For whatever you are baby, please keep up with me.
Dont live down to my expectation.
i need you to show me your worth, before i completely turn around
and think you are just another wallpaper flower..
Look nice but Fake!
I have been busy setting up bars to reach,
so that my game is advancing everytime,
i didnt realise,
for all your hues and thunder,
you are way far behind..
left out, and uninterested
Please keep up with me darling,
before i get bored and think
you are just a pretty-face.
Aug 31, 2010
Lamentation of sleepless-ness
Definitely one of the days that sleep is the very last thing on my mind.my eyes are still fresh, no sign of sleepiness yet. My mind is still racing with things to write and things to do for days ahead..I have tons of unfinished business, which im hoping i would be able to sort out before my break for hari raya. im trying to fully occupied my times to finishing all the works.
I am not in a good mood today. I am physically tired from the journey home after the course. With my big bags full of things, i certainly feel tired. Infact, i have been sleeping a lot since then. So this morning, when my colleague told me that something that should be done last week is going to start today, and i have to be there because i dont have anything to do...it simply turned my mood inside out. It turned out that the job was supposedly done by all the committees and not exclusive to just one person..My frustration was building up because, there were only the two of us were there, and after 1 bloody hour, then two persons turned up to help..By that time, i was beyond emotion..i feel..again..pushed doing some odd job because they think i can be push around..Hell and Damnation! and it wasnt a great help to listen to other people's lamentation about someone else...Dont you have any consideration for my feeling? emotionally drained...
im upset because, people think that they always knew what is the best for me and seemed to be contented to just make the decision for me..which i hate so much. and i hate myself for not being able to stand up!
I am not in a good mood today. I am physically tired from the journey home after the course. With my big bags full of things, i certainly feel tired. Infact, i have been sleeping a lot since then. So this morning, when my colleague told me that something that should be done last week is going to start today, and i have to be there because i dont have anything to do...it simply turned my mood inside out. It turned out that the job was supposedly done by all the committees and not exclusive to just one person..My frustration was building up because, there were only the two of us were there, and after 1 bloody hour, then two persons turned up to help..By that time, i was beyond emotion..i feel..again..pushed doing some odd job because they think i can be push around..Hell and Damnation! and it wasnt a great help to listen to other people's lamentation about someone else...Dont you have any consideration for my feeling? emotionally drained...
im upset because, people think that they always knew what is the best for me and seemed to be contented to just make the decision for me..which i hate so much. and i hate myself for not being able to stand up!
Aug 28, 2010
solo
relieved to be at home!
after the course finished on Friday, i went straight back to my current address@my home for now. i dont have the zest to explore the place-what with fasting and hari raya coming soon..certainly not the time to go about foya foya..so i went on a solo journey back..a few minutes before boarding, someone called me.making sure that i was well on my way home..that was a very touching thing to do, which..i forgot to say thank you...:o)Thank You.
i reached sibu in about 9.15pm, i went straight to my booked room at hotel Medan.i went out to check the place, but not much. except for a reflexology shop and one Muslim restaurant..i wondered what kind of reflexology shop opened until the wee hour in the morning..none of my business anyway..i ended up eating at the restaurant, which was fully occupied by guys and couples. i ignored the fact, sit and eat and went out again afterward.. really, not much of a sight during the night.So i went back to my room, and watched a movie with Leon Lai and Jordan Chan in it(my faves)-The Skyline Cruisers-and slept about 12.26am.a very interesting thought, i actually go about checking the bolt and double check the door before i sleep..just because suddenly i felt that i need to be extra careful, one reason was to prove that i can take care of myself, and the other one was because i dont want anybody to worry about me:o)(coming back to the phone call)
Woke up at 4.30am, had my sahur and planned whether to go home by bus or by boat. i decided to go by bus, simply because i wanted to go about checking the place again..Around 9am, i went to the bank i saw last night, bought an 11.30 bus ticket, and the rest of my times were spent at the supermarket nearby..not much to do..
I met an Ah Mu(auntie) who asked for Rm3 to buy food for her sick child.I just didnt know how to run because she was so insistent-even hold my arm..Luckily a couple came up and started saying that Ah Mu was lying, and this was not the first incident to ever happened..She went straight away.. Thanks to the couple..This was the first time for me..and when i continued walking, i can feel that my feets were shaking, and that i was actually very frightened..who know what might happen if it wasnt for the couple? another thought cross my mind-while waiting for the bus, i met Ah Mu again..She went here and there and asked other people for money..Was it something about my countenance that made people think that i am an easy prey???Must be..because i noticed that she didnt ask from this particular girl who sat in front of me..simply because she looked uninterested..Hmmm
i was still thinking about why i didnt stay back in KL the whole journey..and i realised in the end why i didnt stay..to avoid anything that gets people talking-just as my bestmate's wish.
all i wanted was for him to understand that im a no nonsense person..Therefore, i'll do anything that is reflective of my words-staying away.
after the course finished on Friday, i went straight back to my current address@my home for now. i dont have the zest to explore the place-what with fasting and hari raya coming soon..certainly not the time to go about foya foya..so i went on a solo journey back..a few minutes before boarding, someone called me.making sure that i was well on my way home..that was a very touching thing to do, which..i forgot to say thank you...:o)Thank You.
i reached sibu in about 9.15pm, i went straight to my booked room at hotel Medan.i went out to check the place, but not much. except for a reflexology shop and one Muslim restaurant..i wondered what kind of reflexology shop opened until the wee hour in the morning..none of my business anyway..i ended up eating at the restaurant, which was fully occupied by guys and couples. i ignored the fact, sit and eat and went out again afterward.. really, not much of a sight during the night.So i went back to my room, and watched a movie with Leon Lai and Jordan Chan in it(my faves)-The Skyline Cruisers-and slept about 12.26am.a very interesting thought, i actually go about checking the bolt and double check the door before i sleep..just because suddenly i felt that i need to be extra careful, one reason was to prove that i can take care of myself, and the other one was because i dont want anybody to worry about me:o)(coming back to the phone call)
Woke up at 4.30am, had my sahur and planned whether to go home by bus or by boat. i decided to go by bus, simply because i wanted to go about checking the place again..Around 9am, i went to the bank i saw last night, bought an 11.30 bus ticket, and the rest of my times were spent at the supermarket nearby..not much to do..
I met an Ah Mu(auntie) who asked for Rm3 to buy food for her sick child.I just didnt know how to run because she was so insistent-even hold my arm..Luckily a couple came up and started saying that Ah Mu was lying, and this was not the first incident to ever happened..She went straight away.. Thanks to the couple..This was the first time for me..and when i continued walking, i can feel that my feets were shaking, and that i was actually very frightened..who know what might happen if it wasnt for the couple? another thought cross my mind-while waiting for the bus, i met Ah Mu again..She went here and there and asked other people for money..Was it something about my countenance that made people think that i am an easy prey???Must be..because i noticed that she didnt ask from this particular girl who sat in front of me..simply because she looked uninterested..Hmmm
i was still thinking about why i didnt stay back in KL the whole journey..and i realised in the end why i didnt stay..to avoid anything that gets people talking-just as my bestmate's wish.
all i wanted was for him to understand that im a no nonsense person..Therefore, i'll do anything that is reflective of my words-staying away.
Aug 26, 2010
Rendezvous
Having a rendezvous with several of my friends...
5.15pm:went out to the commuter station, and used a taxi to The Mines Wonderland.There were 6 of us.We roamed around in the Mines waiting for Buka Puasa
7.00pm: Everybody decided to eat at Sushi King-Value for money, definitely..It was the first time i ate the Unagi-a type of fish fried with steamed rice(delicious) and another one i ate was....i cant remember the name. i ate Sashimi,Macha ice-cream with Daifuku-which is a combination of ice cream and something that look like kuih with read been in it..and the main course was the ...Terayaki Don..i cant remember the first word-which was so very mouth watering..ah, and i did try the wasabe-which was not bad..;o).i enjoyed the food, and planning to go to the one Japanese restaurant suggested by my friend in 1B later during the break for hari raya..cant wait!;o)
8.20pm: window shopping some more.I bought three sets of Beryl's for my sister and my baby brother considering that each set is sold for RM11.90 for 3 medium boxes. Murah compared to the one in airport..
9.15pm: Some of my friends suddenly realized that, we can cruise along the tunnel to the KTM station. So instead of waiting for the taxi, which in the 1st place cost RM7 to the nearby commuter station, we opted for the "Gondola"...hehe. Just cost RM2 each person..we definitely ended our roaming in The Mines in style..hahaha. It was a real beautiful experience for me..what with all the lights, the tunnel, the water..everything made me feel like iam in one of Shakespeare's play..
10.30 pm: reached the hotel..Didnt see anybody on the way up to my room. We made a quick detour for supper..still, nobody was there. So we helped ourselves with all the food. In my case, it was the fruit.I cant even looked at the bun or the tea..FULL.
11.00pm: watched TV..i quite like Supernatural-although i never watch anything like it before.Sleep at about 12.26..I couldnt hold on any longer..i was tired,full and sleepy..huhu.i Slept like a baby until Sahur.
I totally enjoyed the time with my friends. I hardly knew three of them, but they were nice and friendly.Easy to get along with..If i experienced any negative energy, it was all washed away by the time i came back. I feel quite suffocated and retrain before that, but afterward..what the heck..i dont give a damned..
The course(EEP and EAP) will end tomorrow, and i still havent called the hotel in Sibu.. Im hoping that Sibu wouldnt still be flooding..otherwise, i seriously would get stuck in Sibu..Hoping, hoping..Insya Allah
Oh yeah, i forgot to tempah Kek lapis from my friend..i wonder if it's not too late?
5.15pm:went out to the commuter station, and used a taxi to The Mines Wonderland.There were 6 of us.We roamed around in the Mines waiting for Buka Puasa
7.00pm: Everybody decided to eat at Sushi King-Value for money, definitely..It was the first time i ate the Unagi-a type of fish fried with steamed rice(delicious) and another one i ate was....i cant remember the name. i ate Sashimi,Macha ice-cream with Daifuku-which is a combination of ice cream and something that look like kuih with read been in it..and the main course was the ...Terayaki Don..i cant remember the first word-which was so very mouth watering..ah, and i did try the wasabe-which was not bad..;o).i enjoyed the food, and planning to go to the one Japanese restaurant suggested by my friend in 1B later during the break for hari raya..cant wait!;o)
8.20pm: window shopping some more.I bought three sets of Beryl's for my sister and my baby brother considering that each set is sold for RM11.90 for 3 medium boxes. Murah compared to the one in airport..
9.15pm: Some of my friends suddenly realized that, we can cruise along the tunnel to the KTM station. So instead of waiting for the taxi, which in the 1st place cost RM7 to the nearby commuter station, we opted for the "Gondola"...hehe. Just cost RM2 each person..we definitely ended our roaming in The Mines in style..hahaha. It was a real beautiful experience for me..what with all the lights, the tunnel, the water..everything made me feel like iam in one of Shakespeare's play..
10.30 pm: reached the hotel..Didnt see anybody on the way up to my room. We made a quick detour for supper..still, nobody was there. So we helped ourselves with all the food. In my case, it was the fruit.I cant even looked at the bun or the tea..FULL.
11.00pm: watched TV..i quite like Supernatural-although i never watch anything like it before.Sleep at about 12.26..I couldnt hold on any longer..i was tired,full and sleepy..huhu.i Slept like a baby until Sahur.
I totally enjoyed the time with my friends. I hardly knew three of them, but they were nice and friendly.Easy to get along with..If i experienced any negative energy, it was all washed away by the time i came back. I feel quite suffocated and retrain before that, but afterward..what the heck..i dont give a damned..
The course(EEP and EAP) will end tomorrow, and i still havent called the hotel in Sibu.. Im hoping that Sibu wouldnt still be flooding..otherwise, i seriously would get stuck in Sibu..Hoping, hoping..Insya Allah
Oh yeah, i forgot to tempah Kek lapis from my friend..i wonder if it's not too late?
Aug 25, 2010
Aug 23, 2010
i was thinking...
Twist and turn, twist and turn..and it all coming back to the starting point.
August started well enough for me. For a start, a conflict that has been dragging long enough was finally settled. I knew what i wanted to know, and was confident that thing was going to be better, which it did at first. At least, i am sure that i got my bestmate back. This time, i can feel the openness as we discussed about everything under the sun.. Though to be honest, my feeling was no longer the same feeling i once had for him. and i am happy for the chance to tell him everything i wanted to tell, and everything that i preferred-which was actually a little bit contrastive to what he had in mind. Im not the kind who would stay with a person who claimed to be in a relationship with someone else, and think that he could have the advantage of a girlfriend(me) at the same time. I prefer to stay out.But the main point was, the conflict was settled.
i was pissed off because there are some people, whose hobby were talking about other people's life. And when you confronted them, they get mad at you right back. very good indeed, May God blessed you. and even more pissed with people who have no sense of humour whose hobby were overeacting at any news they heard. And i am even more pissed at myself for my high tolerance of these people.I wondered how in the first place, i ever befriended them...Hmm,that's me..always have the knack for meeting the "right " kind of people for friends..Always at my best!
Hah!i dont know whether to laugh or to cry...
August started well enough for me. For a start, a conflict that has been dragging long enough was finally settled. I knew what i wanted to know, and was confident that thing was going to be better, which it did at first. At least, i am sure that i got my bestmate back. This time, i can feel the openness as we discussed about everything under the sun.. Though to be honest, my feeling was no longer the same feeling i once had for him. and i am happy for the chance to tell him everything i wanted to tell, and everything that i preferred-which was actually a little bit contrastive to what he had in mind. Im not the kind who would stay with a person who claimed to be in a relationship with someone else, and think that he could have the advantage of a girlfriend(me) at the same time. I prefer to stay out.But the main point was, the conflict was settled.
i was pissed off because there are some people, whose hobby were talking about other people's life. And when you confronted them, they get mad at you right back. very good indeed, May God blessed you. and even more pissed with people who have no sense of humour whose hobby were overeacting at any news they heard. And i am even more pissed at myself for my high tolerance of these people.I wondered how in the first place, i ever befriended them...Hmm,that's me..always have the knack for meeting the "right " kind of people for friends..Always at my best!
Hah!i dont know whether to laugh or to cry...
Aug 22, 2010
Updatez
Life gets complicated everyday-full of twist and turn..pleasant and unpleasant or plain crazy.Everything is in the package called LIFE. Have to accept-open the package to know what's in it-and try to deal with the surprises or the shocks of finding what's in it. No time to complaint..in the end it's all about the strategies you employ. it is in the strategy, people...
Done and finished quite a number of things:
a) completed Unit 3 for the new communicative module
b) Manage to give out-sort of- a take home tasks for my semester one students.
c) Manage to mark assignments of my sem 2 students.
d) Succesful experiment of karipap for majlis berbuka puasa for my Jab-with the help of my students of course-immensely grateful for that, considering that no one else from the Jab. showed up on the day of the majlis.Waiting anxiously for my KJ's comment..huhu. Anyway, it's the effort that mattered..hehehe
e) manage to work my brain off some task for the new communicative module:reaction paper-phew,that was a real challenge. Nobody was really sure what to do. New one from the Ministry. Great Job u guys!
Things/events pending:
a)Committee for the coming Kolokium-the research and development unit
b)Kem Kemuyang-kem Pemantapan Personaliti for students-as a secretary, there are tons of reporting to be done.and this one i will start after i came back from the EEP-Training for Trainer Course-which will start today.
c)Project for my sem 4 students-mock interview and mock meeting
d)updating some things-kualiti jab
e) start driving class-after cuti hari raya, definitely. wich reminds me i havent order any kek lapis from my friend. I will after i came back next week..Promises,promises..huhu
i find it extremely comforting to write in my blog. Nowadays, talking to people get me fed-up..because some of them are real pain in the a**.So, for that..Thank you my dear Blog. Without you, i would be suffocated with my own thought.
Done and finished quite a number of things:
a) completed Unit 3 for the new communicative module
b) Manage to give out-sort of- a take home tasks for my semester one students.
c) Manage to mark assignments of my sem 2 students.
d) Succesful experiment of karipap for majlis berbuka puasa for my Jab-with the help of my students of course-immensely grateful for that, considering that no one else from the Jab. showed up on the day of the majlis.Waiting anxiously for my KJ's comment..huhu. Anyway, it's the effort that mattered..hehehe
e) manage to work my brain off some task for the new communicative module:reaction paper-phew,that was a real challenge. Nobody was really sure what to do. New one from the Ministry. Great Job u guys!
Things/events pending:
a)Committee for the coming Kolokium-the research and development unit
b)Kem Kemuyang-kem Pemantapan Personaliti for students-as a secretary, there are tons of reporting to be done.and this one i will start after i came back from the EEP-Training for Trainer Course-which will start today.
c)Project for my sem 4 students-mock interview and mock meeting
d)updating some things-kualiti jab
e) start driving class-after cuti hari raya, definitely. wich reminds me i havent order any kek lapis from my friend. I will after i came back next week..Promises,promises..huhu
i find it extremely comforting to write in my blog. Nowadays, talking to people get me fed-up..because some of them are real pain in the a**.So, for that..Thank you my dear Blog. Without you, i would be suffocated with my own thought.
Aug 16, 2010
As it turns...
As it turns around, you showed who you really are.
a complete ridiculously, irresponsible , unthinking person.you dont care about any single damned thing!so what is the hue about you dont want "your name to be ruined by some bloody stuffs"?! Now, that i know what you are all about, it is easier to leave you for the betterment of my future.
To hell with all your "pretended" social decorum. Because they all are mere rubbishes and bullshits.
a complete ridiculously, irresponsible , unthinking person.you dont care about any single damned thing!so what is the hue about you dont want "your name to be ruined by some bloody stuffs"?! Now, that i know what you are all about, it is easier to leave you for the betterment of my future.
To hell with all your "pretended" social decorum. Because they all are mere rubbishes and bullshits.
Aug 9, 2010
Many things happened this past week, and i decided to be positive about everything. I dont want to be clouded in unhappy mood.or be regretful about a thing. I want to enjoy everything in front of me, without any regret about the past. i want to continue looking forward, and forget about the past-no matter how much i had valued it.i am committed to my own word-and back down is not one of it..i planned to follow through. No matter how many of the things that i valued that i would lost.
Ramadhan is just around the corner. With hope that i would be able to internalize goodness and be able to improve myself in more than a way.Insya Allah.
im happy for the chance to express my feeling fully. and for the chance to say what i truly feel about something or towards someone..for the might to let go or accept something in totality.
im happy.
Ramadhan is just around the corner. With hope that i would be able to internalize goodness and be able to improve myself in more than a way.Insya Allah.
im happy for the chance to express my feeling fully. and for the chance to say what i truly feel about something or towards someone..for the might to let go or accept something in totality.
im happy.
Aug 3, 2010
505
I'm going back to 505,
If its a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive,
In my imagination you're waiting lying on your side,
With your hands between your thighs,
Stop and wait a sec,
Oh when you look at me like that my darling,
What did you expect,
I probably still adore you with you hand around my neck,
Or I did last time I checked,
Not shy of a spark,
A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark,
Frightened by the bite though its no harsher than the bark,
Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start,
But I crumble completely when you cry,
It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye,
Im always just about to go and spoil a suprise,
Take my hands off of your eyes too soon,
(arctic monkey)
If its a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive,
In my imagination you're waiting lying on your side,
With your hands between your thighs,
Stop and wait a sec,
Oh when you look at me like that my darling,
What did you expect,
I probably still adore you with you hand around my neck,
Or I did last time I checked,
Not shy of a spark,
A knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark,
Frightened by the bite though its no harsher than the bark,
Middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start,
But I crumble completely when you cry,
It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye,
Im always just about to go and spoil a suprise,
Take my hands off of your eyes too soon,
(arctic monkey)
Aug 1, 2010
Nice thought
kadang-kadang
kita cuba memuaskan hati orang lain
sedangkan
selalu kita abaikan kehendak hati sendiri
kadang-kadang
kita asyik mendengar kata mereka kerana takut dikata
sedangkan
kata diri sendiri diendahkan
kadang-kadang
kita sengaja membenarkan situasi supaya perbuatan itu nampak benar
sedangkan
kadang-kadang itu sedang menghancurkan apa yang telah kita miliki
dan
kadang-kadang
kita sengaja lupa apa yang dibelakang
kerana ingin cepat melangkah ke hadapan...
.......perlukah kita mengikut kata2 dan kehendak org lain? supaya kita sama standard, ada geng, ikut aliran?
men.S.A.M.P.A.H.kan mereka yg meng.H.U.K.U.M.i
(taken from tulank rusuque)
All the blogs in my blog rolls are my favourite. iam a fan of their style of writing..so sometimes i went around and quoted directly from them what i myself cant clearly expressed in my writing.. This one was a real nice one from my friend. So TEPAT DAN MENGENA...i like the sentiment, i like the style and i like the tearing effect in this piece..
Or maybe because, i like it because it slapped me right in the face for always ignoring my ever so true intuition...
kita cuba memuaskan hati orang lain
sedangkan
selalu kita abaikan kehendak hati sendiri
kadang-kadang
kita asyik mendengar kata mereka kerana takut dikata
sedangkan
kata diri sendiri diendahkan
kadang-kadang
kita sengaja membenarkan situasi supaya perbuatan itu nampak benar
sedangkan
kadang-kadang itu sedang menghancurkan apa yang telah kita miliki
dan
kadang-kadang
kita sengaja lupa apa yang dibelakang
kerana ingin cepat melangkah ke hadapan...
.......perlukah kita mengikut kata2 dan kehendak org lain? supaya kita sama standard, ada geng, ikut aliran?
men.S.A.M.P.A.H.kan mereka yg meng.H.U.K.U.M.i
(taken from tulank rusuque)
All the blogs in my blog rolls are my favourite. iam a fan of their style of writing..so sometimes i went around and quoted directly from them what i myself cant clearly expressed in my writing.. This one was a real nice one from my friend. So TEPAT DAN MENGENA...i like the sentiment, i like the style and i like the tearing effect in this piece..
Or maybe because, i like it because it slapped me right in the face for always ignoring my ever so true intuition...
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