will be hell to listen to.and probably that's what made him think that we are weak.Because we didnt fight back-Blood by Blood!
I hate him for being the person he is.he has no respect for other people.He dont care about other people. He dont know the word SORRY. Both of them think that it is cool to drag everybody down to their standard.Whenever we plan to be better, she has always been the setback. i dont know why she still want to stick to the bully.She is hurt physically and mentally.Why oh why???!! and why we need to condone to everything?why should they torture us with all the pains???Why should we stay???and the answer is always...nowhere to go,you all are still small, shameful, bla,bla,bla..Just for once say that you cant leave him because you love him so much you cannot see reasons.What make u stay together for 26 years?!What's the point of nursing a pain for 26 years?!No need to say that we need a father to continue living.Bullshit!!!
and he have the gut to come back as if he has done nothing wrong.and act as if it has never happened. that he can just barge in and people will forget everything.What the hell? last night you spit, you say terrible things-and suddenly you come without any guilt at all. Senang,senang.oh yeah, have a nice day!Guys are very practical.when they dont want to be responsible for their feeling or what they do, they forget it.how convenience!
i have no patience for people with no respect for other people.Or people who couldnt say what they actually want and set on picking other people.I dont have the sense of humour. and i really couldnt tolerate "weird sense of humour" right now.Who thinks that "joke" means making other people feel like shit.
careless remark-Ucapan yang tidak berhati-hati-you dont care what is the consequence,yg penting cakap.
it all happened on Thurday evening. this was not the first time it happened.Infact it can be considered as a norm.i dont know what people in their right mind would tolerate such stupidity and dragged everybody along too.Still i am raging mad.i feel such a suffocating emotion in my heart.
He did it again. This time he took advantage on someone, and when people started asking question he started using what he knew best-the emotional blackmail, the physical threatening, shouting, and blame everyone for everything that he did wrong-instead of answering the question. This time he asked everybody to move out from the house!Damn him for thinking that he has the power to control everybody.Damn her for staying. After all of these years, why cant he change for the better? Her sacrifices have no meaning at all to him?ungrateful,insensitive and downright selfish.
He thinks it's ok to go about menacing other people?He thinks that just he is an elderly, we the younger one do not have the right to say a thing?He go about saying thing without regards to people's feeling, and claimed how righteous he is and how bad other people are..Dear God, fortunately we are not the type who love to say things without thinking, only to regret anything that comes out from our mouth later on..If not then they will be hell to listen to.and probably that's what made him think that we are weak.Because we didnt fight back-Blood by Blood!
I hate him for being the person he is.he has no respect for other people.He dont care about other people. He dont know the word SORRY. Both of them think that it is cool to drag everybody down to their standard.Whenever we plan to be better, she has always been the setback. i dont know why she still want to stick to the bully.She is hurt physically and mentally.Why oh why???!! and why we need to condone to everything?why should they torture us with all the pains???Why should we stay???and the answer is always...nowhere to go,you all are still small, shameful, bla,bla,bla..Just for once say that you cant leave him because you love him so much you cannot see reasons.What make u stay together for 26 years?!What's the point of nursing a pain for 26 years?!No need to say that we need a father to continue living.Bullshit!!!
and he have the gut to come back as if he has done nothing wrong.and act as if it has never happened. that he can just barge in and people will forget everything.What the hell? last night you spit, you say terrible things-and suddenly you come without any guilt at all. Senang,senang.oh yeah, have a nice day!Guys are very practical.when they dont want to be responsible for their feeling or what they do, they forget it.how convenience!
i have no patience for people with no respect for other people.Or people who couldnt say what they actually want and set on picking other people.I dont have the sense of humour. and i really couldnt tolerate "weird sense of humour" right now.Who thinks that "joke" means making other people feel like shit.
careless remark-Ucapan yang tidak berhati-hati-you dont care what is the consequence,yg penting cakap.
Nov 12, 2009
Benefit of the doubts
How to best say this?
i couldnt write or think. For few days now, i was feeling a little disturbed. My senses are numb.i feel disoriented, lost and confused. I am emotional and very much a cry baby. I feel ignored and i dont know what went wrong.
i believe i let my impulsivenes led the way. i made a spur at the moment decision.and never once did i regret it.i just am not ready for an unexpected consequence. to tell the truth, regret was not one of the emotions i feel.but hurt...yes.
Before it actually happens, i have already thought about all the things that will come afterwards.and i know that whatever the situation is, it wouldnt be similar to the situation beforehand.and i was partly ready for it.i know that this would be casual thing and nothing more.To be realistic, this was just a chance to take advantage of what one another might offer.im ready to believe everything because i trust.im ready to believe because i think it was a genuine friendship.im ready to believe because i want to know whether certain people are as good as their words.Well, there's no such thing as the perfect plan.and there is no such thing as "as good as their words".none.
as rationality seeps in, i think im sad because i think i fell for the person-when in actual world, i was just confused and mistaken my feeling as something deeper.i wanted so much to believe that this was something better when actually it was just a testing ground for both party.and that it doesnt mean anything. i confused my feeling, because everything was so new, and i dont know what to do. That's why i feel miserable and terrible because i dont know what to do.and nobody assured me that everything would be ok. and im not sure whether the friendship thingy is still in..or whether it was just a flimsy pretense.
Like always, every single thing that happens will past.so does the burden of emotion.will past.leave it and let it fade.as the time of speaking, i really begin to develop stronger feeling for that someone, but hey..the last thing i want is to be a pushover.i just know when enough is enough.
im just a simple minded person, who believe that everybody is as good as they seem to be.and im always willing to test my own doubts on people,i just dont want to believe anything that i didnt witness or experience on my own. The backlash is, not everyone is worthy of your trust. Not everyone cares about you, and they might just do anything regardless of how you feel about it. i guess, it is better for everyone to forget it.Forget all.Forget and start at point one.Forget everything to its core. Forget that there was a "you" and "1" at all. Erase everything.if only it is that easy...
i couldnt write or think. For few days now, i was feeling a little disturbed. My senses are numb.i feel disoriented, lost and confused. I am emotional and very much a cry baby. I feel ignored and i dont know what went wrong.
i believe i let my impulsivenes led the way. i made a spur at the moment decision.and never once did i regret it.i just am not ready for an unexpected consequence. to tell the truth, regret was not one of the emotions i feel.but hurt...yes.
Before it actually happens, i have already thought about all the things that will come afterwards.and i know that whatever the situation is, it wouldnt be similar to the situation beforehand.and i was partly ready for it.i know that this would be casual thing and nothing more.To be realistic, this was just a chance to take advantage of what one another might offer.im ready to believe everything because i trust.im ready to believe because i think it was a genuine friendship.im ready to believe because i want to know whether certain people are as good as their words.Well, there's no such thing as the perfect plan.and there is no such thing as "as good as their words".none.
as rationality seeps in, i think im sad because i think i fell for the person-when in actual world, i was just confused and mistaken my feeling as something deeper.i wanted so much to believe that this was something better when actually it was just a testing ground for both party.and that it doesnt mean anything. i confused my feeling, because everything was so new, and i dont know what to do. That's why i feel miserable and terrible because i dont know what to do.and nobody assured me that everything would be ok. and im not sure whether the friendship thingy is still in..or whether it was just a flimsy pretense.
Like always, every single thing that happens will past.so does the burden of emotion.will past.leave it and let it fade.as the time of speaking, i really begin to develop stronger feeling for that someone, but hey..the last thing i want is to be a pushover.i just know when enough is enough.
im just a simple minded person, who believe that everybody is as good as they seem to be.and im always willing to test my own doubts on people,i just dont want to believe anything that i didnt witness or experience on my own. The backlash is, not everyone is worthy of your trust. Not everyone cares about you, and they might just do anything regardless of how you feel about it. i guess, it is better for everyone to forget it.Forget all.Forget and start at point one.Forget everything to its core. Forget that there was a "you" and "1" at all. Erase everything.if only it is that easy...
Nov 5, 2009
As You Like It
as much as i want to get away with everything,i really want to be in control.i dont want to be in a mess just because i let my heart rules my reason.
and as much as im convinced im saying no when i mean no...somebody still couldnt take it for the real truth.
to tell the truth im okay with anything,but being a girl who is used to do doing things my way,unsupervised and alone,i find that succumbing to other people wants and needs a little overwhelming.
i valued space and am not ready to change anything that has been there before.mentally, physically,literally and figuratively. but for the time being, i dont know how best to say that.
the thing is im not interested in half measure.never would be.Besides i keep having this feeling that this somebody is insisting that i am the one who wants this badly-which i find a little unsettling.in my opinion,if u want something as much as i do,what's the point of making a pretense out of it?in actual world,i love it but not desperate to have that.
but i do think that to stop everything now would be asking too much..but probably the best thing to do.
and as much as im convinced im saying no when i mean no...somebody still couldnt take it for the real truth.
to tell the truth im okay with anything,but being a girl who is used to do doing things my way,unsupervised and alone,i find that succumbing to other people wants and needs a little overwhelming.
i valued space and am not ready to change anything that has been there before.mentally, physically,literally and figuratively. but for the time being, i dont know how best to say that.
the thing is im not interested in half measure.never would be.Besides i keep having this feeling that this somebody is insisting that i am the one who wants this badly-which i find a little unsettling.in my opinion,if u want something as much as i do,what's the point of making a pretense out of it?in actual world,i love it but not desperate to have that.
but i do think that to stop everything now would be asking too much..but probably the best thing to do.
Nov 1, 2009
The Things You Never Knew
i have always been practical.everything i do is based on one sound and logical thinking.something i can explain and justify quite adequately.it seems that i have always believe in conforming with whatever that feels right to the mass. and i never thought of being at the other side of the blanket.but i am now.
i decided to try something new.something i never even think of trying.something totally out of my practical-uncomplicated-existence.and before i actually proceed to doing that,my head is loaded with doubts and other thoughts. this thing that i am about to do has no logical explanation,and cant be justify.it is purely emotional.
and i become unsure of what to do or to expect.i almost back off.and i didnt.
and to be fair,after it was done,i found out that none of my doubts and thoughts were there.Though some of the thoughts were.Because i meant to see it as a try-out, i didnt actually feel any excitement or enjoyment.it is indescribable. my mind was busy thinking about the "how".so, i forgot to really enjoyed it as it is.and the worse part is, i only want to do it once.
but that was before.the problem with thing as emotional as this is,it's very easy to get caught up.You get attached to it.and many other things started to spring out of nowhere.by this time,there is no turning back.you promise to do one thing,and you end up with ten.;o).i knew this would happen.and i am not ready for more.huhu
though thanks to the person involved.i woke up feeling that the sun is bright snd beautiful...hahahaha.
so it's true that people dont change you.they just give you the confident to be yourself.to be something that's different from the one you used to be.
i decided to try something new.something i never even think of trying.something totally out of my practical-uncomplicated-existence.and before i actually proceed to doing that,my head is loaded with doubts and other thoughts. this thing that i am about to do has no logical explanation,and cant be justify.it is purely emotional.
and i become unsure of what to do or to expect.i almost back off.and i didnt.
and to be fair,after it was done,i found out that none of my doubts and thoughts were there.Though some of the thoughts were.Because i meant to see it as a try-out, i didnt actually feel any excitement or enjoyment.it is indescribable. my mind was busy thinking about the "how".so, i forgot to really enjoyed it as it is.and the worse part is, i only want to do it once.
but that was before.the problem with thing as emotional as this is,it's very easy to get caught up.You get attached to it.and many other things started to spring out of nowhere.by this time,there is no turning back.you promise to do one thing,and you end up with ten.;o).i knew this would happen.and i am not ready for more.huhu
though thanks to the person involved.i woke up feeling that the sun is bright snd beautiful...hahahaha.
so it's true that people dont change you.they just give you the confident to be yourself.to be something that's different from the one you used to be.
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